Off the Post Archives for January 2010

The things I learnt – Tottenham 4 – 1 FC Twente

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And one to get off my chest 1. Ok so it's not in the rules. But couldn't Tottenham be in the Champions League every year? Maybe it is because it is their first foray into the competition, but they are playing games with a confidence and have-a-go attitude not often seen in the Group Stage. [...]


Adidas Jabulani goes pink for breast cancer awareness

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MLS does its bit for charidee Goldenballs will be playing with pink balls next month. That's right the beleaguered Adidas Jabulani World Cup ball is doing its best to enhance its reputation with a bit of charity work. All MLS teams will use the special pink Jabulani to promote breast cancer awareness in October, although [.

Brazilian Rhodolfo with brilliant somersault celebration

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Turn it into an overhead kick and i'll be impressed Everyone likes a somersault celebration. But Lua Lua, sorry. Tino Asprilla, sorry. Robbie Keane, eff off. Rhodolfo of Atletico Paranaense celebrates only the third goal of his career against Vitoria with a ridiculous on-the-spot piece of gymnastics.

Brazilian Rhodolfo with brilliant somersault celebration

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Turn it into an overhead kick and i'll be impressed Everyone likes a somersault celebration. But Lua Lua, sorry. Tino Asprilla, sorry. Robbie Keane, eff off. Rhodolfo of Atletico Paranaense celebrates only the third goal of his career against Vitoria with a ridiculous on-the-spot piece of gymnastics.

Adidas Jabulani goes pink for breast cancer awareness

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MLS does its bit for charidee Goldenballs will be playing with pink balls next month. That's right the beleaguered Adidas Jabulani World Cup ball is doing its best to enhance its reputation with a bit of charity work. All MLS teams will use the special pink Jabulani to promote breast cancer awareness in October, although [.

The things I learnt – Tottenham 4 – 1 FC Twente

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And one to get off my chest 1. Ok so it's not in the rules. But couldn't Tottenham be in the Champions League every year? Maybe it is because it is their first foray into the competition, but they are playing games with a confidence and have-a-go attitude not often seen in the Group Stage. [...]

Transvestite claims ‘sexual relationship’ with Fulham’s Carlos Salcido

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Cottager's alleged toilet romp with other man The Mexico national team prostitute scandal rumbles on with Fulham's Carlos Salcido now dragged into the mess. A transvestite went on Mexican TV yesterday to claim that he had performed a sex act on the married, erm, Cottagers star in a hotel bathroom. Yamille Herrera, 24, was asked [.

Fabrizio Ravanelli prepared to help pay-off Dundee’s debts

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White Feather to the rescue? Former Italy star Fabrizio Ravanelli has vowed to provide financial help to struggling Dundee despite playing just five times for the club. The ex-Middlesbrough striker was one of the final lofty signings made by the Scottish outfit before they were unsurprisingly forced into administration with debts of £23million.

Roy Hodgson and Sammy Lee are off on their adventures

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It's Woy and Sammy's day out This bizarre photo of Roy Hodgson and Sammy Lee during Liverpool's draw with Sunderland was already doing the rounds on account of it being so disturbing. But now the clever Photoshop work has begun the photo has really come to life. So here's Sammy Lee and his penny farthing [.

Roy Hodgson and Sammy Lee are off on their adventures

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It's Woy and Sammy's day out This bizarre photo of Roy Hodgson and Sammy Lee during Liverpool's draw with Sunderland was already doing the rounds on account of it being so disturbing. But now the clever Photoshop work has begun the photo has really come to life. So here's Sammy Lee and his penny farthing [.

Transvestite claims ‘sexual relationship’ with Fulham’s Carlos Salcido

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Cottager's alleged toilet romp with other man The Mexico national team prostitute scandal rumbles on with Fulham's Carlos Salcido now dragged into the mess. A transvestite went on Mexican TV yesterday to claim that he had performed a sex act on the married, erm, Cottagers star in a hotel bathroom. Yamille Herrera, 24, was asked [.

Fabrizio Ravanelli prepared to help pay-off Dundee’s debts

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White Feather to the rescue? Former Italy star Fabrizio Ravanelli has vowed to provide financial help to struggling Dundee despite playing just five times for the club. The ex-Middlesbrough striker was one of the final lofty signings made by the Scottish outfit before they were unsurprisingly forced into administration with debts of £23million.

Top five conclusions: Valencia 0-1 Manchester United

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1. A draw would not have been so disastrous that Javier Hernandez's goal can be considered a Get Out Of Jail Free card, but it was certainly a Get Out Of Mediocrity Undeservedly card. 2. One more Hernandez or Fernandes on the pitch and this would have stopped being a Champions League match and become [.

Hard Tackle: Anderson and David Navarro

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Dude, where's your head? Manchester United's Anderson and Valencia's David Navarro eagerly await the DVD release of The Human Centipede.

Football Lookalikes: Javier Hernandez and the missing post-surgery Jackson sibling

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Javier Jackson the one they kept in the loft Slightly from the leftfield. Just slightly. But Javier Hernandez certainly has the Jackson family surgeon's nose of choice.

Video: Inter Milan striker Samuel Eto’o does photography celebration

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Getting Inter a new career Samuel Eto'o celebrated his hat-trick in Inter Milan's 4-0 Champions League victory over Werder Bremen by thieving a photographer's camera and taking some pictures. The Cameroon star will now have some lovely photos by which to remember the occasion. Unfortunately, he isn't in any of them, but at least he [.

Football Lookalikes: Javier Hernandez and the missing post-surgery Jackson sibling

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Javier Jackson the one they kept in the loft Slightly from the leftfield. Just slightly. But Javier Hernandez certainly has the Jackson family surgeon's nose of choice.


Video: Inter Milan striker Samuel Eto’o does photography celebration

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Getting Inter a new career Samuel Eto'o celebrated his hat-trick in Inter Milan's 4-0 Champions League victory over Werder Bremen by thieving a photographer's camera and taking some pictures. The Cameroon star will now have some lovely photos by which to remember the occasion. Unfortunately, he isn't in any of them, but at least he [.

Top five England vs Spain matches in the Champions League

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Tonight Manchester United will travel to Spain to play Valencia. Television viewers (and my mum who has got a bloody ticket!) will hope that it carries on the tradition of tasty games between clubs of the two countries. In the Champions League, games seem to consistently produce goals, initiating a top five feature.

Video: Manchester United stage their own mini Ryder Cup

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It's Europe versus Americas Man Utd got in the Ryder Cup spirit by staging their own golf tournament. Of sorts. Representing Europe were Wes Brown, Darren Fletcher and John O'Shea, while Team Americas comprised Anderson, Fabio and Rafael. Europe had a slight advantage in that it appears that none of Team Americas can actually play [.

Trailer for new footy film Africa United

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Sponsored post We don't know if this film was supposed to arrive at our cinemas before or during the World Cup (which would have made a bit more sense), but coming soon to a screen near you is Africa United. The film tells the story of a group of Rwandan kids determined to make it [...]


Top five conclusions: Valencia 0-1 Manchester United

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1. A draw would not have been so disastrous that Javier Hernandez's goal can be considered a Get Out Of Jail Free card, but it was certainly a Get Out Of Mediocrity Undeservedly card. 2. One more Hernandez or Fernandes on the pitch and this would have stopped being a Champions League match and become [.

Hard Tackle: Anderson and David Navarro

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Dude, where's your head? Manchester United's Anderson and Valencia's David Navarro eagerly await the DVD release of The Human Centipede.


Trailer for new footy film Africa United

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Sponsored post We don't know if this film was supposed to arrive at our cinemas before or during the World Cup (which would have made a bit more sense), but coming soon to a screen near you is Africa United. The film tells the story of a group of Rwandan kids determined to make it [...]

Video: Manchester United stage their own mini Ryder Cup

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It's Europe versus Americas Man Utd got in the Ryder Cup spirit by staging their own golf tournament. Of sorts. Representing Europe were Wes Brown, Darren Fletcher and John O'Shea, while Team Americas comprised Anderson, Fabio and Rafael. Europe had a slight advantage in that it appears that none of Team Americas can actually play [.

Top 5 England vs Spain matches in the Champions League

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Tonight Manchester United will travel to Spain to play Valencia. Television viewers (and my mum who has got a bloody ticket!) will hope that it carries on the tradition of tasty games between clubs of the two countries. In the Champions League, games seem to consistently produce goals, initiating a top five feature.

Carlisle striker Gary Madine in court and bags hat-trick on same day

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Guilty... on three counts of goalscoring Carlisle striker Gary Madine had a bittersweet day yesterday. It began at Carlisle Crown Court, where the 20-year-old pleaded guilty to actual bodily harm. But the court appearance didn't affect his finishing as he grabbed the first hat-trick of his career in a 0-4 win at Hartlepool.

Carlos Puyol gets sexy for Marie Claire photoshoot

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Well, we say sexy... Barcelona skipper Carlos Puyol has helped himself to a wad of Marie Claire's euros in return for this photographic humilation. He took part in a photoshoot for the women's mag which involved him emerging from a swimming pool in pink trousers. The defender then repeated the same trick in lime green [.

OTP Rebounds: Cristiano Ronaldo’s girlfriends, Arsenal’s youth policy under the microscope and Ian Holloway in trouble

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A bit of neat link-up play Alan McInally does 'a Kammy' [101GG] An educated guess at the contents of Cristiano Ronaldo's little black book [Soccerlens] A Man Utd blog that actually disputes Arsene Wenger's love of kiddies [Republik of Mancunia] Blackpool boss Ian Holloway on his way to FA HQ with his chequebook [The Sun] [.

The next German superstar… and not an Ozil in sight

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Paul Gardner once said that "to the spiritually inclined, it (football) is a religion." Whilst this may be true, and many do travel to church on a Saturday afternoon, one of the crucial differences is that in football we are constantly searching for a new God. Innumerable players have been labelled as the new Maradona [.

Video: Leeds United 4-6 Preston North End

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10-goal thriller in the Championship Ever fancied being a professional footballer? Well, now is your chance to take part in a Championship training session. Just click the video above and you will be doing exactly the same as the Leeds United squad this morning. Leeds boss Simon Grayson said: "The players are in today to [.

Shaun Wright Phillips arrives at training in his weekday runabout

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SWP's rather nice motor Manchester City winger Shaun Wright Phillips sent out a subtle hint to the club's hierarchy about his expectations ahead of talks on a new contract. The England international arrived at training in his £200,000 Rolls Royce Ghost. The Sun reports the car does 0-60mph in 4.7 seconds, and features night vision [.

Arsenal suffer dressing room power cut ahead of Partizan Belgrade clash

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Gunners in the dark before Champions League match Arsenal had to conduct their final preparations for last night's Champions League victory without lights after a power cut plunged their dressing room into darkness. The Gunners squad were left using mobile phones to light up their path around the room and other parts of the stadium.

Landon Donovan is USA squad’s king of FIFA 11

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And he wants the world to know it Landon Donovan has been using his Twitter account to brag about his FIFA 11 achievements. The LA Galaxy man beat ex-Hull City striker Jozy Altidore and couldn't resist a bit of social networking bragging. He also used the opportunity to throw down the gauntlet to fellow international [.

Asda to offer free eye tests to Uruguayans

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In casual racism terms, they might as well have said spic-savers So where do you draw line between inciting violence, banter, and offensiveness? Asda have today had an advert cleared that offers free eye tests to Uruguayan members of the public, as a response to Frank Lampard's disallowed goal in the World Cup.

Toto Schillaci becomes a mafia boss

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Don't worry, kids: it's just acting Former Italy World Cup star Toto Schillachi is adding to his CV with a role as a mafia boss on Italian TV. The former Messina, Juventus and Inter Milan player is to appear as a killer in the Squadra Antimafia series. He said: "It's a world that fascinates me, [...]


Carlisle striker Gary Madine in court and bags hat-trick on same day

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Guilty... on three counts of goalscoring Carlisle striker Gary Madine had a bittersweet day yesterday. It began at Carlisle Crown Court, where the 20-year-old pleaded guilty to actual bodily harm. But the court appearance didn't affect his finishing as he grabbed the first hat-trick of his career in a 0-4 win at Hartlepool.

Toto Schillaci becomes a mafia boss

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Don't worry, kids: it's just acting Former Italy World Cup star Toto Schillachi is adding to his CV with a role as a mafia boss on Italian TV. The former Messina, Juventus and Inter Milan player is to appear as a killer in the Squadra Antimafia series. He said: "It's a world that fascinates me, [...]

Asda to offer free eye tests to Uruguayans

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In casual racism terms, they might as well have said spic-savers So where do you draw line between inciting violence, banter, and offensiveness? Asda have today had an advert cleared that offers free eye tests to Uruguayan members of the public, as a response to Frank Lampard's disallowed goal in the World Cup.

Landon Donovan is USA squad’s king of FIFA 11

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And he wants the world to know it Landon Donovan has been using his Twitter account to brag about his FIFA 11 achievements. The LA Galaxy man beat ex-Hull City striker Jozy Altidore and couldn't resist a bit of social networking bragging. He also used the opportunity to throw down the gauntlet to fellow international [.

Arsenal suffer dressing room power cut ahead of Partizan Belgrade clash

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Gunners in the dark before Champions League match Arsenal had to conduct their final preparations for last night's Champions League victory without lights after a power cut plunged their dressing room into darkness. The Gunners squad were left using mobile phones to light up their path around the room and other parts of the stadium.

Video: Leeds United 4-6 Preston North End

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10-goal thriller in the Championship Ever fancied being a professional footballer? Well, now is your chance to take part in a Championship training session. Just click the video above and you will be doing exactly the same as the Leeds United squad this morning. Leeds boss Simon Grayson said: "The players are in today to [.

Shaun Wright Phillips arrives at training in his weekday runabout

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SWP's rather nice motor Manchester City winger Shaun Wright Phillips sent out a subtle hint to the club's hierarchy about his expectations ahead of talks on a new contract. The England international arrived at training in his £200,000 Rolls Royce Ghost. The Sun reports the car does 0-60mph in 4.7 seconds, and features night vision [.

The next German superstar… and not an Ozil in sight

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Paul Gardner once said that "to the spiritually inclined, it (football) is a religion." Whilst this may be true, and many do travel to church on a Saturday afternoon, one of the crucial differences is that in football we are constantly searching for a new God. Innumerable players have been labelled as the new Maradona [.

OTP Rebounds: Cristiano Ronaldo’s girlfriends, Arsenal’s youth policy under the microscope and Ian Holloway in trouble

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A bit of neat link-up play Alan McInally does 'a Kammy' [101GG] An educated guess at the contents of Cristiano Ronaldo's little black book [Soccerlens] A Man Utd blog that actually disputes Arsene Wenger's love of kiddies [Republik of Mancunia] Blackpool boss Ian Holloway on his way to FA HQ with his chequebook [The Sun] [.

Carlos Puyol gets sexy for Marie Claire photoshoot

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Well, we say sexy... Barcelona skipper Carlos Puyol has helped himself to a wad of Marie Claire's euros in return for this photographic humilation. He took part in a photoshoot for the women's mag which involved him emerging from a swimming pool in pink trousers. The defender then repeated the same trick in lime green [.

Non-league Histon take no away fans to Wrexham. Zero. Zilch.

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You're not singing... well, at all as it happens Blue Square Premier outfit Histon have entered the record books for unwanted reasons by becoming the first club ever in the top five tiers of English football to take no supporters to an away match. The visitors seats (the blue block in the photo above) for [.

Juventus’ Felipe Melo receives autographed yellow card from referee

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And people say refs want to be the star of the show... Juventus midfielder Felipe Melo has been given a yellow card and the referee has autographed it for him! The Brazil international had a torrid season last year in both footballing and disciplinary terms, culminating in him being sent-off for a stamp on [.

Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich building nightclub at Stamford Bridge

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Blues get their own club In a novel approach to stopping their players getting themselves in the tabloids with their nightclub antics, Chelsea are building a luxury nightclub at Stamford Bridge. Sort of a Premier League equivalent of bringing the mountain to the Funky Buddha. The £20 million project is being built underneath the stadium [.

Chicago fire reveal Super Mario banner

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Any chance of City getting one for Balotelli? Is it the first of its kind? We have now tasted the future, and it is interactive football banners. I received a little bit of stick over American jibes at the weekend, but this gets my compliments rushing back. It is the work of Chicago Fire fans, [...]


Non-league Histon take no away fans to Wrexham. Zero. Zilch.

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You're not singing... well, at all as it happens Blue Square Premier outfit Histon have entered the record books for unwanted reasons by becoming the first club ever in the top five tiers of English football to take no supporters to an away match. The visitors seats (the blue block in the photo above) for [.

Chicago fire reveal Super Mario banner

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Any chance of City getting one for Balotelli? Is it the first of its kind? We have now tasted the future, and it is interactive football banners. I received a little bit of stick over American jibes at the weekend, but this gets my compliments rushing back. It is the work of Chicago Fire fans, [...]

Juventus’ Felipe Melo receives autographed yellow card from referee

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And people say refs want to be the star of the show... Juventus midfielder Felipe Melo has been given a yellow card and the referee has autographed it for him! The Brazil international had a torrid season last year in both footballing and disciplinary terms, culminating in him being sent-off for a stamp on [.

Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich building nightclub at Stamford Bridge

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Blues get their own club In a novel approach to stopping their players getting themselves in the tabloids with their nightclub antics, Chelsea are building a luxury nightclub at Stamford Bridge. Sort of a Premier League equivalent of bringing the mountain to the Funky Buddha. The £20 million project is being built underneath the stadium [.

APOEL keeper Dionisis Chiotis gets away with assault

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Is this the worst non-penalty award ever? I honestly cannot work out the logic. In the last few moments of their Greek league match, Thiago of AEP Paphos was sent clear, trying to make the score 2-1 to his side. In attempting to round keeper Dionisis Chiotis of APOEL, and slot the ball home, he [...]

QPR – a new breed of football club?

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And we could be lofted, lofted, lofteeee eed We are in the Premier League era. We are in the Sky Four era. We are in the era of foreign ownership. We are so submerged in all three of these statements that we have a blueprint for how successful foreign ownership works. Blueprint is the obvious word, [.

David Beckham responds to prostitute jibe

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Are you talking to me... are you to talking to me? Please try to ignore the News of the World (spit) branding all over the video. Americans can be idiots, especially when it comes to good old fashioned British footy. But they stooped to a new low on Friday night, when a dick fan shouted [...]


Moroccan keeper Askri makes a second howler!

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Almunia, Turnbull, Fabianksi... you are all forgiven Remember the Moroccan keeper that celebrated sending a penalty without knowing that it had gone in? Well he is at it again. In a league game for FC Rabat this weekend Khalid Askri attempted to control a backpass, but only conceded in being tackled and letting in another [.

Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 25-26 September

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1. You just never know what you are going to get from the Premier League, do you? There must have been plenty of spoiled accumulators this weekend. 2. Chelsea defeats are like buses, it seems (although the one against Manchester City will no doubt have hurt a lot more than the Carling Cup exit to [..

Video: Dirk Kuyt’s controversial goal (Liverpool v Sunderland)

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Outrageous action from the Premier League It is farce worthy of the most poorly managed of Sunday morning leagues, but this bizarre footage comes from England's top flight and the match between Liverpool and Sunderland. As part of Steve Bruce's Herculean challenge to complete post-match press conferences without picking up a fine, referee Stuart Atwell [.

West Ham keeper Robert Green gives press box ‘up yours’ salute

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Error prone keeper marks return to form with rude gesture West Ham goalkeeper Robert Green is likely to be charged by the FA later today after aiming an "up yours" gesture at the Upton Park press box following his side's victory over Tottenham on Saturday. Green has come in for a large amount of criticism [.

A bit of American football to make Stuart Atwell feel better

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Foot Locker employee gets confused OTP can offer some reassurance to both Stuart Atwell and Sunderland supporters: there are incompetent officials in all sports. This bungling referee was in charge of yesterday's American football clash between the Dallas Cowboys and the Houston Texans. Just like Atwell, he hasn't got a clue what's going on; just [.

Success of Mainz shows a Bundesliga changing of the guard

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Mainz meanz goalz This weekend saw a surge of unpredictability in the Premier League. Manchetser United, Chelsea, Spurs and Arsenal collected one point between them. But if you think this was weird, take a look at our German cousins. Champions Bayern sit ninth, whereas Schalke, who finished second last season, are second from bottom in [.

APOEL keeper Dionisis Chiotis gets away with assault

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Is this the worst non-penalty award ever? I honestly cannot work out the logic. In the last few moments of their Greek league match, Thiago of AEP Paphos was sent clear, trying to make the score 2-1 to his side. In attempting to round keeper Dionisis Chiotis of APOEL, and slot the ball home, he [...]


Success of Mainz shows a Bundesliga changing of the guard

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Mainz meanz goalz This weekend saw a surge of unpredictability in the Premier League. Manchetser United, Chelsea, Spurs and Arsenal collected one point between them. But if you think this was weird, take a look at our German cousins. Champions Bayern sit ninth, whereas Schalke, who finished second last season, are second from bottom in [.

A bit of American football to make Stuart Atwell feel better

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Foot Locker employee gets confused OTP can offer some reassurance to both Stuart Atwell and Sunderland supporters: there are incompetent officials in all sports. This bungling referee was in charge of yesterday's American football clash between the Dallas Cowboys and the Houston Texans. Just like Atwell, he hasn't got a clue what's going on; just [.

West Ham keeper Robert Green gives press box ‘up yours’ salute

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Error prone keeper marks return to form with rude gesture West Ham goalkeeper Robert Green is likely to be charged by the FA later today after aiming an "up yours" gesture at the Upton Park press box following his side's victory over Tottenham on Saturday. Green has come in for a large amount of criticism [.

Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 25-26 September

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1. You just never know what you are going to get from the Premier League, do you? There must have been plenty of spoiled accumulators this weekend. 2. Chelsea defeats are like buses, it seems (although the one against Manchester City will no doubt have hurt a lot more than the Carling Cup exit to [..

Video: Dirk Kuyt’s controversial goal (Liverpool v Sunderland)

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Outrageous action from the Premier League It is farce worthy of the most poorly managed of Sunday morning leagues, but this bizarre footage comes from England's top flight and the match between Liverpool and Sunderland. As part of Steve Bruce's Herculean challenge to complete post-match press conferences without picking up a fine, referee Stuart Atwell [.

David Beckham responds to prostitute jibe

Off the Post at related • 0 views
Are you talking to me... are you to talking to me? Please try to ignore the News of the World (spit) branding all over the video. Americans can be idiots, especially when it comes to good old fashioned British footy. But they stooped to a new low on Friday night, when a dick fan shouted [...]

Moroccan keeper Askri makes a second howler!

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Almunia, Turnbull, Fabianksi... you are all forgiven Remember the Moroccan keeper that celebrated sending a penalty without knowing that it had gone in? Well he is at it again. In a league game for FC Rabat this weekend Khalid Askri attempted to control a backpass, but only conceded in being tackled and letting in another [.

QPR – a new breed of football club?

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And we could be lofted, lofted, lofteeee eed We are in the Premier League era. We are in the Sky Four era. We are in the era of foreign ownership. We are so submerged in all three of these statements that we have a blueprint for how successful foreign ownership works. Blueprint is the obvious word, [.

Video: Brentford mascot drags Everton mascot off the pitch

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And we're talking kids, not 7ft furry animals here With kick-off approaching in Tuesday night's Carling Cup match between Brentford and Everton, the young Bees mascot becomes very concerned that he and his even younger Everton counterpart have not yet left the pitch. With the Toffees mascot in no hurry to leave the field of [.

The world is watching. Huge weekend for…

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The media spotlight will be shining brightly on these incumbents Avram Grant Everyone's favourite massage parlour visiting grumpy Israeli is a glutton for punishment (I'm not talking about happy endings). Last season he was captain of the biggest sinking ship since Kate and Leo, and he promptly jumped out of the frying pan and into [.

Video: Manchester United’s Old Trafford stadium struck by lightning

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Meet Citeh's new signing: Thor This spectacular footage shows Old Trafford being hit by lighting during a thunderstorm yesterday. Rumours that the lightning bolt hit Owen Hargreaves as he returned to training have not yet been confirmed.

Video: Standard Liege coach Dominique D’Onofrio experiences faceball

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Ouch! There a few things in football quite as funny to a ball to the face. Standard Liege coach Dominique D'Onofrio was out on his feet after being smacked in the face by a ball that was travelling. This was probably one occasion when D'Onofrio wished he had skipped a few training sessions on closing [.

Video: Tiny ball boy picks fight with opposition goalkeeper

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What are you looking at? Welcome to Belgium, where ball boys don't just pick up the ball they pick fights too. This tiny tearaway at lowly Lierse is so committed to his side's attempt to hold mighty Anderlecht to a draw that he attempted to start on away goalkeeper Silvio Proto. Since Proto is [...

Welcome to the Didier Drogba Stadium

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The Drog House A French club where Didier Drogba played some of his first football is to name their new stadium in his honour. The Chelsea striker played for Levallois SC at the age of 15 before being snapped up by Le Mans. The fourth division side's stadium will be named after Didier Drogba during [.

Real Valladolid joined at training by a white tiger

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It's that time of the year again: bring a dangerous animal to training day. Last year, Real Valladolid shunned traditional training techniques to bring a bear into a session. This year they have upped their insurance payments by bringing a white tiger to meet their squad instead. The 250kg cat, named Sito, was visiting from [.

OTP Rebounds: Germany’s half-English skipper, Ronaldo’s rude Twitter gags and David Beckham denies hooker claims

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Rattling the woodwork of the internet today... Fat Ronaldo likes to engineer situations which make it look like he's having gay sex with his team-mates [Footy for the Soul] As if Germany needed any more talented youngsters, they're now getting ones that England are entitled to [Daily Mail] David Beckham rubbishes prostitute threesome reports [The [.

Video: Brazilian defender scores an own goal with his backside

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Major bummer Brazilian defender Vitor Hugo has had a rollercoaster career. He enjoyed great success with Les Miserables, but it now bumming around Brazil's second tier with Santo Andre. Quite literally on occasions. During their match with Portuguesa de Desportos, Hugo managed to score a freak own goal with his backside.

Roy Hodgson a worried man?

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Woy weally wound up by woeful weserves One of the remarkable things about sport is its ability to turn glory into despair, to elevate people to status of deities only to knock them back down to a level lower than which they started. This is done through media and public opinion, but also through performance.

Life ban for Sheffield FC fan who tipped bin over opposition player

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Never to see the world's oldest club again A Sheffield FC supporter has been banned from the club for life after tipping a rubbish bin over an opposing player. The incident happened at an FA Cup replay with Woodley Sports last week. There had been verbal exchanges between players and some of the crowd, which [.

Jack Wilshere likes to pump himself up with a spot of Michael Jackson

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Just beat it, beat it God bless, Twitter. It tells us all manner of useless information about footballers. For instance, how else would be know that Jack Wilshere like to pump himself up (and always has done, apparently) by listening to Beat It by Michael Jackson. We're not sure if that's pumped up for matches [.

OTP Rebounds: Germany’s half-English skipper, Ronaldo’s rude Twitter gags and David Beckham denies hooker claims

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Rattling the woodwork of the internet today... Fat Ronaldo likes to engineer situations which make it look like he's having gay sex with his team-mates [Footy for the Soul] As if Germany needed any more talented youngsters, they're now getting ones that England are entitled to [Daily Mail] David Beckham rubbishes prostitute threesome reports [The [.

Jack Wilshere likes to pump himself up with a spot of Michael Jackson

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Just beat it, beat it God bless, Twitter. It tells us all manner of useless information about footballers. For instance, how else would be know that Jack Wilshere like to pump himself up (and always has done, apparently) by listening to Beat It by Michael Jackson. We're not sure if that's pumped up for matches [.

Life ban for Sheffield FC fan who tipped bin over opposition player

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Never to see the world's oldest club again A Sheffield FC supporter has been banned from the club for life after tipping a rubbish bin over an opposing player. The incident happened at an FA Cup replay with Woodley Sports last week. There had been verbal exchanges between players and some of the crowd, which [.

Roy Hodgson a worried man?

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Woy weally wound up by woeful weserves One of the remarkable things about sport is its ability to turn glory into despair, to elevate people to status of deities only to knock them back down to a level lower than which they started. This is done through media and public opinion, but also through performance.

Video: Philippe Mexes is not happy at being sent-off

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Roma defender throws massive tantrum Well, you don't train alongside Antonio Cassano for any length of time without learning a thing or two. And Philippe Mexes clearly picked up some tantrum tips from the master when they were together at Roma. The French defender was understandably disappointed after being sent-off for what looked like an [.

Video: Brazilian defender scores an own goal with his backside

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Major bummer Brazilian defender Vitor Hugo has had a rollercoaster career. He enjoyed great success with Les Miserables, but it now bumming around Brazil's second tier with Santo Andre. Quite literally on occasions. During their match with Portuguesa de Desportos, Hugo managed to score a freak own goal with his backside.

Video: Philippe Mexes is not happy at being sent-off

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Roma defender throws massive tantrum Well, you don't train alongside Antonio Cassano for any length of time without learning a thing or two. And Philippe Mexes clearly picked up some tantrum tips from the master when they were together at Roma. The French defender was understandably disappointed after being sent-off for what looked like an [.

Video: Liverpool crash out of Carling Cup to Northampton

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No Carling-branded champagne bottles on Merseyside this season Fate dished out a healthy dose of karma to any Liverpool fans who had spent a little to long revelling in Everton's Carling Cup defeat to League One side Brentford. The Reds suffered their own humiliation as they were knocked out of the competition by League Two [.

Stephen Bywater causes a stir with erotic art

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Keeper goes all Damien 'Geoff' Hirst One would imagine that Stephen Bywater is in for a little bout of teasing from his team mates in training today, after a story about a modern art installation he has created was splashed over the Daily Mirror, amongst others. It seems as if Mr Bywater has a degree [.

Video: Liverpool crash out of Carling Cup to Northampton

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No Carling-branded champagne bottles on Merseyside this season Fate dished out a healthy dose of karma to any Liverpool fans who had spent a little to long revelling in Everton's Carling Cup defeat to League One side Brentford. The Reds suffered their own humiliation as they were knocked out of the competition by League Two [.

Stephen Bywater causes a stir with erotic art

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Keeper goes all Damien 'Geoff' Hirst One would imagine that Stephen Bywater is in for a little bout of teasing from his team mates in training today, after a story about a modern art installation he has created was splashed over the Daily Mirror, amongst others. It seems as if Mr Bywater has a degree [.

OTP Rebounds: Michael Essien too small for Fergie, Sol Campbell small enough for Newcastle and autocue fun

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Meanwhile, elsewhere on the world wide interweb... Spurs-supporting New Zealand TV presenter gets his autocue tampered with [101GG] Size matters: Manchester United rejected Michael Essien twice over his height [Goal] Mark Hughes continues to shake off his old Blackeye Rovers tag by again evoking Arsene Wenger [BBC] Supersize Sol deemed slim enough for Newcastle debut [.

OTP Rebounds: Michael Essien too small for Fergie, Sol Campbell small enough for Newcastle and autocue fun

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Meanwhile, elsewhere on the world wide interweb... Spurs-supporting New Zealand TV presenter gets his autocue tampered with [101GG] Size matters: Manchester United rejected Michael Essien twice over his height [Goal] Mark Hughes continues to shake off his old Blackeye Rovers tag by again evoking Arsene Wenger [BBC] Supersize Sol deemed slim enough for Newcastle debut [.

Honduran goalkeeper shoots air gun at journalist

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Insert you own shooting practice gag here It is straight out of the Maradona school of dealing with media criticism. After a news story in daily paper Diez attacked goalkeeper Donaldo Morales for his recent displays, the played used an air gun to strike reporter Saul Carranza after a training session.

Sunderland’s Titus Bramble arrested on suspicion of rape

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Yet another football and sex story Sunderland defender Titus Bramble has been arrested after a woman was raped at a Newcastle hotel. The 29-year-old blooper reel and a 30-year-old man were arrested at the Vermont Hotel early on Wednesday and are being questioned by detectives. A woman in her 20s called police to say she [.

World Cup referee caught smuggling heroin

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Whistle...check, cards...check, bag of brown strapped to leg...check The Italians may feel that justice has been done, but it would be fair to label the revelations as something of a shock. Ecuadorean referee Byron Moreno, who was vilified during the 2002 World Cup by the Italian media and public after he sent of Francesco Totti [.

Sunderland’s Titus Bramble arrested on suspicion of rape

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Yet another football and sex story Sunderland defender Titus Bramble has been arrested after a woman was raped at a Newcastle hotel. The 29-year-old blooper reel and a 30-year-old man were arrested at the Vermont Hotel early on Wednesday and are being questioned by detectives. A woman in her 20s called police to say she [.

World Cup referee caught smuggling heroin

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Whistle...check, cards...check, bag of brown strapped to leg...check The Italians may feel that justice has been done, but it would be fair to label the revelations as something of a shock. Ecuadorean referee Byron Moreno, who was vilified during the 2002 World Cup by the Italian media and public after he sent of Francesco Totti [.

Honduran goalkeeper shoots air gun at journalist

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Insert you own shooting practice gag here It is straight out of the Maradona school of dealing with media criticism. After a news story in daily paper Diez attacked goalkeeper Donaldo Morales for his recent displays, the played used an air gun to strike reporter Saul Carranza after a training session.

Did Samir Nasri dive against Tottenham?

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'Arry certainly thinks so And OTP is inclined to agree. Arsenal recorded a comfortable on paper 1-4 Carling Cup victory over North London rivals Spurs last night. But the match went to extra-time and two of the goals were penalties scored in the additional half-hour. The first of the spot-kicks, which sent the Gunners on [.

Video: Kaka writes and sings a soppy love song

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Kaka and his wife form pop duo Kaka is the surprise star of his wife's debut album. Caroline Celico has made 12 tracks available on her website. One of the songs, Presente de Deus, not only features her Real Madrid star husband on co-vocals but was also written by Kaka! The seemingly multi-talented Brazilian penned [.

Video: Kaka writes and sings a soppy love song

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Kaka and his wife form pop duo Kaka is the surprise star of his wife's debut album. Caroline Celico has made 12 tracks available on her website. One of the songs, Presente de Deus, not only features her Real Madrid star husband on co-vocals but was also written by Kaka! The seemingly multi-talented Brazilian penned [.

Video: Brentford knock Everton out of Carling Cup

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Under-performing Toffees crash out Stand-in Brentford goalkeeper Richard Lee was the star as Everton were dumped out of the Carling Cup. Lee put in an outstanding performance during the match and extra-time, before saving Jermaine Beckford's penalty to secure victory for the Bees. Everton took the lead on six minutes when Seamus Coleman slotted in, [.

Lee Hughes takes cheeky dig at Wolves fans, Wolves fans have last laugh

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T-hee-hee-shirt Notts County striker Lee Hughes was left with egg on his chin as well as marker pen on his t-shirt as his goal celebration stunt backfired. The West Brom legend was given a torrid time by Wolves fans on his first return to Molineux since his heyday with the Baggies. The 34-year-old must have [.

Did Samir Nasri dive against Tottenham?

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'Arry certainly thinks so And OTP is inclined to agree. Arsenal recorded a comfortable on paper 1-4 Carling Cup victory over North London rivals Spurs last night. But the match went to extra-time and two of the goals were penalties scored in the additional half-hour. The first of the spot-kicks, which sent the Gunners on [.

Video: Brentford knock Everton out of Carling Cup

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Under-performing Toffees crash out Stand-in Brentford goalkeeper Richard Lee was the star as Everton were dumped out of the Carling Cup. Lee put in an outstanding performance during the match and extra-time, before saving Jermaine Beckford's penalty to secure victory for the Bees. Everton took the lead on six minutes when Seamus Coleman slotted in, [.

Lee Hughes takes cheeky dig at Wolves fans, Wolves fans have last laugh

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T-hee-hee-shirt Notts County striker Lee Hughes was left with egg on his chin as well as marker pen on his t-shirt as his goal celebration stunt backfired. The West Brom legend was given a torrid time by Wolves fans on his first return to Molineux since his heyday with the Baggies. The 34-year-old must have [.

Top five North London derbies (in my lifetime)

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Don't remember too much of 1988 if I'm honest 5. Spurs 2 2 Arsenal, 2004 In football, as in all sport, fate and destiny seem to combine more often than is logical to provide opportunities for nirvana, chances to make history. Sport's unique brilliance is that at the same time as allowing one to [..

OTP Rebounds: David Beckham visits Thai massage parlour, crazy backheel action and Big Sam’s U-turn

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The news away from Off The Post Sandro finds a competition he's allowed to play in [Guardian] The Spoiler reckon they've trumped our outrageous backheel goal [The Spoiler] When footballers get their heads bandaged [Pies] Sam Allardyce rethinks his Real Madrid plans [BBC] Becks gets a late night rubdown [The Sun]


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OTP Rebounds: David Beckham visits Thai massage parlour, crazy backheel action and Big Sam’s U-turn

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Sandro finds a competition he's allowed to play in [Guardian] The Spoiler reckon they've trumped our outrageous backheel goal [The Spoiler] When footballers get their heads bandaged [Pies] Sam Allardyce rethinks his Real Madrid plans [BBC] Becks gets a late night rubdown [The Sun]

Top 5 North London Derbies (in my lifetime)

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Don't remember too much of 1988 if I'm honest 5. Spurs 2 2 Arsenal, 2004 In football, as in all sport, fate and destiny seem to combine more often than is logical to provide opportunities for nirvana, chances to make history. Sport's unique brilliance is that at the same time as allowing one to [..

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Video: Cesc Fabregas’s bizarre goal against Sunderland

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Anton Ferdinand makes an Arse(nal player) of himself Yesterday, I was busy hastily converting the new OTP HQ into an exact replica of Stephen Ireland's mansion. If I hadn't have been, I would instead have been bringing you this long-range comedy goal from Arsenal's Cesc Fabregas. A Ferdinand brother dilly-dallying on the ball.

MOTD reporter confuses Scott Parker with Mark Noble

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Paul Mitchell not with Mark Noble Shame on MOTD reporter Paul Mitchell who introduced an interview with West Ham midfielder Mark Noble only to find his interviewee corrected him and pointing out that he was actually Scott Parker. Mitchell mumbles something about being told he was interviewing somebody else, but there is not really any [.

Video: Cesc Fabregas’s bizarre goal against Sunderland

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Anton Ferdinand makes an Arse(nal player) of himself Yesterday, I was busy hastily converting the new OTP HQ into an exact replica of Stephen Ireland's mansion. If I hadn't have been, I would instead have been bringing you this long-range comedy goal from Arsenal's Cesc Fabregas. A Ferdinand brother dilly-dallying on the ball.

MOTD reporter confuses Scott Parker with Mark Noble

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Paul Mitchell not with Mark Noble Shame on MOTD reporter Paul Mitchell who introduced an interview with West Ham midfielder Mark Noble only to find his interviewee corrected him and pointing out that he was actually Scott Parker. Mitchell mumbles something about being told he was interviewing somebody else, but there is not really any [.

Togo gets to the bottom of its fake national team

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Rogue coach banned. Again Togo's football federation has suspended a former national team coach after discovering he was the man behind a 'fake' Togo side which lost a friendly match in Bahrain earlier this month. Tchanile Bana organised the friendly game in Riffa, which was played without the federation or FIFA being notified.

Video: Chris Kamara bursts into rendition of Bright Eyes

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Kammy, burning like fire Chris Kamara is not content to coast along on Soccer Saturday for the rest of his career. Oh no, Kammy has big plans to be the next Simon Cowell. The masterplan starts by being a judge for the Barclays Live dance competition. Kammy teamed up with Strictly Come Dancing star Brendan [.

Video: Liverpool defender Daniel Agger hits out at Roy Hodgson’s tactics

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New Liverpool boss Roy Hodgson faces mutiny just weeks into his tenure after defender Daniel Agger went public with criticism of his management. The Denmark international voiced concerns at being played at left-back, being left out of the team and the team's style of play under Hodgson to a TV crew from his homeland.

Video: Nun shows off her footy skills, saves the Pope

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Papal 3rd Eye Of all the magnificent settings you expect to see great football skills on display, Westminster Abbey would not normally feature high on the list. But that is precisely what happened last week when this nun showed off her technique. The incident begins on a downer with the sister showing hymn sheet handling [.

How do you solve a problem like Fernando Torres?

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There was something in the air that night, the stars so bright Sunday was a day when Fernando Torres could have answered a lot. He was returning to Old Trafford, the scene of his last goal away from Anfield, and the stage on which he could make the most crucial of differences. His performance, however, [.

How do you solve a problem like Fernando Torres?

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There was something in the air that night, the stars so bright Sunday was a day when Fernando Torres could have answered a lot. He was returning to Old Trafford, the scene of his last goal away from Anfield, and the stage on which he could make the most crucial of differences. His performance, however, [.

Video: Nun shows off her footy skills, saves the Pope

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Papal 3rd Eye Of all the magnificent settings you expect to see great football skills on display, Westminster Abbey would not normally feature high on the list. But that is precisely what happened last week when this nun showed off her technique. The incident begins on a downer with the sister showing hymn sheet handling [.

Togo gets to the bottom of its fake national team

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Rogue coach banned. Again Togo's football federation has suspended a former national team coach after discovering he was the man behind a 'fake' Togo side which lost a friendly match in Bahrain earlier this month. Tchanile Bana organised the friendly game in Riffa, which was played without the federation or FIFA being notified.

Video: Chris Kamara bursts into rendition of Bright Eyes

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Kammy, burning like fire Chris Kamara is not content to coast along on Soccer Saturday for the rest of his career. Oh no, Kammy has big plans to be the next Simon Cowell. The masterplan starts by being a judge for the Barclays Live dance competition. Kammy teamed up with Strictly Come Dancing star Brendan [.

Video: Liverpool defender Daniel Agger hits out at Roy Hodgson’s tactics

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New Liverpool boss Roy Hodgson faces mutiny just weeks into his tenure after defender Daniel Agger went public with criticism of his management. The Denmark international voiced concerns at being played at left-back, being left out of the team and the team's style of play under Hodgson to a TV crew from his homeland.

The things I learnt: Manchester United v Liverpool

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Calmed down enough to only have Nani in once Game of two halves It is the ultimate footballing cliché, but it fits the bill in every way. The first half at Old Trafford yesterday was stagnant and uninspiring. Passes were misplaced, and Liverpool's inability to keep the ball coupled with a degree of impotence in [.

Top ten conclusions Premier League weekend 18-19 September

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1. If a Nani falls down in a forest, and no one is around to see or hear him, do even his own fans feel like punching him? 2. Why would a top four side allow a player to leave on a free to a rival if they genuinely thought he was good enough to [...]

Top ten conclusions Premier League weekend 18-19 September

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1. If a Nani falls down in a forest, and no one is around to see or hear him, do even his own fans feel like punching him? 2. Why would a top four side allow a player to leave on a free to a rival if they genuinely thought he was good enough to [...]


A new fit and proper person test?

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Witness the fit(and proper)ness The current Fit and Proper Person test A person shall be disqualified from acting as a director and no club shall be permitted to have any person acting as a director of that club if: • Either directly or indirectly he is involved in or has any power to determine or [.

The things I learnt: Manchester United v Liverpool

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Calmed down enough to only have Nani in once Game of two halves It is the ultimate footballing cliché, but it fits the bill in every way. The first half at Old Trafford yesterday was stagnant and uninspiring. Passes were misplaced, and Liverpool's inability to keep the ball coupled with a degree of impotence in [.

A new fit and proper person test?

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Witness the fit(and proper)ness The current Fit and Proper Person test A person shall be disqualified from acting as a director and no club shall be permitted to have any person acting as a director of that club if: • Either directly or indirectly he is involved in or has any power to determine or [.

England goalie sent off after ridiculous dive

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Bachmann needs a smack, man (I in no way condone domestic violence) To English football fans, there is nothing worse than foreign players diving in the Premier League. Ok, there is one thing worse... doing it against England. Although it didn't stop our brave girls progressing, the reaction of to Rachel Brown stopping her getting [.

Star alongside Pamela Anderson in a short film

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Video: Lucas Leiva scores long-range screamer for Liverpool, universe implodes

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Boy from Brazil finally looks the part Consistently useless Liverpool midfielder Lucas Leiva sent his highly skillful identical twin brother to Anfield for the Europa League clash with Steaua Bucharest. OTP has barely seen the Brazilian play the ball in a forward direction so far in his time at Liverpool, but he propelled the ball [.

At home with Stephen Ireland

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Crazy football has crazy house With his (briefly) raspberry ripple Audi, Grannygate and a host of other examples of bizarre behaviour, we know Stephen Ireland has a funny way of doing things. So it is no surprise to discover that his interior design has all the taste of a cardboard sandwich. Starting with the Baz [.

Mexican football team in prostitute sex scandal – kinda

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To be honest, not really got your moneys worth lads So the eternal questions in life.. to be or not to be... what happens after death... when does a hooker become a hooker. Various newspapers are today reporting the story that the Mexican squad hired fourteen prostitutes and a transvestite to celebrate their win over [.

Brazilian Edmar does a Zola in the Europa League

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A Brazilian wonder goal you might otherwise not see I accept that this isn't exactly "Brazilian scores skillful goal shock horror". Hey, they have been doing it for decades. But ten and a half years after Italian magician Gianfranco Zola scored a cheeky flick from a corner against Norwich, Edmar of Metalist Kharkiv scored a [.

England goalie sent off after ridiculous dive

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Bachmann needs a smack, man (I in no way condone domestic violence) To English football fans, there is nothing worse than foreign players diving in the Premier League. Ok, there is one thing worse... doing it against England. Although it didn't stop our brave girls progressing, the reaction of to Rachel Brown stopping her getting [.

Brazilian Edmar does a Zola in the Europa League

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A Brazilian wonder goal you might otherwise not see I accept that this isn't exactly "Brazilian scores skillful goal shock horror". Hey, they have been doing it for decades. But ten and a half years after Italian magician Gianfranco Zola scored a cheeky flick from a corner against Norwich, Edmar of Metalist Kharkiv scored a [.

Mexican football team in prostitute sex scandal – kinda

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To be honest, not really got your moneys worth lads So the eternal questions in life.. to be or not to be... what happens after death... when does a hooker become a hooker. Various newspapers are today reporting the story that the Mexican squad hired fourteen prostitutes and a transvestite to celebrate their win over [.

At home with Stephen Ireland

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Crazy football has crazy house With his (briefly) raspberry ripple Audi, Grannygate and a host of other examples of bizarre behaviour, we know Stephen Ireland has a funny way of doing things. So it is no surprise to discover that his interior design has all the taste of a cardboard sandwich. Starting with the Baz [.

Video: Lucas Leiva scores long-range screamer for Liverpool, universe implodes

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Boy from Brazil finally looks the part Consistently useless Liverpool midfielder Lucas Leiva sent his highly skillful identical twin brother to Anfield for the Europa League clash with Steaua Bucharest. OTP has barely seen the Brazilian play the ball in a forward direction so far in his time at Liverpool, but he propelled the ball [.

Star alongside Pamela Anderson in a short film

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Vote: Does Jens Lehmann belong “in the Muppet Show, on the couch or in a mental institution”?

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Werder Bremen goalie hits out at Mad Jens Jens Lehmann belongs in the Muppet Show, on the couch or in a mental institution, according to Werder Bremen keeper Tim Wiese. The spat broke out in the goalkeepers' union after pundit Lehmann criticised Wiese during the Champions League match against Tottenham.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic – angry, crazy, or just a joker?

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Aaah, so that's maybe why he left Inter and Barcelona This is the moment when Ibra casually introduced himself to teammate Rodney Strasser during a training session with his new side AC Milan. It looks like a cross between playground bullying and dreadful karate classes as a kid. Whatever the reason, Zlat has forged a [.

‘Do Are Ya? Carlos Tevez is Captain Sensible

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Goodbye hairband! New Manchester City captain Carlos Tevez takes his duties very seriously. So seriously, in fact, that he has decided to cut his flowing locks for a more sensible hairdo. Gone is the hairband and tuck-it-behind-your-ears hair. Carlitos' new look is shorter, sharper and not at all dissimilar to Roberto Mancini's new haircut.

‘Do Are Ya? Carlos Tevez is Captain Sensible

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Goodbye hairband! New Manchester City captain Carlos Tevez takes his duties very seriously. So seriously, in fact, that he has decided to cut his flowing locks for a more sensible hairdo. Gone is the hairband and tuck-it-behind-your-ears hair. Carlitos' new look is shorter, sharper and not at all dissimilar to Roberto Mancini's new haircut.

Is Roy Hodgson about to commit the cardinal sin of Liverpool managers?

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Woy wants to sign a player called Traore Liverpool boss Roy Hodgson could be set to follow in the footsteps of Gerard Houllier by bringing Traore to Anfield. Houllier signed disaster prone defender Djimi Traore for £500,000 in 1999, whereas Woy has got his eye on Cluj forward Lacina Traore. The 6ft 8in Ivorian would [.

Preston goalie Andy Lonergan in trouble over V-signs towards Burnley fans

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2-2 after 4-3 defeat Preston North End keeper Andy Lonergan has been charged with making abusive gestures after flicking the Vs at Burnley fans. He made the gestures after Saturday's fiery derby match which Preston lost 4-3, despite leading 1-3 with just six minutes to go. Lonergan has already been told that Lancashire Police are [.

The things I learnt on Arsenal’s night of perfection

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I'm sorry, I know they should probably all be positive 1. I guess it isn't something that we don't already know, but it genuinely is beautiful. You can call it tika-taka if you like, but the one touch passing last night was a joy to behold. There are more successful, more effective, and more ruthless [.

Vote: Does Jens Lehmann belong “in the Muppet Show, on the couch or in a mental institution”?

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Werder Bremen goalie hits out at Mad Jens Jens Lehmann belongs in the Muppet Show, on the couch or in a mental institution, according to Werder Bremen keeper Tim Wiese. The spat broke out in the goalkeepers' union after pundit Lehmann criticised Wiese during the Champions League match against Tottenham.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic – angry, crazy, or just a joker?

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Aaah, so that's maybe why he left Inter and Barcelona This is the moment when Ibra casually introduced himself to teammate Rodney Strasser during a training session with his new side AC Milan. It looks like a cross between playground bullying and dreadful karate classes as a kid. Whatever the reason, Zlat has forged a [.

Preston goalie Andy Lonergan in trouble over V-signs towards Burnley fans

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2-2 after 4-3 defeat Preston North End keeper Andy Lonergan has been charged with making abusive gestures after flicking the Vs at Burnley fans. He made the gestures after Saturday's fiery derby match which Preston lost 4-3, despite leading 1-3 with just six minutes to go. Lonergan has already been told that Lancashire Police are [.

The things I learnt on Arsenal’s night of perfection

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I'm sorry, I know they should probably all be positive 1. I guess it isn't something that we don't already know, but it genuinely is beautiful. You can call it tika-taka if you like, but the one touch passing last night was a joy to behold. There are more successful, more effective, and more ruthless [.

Top five conclusions: Arsenal 6-0 Braga

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1. 6-0 to the Arsenal just doesn't have the same ring to it, but if they keep hitting that scoreline it might take off soon. 2. Presumably Andrey Arshavin was attempting to cross the ball when he scored since everything else he did in the first half was wayward. 3. Marouane Chamakh should get a [...]

Is Roy Hodgson about to commit the cardinal sin of Liverpool managers?

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Woy wants to sign a player called Traore Liverpool boss Roy Hodgson could be set to follow in the footsteps of Gerard Houllier by bringing Traore to Anfield. Houllier signed disaster prone defender Djimi Traore for £500,000 in 1999, whereas Woy has got his eye on Cluj forward Lacina Traore. The 6ft 8in Ivorian would [.

Tottenham have to leave new signing Sandro at the airport

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Squad selection gets lost in translation Spurs new boy Sandro had to be left at the airport departures lounge after he mistakenly thought he was in the squad for tonight's Champions League opener against Werder Bremen. The Brazilian had got all the details of what time he needed to be at the airport from unofficial [.

Video: Antonio Valencia breaks ankle as Manchester United draw with Rangers

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Winger suffers from dangly foot Manchester United's Antonio Valencia is out for the season after a horror ankle break in last night's Champions League draw with Rangers. The Ecuadorian's left ankle was visibly hanging out of position after one of those innocuous collisions that causes so many serious leg breaks.

Fake Togo national team now available for friendlies

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"Hello, I'm Immanuel Abedayor and this is my team." FIFA has launched a probe after it emerged that a "completely fake" Togo national team played a match against Bahrain last week. The chairman of Togo's football federation, Seiyi Memene, denied any knowledge of a side representing his organisation playing a match at Bahrain's National Stadium [.

Video: Turkish coach stabbed during match by his brother

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Sibling knifes manager six times on touchline These crazy scenes come from Turkey's second division where Mersin Idman Yurdu coach Yuksel Yesilova was stabbed in the stomach and hip during a match against Samsunspor. The culprit was his elder brother Murat, who attended the match as a spectator before jumping onto the pitch and assaulting [.

Jay Z and Beyonce announce plans to join Arsenal board

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Rapper gets into an Emirates State of Mind Every now and then one of those stories comes out that makes you immediately reach for the calendar. However, it's miles away from the 1st April, so it must be genuine. The Daily Mirror has picked up on the story that Shawn Carter would not only like [...]


Fit and proper person test for football club owners simply not working

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Owners do not fit (and proper) the bill It was at the start of the 2004/5 season that the Football League and Premier League that the Fit and Proper Test was introduced for football club ownership. It was in response to instances of mismanagement and irregularities that had become more apparent. In 2000, Chesterfield FC [.

Premier League nearly gets its first openly gay footballer

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Just a vowel away Football fans got themselves into a bit of a frenzy today when Sunderland left-back (in Steve Bruce's opinion, at least) Kieran Richardson seemingly came out as being the first openly gay footballer in the Premier League. The stir on social networking sites has eventually died down as it emerged that the [.

Video: Ludovic Giuly does a cheeky striptease dance

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PSG star gets his kit off in bar If you needed any further evidence of how poor the France national team is at the moment, here it is. Former international Ludovic Giuly would rather degrade himself by performing a striptease in a public bar than have to watch Les Bleus. The Paris St Germain attacker [.

Video: Rangers fan predicts ‘every c***’s going to get along with each other’ on BBC regional news

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Beeb broadcasts c-word at tea-time The c-word is one of the last remaining taboos in British broadcasting. It occasionally slips out in live interviews (just ask Steven Bywater), but rarely makes it into an edited news package. Produced by the BBC. Broadcast as people are tucking into their dinner. But when Rangers fans visit Manchester [.

Top five conclusions: Arsenal 6-0 Braga

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1. 6-0 to the Arsenal just doesn't have the same ring to it, but if they keep hitting that scoreline it might take off soon. 2. Presumably Andrey Arshavin was attempting to cross the ball when he scored since everything else he did in the first half was wayward. 3. Marouane Chamakh should get a [...]


Video: Ludovic Giuly does a cheeky striptease dance

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PSG star gets his kit off in bar If you needed any further evidence of how poor the France national team is at the moment, here it is. Former international Ludovic Giuly would rather degrade himself by performing a striptease in a public bar than have to watch Les Bleus. The Paris St Germain attacker [.

Video: Rangers fan predicts ‘every c***’s going to get along with each other’ on BBC regional news

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Beeb broadcasts c-word at tea-time The c-word is one of the last remaining taboos in British broadcasting. It occasionally slips out in live interviews (just ask Steven Bywater), but rarely makes it into an edited news package. Produced by the BBC. Broadcast as people are tucking into their dinner. But when Rangers fans visit Manchester [.

Premier League nearly gets its first openly gay football

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Just a vowel away Football fans got themselves into a bit of a frenzy today when Sunderland left-back (in Steve Bruce's opinion, at least) Kieran Richardson seemingly came out as being the first openly gay footballer in the Premier League. The stir on social networking sites has eventually died down as it emerged that the [.

Fit and Proper Person Test simply not working

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Owners do not fit (and proper) the bill It was at the start of the 2004/5 season that the Football League and Premier League that the Fit and Proper Test was introduced for football club ownership. It was in response to instances of mismanagement and irregularities that had become more apparent. In 2000, Chesterfield FC [.

Jay Z and Beyonce announce plans to join Arsenal board

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Rapper gets into an Emirates State of Mind Every now and then one of those stories comes out that makes you immediately reach for the calendar. However, it's miles away from the 1st April, so it must be genuine. The Daily Mirror has picked up on the story that Shawn Carter would not only like [...]

Fake Togo national team now available for friendlies

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"Hello, I'm Immanuel Abedayor and this is my team." FIFA has launched a probe after it emerged that a "completely fake" Togo national team played a match against Bahrain last week. The chairman of Togo's football federation, Seiyi Memene, denied any knowledge of a side representing his organisation playing a match at Bahrain's National Stadium [.

Video: Turkish coach stabbed during match by his brother

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Sibling knifes manager six times on touchline These crazy scenes come from Turkey's second division where Mersin Idman Yurdu coach Yuksel Yesilova was stabbed in the stomach and hip during a match against Samsunspor. The culprit was his elder brother Murat, who attended the match as a spectator before jumping onto the pitch and assaulting [.

Video: Antonio Valencia breaks ankle as Manchester United draw with Rangers

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Winger suffers from dangly foot Manchester United's Antonio Valencia is out for the season after a horror ankle break in last night's Champions League draw with Rangers. The Ecuadorian's left ankle was visibly hanging out of position after one of those innocuous collisions that causes so many serious leg breaks.

Tottenham have to leave new signing Sandro at the airport

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Squad selection gets lost in translation Spurs new boy Sandro had to be left at the airport departures lounge after he mistakenly thought he was in the squad for tonight's Champions League opener against Werder Bremen. The Brazilian had got all the details of what time he needed to be at the airport from unofficial [.

Grieving Tony Pulis drives 140 miles to spur Stoke to victory over Aston Villa

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Bereaved Potters boss commutes to give rousing team talk Stoke manager Tony Pulis travelled 140 miles to give his players a team-talk which helped them to victory over Aston Villa on the day his mother died. Pulis had been in Newport, South Wales, with his family following the bereavement. It had been announced that assistant [.

Absence of Wayne Rooney didn’t affect Everton fans

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Fans' fun not Roo-ined by absence of their hate figure Firstly, I can only apologise for the pun above the picture. I really should work for the Daily Mail, and that is not a compliment. Anyway, the matter in hand. SAF took out his prize asset from Saturday's game, in the knowledge that he would [...

Sven-Goran Eriksson set to be named manager of Al Hilal

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Former England manager to take high wages offer shock horror According to reports in Europe and the Middle East, Sven is set to take an offer to manage Saudi Arabian side Al Hilal. After a summer in which h has been linked with every Premier League job going, it seems inevitable that the Swede would [.

Absence of Rooney didn’t affect Everton fans

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Fans' fun not Roo-ined by absence of their hate figure Firstly, I can only apologise for the pun above the picture. I really should work for the Daily Mail, and that is not a compliment. Anyway, the matter in hand. SAF took out his prize asset from Saturday's game, in the knowledge that he would [...

Sven-Goran Eriksson set to be named manager of Al Hilal

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Former England manager to take high wages offer shock horror According to reports in Europe and the Middle East, Sven is set to take an offer to manage Saudi Arabian side Al Hilal. After a summer in which h has been linked with every Premier League job going, it seems inevitable that the Swede would [.

Kitman: Sevilla’s Julien Escude goes phonetic with his SQD shirt

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For when your six letter surname is just too long If you are the sort of person who is pushed to the brink of cardiac arrest by the infiltration of text speak into other areas of life, you might want to steer clear of Sevilla games this season. French defender Julien Escude has adopted the [...]

Video: Santos’ Marquinhos claims he was hit by policeman after match

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Baton fun from Brazil Brazilian player Marquinhos claims he was hit with a truncheon by a military policeman as a brawl broke out following Santos' 2-1 defeat at Ceara. Starlet Neymar was looking for trouble after the match as he confronted Ceara defender Joao Marcos over some uncompromising defending.

Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 11-12 September

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1. The word schadenfreude was created for watching Sir Alex Ferguson concede two injury time goals. It is unlikely Fergie would have complained if the ref had blown up early on this occasion. 2. The 3-3 draw was even more miraculous for Everton considering one of their centre-backs seemed intent on a Manchester United win.

Video: Liverpool fan’s car gets wrecked after he takes wrong turn past Goodison Park

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Replica shirt-clad Liverpool fan drives past hundreds of Toffees This Liverpool fan got his car ripped apart after ridiculously deciding to drive slowly through crowds of Everton fans gathered on Gwladys Street after their 3-3 draw with Manchester United on Saturday. Toffees will no doubt overlook the mindless thuggery and use the incident as further [.

Video: Gerard Pique gets his face smashed during Barca’s defeat to Hercules

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Nasty face collision Barcelona defender Gerard Pique added injury to insult during his side's embarrassing home defeat against newly-promoted Hercules. The ex-Man Utd player had an unwise mid-air peck with Hercules keeper Juan Calatayud. Pique was left bloodied and bruised, and on the wrong end of a 0-2 scoreline.

Kitman: Sevilla’s Julien Escude goes phonetic with his SQD shirt

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For when your six letter surname is just too long If you are the sort of person who is pushed to the brink of cardiac arrest by the infiltration of text speak into other areas of life, you might want to steer clear of Sevilla games this season. French defender Julien Escude has adopted the [...]


Fabio Capello’s nifty earwear for Italian Grand Prix

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England boss gets wraparound earplugs OTP is not too sure that Fabio Capello's skipper, Rio Ferdinand, would approve of his boss' new headphones. The England coach was protecting his ears at the Italian Grand Prix in Monza with these rather fetching earplugs. Did the designer intend them to be worn around the chin?

Fabio Capello’s nifty earwear for Italian Grand Prix

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England boss gets wraparound earplugs OTP is not too sure that Fabio Capello's skipper, Rio Ferdinand, would approve of his boss' new headphones. The England coach was protecting his ears at the Italian Grand Prix in Monza with these rather fetching earplugs. Did the designer intend them to be worn around the chin?

Video: David Beckham makes his MLS return for LA Galaxy, booked for nasty foul

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Goldenballs back after lay-off David Beckham returned from a six-month spell on the sidelines with an Achilles injury in LA Galaxy's 3-1 victory over Columbus Crew. The ex-England skipper looked over-eager and understandably rusty on his comeback. So over-eager and rusty, in fact, that he was yellow carded for an assault on Emmanuel Ekpo.

Video: Santos’ Marquinhos claims he was hit by policeman after match

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Baton fun from Brazil Brazilian player Marquinhos claims he was hit with a truncheon by a military policeman as a brawl broke out following Santos' 2-1 defeat at Ceara. Starlet Neymar was looking for trouble after the match as he confronted Ceara defender Joao Marcos over some uncompromising defending.

Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 11-12 September

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1. The word schadenfreude was created for watching Sir Alex Ferguson concede two injury time goals. It is unlikely Fergie would have complained if the ref had blown up early on this occasion. 2. The 3-3 draw was even more miraculous for Everton considering one of their centre-backs seemed intent on a Manchester United win.

Video: Liverpool fan’s car gets wrecked after he takes wrong turn past Goodison Park

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Replica shirt-clad Liverpool fan drives past hundreds of Toffees This Liverpool fan got his car ripped apart after ridiculously deciding to drive slowly through crowds of Everton fans gathered on Gwladys Street after their 3-3 draw with Manchester United on Saturday. Toffees will no doubt overlook the mindless thuggery and use the incident as further [.

Video: Gerard Pique gets his face smashed during Barca’s defeat to Hercules

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Nasty face collision Barcelona defender Gerard Pique added injury to insult during his side's embarrassing home defeat against newly-promoted Hercules. The ex-Man Utd player had an unwise mid-air peck with Hercules keeper Juan Calatayud. Pique was left bloodied and bruised, and on the wrong end of a 0-2 scoreline.

West Brom fans highlight the idiocy of racism

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Odemiwingie banner mocks Russian fans It isn't ever day that football fans are able to use genuine invention in order to mock a serious issue. The banner above was displayed by fans of Lokomotiv Moscow when striker Peter Odemwingie was transferred to West Brom. However, this afternoon fans of the Midlands club will display a [.

Worst goal celebration of all time?

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Finnish side slump to a new low Take a long hard look at yourself boys. Jaro of Finland are the club in question, and at best this could be described as dubious. Quick point: At no point should wigs be used a prop in a goal celebration!


Classic Van der Vaart error

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Don't show this to Spurs fans Now don't get me wrong, I think that Rafael Van der Vaart will be a success in England. He has skills, he has pace, and he has an incredible wife. However, he also has no foot-eye coordination. After seeing his keeper go up for a free kick, he still [...]


Who will be the next England manager?

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Sponsored post Fabio Capello has announced that he'll be leaving his position as England manager after Euro 2012. Now, the big question everyone is asking – who will replace him? Depending on how well England do in Euro 2012, Capello has a maximum of two years left to fulfil. According to the Next England Manager [.

Video: David Beckham makes his MLS return for LA Galaxy, booked for nasty foul

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Goldenballs back after lay-off David Beckham returned from a six-month spell on the sidelines with an Achilles injury in LA Galaxy's 3-1 victory over Columbus Crew. The ex-England skipper looked over-eager and understandably rusty on his comeback. So over-eager and rusty, in fact, that he was yellow carded for an assault on Emmanuel Ekpo.

Who will be the next England manager?

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Sponsored post Fabio Capello has announced that he'll be leaving his position as England manager after Euro 2012. Now, the big question everyone is asking – who will replace him? Depending on how well England do in Euro 2012, Capello has a maximum of two years left to fulfil. According to the Next England Manager [.

Worst goal celebration of all time?

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Finnish side slump to a new low Take a long hard look at yourself boys. Jaro of Finland are the club in question, and at best this could be described as dubious. Quick point: At no point should wigs be used a prop in a goal celebration!

Classic Van der Vaart error

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Don't show this to Spurs fans Now don't get me wrong, I think that Rafael Van der Vaart will be a success in England. He has skills, he has pace, and he has an incredible wife. However, he also has no foot-eye coordination. After seeing his keeper go up for a free kick, he still [...]

West Brom fans highlight the idiocy of racism

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Odemiwingie banner mocks Russian fans It isn't ever day that football fans are able to use genuine invention in order to mock a serious issue. The banner above was displayed by fans of Lokomotiv Moscow when striker Peter Odemwingie was transferred to West Brom. However, this afternoon fans of the Midlands club will display a [.

Moroccan goalkeeper makes the worst of errors

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Honestly, you would just check wouldn't you? Sometimes, articles just don't need words.... Apart from one... Clown.

Top ten footballers to have not played in the World Cup

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What, no Carlton Palmer?? 10) Valentino Mazzola Although this is the player on the list that many will never have heard of, Valentino Mazzola was one of the true greats of the game. Mazzola played for Torino for seven years from 1942, scoring 118 in 195 games. He was revered by the Italian public as [.

Moroccan goalkeeper makes the worst of errors

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Honestly, you would just check wouldn't you? Sometimes, articles just don't need words.... Apart from one... Clown.


Top ten footballers to have not played in the World Cup

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What, no Carlton Palmer?? 10) Valentino Mazzola Although this is the player on the list that many will never have heard of, Valentino Mazzola was one of the true greats of the game. Mazzola played for Torino for seven years from 1942, scoring 118 in 195 games. He was revered by the Italian public as [.

Gary Neville talks of his respect for Liverpool

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There's hope for peace in the Middle East Manchester United captain Gary Neville has never been shy in stirring up Manc-Scouse relations, but the emergence of Manchester City as a Premier League force seems to have forced him to re-evaluate the priorities of his levels of dislike. Neville's crimes against Liverpool include and over-exuberant goal [.

Video: Sunderland striker Asamoah Gyan fancies himself as a rapper

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I'm Ghana rock the mic Sunderland's new signing Asamoah Gyan is joining the ranks of footballers who have tried their hand at rapping. The World Cup star has teamed up with Ghanaian hip-hop artisit Castro the Destroyer to make the track African Girls. Asamoah breaks into a rap part-way through the song, and incorporates a [.

Manchester City’s Mario Balotelli angling move a move to AC Milan?

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Mario Balotelli has hardly had the best of starts to life in England since his £24 million move from Inter Milan. Despite scoring on his debut, the Italian youngster has also written off his Audi R8 and picked up an injury that requires surgery and is likely to keep him out for six weeks. Perhaps [.

Top five non-British managers to coach more than one Premier League club

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And by 'top' we don't necessarily good Gerard Houllier's appointment as Aston Villa manager got us thinking: most foreign managers only get on shot at Premier League success. They either do well, in which case they stay at the club long-term, or else they get the sack and no other Prem team will touch them [.

Top five non-British managers to coach more than one Premier League club

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And by 'top' we don't necessarily good Gerard Houllier's appointment as Aston Villa manager got us thinking: most foreign managers only get on shot at Premier League success. They either do well, in which case they stay at the club long-term, or else they get the sack and no other Prem team will touch them [.

Gary Neville talks of his respect for Liverpool

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There's hope for peace in the Middle East Manchester United captain Gary Neville has never been shy in stirring up Manc-Scouse relations, but the emergence of Manchester City as a Premier League force seems to have forced him to re-evaluate the priorities of his levels of dislike. Neville's crimes against Liverpool include and over-exuberant goal [.

Video: Sunderland striker Asamoah Gyan fancies himself as a rapper

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I'm Ghana rock the mic Sunderland's new signing Asamoah Gyan is joining the ranks of footballers who have tried their hand at rapping. The World Cup star has teamed up with Ghanaian hip-hop artisit Castro the Destroyer to make the track African Girls. Asamoah breaks into a rap part-way through the song, and incorporates a [.

Manchester City’s Mario Balotelli angling move a move to AC Milan?

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Mario Balotelli has hardly had the best of starts to life in England since his £24 million move from Inter Milan. Despite scoring on his debut, the Italian youngster has also written off his Audi R8 and picked up an injury that requires surgery and is likely to keep him out for six weeks. Perhaps [.

Video: Scotland fans boo Liechtenstein’s God Save The Queen soundalike national anthem

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Are boo England in disguise? The Scottish FA has been forced to issue a public apology after fans booed the national anthem of Liechtenstein before last night's Euro 2012 qualifier. The tiny nation's anthem happens to be set to the same tune as the English national anthem God Save The Queen. SFA acting chief executive [.

Trapped Chilean miners watch national team play

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And you thought watching England was a dark experience Miners trapped underground for more than a month were given a treat of watching the Chile national team play on a makeshift TV. A fibre optic cable was passed down to the miners so that they could project the image onto the wall of the long-term [.

Prime Minister David Cameron attempts to tell a Wayne Rooney joke

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Tory politician seeks laughs over sex scandal David Cameron told a Wayne Rooney joke at an awards ceremony. The PM took a swipe at Wazza at the GQ Men of the Year 2010 awards. He said: "I can bring you the real news, which is that Wayne Rooney has scored. And this time it was [...]

Football fans being ignored to an unacceptable level

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Customer always right... but mainly ignored It is clear that football clubs have become commercialised to an astronomic level. Even by the 1920s there were four divisions of professional clubs in England. Although clubs were money-generating, they were governed with the continued philosophy of being cornerstones of the local community, with owners seeing themselves as [.

Hamit Altintop wonder goal

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Van Basten, Rooney, Yeboah, Zidane, Scholes... I am sorry. This is the new tekkers yardstick I promise it's not because i've been keeping it from you. Although I also admit i have simply been watching it and watching it. So let's get this straight. You're a professional footballer. You look like Russell Brand but with [.

Hamit Altintop wonder goal

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Van Basten, Rooney, Yeboah, Zidane, Scholes... I am sorry. This is the new tekkers yardstick I promise it's not because i've been keeping it from you. Although I also admit i have simply been watching it and watching it. So let's get this straight. You're a professional footballer. You look like Russell Brand but with [.

Top 10 conclusions Switzerland 1-3 England

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Six points from six for Fab Cap's boys 1. It was all about Wayne Rooney in the end. Predictably. Oh well, if that's what it takes to get him to score for England, keep digging NoTW. 2. OTP has reason to suspect that Manchester City might be launching a hostile takeover of the England team. [...]


Hard Tackle: Fabio Capello camps it up with his backroom staff

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England boss gets touchy feely Fabio Capello's camp side came to the fore following Darren Bent's late goal against Switzerland last night. Upon seeing the Sunderland striker find the net, the Italian felt the need to start stroking his backroom staff and stick his tongue out at them. He stops just short of trying to [.

Lost property request at Oxford United

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Jumpers for goalposts and all that If one story this season reminds you of the difference between the Premier League and League Two, please let it be this. Oxford United launched an appeal on their website after the weekend game against Morecambe: One of our supporters has reported the loss of a personal item following [.

Celtic potentially the best of a depressing lot

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Domestic football season likely to be bleak North of the border Although Neil Lennon was predictably optimistic following his side's first competitive match of the season, even before the second supporters were resigned. Celtic were going to go out of the Champions League at the qualifying stage for the second season in succession.

Video: Scotland fans boo Liechtenstein’s God Save The Queen soundalike national anthem

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Are boo England in disguise? The Scottish FA has been forced to issue a public apology after fans booed the national anthem of Liechtenstein before last night's Euro 2012 qualifier. The tiny nation's anthem happens to be set to the same tune as the English national anthem God Save The Queen. SFA acting chief executive [.

Trapped Chilean miners watch national team play

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And you thought watching England was a dark experience Miners trapped underground for more than a month were given a treat of watching the Chile national team play on a makeshift TV. A fibre optic cable was passed down to the miners so that they could project the image onto the wall of the long-term [.

Prime Minister David Cameron attempts to tell a Wayne Rooney joke

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Tory politician seeks laughs over sex scandal David Cameron told a Wayne Rooney joke at an awards ceremony. The PM took a swipe at Wazza at the GQ Men of the Year 2010 awards. He said: "I can bring you the real news, which is that Wayne Rooney has scored. And this time it was [...]


Football fans being ignored to an unacceptable level

Off the Post at related • 0 views
Customer always right... but mainly ignored It is clear that football clubs have become commercialised to an astronomic level. Even by the 1920s there were four divisions of professional clubs in England. Although clubs were money-generating, they were governed with the continued philosophy of being cornerstones of the local community, with owners seeing themselves as [.

Celtic potentially the best of a depressing lot

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Domestic football season likely to be bleak North of the border Although Neil Lennon was predictably optimistic following his side's first competitive match of the season, even before the second supporters were resigned. Celtic were going to go out of the Champions League at the qualifying stage for the second season in succession.

Blackpool missed out on signing David Nugent because he wouldn’t answer phone

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Portsmouth striker was lying low, waiting for Ian Holloway to stop calling Blackpool boss Ian Holloway claims he missed out on a deadline day move for Portsmouth's David Nugent because the striker wouldn't answer his phone. Angry Ollie claimed Nugent had agreed terms with the Seasiders before going undercover when they attempted to get hold [.

Stuart Pearce and a host of 1990s footballers turn up in music video

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PFA becomes music promoter The last project Des Walker, Teddy Sheringham, Stuart Pearce and Les Ferdinand worked on together was probably World Cup qualification for USA 94, and we all know how that ended. Nonetheless, the dream team has come together again to support The Establishment, band of former Nottingham Forest and Bristol City midfielder [.

Video: Classic England v Switzerland, Euro 2004

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Swiss roll over in Portugal Ah, remember the days when Wayne Rooney was scoring freely (on the pitch)? The relatively fresh-faced Wazza grabbed two goals as Sven Goran Eriksson's boys defeated Switzerland 3-0 in the group stage of Euro 2004. The game was also memorable for Steven Gerrard who found the net, but also discovered [.

Video: Classic England v Switzerland, 2008

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Fab Cap's debut Switzerland were the opponents for Fabio Capello's first game in charge of England in February 2008. Wembley saw the Italian get off to a winning start with goals from Capello favourite Jermaine Jenas (eh?) and Shaun Wright Phillips. How times change.

Lookalikes Double: Alexander, Van der Vaart, Del Bosque, Potato

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Because I have too much time on my hands Our first entrant has been all over the papers recently. It seems that it is impossible to read a story about Rafael Van der Vaart and actually see a picture of him rather than his missus. So why argue with that?! It must be admitted that [...]

Tabloid readers forget the positive side of footballers

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Revelations fuel an often inaccurate opinion Here we go again with another overpaid, bigheaded footballer ...plays away and thinks he is so secure in the belief that his money will buy silence...silly deluded plank...When are these big heads going to realise that they are not wanted for their looks (certainly not in the majority of [.

Video: Wayne Rooney scores for England against Switzerland

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Wazza does some on-pitch scoring Wayne Rooney's week got a lot better as he guaranteed a few backpage headlines to go with his front page splashes as he gave England the lead on 10 minutes in their Euro 2012 qualification match against Switzerland. The Manchester United striker scored his first goal for his country in [.

Top 10 conclusions Switzerland 1-3 England

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Six points from six for Fab Cap's boys 1. It was all about Wayne Rooney in the end. Predictably. Oh well, if that's what it takes to get him to score for England, keep digging NoTW. 2. OTP has reason to suspect that Manchester City might be launching a hostile takeover of the England team. [...]

Hard Tackle: Fabio Capello camps it up with his backroom staff

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England boss gets touchy feely Fabio Capello's camp side came to the fore following Darren Bent's late goal against Switzerland last night. Upon seeing the Sunderland striker find the net, the Italian felt the need to start stroking his backroom staff and stick his tongue out at them. He stops just short of trying to [.

Lost property request at Oxford United

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Jumpers for goalposts and all that If one story this season reminds you of the difference between the Premier League and League Two, please let it be this. Oxford United launched an appeal on their website after the weekend game against Morecambe: One of our supporters has reported the loss of a personal item following [.

Video: Wayne Rooney scores for England against Switzerland

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Wazza does some on-pitch scoring Wayne Rooney's week got a lot better as he guaranteed a few backpage headlines to go with his front page splashes as he gave England the lead on 10 minutes in their Euro 2012 qualification match against Switzerland. The Manchester United striker scored his first goal for his country in [.

Tabloid readers forget the positive side of footballers

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Revelations fuel an often inaccurate opinion Here we go again with another overpaid, bigheaded footballer ...plays away and thinks he is so secure in the belief that his money will buy silence...silly deluded plank...When are these big heads going to realise that they are not wanted for their looks (certainly not in the majority of [.

Video: Classic England v Switzerland, 2008

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Fab Cap's debut Switzerland were the opponents for Fabio Capello's first game in charge of England in February 2008. Wembley saw the Italian get off to a winning start with goals from Capello favourite Jermaine Jenas (eh?) and Shaun Wright Phillips. How times change.


Lookalikes Double: Alexander, Van der Vaart, Del Bosque, Potato

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Because I have too much time on my hands Our first entrant has been all over the papers recently. It seems that it is impossible to read a story about Rafael Van der Vaart and actually see a picture of him rather than his missus. So why argue with that?! It must be admitted that [...]


Video: Classic England v Switzerland, Euro 2004

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Swiss roll over in Portugal Ah, remember the days when Wayne Rooney was scoring freely (on the pitch)? The relatively fresh-faced Wazza grabbed two goals as Sven Goran Eriksson's boys defeated Switzerland 3-0 in the group stage of Euro 2004. The game was also memorable for Steven Gerrard who found the net, but also discovered [.

Stuart Pearce and a host of 1990s footballers turn up in music video

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PFA becomes music promoter The last project Des Walker, Teddy Sheringham, Stuart Pearce and Les Ferdinand worked on together was probably World Cup qualification for USA 94, and we all know how that ended. Nonetheless, the dream team has come together again to support The Establishment, band of former Nottingham Forest and Bristol City midfielder [.

Blackpool missed out on signing David Nugent because he wouldn’t answer phone

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Portsmouth striker was lying low, waiting for Ian Holloway to stop calling Blackpool boss Ian Holloway claims he missed out on a deadline day move for Portsmouth's David Nugent because the striker wouldn't answer his phone. Angry Ollie claimed Nugent had agreed terms with the Seasiders before going undercover when they attempted to get hold [.

Capello and Rooney set for comedy chat?

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In English language terms pigeon meets stilted After Rooney has allegedly acted more Wazza than England's Arise Sir Wayne, it has today emerged that Signor Capello intends to sit down with the striker and discuss whether is mind is still on the game in Basel. Sorry, so to get this straight, there will be a [.

Top 10 football prostitute scandals

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Honorary life president: Wayne Rooney 1. Half of France's national team The French tend to get off (so to speak) lightly when it comes to sex scandals. And given that it all seems to have gone pretty quiet on this front we assume the latest example is another case in point. Cast your mind back [...]


Express reports Giggs as next Wales manager favourite

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Tabloid male cow faeces rather than story of the season? John Wragg from the Daily Express today makes a sensational and unsubstantiated claim. It seems clear to many of the papers that John Toshack is at least in a position whereby he is considering his position, but Master Wragg goes one stage further.

Mario Balotelli cheeks policeman who questions his wad of cash

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Man City star tells it like it is Manchester City's Mario Balotelli has hit the headlines for good and bad reasons since arriving in England. He did score on his debut for Citeh, but he also managed to total his Audi R8 within a fortnight of his £22 million move from Inter Milan. Now it [...]


Serie B outfit Triestina get themselves some fake fans

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Stand up if you hate 2D fans Italian second tier outfit Triestina have come up with a novel way to deal with their disappointing attendance figures. Struggling to fill their 32,454-seat Stadio Nereo Rocco, the club took the decision to close one of their stands for the entire season. But rather than face the embarrassment [.

Video: Belarus defender Alexander Yurevich is under attack by the balls

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Throw-in (to the head) When Belarus's Alexander Yurevich went to retrieve the ball for a throw-in during his side's Euro 2012 qualifier against France, he was keeping a very close eye on Mathieu Valbuena's semi-aggressive spike into the ground. Unfortunately, he didn't have eyes in the back of his head to spot the incoming missile.

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Notts County firmly on the road to recovery

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Meltdown to stability in six months " Who has never tasted bitter does not know what is sweet" There were sniggers on the red side of the River Trent when at the beginning of last season Notts County announced their five year plan. It was a vision of Munto Finance, the Middle Eastern consortium that [.

Wayne, Wayne, Wayne… Rooney accused of sleeping with prostitute #3

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We suspected his dad drives an escort. His son now rides them It's the big one. Potentially the story of the year. It's the story that bloggers everywhere will feel that they were born to write. But two questions hit me hard today, as Wazza spills his heart out to his chav princess in order [...]


The things we learnt – England v Bulgaria

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Because everyone loves a kneejerk reaction Defoe-nitely To be fair, Defoe simply played last night simply how Defoe can. The performance and finishes reminded me of the home game against Wigan last season. He hung on the last shoulder of the defenders, but also added more than that, linking play, harrying down defenders and even [.

Croydon Athletic at the mercy of the police and ICC

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Money-laundering and fraud hits the Ryman Premier League Peter Risdale, Eggert Magnusson, Malcolm Glazer, you are old news. We have a new most-hated club owner. On Sunday the News of the World newspaper revealed that it had unearthed a betting scandal that may shake the very foundations of cricket. The ripples may be felt within non-league football [.

Video: Rafa Benitez is forced to slag off Jose Mourinho

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Great work from the talkSPORT gang In this fun-filled subtitle extravaganza, Rafa Benitez attempts to avoid getting into mind games with Jose Mourinho. But it turns out the Italian media have ways of making him talk. And it is not long before that talk becomes Mourinho trash talk. Spotted on 101GG


Video: Luton manager Richard Money goes mental at fans

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Money can't buy me love Luton manager Richard Money lost the plot after hearing fans abusing his players during the recent defeat to Tamworth. Money clashed with supporters at the end of the match, ranting in their faces and being dragged away by his backroom staff. In what appears to be a successful attempt to save [.

Lack of competition threatens to stagnate La Liga

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Viva Espana... if it's a procession that you want Flicking onto Sky Sports 2 on a Saturday night, you would be forgiven for thinking that there are only three teams in the Spanish league: Barcelona, Real Madrid, and whoever else happens to be playing them. The bias and focus is appalling, but understandable.

Alan Pardew sacking removes stability from south coast

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Chairman goes from saint to sinner overnight On Tuesday, Southampton lost 3-0 at home in the Johnstone Paints Trophy. On Saturday they won 4-0 away at Bristol Rovers. Unless you have buried your head in lower league sand, you will be aware that in between these two matches, Alan Pardew has lost his job as manager, [.

Tony Blair consulted Sir Alex Ferguson over sacking Gordon Brown

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The politics of football Former Prime Minister Tony Blair has revealed in his memoirs that he sought the advice of Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson on getting rid of Gordon Brown. Blair was eager to ditch his Chancellor, but was concerned about destablising his government. So he consulted Labour supporter Fergie, who he knew was no [.

Homegrown rule has insufficient effect

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Home not necessarily where the heart is The current Premier League season has incorporated a new rule change. No, Sepp Blatter has not agreed to confirm if goals are actually scored, and players are still able to dive, swear, spit and roast their way through the season unaffected. Instead, we have the introduction of the home-grown [.

Video: Greek player beats up opponent he just got sent-off for fouling

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The referee is spared This Greek lower league player picks up a second yellow card for clattering through the back of an opponent. Clearly in disagreement with the decision he launches a full-scale assault on the player whose Achilles tendons he had previously attacked. OTP is not sure exactly what the fouled player did wrong, but at [.

Jack Wilshere was ‘trying to take photos up skirts’

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Arsenal and England star allegedly pestering girls in club Jack Wilshere, who was arrested and released on police bail on suspicion of GBH last weekend, had earlier been thrown out of a club for pestering girls. The 18-year-old had allegedly been annoying a group of 30 girls celebrating a 23rd birthday by attempting to take up-skirt [.

Top five biggest names to miss out on 25-man Premier League squads

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The victims of the new rules 1. Jonathan Woodgate The notoriously injury prone Spurs defender played just three times last season. He continues to struggle with a groin injury, with Harry Redknapp claiming forthcoming surgery could be a last throw of the dice in an attempt to save his career. 2. Michael Kightly Despite playing non-league football with [.

New England home kit launched by Umbro

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Kit's that time again The new England kit was always going to have to work very hard to impress OTP since we are still in love with the last one (despite the on-field disappointment). While it doesn't offend us it doesn't quite have the appeal of its predecessor either. Fair play to Umbro for not leaving themselves [.

Almunia stays as number one

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Calamity keeper remains the best of an achingly bad lot It seems that Monsieur Wenger has made his bed... and now must lie in it. After a month in which Arsenal fans, football fans and Almunia's family assumed a goalkeeper would be bought, Arsene Wenger did not make a deadline day purchase. It is fair to say [.

Coventry take the gamble on jailbird King

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Goals over morals in the Return of the King Coventry City, it seems, are the club to do it. They will split their fans down the middle. They will risk the wrath of gutter tripe columns from the culture correspondents of tabloid "newspapers". Yes, they have signed Marlon King. On 29th October 2009 King was sentenced to [.

Kevin MacDonald chooses his timing to declare interest in Aston Villa job

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"Look, we won. Can I have the job now?" Aston Villa caretaker boss Kevin MacDonald has confirmed he would like the job on a permanent basis. He informed the club of his decision following Sunday's victory over Everton. The Scot was still mulling over "is it what I want to do or is it not what I [...

Video: Stjarnan are back with the Human Toilet

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They just had to get it out of their cistern Celebration specialists Stjarnan have allowed their work to go down the pan. The Icelandic outfit's latest celebration is the Human Toilet, which sees a players take on the roles of toilet, toilet seat, cistern and man taking a dump while reading the newspaper (or possibly a [.

England get another random keeper you’ve never heard of

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Arsenal youngster trains with squad Fabio Capello was forced to draft yet another rookie keeper into his plans as his England goalkeeping nightmare continues. With Joe Hart the only fit goalie in the squad, Capello had to call on 19-year-old Arsenal goalkeeper James Shea to work with Hart during the session at the Gunners' London Colney [.