The title race is heating up across several of the domestic leagues, which means so should our
Man Candy detectors.
Except they're not.
Seems they're having a bit of technical difficulty picking up on their targets, if you know what
we mean.
Images: AFP PHOTO / JOHN MACDOUGALL; AP Photo/Kirsty Wigglesworth; REUTERS/Alessandro Garofalo.
It happens to the best of us.
Well, not us personally, but it does occur nonetheless.
The gradual decline of attractiveness is a peculiar one, and we have to admit we've felt it
happening to one of our former beloved 'ballers, Wayne Bridge.
Sure, his career has been nothing short of sinking ship, playing for three teams in as many
years since parting ways with Chelsea FC.
Do you fancy men keeping their eyes open or closed whilst locked in a lovingly bromantic
embrace?
It's a serious question that deserves serious answers, Kickettes.
Siena coach Giuseppe Sannino and his cleft chin. Images: Dino Panato/Getty Images Europe; AP
Photo/Jon Super.
Chin dimples. Chindentations. Butt chins. Whatever you choose to call it, there's no denying
that cleft chins are a unique facial accessory.
Per an obligatory scientific explanation, cleft chins are defined as: "a Y-shaped fissure
on the chin with an underlying bony peculiarity.
Sergio knows just how much of a burden being pretty can really be. We're lucky we're so plain.
Images via Hola! magazine.
Sergio Ramos and Lara Alvarez were papped being all cutesy in Rome over the holidays cutesy like
how Zac Effron and Vanessa Hudgens used to be during their 'High School Musical' days.
Image: Getty Images.
During a particularly heavy planning session in the Kickette office last night, it came to our
attention that one of our staffers has been hiding an odd kind of crush from the rest of the
group.
For the general purposes of fun and mockery, we set about her like coyotes on a cadaver, until
she fessed up.
Tearing clothes is wrong, Kickettes. There are numerous facilities for the disposal of used
clothing that can benefit the less fortunate in our society. We cannot and will not condone the
wanton ripping of perfectly good er... (what the hell is that on his head, anyway?)
garments for the sake of temporary warmth and/or fashion statement purposes.
MF, you like tennis? SO.DO.WE! Image taken in Milan, Italy on 03.12.2011.
This man needs to do two simple things to keep us happy and interested in him:
1. Come out in public more often.
2. Leave his gal pal at home more often.
We sure ain't getting any younger, Matteo, so you need to snap out of this reclusion funk and
get your silky smooth booty to street stepping.
'Who, me?' The reality of being identified as a Level 1 Hottie hits home for Olivier when five
hundred rampant Tetu readers (plus a couple of well-informed Kickette staffers) turn up and request
unsolicited snuggles. Cheers to @Philby1976 for the tip!
We thought we had the inside track on controversial decisions involving the relative hotness of
French players.
We did a double take at the Mourinho doppelgänger to Sergio's right.
Ask us to tell you about a Davis Cup and we can't. What we can speak with authority on is
Sergio Ramos, stereotypes and his tucked-in salmon button shirt.
For an entire year we filed him under our "those guys" grouping.
Image: Getty Images.
A classic Kickette quandary for you. Where do you fix your eyes first when simultaneously
confronted with a Xabi Alonso groin tweak and a lycra clad slice of unidentified bottom booty?
Carles has gone with the booty for now. Do you beg to differ?
Image: Jasper Juinen/Getty Images.
Here's Portuguese legend and Kickette fantasy boink buddy Luis Figo at the Estadio da Luz on
November 15th. He received a UEFA award for playing in more than 100 international games. Part of
his prize pack was this hat.
Still hot? Or would removal and burning be a 'pre-match' contractual obligation for you?
Image: Inter Leaning Tumblr.
This photo of England NT manager, Fabio Capello, in his prime has reinvigorated our playful
sides.
That's right, it's MTC time!
First, please read the rules. Then review your options:
A) Barcelona's Pep Quardiola then + Chelsea's Andre Villas-Boas now
OR
B) England's Fabio Capello then + Real Madrid's Jose Mourinho now
OR
C) Liverpool's Kenny Dalglish then + Manchester City's Roberto Mancini now
-
Remember: you only get your way with one of our three offerings.
Image Credit: Ben Keller / dcunited.com.
You know an MLS game is a thriller when even we are compelled to find an illegal live feed of
the action.
We know it's not much of a consolation prize for a large and vocal pool of American soccer fans,
but here's a gratuitous shot of the team's youngish manager, Ben Olsen.
Image: ROBERTO SALOMONE/AFP/Getty Images.
On the surface, Marek Hamsik had once given us reasons to strike his name from our list of
people we would consider jail time for. This haircut for instance is a good case as to why.
Then we found this picture of Marek from yesterday's Napoli press conference and it gave us
pregnant pause (in figurative and daydream senses).
Andy, we kindly ask that you always do your hair in the style that we like best. Thanks in advance!
Image Credit: Our Polish sisters-in-arms, Ciacha.net.
We've weighed the pros and cons of chopping players' long locks off once and for all, as well as
toyed with the notion of their hair accessories, but never have we contemplated what a good
ponytail can do for a 'baller.
Juventus FC's Andrea Barzagli is a stud in our diaries. Image Credit: Claudio Villa/Getty Images
Europe.
A quick query while you're here: do you find exposed chest hair (aka torso-fro) on footballers
(or men in general) to be a lovable rug to hug or an ingrown fur to forget about?
Image Credit: Gabriele Maltinti/Getty Images Europe.
Kickettes, is an exposed, toned and tatted up torso still certifiably 'hot' if it only comes out
to play mid-snot rocket?
Image Credits: BT.dk, Sporten.dk.
Rate or slate Mr Thygesen, Kickettes, using the following key points as consideration:
The Good: His shaved head, strong square jawline and chiseled abdominals. He
fills our Danish quotient now that Nicklas Bendtner has slowed his role.
Neatly trimmed beard and cheeky quiff? Deeply disturbing, apparently. Image: REUTERS/Jean-Philippe
Arles/Daylife.
This might not seem like a particularly big deal, but Javier Pastore's habit of veering between
visually appealing hair arrangements and sartorially challenging amateur topiary is upsetting some
of of our staffers.
Artur Boruc. Mad, hot man. Image via dirtytackle.
Jose Mourinho. Roy Keane. Artur Boruc. Eric Cantona. Genaro Gattuso. Joey Barton.
We all know that despite occasional lapses into normal behaviour, all of the above guys spend
more time operating on the outer fringes of the sanity scale than the rest of us.
Kickette Philosophy Handbook, Rule 4.9b: For every Cristiano Ronaldo there must be a Kyle
Beckerman. Images: Getty Images North America/Zimbio.
The captain of MLS side Real Salt Lake is a wild n' woolly type with what appears to be an
aversion to bathing and hair products. He also seems to scare the crap out of small children and it
looks unlikely that he spends all his money on shiny, expensive things.
Image Credit: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images Europe.
Liverpool's newest signing, Sebastian Coates, popped a mischievous squat some seats down from
his club's captain during Saturday's Liverpool vs. Bolton match, and even though we're pretty sure
the answer to this question is overwhelmingly obvious, we've gotta give the newbie a shot and ask
it anyway.
Hmm. Feeling at all peckish, Kickettes? Image: Getty Images/Zimbio.
We realise that making a choice between two different, but equally desirable things is very
difficult. Our credit card bills reflect this on a monthly basis. But sometimes life can be cruel.
Sometimes a decision just has to be made.
Oh, hello. Buy a lady a drink? Images via Getty/Daylife
Aside from all the obvious reasons why we're thrilled by the dawn of a new footy season,
there is the prospect of discovering a plethora of new hotties. Meet Michel Vorm, goalkeeper for
promoted Premier League side Swansea City.
No, you're not having ice cream with sprinkles until after the game. M'kay? Image: Getty
Images/Daylife.
Kickettes? It has become evident in recent weeks that we are not paying enough attention to
Landon Donovan. The LA Galaxy and USMNT midfielder tends to be overshadowed by his prettier and
taller (see above) team mates and in lieu of having anything newsworthy to write about, we
have decided that we must immediately conduct an investigation into Landon's recent activities to
find out whether we've missed anything particularly manly or interesting.
Image: PacificCoastNews.com/Zimbio.
Having cheerily assured the footballing world last week that we're happy to accept swimming
garmentage in any format, we're rather chastened to learn that fate has already taken exception to
our over-confidence.
It's not that there is anything inherently wrong with the white .
Image: Getty Images/Zimbio
Oh, how happy we were to catch a glimpse of Rolf Feltscher Martinez as we browsed through this
morning's pile of footie photo offerings. It's been a while (at least four days) since we've had
anything new to chew on, and Rolf's brand of frolicking, muscular man meat is just the type to get
our tastebuds twitching.
Well, do you? Image: Getty Images AsiaPac
How much information do you want before making 'the' decision, people? Are you that much of a
'free spirit' that a torso of the quality supplied here by Thiago Rodrigues of CR Flamengo is
sufficient to get your frazzle on, or is a pretty face vital to the experience?
Images: Google, FFF.fr.
We were hoping to present our written case to you today on Adil Rami's behalf, but words have a
funny way of evading us when we least expect it. Therefore, this will be a quickie (in our
dreams).
Sticking to the absolute need-to-know details, this 25-year-old Frenchie from Moroccan descent
stands at a massively tall 6'3.
Guyliner: what's your take on Adrian Mutu's inner-eye rim job?
We might encourage the impression that we're hardened harridans who, when not
falling-over-drunk, can usually be found criticising some poor individual's dress sense, but we
are actually quite tolerant. Quite frankly, we don't care whether you're male or female, play for
Real Madrid or Rotherham United, as long as you rock an individual style and look sexy while doing
it, we don't give a crap.
He's spotted a soldier-girl in the press conference. She's got scissors. Images: Getty Images/AP
Photo/Daylife
A little post-Champions League perving for you on this fine Friday afternoon, Kickettes. Please
join us.
Whilst watching his side suffer a 6-1 aggregate battering against Manchester United on
Wednesday, our eyes were repeatedly drawn to right back; a position occupied by Japanese
international, Atsuto Uchida.
As arbiters of gossip, it offends our sensibilities to be excluded from any grapevine,
regardless of our connection to the subject matter. Several of our staff's restraining orders
involve stalker-ish type activities, including but not limited to, going through people's bins,
hiding in hedges in order to frog leap at unsuspecting 'baller-type gentlemen and a variety of
shameful acts we like to call our 'interview process'.
Uh huh. The Kickette Scientific ManCandy Research Institute confirms abs on the radar. Images via
unamadridista & Getty Images.
'Member the scandal involving Mesut Özil and his nummy little tumkin that our hardened hacks
uncovered recently? Aside from the weight gain mafia/fasting debate we unintentionally kicked off,
we learned that you were rather taken with Mesut's pouch.
Concentrate on the hair, please. Getty Images/Zimbio.
With a pony tailed Andy Carroll scoring an impressive double in last night's Liverpool game vs.
Manchester City, not to mention the 'positive' response that the somewhat cute photo of Edinson
Cavani prompted in yesterday's 'View From The Sidelines' post, we figured it is time to tackle the
question of long hair on 'ballers once and for all.
Image taken 2nd April, 2011.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained, so we hear they say.
More often than not, as you can probably attest, we prefer taking the easier way out. We do
wonder, though, if in a year from now, we'll find ourselves agonising over all the times this site
fell short of your skin expectations.
Eric Lichaj trains with the USMNT in October 2010. Definite thigh potential detected. Image source:
AP Photo/Daylife.
If there's one thing we can take from International friendlies, it's the opportunity to become
acquainted with some hot new faces that we may otherwise not notice. Thank you, FIFA.
Image: sporten.dk. Cheers, Elsebeth!
Ladies and gents, we're pleased to present Martin Vingaard for your Wednesday afternoon treat.
This great Dane is both tall and age-appropriate, so no need to internalise your guilty, pervtastic
feelings today.
We first salivated over Mr. Vingaard after seeing him emerge fresh-faced from the snoozefest
that was last week's Champions League tie between his team and Chelsea.
Click here to view the embedded video.
The best manbits expose themselves around 0:27. First spotted on WAATP.
Objectifying professional sportsmen on lists like our Finest Five can be mentally taxing. In
between offering valid critiques and milling about in a base layer-bored manner for the past 4.
