Image: Lexpress.fr.

Today's fashion and design news presented in order of our excitement levels.

Meh: The French prostitute at the centre of the French NT scandal involving Franck Ribery and Karim Benzema debuted her own line of lingerie at Paris Couture Fashion Week today.

Image: Leo Pix.

We've come across some potentially juicy stuff relating to the new coupling of Kevin-Prince Boateng and Melissa Satta, most of which you'll want to read and judge for yourselves.

There's both facts and falsehoods to sift through here, so a bulleted list it is.

The Backstory

- K-P married his long term girlfriend, Jennifer, two days after signing with Tottenham Hotspur in '07.

Titi is in London this weekend for the unveiling of his Arsenal commemorative statue. We can only hope the sculptor wasn't obliged to replicate his shoes n'gilet combo. We'd prefer not to have to look at that for the next 100 years. Image: PacificCoastNews.com.

In a week where the whole of Manchester was thrown out of Europe's elite competition, we admirably restrained our 'inner mean girl' while you lot let rip on Shakira's new 'do and Yoann Gourcuff reappeared on our radar, you may well ask what could possibly be left for us to report on?

What? Did I say something wrong? Frederik Fetterlein ponders the very real possibility of not be invited into any more dressing rooms in the near future. Image: tjektv.dk

What happens in the club/pavement outside/back of the cab/someone else's expensive hotel room, stays in those select places.

This post may or may not serve our hidden flogging-your-computer-with-gratuitous-Pique-pics agenda. Image taken 19.09.2011 at the Joan Mas concert.

Kickettes, before we begin, it's in your best interest to take this news with a grain of salt and shot of tequila.

Patron Silver chilled is our ace in the hole, just in case you're in the market for a more specific suggestion.

Not just Germany's most popular WAG, she may just be their most popular female celebrity. Respect Claudia Lahm, Kickettes. Image taken July 2010. Image Credit: REUTERS/Michaela Rehle.

Saturday

- Possibly unscientifically-proven German search engine research found that Philipp Lahm's wife, Claudia, was the most sought after woman on their 'celebrity barometer', based on the number of news stories she was featured in.

Almost a whole year before Man City's Yaya Toure fell victim, the dongle sign struck Ryan Giggs. Or is it the other way around?

Scotland's Sunday Herald made a bold joke of one government enforced gag order over the weekend when it splashed an easily identifiable picture profile of the footballer at the centre of the EPL's latest injunction scandal.

Seattle's Fredy Montero post-surgery Twitpic. Go Sounders indeed.

T'was a looong week last week, Kickettes, so forgive our ill-fated attempts at keeping a semi-professional/regular schedule. Fortunately, as we flooded our insides with in-flight alcohol, we found some superb shots of a CR JR being craddled by his papa.

Saturday

- Victoria Beckham got teepeed at her baby shower around the same time as news about her husband and son, Brookyn, walking away unharmed from their LA freeway car crash broke. She's got her lucky stars to thank for her family's safety and for Gisele Bündchen wearing one of her dresses.

The Beckhams are having a girl. Iker Casillas is giving unruly bedhead a run for its money. Jack Rodwell's mobile should be searching for sanitiser. This weekend's gossip lacked clear direction, but made amends with Olaya Villa's first steps forward.

Saturday

- In case you missed our weekend Retweet, David Beckham told folks at an L.

Aurora's other interests include charity work, knitting and lawn green bowls. Images: SoloGossip.it; Telegraphbuzz.com.

If you were shocked when a handful of France's NT 'ballers were supposedly caught with an underage prosti, then hold onto your biscotti.

Actually, place it carefully to one side.

Amauri's hair is always having a bad week. Image: Claudio Villa/Getty Images Europe.

T'was the week that saw the January transfer window slam abruptly shut, but not before you know what (possibly NSFLiverpoolFans).

We hope you enjoy perusing our sum up of this week's best and worst news yet another formerly regular feature that's been dubiously neglected by our fickle HQ.

Image: Blog.leiweb.it. Thx for the tip, EC!

There are many potholes on the road to love, and Nina Senicar may just be one big speed bump in Marco Borriello's little black book.

It appears that, like all hook up-based relationships, something other than Marco's hair lost its luster.

Recently, Nina was out and about as she flirtatiously frollicked with former Italian 'baller Stefano Bittarini.

It was a wonderfully WAGalicious weekend, Kickettes. Our weekend gossip cheat sheet is never meant to make you feel inadequate, but we understand if you can't help feeling that way today. Images: Vendula Fantová for Idnes.cz.

Saturday

Former Miss Czech Repubic, occasional weather girl and the girlfriend of Arsenal 'baller Thomas Rosicky, Radka Kocurova, has linked up with two other former Czech beauty queens to help shill shresses (Ed Note: tops that double as extremely short dresses) for The Good Deeds Organisation.