Dear Chris Iwelumo, Feel better soon, it could've been worse (even though it was out of your hands). Love, The Offside Click to continue reading...

What, you're NOT going to honk your horn outside of my apartment for the next six hours?
International week -- there is something about the raw energy of nation versus nation in football that induces stress headaches like no other sport.

You learn things about yourself. Click to continue reading...

You know, beyond the alliterative explosion of the headline and the tasty schadenfreude, there is one further reason that United fans should take interest in the fortunes of the hapless Rapids. United fans? Interested in the Rapids? Why, you ask? Well, oft-forgotten amidst the Argentine playmaker transfusion that saw United bid adieu to Christian Gomez and welcome Marcelo Gallardo, were the Click to continue reading...

Seems a bit cruel to show a picture of Voronin from today's game above that headline.

I didn't see today's match – and I'm not holding a missed penalty against him – but Voronin had been decent in the three before. I've written that he did the same last year only to disappoint by May, but I'm holding out hope he's actually progressing. Click to continue reading...

Fabio Capello has sensationally claimed that his tenure as England supremo has already been a huge success, as for the first time in the last four tournaments, England have successfully avoided the heartbreak of a quarter-final defeat.
Speaking outside the FA's (s)wanky Soho offices in Golden Shower Square, the swarthy tactical mastermind pointed out that England fans would be happy to be sat at home enjoying the Schadenfreude of watching the distress of the Croatian, Dutch, Italian and Portuguese supporters, as their hastily applied face paint ran down their cheeks like so many multi-coloured tears, rather than drinking their body-weight in beer and proceeding to throw white plastic chairs at riot police as a coping mechanism to deal with the overwelming frustration of yet another wasted summer watching a load of over-hyped, overpaid, flangemuppets blast penalty kicks into orbit. Click to continue reading...

Video ansehen

Gut eine Woche nach der Nicht-Qualifikation der Engländer für die Euro 2008 ist die Schadenfreude immer noch allgegenwärtig. Lachende Gesichter auf der ganzen Welt freuen sich auf ein Turnier, bei dem höchstens die Schweizer im Elfmeterschießen Versagen.

Selbst der amerikanische Präsident, der vom Fußball genauso wenig Ahnung hat, wie von den meisten anderen Dingen, setzt sein diabolisches Grinsen auf.

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Manager Mourinho leaves Chelsea

Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho has sensationally left Stamford Bridge by mutual consent, the club has confirmed.

The news comes just 24 hours after the disappointing Champions League draw against Rosenborg.

BBC Radio 5live football correspondent Jonathan Legard understands Mourinho texted senior players, including skipper John Terry, with the news.

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Although I am deriving a certain amount of schadenfreude from the USA's suckitude. This is what you get from sending the third-string so you could beat up on teams in the Gold Cup instead (yes, I am still bitter over them knocking Canada out). I mean, I understand that you can't send the same squad to two back-to-back tournaments. But if you really want to be taken seriously in the footballing world, maybe you should send the better team to the tougher tournament. Click to continue reading...