Stylish and Educational! 3nil's Onside/Offside Shirt.

Imagine a perfectly timed run from the far side. Ozil slips Benzema in, which is followed by a cool finish to the far post. But there's something wrong; the assistant referee has raised his flag and the goal doesn't stand.

Former Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez was often criticised for his dispassionate demeanour on the touchline. The ever-studious Spaniard would never celebrate when Liverpool scored, preferring instead to stay calm and analytical for the entire 90 minutes of practically every game. Some might argue that this approach is counter-productive, but in Dietmar Hamann's view, being calm on the sidelines

Snow storms in Italy have caused postponements, rescheduling and general annoyance to Serie A fixtures over recent days. Though Inter and Palermo were able to play their match at the San Siro on Wednesday, snow removal was a battle.

Inter's Joel Obi discovered exactly where the groundskeepers put all the snow when he hopped/fell over an advertising board after chasing down a ball by the touchline.

There is a real possibility that we will see Jose Mourinho pacing the touchline in the Premier League next season.

Despite being 7 points clear at the top of La Liga, and into the Champions League knockout stages, Mourinho is growing tired of the snipping in Madrid and said on Tuesday that "I don't know if I will be here next season.

By Chris Wright

In which Carlos Vela, formerly of the Arsenal reserves and now on loan at Real Sociedad, is shunted over on the touchline by Sporting Gijon's Alejandro Galvez during the former club's 5-1 routing of the latter on Sunday evening which, all-in-all, wouldn't have been too much of an issue had the linesman not been 'keeping up with the play' quite so admirably.

By Chris Wright

In which Carlos Vela, formerly of the Arsenal reserves and now on loan at Real Sociedad, is shunted over on the touchline by Sporting Gijon's Alejandro Galvez during the former club's 5-1 routing of the latter on Sunday evening which, all-in-all, wouldn't have been too much of an issue had the linesman not been 'keeping up with the play' quite so admirably.

By Chris Wright

Pies' undoubted highlight of the weekend, Craig Bellamy and his rubber band (I think I saw them play at a wedding once) going through a bit of choice choreography on the touchline at Anfield on Saturday...

The sad fact is, some sports scientist somewhere has spent good money running test after test to show that warming-up with a laggy band around the ankles can increase muscle efficiency by 0.

By Chris Wright

Pies' undoubted highlight of the weekend, Craig Bellamy and his rubber band (I think I saw them play at a wedding once) going through a bit of choice choreography on the touchline at Anfield on Saturday...

The sad fact is, some sports scientist somewhere has spent good money running test after test to show that warming-up with a laggy band around the ankles can increase muscle efficiency by 0.

In the second half of Real Sociedad's 5-1 win over Sportin Gijon on Sunday, Carlos Vela was tackled from behind by Alejandro Galvez right at the touchline, sending him barreling into the linesman. Everyone was alright and the linesman even helped Vela back to his feet (despite the fact that Vela took out his).

Whoa. I forgot we were still involved in the CL for a second. More, after the jump:

The Shove Heard Round Naples

Get this: Napoli's manager, Walter Mazzarri, has been banned by UEFA for two matches after shoving Nilmar during Napoli's final group stage match with Villareal.

Phil Jones was subbed off after 20 minutes in Manchester United's 2-1 victory over Arsenal, needing a stretcher to take him off the field. Reports from the touchline suggested he had just twisted his ankle but the following day there were claims he had ligament damage.

However, Mike Phelan has given us hope that Jones could be available for our FA Cup clash at Anfield.

By Chris Wright

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Remember on Sunday afternoon? Against Manchester United? When Robin van Persie mouthed the words 'oh no' as Arsenal's most enterprising attacking threat was substituted off for Andrey Arshavin? Apparently that was a thing.

Harry Redknapp, who spent most of last week aiming poisonous verbal darts in the direction of Manchester City manager, Roberto Mancini, last night went on live television to try to get the FA to take retrospective action against Mario Balotelli for an alleged stamp on Scott Parker during City's dramatic win against Spurs.

Read any preview of the Africa Cup of Nations and you'll read expert after expert talk of Senegal's striking talent. Football being football Saturday's tie between the Terranga Lions and Chipolopolos didn't really turn out that way. The undoubted talents of Moussa Sow, Demba Ba, Pappis Cisse and Mamadou Niang failed to fire and it was the trio of Christopher Katongo, Rainford Kalaba and Emmanual Mayuka who impressed.

Former Liverpool striker Stan Collymore has called on Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini to stop trying to influence referees by waving imaginary cards on the touchline.In recent weeks, Mancini has been caught on camera several times exhorting the referee to take action by waving the imaginary red card.

In what was a disappointing game somewhat dictated by the poor weather conditions, Stevenage came away with a well-earned point thanks to a late goal from substitute Darius Charles. Scunthorpe had taken the lead early in the second half when Garry Thompson latched onto a through ball from Mark Duffy and shot past Chris Day.

Stevenage are on the road again this weekend as they make a trip up to Glanford Park to face Alan Knill's Scunthorpe United. Boro are still managerless after Graham Westley's departure last Friday, but they will be confident going into the game after a run of 10 away games in all competitions without defeat.

Former Liverpool defender Mark Wright was surprised by some of Kenny Dalglish's decisions during last night's game with Man City, and after the game, he argued that leaving Andy Carroll up front on his own was the wrong decision.
Speaking on LFC TV, Wright noted:
"It was unbelievable.

Mirror: Draws! Santa Cruz! Shouts of Leslie! Top 10 things QPR fans can expect under Mark Hughes

Mark Hughes was at Loftus Road on Monday to discuss becoming QPR's new boss, apparently beating off a bid for the job from my word! Ray Wilkins. Hughes arrives for QPR talks Wilkins wants QPR job But what should fans expect if and Sparky is named Hoops gaffer?

By Chris Wright

In which Agent 00Gamst, acting behalf of the Blackburn Supporters Club, misinterprets his 'Operation: Steve Kean Out' mission brief and decides to go down the 'literal' route during Rovers' 1-2 defeat at the hands of Stoke on Monday night...

Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but the complete lack of apology from Pedersen seems to speak volumes of the regard that Kean is held in at Blackburn.

Frank Lampard will grab the headlines. Fernando Torres deserves to share in the spotlight. The maligned striker capped an excellent shift with one more killer pass, this time to Ashley Cole who went on to set up Super Frank for a trademark finish with only minutes to play. I don't want to wager on just how big this result could prove to be, but I reckon pretty damn in the grand scheme.

By Chris Wright

In which, during Bayern Munich's mid-season friendly against Al-Wakrah in Qatar last Saturday, Franck Ribery struggles to shrug off a bit of (very) close attention from Nayef al-Khater and ends up giving the defender a piggyback down the touchline much to the delight of Al-Wakrah coach Adnan Dirjal, who gave the pair a standing ovation.

After 45 minutes it seemed that an unlikely conclusion was in prospect for our latest venture into the Europa League. With Spurs leading and 10 man Rubin Kazan losing to Paok, it looked as though we may turn over the three point and five goal deficit.

A 1-1 score line in Salonika eventually made anything we did irrelevant but our 4-0 win included debut strikes for Steven Pienaar and Harry Kane and a second goal in a Spurs shirt for Andros Townsend.

By Chris Wright

Finally, someone has found a use for the several hundreds of photos of AVB squatting and pouting away on the touchline like an asthmatic Labrador parking it's breakfast...

Video: TalkSPORT

I would like to start by congratulating Manchester City FC for producing a resounding victory for football.

By losing to Chelsea last night in the match amusingly referred to by someone on Twitter as "El Cashico," they have helped demonstrate to the world just how amazing Arsenal's achievement in going a season unbeaten really was.

I would like to start by congratulating Manchester City FC for producing a resounding victory for football.

By losing to Chelsea last night in the match amusingly referred to by someone on Twitter as "El Cashico," they have helped demonstrate to the world just how amazing Arsenal's achievement in going a season unbeaten really was.

So Chelsea ended Manchester City's unbeaten run in the league, this should be the main story making headlines right? Well, it is, however, another very interesting story are the reports claiming that Coach Andres Villas-Boas asked the Chelsea players to include him in their goal celebrations.

By Chris Wright

Oscar Cardozo scored an 85th-minute winner to give Benfica a narrow 1-0 win over Maritimo yesterday, a victory that took his side back level on points with Porto at the summit of the Portuguese top flight he also pulled this out of the bag...

Oh dear.

By Chris Wright

Oscar Cardozo scored an 85th-minute winner to give Benfica a narrow 1-0 win over Maritimo yesterday, a victory that took his side back level on points with Porto at the summit of the Portuguese top flight he also pulled this out of the bag...

Oh dear.

Respected Daily Mirror columnist David Maddock wrote an interesting article about Chelsea's Fernando Torres during the week.
He explored the depths to which the once all-conquering Spanish and ex- Liverpool forward has sunken to the depths of warming the bench for his present club when he could be scoring goals for fun at his old club Liverpool.

With a remarkable strike from Robin van Persie, we're back in the top four, at least for the moment. It was a deserved victory, as we dominated the chances and could have won by a few more. The win gives us 29 points from 15 played, and puts us one ahead of Chelsea, who host Man City on Monday.

It sounds crazy, but could a loan spell at Liverpool be the perfect tonic for Torres?

It seems almost impossible to be suggesting this, but I'm beginning to feel sorry for Fernando Torres. There, I've said it, got it out in the open, off my chest, to rank along with all those other guilty secrets like a fondness for ELO and a teenage crush on the Shake 'n' Vac lady.

Roberto Mancini blames Liverpool for Mario Balotelli's red card

• City manager says Liverpool's players were 'provocative' • Kenny Dalglish defends his team and blames Balotelli Roberto Mancini has accused Liverpool's players of deliberately trying to "provoke" a red card from Mario Balotelli during the 1-1 draw at Anfield that ended with the home club checking reports of damage in the away dressing room and counter-allegations from Kenny Dalglish that the striker had only himself to blame.

There was something poignant about the moment, mid way through the second half, when Arsène Wenger made his first two substitutions.

Gervinho and Abou Diaby were bouncing on the touchline: primed, eager and ready while the fourth official fiddled with his number board.

Three yards away from them, on the pitch, a small Russian man was standing on his own, looking downcast and waiting for the inevitable appearance of the number 23 on the official's board.

By Chris Wright

Robin van Persie's first goal against Dortmund last night was a fine finish in it's own right, but it wouldn't have been possible without a little bit of jinky magic on the touchline from one Alex Song a brilliant passage of play which you can now enjoy again and again and again and again until the internet runs out of batteries.

By Chris Wright

Robin van Persie's first goal against Dortmund last night was a fine finish in it's own right, but it wouldn't have been possible without a little bit of jinky magic on the touchline from one Alex Song a brilliant passage of play which you can now enjoy again and again and again and again until the internet runs out of batteries.

As the Montreal Impact look to build for their 2012 season they made two Seattle Sounders related moves during the expansion draft to help their team. First they selected James Riley only to later ship him to Chivas USA for two players - Justin Braun and Gerson Mayen. After the expansion draft the Impact announced that they also traded for Tyson Wahl.

Kenny Dalglish was full of praise for the attitude his fringe players showed in the reserves as they crushed Sunderland's second string 5-1.
First-team squad members Jay Spearing, Sebastian Coates, Jon Flanagan and Danny Wilson were all part of the side watched by the Liverpool boss from the touchline at the Kirby Academy.

Yesterday we broke down Liverpool's winning goal, and while the focus may have been on Glen Johnson's run from deep and his fantastic finishing of it, the team effort involved in the buildup was plain to see. It might be fair to say that most goals, if you dig deep enough, are team efforts, though often that effort can either be fairly self-evident or, conversely, hopelessly muddied.

Pique celebrates goal against Zaragoza (Photo: REUTERS/Gustau Nacarino)

Barcelona continued their impeccable home form this season, cruising to a comfortable 4-0 victory over bottom feeders Real Zaragoza.

With a critical group stage match against AC Milan looming on the horizon, Guardiola rested regulars Abidal, Iniesta, Busquets and Villa.