Songs & chants


Pies Classics: Clarence Seedorf Croons His Way Through ‘Sittin’ On The Dock Of The Bay’ By Otis Redding (Video)

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Currently on the cusp of becoming the new Oldham Athletic manager, you probably don't need us to tell you that Clarence Seedorf is a bit of a dude.

A nigh-on flawless midfielder in his day, it turns out Clazza is just as impeccable when it comes to crooning through acoustic renditions of timeless soul standards.

‘Kick It Out’ Write To Man Utd Asking Fans To Stop Chanting About Romelu Lukaku’s Genitals

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Anti-discrimination charity Kick It Out have written to Manchester United to ask their fans to stop singing a chant about Romelu Lukaku's genitals.

Footage of United fans singing about Lukaku's "24-inch penis" to the tune of Stone Roses classic "Made of Stone" did the rounds on social media in the aftermath of United's 3-0 win over Basel in the Champions League last week.

Arsenal: If This Passionate, Anthemic Musical Plea Doesn’t Convince Alexis Sanchez To Stay, Nothing Will… (Video)

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Alexis Sanchez may well have 10 good reasons to leave Arsenal on transfer deadline day, but thankfully he now also has one good reason to stay.

From the same deranged, off-key genius who brought us 'Leave Right Now', the definitive anthem of the 2016/17 'Wenger Out' campaign, comes what might just prove to be the decisive factor in Sanchez's decision.

‘Living In Your Light’ – Celebrating Youri Djorkaeff’s Oft-Overlooked Urban Pop Banger, Released In 2000 (Video)

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Youri Djorkaeff will undoubtedly be chiefly remembered as, a) one of the most gifted players in one of the most gilded generations of French football history, and, b) a bona fide Bolton Wanderers club legend.

However, you may not be aware that the midfielder was also, c) responsible for one of the most sensual and erotically-charged pop hits of the early 21st century.

Football Comedy Classics: Adam & Joe – ‘The Footie Song’ (Video)

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It's about this time every year that Pies' inbox gets overrun by a deluge of the worst kind of email: the brazenly tenuous PR football-tie-in advertorial.

Just before the start of each new season (World Cups are also equally insufferable), brands and companies with no connection to football attempt to shoehorn themselves into the equation on the most dubious of pretences.

Mansfield Town CEO Carolyn Radford Launches Bid For Seat On FA Council With Quirky, But Largely Awful Campaign Song (Video)

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Photo: Mansfield Town FC

Mansfield Town chief executive Carolyn Radford has applied to represent the Football League with a seat on the FA Council.

Radford is one of five applicants bidding to land one of two available places on the council, which serves to vote and usher in policy changes within the FA itself.

Man City: Gabriel Jesus Looks Supremely Awkward While Dancing On Crutches In Brazilian Music Video

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Not so very long ago, Gabriel Jesus was invited to make a special guest appearance in the video of anew Brazilian pop banger.

Sadly however, MC Nego Blue managed to time the shoot for his 'É Gol' video to coincide withthe Man City striker knackering his metatarsal.

Alas, the show must go on crutches or no crutches.

Bundesliga: Carlo Ancelotti Sings His Little Heart Out During Bayern Munich’s Title Celebrations (Video)

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"And now, one from my new album..."

As Real Madrid fans are painfullyaware, Carlo Ancelottiloves to round off a successful campaignwith a celebratory sing-song.

Indeed, as part of Bayern Munich's title festivities, Ancelotti seized the mic and wowed the crowd gathered on Marienplatz with a hearty rendition of 'The Best Years Of Our Lives' by Italian songwriter Renato Zero.

Europa League: Ajax Fans Stay Behind To Sing ‘Three Little Birds’ En Masse After Just About Seeing Off Schalke (Video)

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It was touch and go on several occasions, but Ajax just about saw off Schalke to reach the semi-finals of the Europa League in Gelsenkirchen on Thursday evening.

Despite leading 2-0 from the first leg, the Dutch side looked to be tumbling out of the competition as Schalke wiped out the deficit in less than an hour before scoring again early in extra-time.

‘Don’t Laugh, Okay?’ – Celtic Legend Kolo Toure Unwittingly Reveals Musical Guilty Pleasure During Press Conference (Video)

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Kolo Toure is a one-man maverick this we know. He walks to the beat of his own drum, hacks down the Arsenal royalty he wants to hack down, and bloody well answers the questions he wants to answer during his press conferences.

To that end, the question that was actually put to Toure during a recent presser was which, of all the myriad fan chants he'd heard sung in his footballing career, was his favourite.

Non-League: Billericay Town Owner Orchestrates Cringe-Inducing Motivational Sing-Song Ahead Of Ryman League Cup Final (Video)

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Image: Billericay Town TV

Ahead of his team's big Ryman League cup final clash with Tonbridge Angels on Wednesday evening,Billericay Town owner Glenn Tamplin waded into the dressing room to deliver a powerful burst of motivational noise.

After taking over the Blues last December, Tamplin promptly set about pumping thousands of pounds of his own money into the club with the vision of turning them into a non-league powerhouse.

‘I Just Liked His Surname’ – Belgian R&B Artiste Name-Checks Chelsea ‘Keeper Thibaut Courtois On Latest Track (Video)

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In what surely must be a first, Thibaut Courtois has hada new R&B track named after him.

However, according to Belgian pop star Shay, the artiste responsible, the link to the Chelsea goalkeeper doesn't really go beyond the title.

Indeed, she only picked Courtois because she heard his name mentioned in conversation and liked the way it sounded.

‘Prepare To Watch Your Mouths’ – Atlanta United Ultras Terrorise Opposing Fans With Fearsome, Blood-Curdling Chant (Video)

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Atlanta United, and specifically their rowdy fans, are already fostering themselves one holy hell of a reputation ahead of their MLS debut next month.

During what we assume was Saturday's pre-season trip toplay Charlestown Battery, the Atlanta ultras formed a fearsome raiding party, leaving the home fans quaking with a barrage of blood-curdling war cries.

‘Paranoia’ – Royston ‘Roya2Face’ Drenthe Releases New Hip-Hop Single (Video)

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Rejoice fair people of Pies, for Royston Drenthe is dipping his sainted toe back in the rap game.

'Roya2Faces', ashis mother probably refuses to call him, has dropped a new hip-hop banger entitled'Paranoia'...

The Dutch language doesn't really lend itself to rap it's like listening to a flu patientpolitely attempting to clear his throat for three and a half minutes.

Football Songs: Arsenal Fan ‘Uncle Ed’ Rallies Against Arsene Wenger In Grime Form (Video)

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With the anti-Arsene Wenger sentiment coming to the boil again at Arsenal, one erudite fan has produced a grime track that encapsulates the grating frustration of having to watch the likes of Alexis Sanchez and Mesut Ozil play football every week.

That man is Uncle Ed, who released'Wenger Out' in the aftermath of the home defeat against Watford last week.

‘Love Your City’ – Lukas Podolski Reaches No.1 In German Pop Charts With Debut Rap Single (Video)

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"He's got vomit on his sweater already, Mom's blutwurststrudel..."

As unlikely as it may seem, Lukas Podolski is currently at No.1 in the German urban chart after his single, 'Liebe deine Stadt' ('Love Your City') went straight to the top of the pile this week.

The rap ballad,produced in collaboration with Mo-Torres and Cat Ballou, is the most downloaded song in Germany, and also already has well over 695,000 views on Youtube.

Retro Football Songs: Phil Collins And Genesis Sing Loving Ode To ‘Match Of The Day’, 1977 (Video)

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The year is 1977 and, three years after the departure of Peter Gabriel, Genesis are gradually beginning to morph from pastoralprog-rockers into the sleek, pop-veneered behemoth they would eventually become.

Slap, bang in the middle of thatperiod of flux, the band, now fronted by Phil Collins, knocked out a largely unheralded, mostly forgotten ode to that most vaunted of English sporting bastions, Match of the Day.

Neymar: Just As Promised, Barcelona Striker Releases Preview Snippet Of His Dodgy Debut Song (Video)

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Just as he threatened earlier in the week, Neymar has given us a preview snippet of the song of his foray into the world of pop music.

Sitting at home at his piano, the Barcelona striker introduces the piece before caterwauling his way through an off-key ballad of sorts.

He seems to be very pleased with it, but we're not overly sure why.

Thai Tims: Enthusiastic Schoolchildren Sing Loving Ode To Celtic Manager Brendan Rodgers (Video)

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Rejoice fair people, for the Thai Tims are back and they're bringing with them a brand new terrace anthem for the world to enjoy.

For the uninitiated, The Tims are a choir made up of a classroom-full of Celtic-supporting Thai schoolchildren, who have already had several hits with their songs about Bhoys legends such as Joe Ledley, Kieran Tierney and, err.

Wigan Fan Awarded Free Season Ticket For Creating All-Conquering ‘Will Grigg’s On Fire’ Chant (Video)

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Not so very long ago, a video did the rounds of a group of Wigan fans belting out an ode to top-goalscorer Will Grigg after the striker scored his 27th goal of the season in a 4-0 away win over Blackpool.

Wigan duly went on to tie up the League One title, with the Grigg chant which borrows heavily from mid-90s Euro dance classic 'Freed from Desire' by Gala quickly becoming a terrace staple at the DW Stadium.

‘Together Stronger’ – Manic Street Preachers Unveil Their Euro 2016 Anthem For Wales (Official Video)

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With less than a month to go before the tournament farts into life in St-Denis, the Manic Street Preachers have released the official anthem they are hoping will inspire Wales to glory/semi-glory at Euro 2016.

Entitled ‘Together Stronger (C'Mon Wales)', the song itself features all the classic Manics hallmarks: ripping guitar riffs, slightly too many words crammed into the verses and a massive chorus.

Leicester City: Andrea Bocelli Silences Raucous Stadium Atmosphere With Wonderful Rendition Of ‘Nessun Dorma’ (Video)

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Just as he promised to do, Andrea Bocelli turned up to muck in with the raucous celebrations at Leicester City's final home game of the season.

With Claudio Ranieri on the stage and the King Power in full voice before kick-off, the Italian tenor quickly managed to silencethe entire crowd with a soaring rendition of 'Nessun Dorma' up until the point everybody started joining in for the Vinceros at the end.

‘We Are The Champions’ – Shaquille O’Neal Serenades Northampton Town After His Favourite Football Team Win League Two (Video)

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You may recall, not so very long ago, when NBA royalty Shaquille O'Neal outed himself as the world's most unlikely Northampton Town fan by addressing a personal good-luck message to the League Two side via their official Youtube channel.

Well, since the big chap posted his message, The Cobblers have gone on to be crowned champions of League Two, which of course came as welcome news to their biggest celebrity fan (quite literally he's 7′ 1").

When The Worlds Of Rock N’ Roll And Goalkeeping Combine: Five Fascinating Musical Facts About Goalies

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Mix it up a wee bit, my editor said. So I got to 4th May, and I notedthat on his day in 1966, the great Peter Shilton made the first of his record 1,005 football league appearances when he stepped up between the sticks for Leicester City (whatever happened to them?) against Everton.

That would normally be the cue to spin headlong into a list of the best goalkeepers of all time or the worst goalkeeper of all time or the Top 10 goalkeepers most likely to have owned Vauxhall Cavaliers at some point in their lives, etc, etc.

Yannick Bolasie Might Be Releasing A Crystal Palace-Themed FA Cup Final Rap Song (Video)

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Yannick Bolasie has hinted that he may be in the process of knocking out a special rap anthem ahead of Crystal Palace's appearance in the FA Cup Final at Wembley next month.

The winger opened the scoring as Palace went on to beat Watford 2-1 in the semis, and it now seems as though he may have been involved in cobbling together an Eagles-themed ditty to celebrate.

Four-Year-Old Alcorcon Fan Paula Leads Ultras’ Chants With Her Mighty Yellow Megaphone (Video)

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Admittedly, we're about a weekoff the pace here, but this one's so gosh-darn adorable that we just couldn't pass on it.

Back on 17th April, mid-table Alcorcon faced high-flying Leganes in a southern Madrid derby down in the Spanish second tier.

Realising that the players might need an extra boost to overcome their local rivals, Alcorcon hired Paula, a four-year-old fan with a megaphone, to toddle around their stadium before the game and yellinspirational chants at anyone she happened across.

Leicester City Fans Record New Unofficial Club Anthem And It’s Really Quite Bad (Video)

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By Joseph Viney

Leicester City may be on unfamiliar ground as they hurtle toward their first Premier League title, but their fans appear to have grasped the old traditions quite well after some of their number have released a truly awful unofficial ‘anthem'.

"Were (sic) The Blues" is the creation of local lads known as Jobber and Winks – collectively dubbed The Fox Men and is another milestone in the long and winding path of terrible football songs.

German Fan Loses Twitter Bet Over Liverpool Defeat, Records DIY Version Of ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ As Forfeit (Video)

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Image: MarsiMojo/Youtube

The fellow you see afore you, wearing the unsettling Jurgen Klopp half-mask,is none other thanKlaas Reese a German football blogger and a lifelong Hannover 96supporter for his sins.

Klaas made the mistake of making a wager onTwitter before Borussia Dortmund's Europa League quarter-final second leg against Liverpool last week in which he bet that, if Dortmund stuffed it up, he'd record his very own version of 'You'll Never Walk Alone' and post it on Youtube for the world to laugh at.

Rejoice, For There Is A New Rap Song About Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang And It’s Terrible (Video)

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Rejoice all ye faithful, for a new rap song has beenborn unto the world written in tribute to Borussia Dortmund goal-machine Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang.

In fact, the song, entitled simply 'Aubameyang', has been produced by the striker's brother, Felix (who trades under the spooky pseudonym'Ghost St.

‘More Than Talent’ – Chilean Pop Star Writes Catchy Ditty About Alexis Sanchez And His Adventures In Europe (Video)

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Despite finding himself on a relatively low boil for Arsenal this season, Alexis Sanchez's popularity shows no sign of wavering, especially back home in his native Chile.

Indeed, an aspiring young Chilean pop star by the name of Chris Willde has professed his love for Alexis via the medium of song, recording a catchy little ditty about the forward's goal-scoring adventures around Europe.

The Rest

‘You’re Getting Slapped In The Morning’ – Leicester Fans Aim Cheeky Chant At David Moyes After Sunderland Lose 2-0 At King Power Stadium

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David Moyes has endured a torrid week, with the fall-out from his infamous 'slapgate' still being felt.

Staring relegation in the face, Moyes and his Sunderland side needed a good result away to Leicester only Tuesday night, only to lose the game 2-0, with the Black Cats boss also finding himself on the wrong end of a cheeky chant from the home fans.

‘Sozinho’ – Ronaldinho Releases First Self-Penned Solo Single On His 37th Birthday (Video)

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Having not made a professional competitive appearance since 2015, Ronaldinho is certainly doing a fine impression of a retired footballer despite having never formerly announced his decision to call it quits.

Over the past few years, the ex-Barcelona starhas involved himself in a number of musical projects, appearing as a guest artiste on several lively Brazilian numbers.

‘You’re Just A Shit Tesco Sandwich’ – Forest Green Fans Devise Brilliant Chant For Dagenham ‘Keeper Elliott Justham

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Just when you thought that the reserve of new, ingenious, disparaging football chants had been exhausted, a set of fans pipe up and prove you wrong all over again.

The credit here lies with the Forest Green Rovers supporters who spent Saturday afternoon haranguingDagenham & Redbridge goalkeeper Elliott Justham with atruly inspired terrace heckle.

Modern Football Is Rubbish: Hull City Use Advertising Boards To Tell Fans Which Songs To Sing (Photos)

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The latest addition tothe 'modern football is rubbish' canon comes from Hull City, who laid on a catastrophe of nigh-on MLS-esque proportions for yesterday's home game against Stoke City at the KCOM Stadium.

Sadly, the fans in attendance were subjected to horrors far beyond a 2-0 home defeat when the club started using the interactive advertising hoardings to flash upthe lyrics to songs and chants they wanted singing.

Neymar Announces Imminent Launch Of Music Career, Debut Track To Be Released Later This Week

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"I was caught on the ball, with no way out. So I just fell over, baby"

At the behest of quite literally nobody, Neymar has announced that he will be launching his musical career later this week.

Just a few short hours after playing in Barcelona's embarrassing 2-1 defeat against newly-promoted Alaves, Neymar broke the news via his Twitter account.

Pele Takes It Upon Himself To Record Special Song Inspired By 2016 Rio Olympic Games

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Image: @Pele/Twitter

Pele has taken it upon himself to record his very own anthem for the 2016 Olympic Games, which are due to get under way in Rio de Janeiro next month.

The 75-year-old Brazilian legend has penned and recorded an unofficial anthem called "Esperanca" ("Hope") which he says was inspired by the "the feeling of hope and happiness" being created around the world by the Rio games themselves.

‘Yo Sabia’ – Real Madrid Forward Jese Rodriguez Releases Debut Solo Reggaeton Single (Video)

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Fortunately for the rest of humankind, a mix of being permanently injured and/or bench-bound has given Real Madrid forward Jese Rodriguez ample time and opportunity to focus his efforts into launching an extra-curricular music career.

'Doing the Royston Drenthe', as it's known in the trade.

Liverpool Hip-Hop Mixtape: Step This Way To Hear James Milner Reciting ‘Regulate’ By Warren G & Nate Dogg (Video)

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If your ass is a buster, James Philip Milner will regulate

With a pre-season jolly to the United States in the offing, Liverpool decided to plug the trip by having their players drop a hip-hop mixtape ofrisible proportions.

The video seesthe likes of Joe Allen, Simon Mignolet and Nathaniel Clyne attempting to rap along to a succession of rap classics and falling someway short of the mark.

‘Will Grigg’s On Fire’ Chant Almost Makes iTunes Top 10 After Being Released As Charity Single

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Remember, not so very long ago, when we brought you news of the Wigan fan who landed himself a complimentaryseason ticket for concocting a chant about Latics striker Will Grigg that proved an instant hit with his fellow supporters?

That fan was Sean Kennedy, who lifted the melody frommid-90s dance classic ‘Freed from Desire' by Gala to create his masterpiece 'Will Grigg's On Fire, Your Defence Is Terrified'.

‘Glad All Over Again’ – Doc Brown’s Unofficial Crystal Palace FA Cup Final Rap Song Is Pretty Bloody Decent (Video)

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Image: Doc Brown/Youtube

Not only does he possess one hell of a Vince Hilaire t-shirt, but stand-up comedian/rapper Doc Brown has also knocked out a more than handy unofficial anthem to accompany Crystal Palace's upcoming appearance in the FA Cup Final.

With a bit of help from producer Verb T, Brown has produced his own 2016 FA Cup Final song entitled 'Glad All Over Again'.