Top 10s & Lists


15 Photos Of Overheated Footballers Squirting Themselves In The Face With Water Bottles

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To celebrate the fact that we appear to have skipped Spring and gone straight to summer this year (two consecutive days of 20-degree weather definitely constitutes a summer where we're from), Pies have cobbled together a compendium of photos of footballers attempting to combat the heat by blasting water into their own mushes.

Pies’ 10 Most Impressive Players Of The 2017/18 Premier League Season

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With the season nearly done and dusted, Pies thought it timely to present unto you a list of the players we've been most impressed by over the course of the 2017/18 Premier League campaign.

Remember, we're not necessarily talking about the best players here, but those instead who have been good enough to make indelible marks in our wider consciousness.

Wrestlemania XI: WWE Stars And The Random English Football Teams They Support

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By Jack Beresford

Wrestling and football don't have a whole lot in common. One is classified as "sports entertainment" and littered with OTT characters churning through increasingly farcical narrative arcs. The other just involves two undressed blokes fondling each other.

That said, there is a level of mutual appreciation between the two worlds.

Chevrons, Pinstripes And Vikings: Top 10 Classic Hummel Football Kits Of Yesteryear

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There was a time, back during the 1980s, that Hummel had their chevrons splashed across every league from here to Kingdom Come.

Alas, in the era of Nike, Adidas and their mega-clubs, the Danish brand is more of a niche presence these days, though they still crank out the odd stonker.

Here's a little shufty at 10 of our favourite Hummel shirts to come trampling out of the tunnel down through the years.

Crowns, Car Washes And Coolboxes: 16 Of The Strangest, Naffest ‘Man Of The Match’ Awards Ever Bestowed

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Image: Fox Sports (via Twitter)

Last week, Franco Armani put in a stoic 'Man of the Match' shift to keep Boca Juniors at bay as River Plate triumphed in the Argentinian Super Copa.

As a fitting reward for his endeavour, the goalkeeper was subsequently forced to appear on television wearing an actual crown at the behest of sponsors Burger King, thus somewhat diminishing the prestige of his award.

The Black-And-White Years: 18 Fabulous Archive Photos Of Garrincha In His Pomp

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He may have been born with a crooked left leg and scoliosis of the spine, lost his virginity to a goat at the age of 14 and died a penniless drunk, but Garrincha definitely pulled it together for long enough to become, for many, thegreatest player to have ever taken to a football pitch.

A two-time World Cup winner with Brazil, Garrincha also spent the majority of his club career at boyhood side Botafogo where, in the space of 12 seasons, he won just about everything there was to win.

10 Of The Worst Football Club Crest ‘Upgrades’ In Recent Memory

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Image: @LUFC/Twitter

To celebrate Leeds United's inexplicably awful decision to render their club crest a laughing stock, Pies thought we'd examine some of the other football clubs to do likewise over the years.

Let's crack on, shall we?


Last year, Juve ditched one of the most instantly recognisable crests in world football for modernised, corporate-friendly nothingness with which they hoped to "break into new global markets".

10 Thoroughly Decent Players Who Could Potentially Replace Alexis Sanchez At Arsenal

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Embed from Getty Images

Arsene Wenger has once again maintained that Arsenal will not sell Alexis Sanchez, either to Man City or Manchester United, unless they manage to bring in an adequate replacement.

So, being the diligent transfer-shamans we are here at Pies, we thought we'd seize the chance to take a little butcher's at a tensome of possible candidates who could effortlessly slip into the Chilean's brawny wake.

The Black And White Years: 10 Festive Photos Of Footballers Wassailing At Their Club Christmas Party

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Generally speaking, these days you only really tend to hear about club Christmas parties as and when they get called off by disgruntled managers who think that sapping yet more morale out their beleaguered players will be the key to hauling them out of the relegation mire.

Thankfully, December was a lot more carefree and festive back in the good old days, as this little collection of archive photos duly attests.

Christmas Special: 15 Photos Of Nineties Footballers Looking Like Festive Nincompoops

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With the big day now less than a fortnight away, Pies though we'd chuck a little seasonal cheer in your general direction.

And what better way to do that than with photos of footballers, specifically from the halcyon days of the 1990s or thereabouts, looking like complete berks at Christmas.

FIFA 2017 Puskas Award Nominees Announced: Olivier Giroud Makes Shortlist Alongside Goalscoring Goalie Oscarine Masuluke (Videos)

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FIFA have revealed the 10-strong shortlist for the 2017 Puskas Award award, which features a couple of nods for the Premier League.

Olivier Giroud's outlandishly emphatic scorpion volley for Arsenal against Crystal Palace has made the cut...

Phwoar. Gets better every time you see it.

Going To Waste: 10 Premier League Exiles In Dire Need Of Deadline Day Moves

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It's transfer deadline day (again), and a cursory glance around the Premier League reveals a fair amount of players who must be crossing everything that their agent pulls something anything out of the bag before the 11pm cut-off.

Here are but a few...

Eliaquim Mangala (Man City)

He's not without his flaws, but Mangala has undoubted potential and is far too good to be left wasting away in City's reserve string for six months.

Pies Classics: Top 25 Sir Bobby Robson Quotes

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As mentioned previously, today marks the eighth anniversary of the death of the late and indisputably great Sir Bobby Robson.

While a dab hand at the practical side of the game, Sir Bobby also possessed a bewitching way with words, even if he didn't always get them in quite the right order.

The Black And White Years: How New Signings Used To Be Unveiled Back In The Good Old Days (Photos)

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In the days before rubber lion masks, uncooked supermarket pizzas and social media blow-outs with budgets akin to your average Hollywood blockbuster,the welcomingof a new signing was a much more sedate and earnest affair.

There was minimalpomp, very littlecircumstance and, generally speaking, a surfeitof sturdy handshaking.

10 Footballers/Managers Who Lost Their Job Via Text Message Or Email

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The cynical, impersonal inner machinations of modern football rear their ugly head once again – human beings being bought, sold and paraded like prize cattle, mere commodities in a world gone cold.

With news of Diego Costa being informed his time at Chelsea is at an end via the medium of a text message from his manager, here's several more footballing folk who have suffered a similar fate over the past few years.

10 Years Of Filthy And Fury: Pepe Set To Leave Real Madrid, Here Are His Greatest Hits

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Pepe has confirmed that he will be bidding farewell to Real Madrid this summer after spending the last 10 years studding shins and feigning headbuttsfor Los Blancos.

With PSG, AC Milan and a couple of clubs in England reportedly hovering, the 34-year-old Portuguese centre-half has today emitted a statement via Instagram to confirm that he will indeed be moving on to pastures new this summer.

Roma Produce Misty-Eyed Compilation Of Francesco Totti’s Top 10 Goals For The Club (Video)

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As you are no doubt aware, Roma bid farewell to their king this weekend as Francesco Totti made his 786th and final appearance for the only club he's ever known.

As part of the ongoing celebrations,the Giallorossi compiled a loving Top 10 of Totti's goals for the club and, by 'eck, there are some absolute beauties in there.

Retro Football: 12 Terrific LP Covers Of FA Cup Final Songs Gone By (Photos)

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With today being the big day, Pies thought we'd take a timely look back at some of the fine, fine offerings that have soundtracked the FA Cup Final over the years specifically their cover art.

Believe us, the word 'art' has never been used so loosely.

'Sunderland's Cup' Sunderland, 1971

Oddly, we're kicking offwith a post-final vinyl offering, in that the 'Sunderland's Cup' official souvenir LP actually consisted of various audio commentary highlights from the Black Cats' famous 1-0 win over Fulham.

Five Of The Best: Indirect Freekicks Scored From Inside The Penalty Area (Videos)

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Tuesday night's match at the Emirates saw one of football's rarest phenomenonsoccur deep inside the Arsenal penalty area.

A minute or so into the second half, Petr Cech was forced to handlea shoddy back-pass from Nacho Monreal, thus giving Sunderland an indirect freekick inside the 18-yard box.

Pies’ Alternative Premier League 2016/17 Team Of The Season

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With Chelsea and Tottenham players dominating the official Premier League Team of the Yearknocked out by the PFA this morning, Pies thought we'd have a bash at concocting one of our very own.

Steering clear of any and all the players selected by the PFA, here's our alternative pick of the pops.

Cavalcade Of Calamity: XI Of The Worst Corner Kicks Ever Attempted (Video)

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With a humble tip of the hat toCharlie Adam's set-piece finesse against Burnley last night, Pies have cobbled together a small compendium of some of the worst corner kicks ever attempted on grass.

Without further ado, let's get cracking.

Juan Carlos (Real Betis)

Safe to say, if you're not even making it out of thequadrant then you're probably not doing it right.

Arsenal: Examining The Utter Madness Of The Militant ‘Wenger Out’ Campaign Phenomenon

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With protest placards popping up in environs as unlikely as New Zealand, Minnesota and Wrestlemania in recent weeks, it would appear that the 'Arsene Wenger Out' campaign is now a truly global undertaking.

While it's unclear how much of the international dissentis simply meme-based mirth, the polemic being fanned in and around the Emirates has now actually devolved into outbreaks of physical violencebetween warring clans on either side of the crevasse.

RIP Ronnie Moran: 15 Belting Vintage Photos Of ‘Mr Liverpool’ In His Pomp

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The sad news doing the rounds this morning is that Ronnie Moran, bona fide Liverpool club legend, has passed away at the age of 83.

Moran joined the Reds as a 15-year-old in 1949 and duly spent his entire playing career at the club, making 379 appearances, many of which as captain.

He then moved intocoaching at the behest of Bill Shankly, thus forming part of the iconic 'Boot Room Boys' alongside Shanks, Bob Paisley, Joe Fagan and Reuben Bennett.

Pies Classics: St Patrick’s Day Special – 10 English-Born Footballers Who Played For Republic Of Ireland

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As a doff of the wax cap to it beingSt Patrick's Day and all, Piesthought we'd have a little look-see at those gentlemen who, despite being born upon the sceptred shores of Albion, decided to represent the Republic of Ireland with pride at international level much like old Saint Paddy himself.

The Black-And-White Years: 20 Cracking Vintage Photos Of Women’s Football

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In honour of it being International Women's Day, Pies have delved into the archive to bring you some fascinating photos of ladies' football in its infancy.

Let's dive in, shall we...

The British Ladies Football Club play their first ever match, 1895

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A shot is attempted during the Theatrical Ladies football match at White Hart Lane, 1912

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Girls from the Oxford Revue prepare for a charity football match, 1914.

Brickstand: 18 Fabulous Football Stadiums Recreated Entirely In Lego (Photos)

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A couple of years ago, a couple of intrepid chaps decided to make it their mission to recreate all 92 English and Scottish league football grounds using nothing but Lego.

As such, Brickstand was born.

Skip forward to present day and the fellows have now knocked out a cavalcadeof different stadiums old and new, and all of them are utterly fabulous!

Saluting The Departing Legend That Is Frank Lampard: His Greatest Hits

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He may be hanging up his boots a bona fide legend, but there was more to Frank Lampard than his oodles of goals and groaning trophy haul.

Here we look at his greatest achievementsoutside of his actual footballing CV...

1. His personal blog...

At the behest of sponsorsOrange, Lampard launched his very ownpersonal blog in the year of our Lord, 2007.

10 Unlikely Footballers Who Have Had A Bash At Modelling (Photos)

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Football and fashion. It's an irresistible combination.

That said, for every David Beckham or Freddie Ljungberg, there is an equal and opposite reaction...

Slaven Bilic

Smouldering in monochrome, hewn from purest Croatian granite...

Andy Carroll

When Alexander McQueen debuted his new line of Victorian PE kit for centaurs, there was only one man-pony he could call.

Gossip Column Stalwarts: 10 Players Relentlessly Linked With Premier League Clubs Who Never Made The Move

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When it comes to filling up the footballing gossip columns, imagination isn't usually high on the list of requirements.

Scored a decent goal or put in a decent shift on the television last night? You're more than likely going to find your name crow-barred into a cookie-cuttertransfer rumour the following morning.

FIFA: Lionel Messi, Neymar And Hal Robson-Kanu All Included On Shortlist For 2016 Puskas Awards (Video)

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It's that time of year again and FIFA have cobbled together their pickof the 10 most beautiful goals scored to form the shortlist for the 2016 Puskas Award.

This year's rundown features goals scored in Malaysia, Sweden and Venezuela, with Lionel Messi, Neymar and Hal Robson-Kanu among the more establishednames to make the cut.

15 Weird, Wonderful And/Or Scarcely Believable Ballon d’Or Nominees From Over The Years

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With the Ballon d'Or long-list pumped out yesterday, Pies thought we'd have a look at some of the stranger names to have received nominations over the years.

We've only included nominees dating from1990 onwards, specifically because we couldn't be bothered to trawl back any further than that.

A Timely Salute To 5 Football Managers Who Got Themselves Sacked In Style

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With the curious, if slightly tame, tale of Sam Allardyce dominating the back pages at the moment, Pies thought we'd herald five managerial employees who had the good grace to get themselves sacked with a bit of panache.

By which, of course, we mean illicit drug use, going AWOL, fighting, more fighting and a spectacular feat of petty theft.


Horror Hair Hall Of Fame: Misty-Eyed Retrospective Of Neymar’s Most Ludicrous Looks, 2010-2013

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With Neymar about to make the second show-stopping enormo-move of his career, Pies thought we'd offer a timely glimpse back into his humble-ish beginnings at Santos.

Specifically, we simply fancied making fun of his old 2008-2013 hairstyles, almost all of which were astounding exercises in follicular folly.

Around The Grounds: With Atletico Madrid Due To Vacate After 50 Years, We Bid Farewell To The Vicente Calderon (Photos)

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The grand old Estadio Vicente Calderón by night, circa 1996

Pies are dusting off our 'Around the Grounds' series in order to bid a fond farewell to the Vicente Calderon stadium, home to Atletico Madrid for the past 50 years.

With the concrete crumbling, the roof shot through with holes and the dog-ears beginning to become fairly serious safety concerns, Atletico will be leaving their famous old abode at the end of the current season and moving to a shiny new bowl built on the site of the old ‘La Peineta' athletics ground just across town.

RIP Raymond Kopa: 20 Magnifique Photos Of The France And Real Madrid Legend In His Prime

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European football has lost two legendary figures in the space of two days.

Following the sad news that Celtic stalwart Tommy Gemmell, a key member of theLisbon Lions, died yesterday, itwas announced earlier today that the great Raymond Kopa has passed away at the age of 85.

Kopa is a footballing monument in France, having been the first Frenchman to win the Ballon d'Or and the first Frenchman to lift the European Cup, a feat he repeated three times during the three seasonshe spent as part of Real Madrid's celestialmid-to-late 1950s side Di Stefano, Puskas, Gento, etc.

Transfers & Rumours

Top 10: Leonardo Bonucci Joins Exclusive Club Of Footballers Who Have Played For AC Milan, Inter Milan And Juventus

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Photo: AC Milan Official

Christian Bonucci is now officially under the employ of AC Milan after completing his shock €42milliontransfer from Juventus today.

The 30-year-old defender has signed a five-year contract at the Rossoneri, with full-back Mattia De Sciglio going to Juve as part of the overall deal.

Missing Men: XI Premier League Summer Transfers You’ve Already Forgotten About

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As the six-monthly turnover of players continues to swell, it's becoming increasingly easy to lose track of the flotsam and jetsom circulating through the Premier League.

To that end, Pies thought we'd provide a handy recapof several summer acquisitions that have made so slight an impact that you've probably already let their transfers slip from your memory.

The Rest

Pies’ Massive, Bloated, Dangerously Swollen Predictions For The 2017/18 Premier League Season

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It's that time of year again. Time for Pies to wade into the mire with a great big clanging sack full of Premier League predictions for the inbound 2017/18 campaign.

As always, there's no need to go back and check our predictions for 2016/17 as they were all 100% spot-on as per usual.

Premier League winners: Man City.

Upping The Ante: Eight Footballers Who Love To Play Poker

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Everybody needs a hobby, even lucky gitswho get paid handsomely to do their hobby for a living, i.e, professional footballers.

While many players are happy to limit it to tattoo sleeves and extensive video gaming, many leading lights have turned to the cut and thrust of professional pokerto keep their eye in.

10 Players Who Have Scored One Goal In Just One Appearance For England

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Plenty of perfectly decent players have only managed to score once for England over the years, with the likes of Andy Cole, David Hirst, Rodney Marsh, Alan Mullery, Stan Bowles and Carlton Palmer all failing to double their tally over the varying courses of their respective international careers.

However, there are a select band of England internationals who went one better, by scoring on their debut for the Three Lions and then leaving their immaculate 1:1 ratio completely untainted by failing to win a second cap.