Following Mario Ballotelli's departure to AC Milan, his erstwhile Manchester City teammate Gareth Barry has told fans not to pine after the eccentric Italian as he will soon be launching "some of the zaniest sideways passes you'll ever see".
Barry added that supporters "won't know what's hit 'em", though later retracted the statementafter becoming worried that people might think he was violent, or was suggesting that they were too stupid to know that they had been hit.
Follow @FootieAndMusic ::: FistedAway welcomes a guest post from Webbie, who runs the original and still the best -Football and Music:::
[ESTABLISHING SHOT] Wide view overlooking Soho Square. The camera then slowly pans over to the FA Headquarters and starts to move in towards the front door.
Following a recent run of stilted performances and poor results, Arsenal midfielder Tomas Rosicky issued a rallying whisper to his Arsenal teammates today.
Delivering a witheringly quiet rebuke in the direction of his shoes, Rosicky asked if "the rest of the team wouldn't mind awfully playing a teensy bit better if that isn't too rude to ask".
At a hastily arranged midweek, midday press conference, in a middle-of-the-road hotel in the Midlands, Arsenal's Theo Walcott and Chelsea's Daniel Sturridge came together to announcetheirplans to join forces and form their own club.
The press conference was initiallydelayed for an hour, with each player insisting that they both sat in the middle of the stage the players finally agreed to sit on the same chair, a buttock each- they informed the media of their plan by both speaking at the same time.
A new advert for the Premier League has received a widespread panning for being, in truth, "a terrible advert for the Premier League". Fans and critics alike have dismissed the advert for being unrealistic, bombastic, and worst of all a bit silly.
The advert, which featured a soundtrack somehow combining indie-rock, dubstep and a gravel voiced Scottish man reading naunprecedentedlyalliterative poem that may as well have been written by a 12-year-old, was shown for the first time at an all star gala co-hosted by Mark "Clem" Clement and Tim "44″ Lovejoy.
A BBC insider has revealed the lengths the corporation has gone to entrap the Match of the Day
team- into uttering something so heinous that they have an excuse to sack them immediately.
The Match of the Day team are known to have long-term contracts with a variety of cast-iron
clauses preventing them from being moved on for otherwise career-ending misdemeanours, including
traffic offences, affairs, comparing a tackle to rape or not knowing anything about Hatem Ben
Arfa.
Follow @Regista_blog ::: FistedAway welcomes a guest post from Michael, who has an ace surname and runs the splendid Regista ::: Euro-time is almost upon us.
And yet, most of our attention is wrongly focused on the national teams competing at the
finals, when we should be weighing up the merits of the real heroes – the
broadcasters.
For almost two years, English fans trembled in fear and bowed their heads in shame. For over a
decade, the glorious tandem of Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard had bravely led the Three Lions to
countless second rounds. Sadly, it appeared that Don Fabio Capello had forever axed the dynamic duo
following World Cup 2010.
Reports emanating from the locality of the ticker at the bottom of Sky Sports News suggest
that the managers of the bottom 5 Premier League clubs have ordered their players to shoot on
sight, in an attempt to ease their goals crisis and avoid relegation.
However, several current squad members and meddling ex-players who are out of work at the
moment, have criticised the move and blamed their under pressure Gaffers for sparking a
panic-shooting crisis.
It is called Paintball great brand synchronicity, guys! I bet there was a shower of
high-fives, backslapping and moonwalking in the office that day; some lucky shark got to go home
early.
Celtic manager Neil Lennon has taken the bold move of publicly revealing his tactical plans for
the remainder of the 2011-12 season: playing himself, up front, on his own.
With Celtic in contention for both domestic cups, while also enjoying a 21 point lead in the
Scottish Premier League, Lennon denies that the timing of his new tactics have anything to do with
the current difficulties at Rangers now reportedly in danger of not completing the season.
Follow @futfanatico ::: FistedAway welcomes a guest post from Elliott, editor of the rather lovely Futfanatico :::
Grantland. The Classical. The FCF. Plenty of wonderful new sites have popped up in the last few
years. However, none can match the uncanny and perceptive gaze of former Liverpool coach Rafa
Benitez's own blog.
Fisted Away are proud to bring you the first interview with returning Rangers star, Gabonese
striker Daniel Cousin. Clearly deeply affected by rejoining the Scottish club, an emotional and
fired-up Cousin sat down with reporter Nigel Spickanspan to mainly swear and sigh.
