Nicks' note:Forgive us, but this is dire. Sample
has scattered his pearls of journalistic wisdom, and all of the other hacks at our office have
chipped in with one or two counterfeit stones as well. Read along.
Exclusive! Terms of the Song deal revealed: There's anÂ unprecedentedÂ 'hairstyle clause'
inserted in the contract, which gives Arsenal a Â£50,000 windfall every time Song decides to wear a
new skunk on his head changes his hairstyle.
This is an update to the update for the Arsenal supporting knobs fans that I hold so
dearly to my heart. All this while, I remained silent out of respect and loyalty to the Arsenal
(heh!). Oh and I was also busy mentally spending the additional 145,000 pounds I will be getting
from signing for United.
In news that sent tremulous whispers of shock across vegetable-patches of Britain, an off-green,
medium-sized biennial cabbage was called up by Roy Hodgson to be a part of the England squad for
the European Championships. Lady Luck has not been smiling upon the Three Lions; with injuries to
Gareth Barry, Frank Lampard and the on-and-off fitness of Scott Parker throwing multiple spanners
in their works.
Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger has confirmed his interest in pinning Roberto Mancini up against a
wall and landing a sweet uppercut to his jaw. Arsenal's economist-in-chief however believes that
Mancini's evasion tactics will see him escape a pummelling until next season.
A manager's sacking results in reactions laughable in their predictability; tweets in all
capitals about the news, hastily penned epitaphs and obituaries, both glowing and vitriolic, Sky
Sports News launching their jism all over cyberspace in an eagerness to dissect every facet of the
departure, et cetera and more tedious et cetera.
The murky racism row to engulf the Premier League just got foggier with the uncovering of
startling new evidence that points to not just Luis Suarez being racist, but the whole of the
red half of Merseyside exhibiting a proclivity towards bigotry. Our BFZ Times' correspondent,
under great risk to life and limb organized and executed the perfect undercover operation to
unearth this mystery leading to great teeth gnashing at News International's headquarters in
The Daily ShowGet More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on
Facebook Former college soccer player and soccer fan Jon Stewart sneaked in a reference to Arsenal
and Manchester United during The Daily Show on...
Arsenal fan site Gunner BlogÂ has published a hilarious parody of an Eminem song
detailing communications between owner Stan Kroenke and Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger. The video
features "Stan Kroenke" rapping in place of Eminem, criticizing his French manager's recent
Towards the tail end, the Professor raps back, responding to the American's jibes.
There has been too much uncertainty surrounding the Cesc Fabregas saga for too long now. One day
you have Sandra Rossell's menagerie proclaiming that their baby is powdered, dressed up and ready
to serve at the hungry Camp Nou; and the next day you have the knights of North London tutting at
Spain's lack of dignity and refusing any sort of contact between the two clubs at all.
The Futfanatico globe-trotting and guespostery continues. After a spell on the lovely island of
Ireland, we hopped on over to our favorite London-based blogger, the Dunmore who has done-more than
you can shake a stick at. Nick.
Of course, the "fisted" in the title of the blog caught our attention.
Norwegian satirical channel NRKHumour have produced a spoof trailer for the 'FIFA 2022: Qatar World Cup Edition' video game which, in the interest of being as realistic as possible, is set to feature many of the intrinsicelements we've already come to associate with the scandalous tournament.
Along with players dying of dehydration and heat stroke, the game also features many and various forms of oppression and corruption as well assome very on-trend slave labour-related side missions.
I got this video sent to me via e-mail, asking me to share and spread the word. I watched it and
by the end I felt confused. As an American soccer fan am I supposed to be amused or insulted? I
assume their implication is that major international tournaments, like the just completed Euro
2012, brings people like this out of the woodwork.
The dizzying raft of exposes emanating from investigations into twenty-first century Rangers
(and a few years before, if ex-director Hugh Adam's revelations are at all credible) is truly now
doing my head in. Plymouth Argyle's pock-marked spell in administration last year produced enough
material for almost daily updates on this site.
"I'm just as surprised as you all are that I'm coming back."Editor's Note: With all due
respect and a thousand plaudits to "Dirty Tackle" (It's only fair... they spun off one of our
series, too) we present the potentially true life and times of America's favorite soccer
commentator, John Harkes.
Editor's Note: With all due respect and a thousand plaudits to "Dirty Tackle" (It's only
fair... they spun off one of our series, too) we present the potentially true life and times of
America's favorite soccer commentator, John Harkes.
Hey NBC... the FBM Graphic Department is for hire.Well that certainly was nice of you, National
Broadcasting Corporation. And unexpected we may add. We caught wind (more than a wind... perhaps
gale-force the way the Inter-Net-Blogo-Sphere responded) that you showed a fancy little Major
League Soccer teaser video during a pre-season throwball game on Sunday.
It's like a contest. Try and guess the next banana peel NIGHTMARE APE WAYNE ROONEY, England's
Ambassador to Football and redemptive bicycle kick specialist, will throw into his own path. Will
he get a tattoo of Mike Tyson Chewing Evander Holyfield's Ear on his hairy back? (AHHHHNT: My guess
last time, which was admittedly wrong; instead he hashed opened a leg just to watch it bleed and
thereby abandoned his national side when most they needed him).
It started as a Twitter daydream. Imaging Clint Dempsey and Michael Bradley duking it out during
the weekend's Fulham/ Aston Villa game. Bradley however could not partake in the USMNT Midfiedler
Celebrity Death Match because he arrived at Villa Park only the day before. Still we pictured what
the fight might look like.
Even got put on the banner!Hey look we're relevant enough to openly mock!
The Onion (born in FBM HQ North aka Wisconsin!) has a new sport-centric show on Comedy Central
called "SportsDome". Last week, in their premier episode, the took a shot at Major League Soccer in
a highlight segment that covered the last four years of the league or "since we last checked in on
Der dieses Jahr neu eingeführte Fallon d'Floor hat das Potenzial eine der wichtigsten Auszeichnungen im Weltfußball zu werden. Geehrt wird der Spieler, der die Schwalbe des Jahres 2014 dargeboten hat.Erstmalige Verleihung des Fallon d'Floor
After Gadsby's historical piece a few days ago, I come to this little corner of the internet
feeling that following a piece as hilarious as that is a daunting task to say the least. Hate him,
disagree with him or not, you can't argue the guy can write great satire(That [read more]
Former Barcelona ace Ronaldinho apparently inked a multimillion Euro deal today with Eli
Lilly to endorse the depression treatment Prozac in a series of television ads to air
during the upcoming European Championships. The commercials are to feature the Brazilian maestro
not in his typical role as fun-loving ball-juggling superstar but "the real Ronaldinho," as he
describes himself, "A man bludgeoned by depression, bereft of friends.
As you may have heard by now, the Wall Street Journal took a ... how do we put this? ...
interesting story about our little soccer rivalry we have brewing here in the Pacific Northwest. I
really want to believe that it's a genius piece of satire. But something tells me I'm giving the
author too much credit.
I continue my love affair with the satire-challenged Yahoo comment crew and have updated the
latest chapter in the life of Raul Gonzalez. Available at the award-winning Dirty Tackle. Beware of
the white powder water.