Where there's subtle product shilling and grammatically correct Tweets on social media, you know there's a shameless publicity stunt just 'round the bend, Kickettes. And for you today we have one of the promo shots starring none other than Mrs Peter Crouch for the launch of Lynx Attract For Her.

By Chris Wright

What you're looking at here is the league table for the Isles of Scilly League the smallest registered football league (it's affiliated with the FA) on the entire planet...

No draws! We hope, for the Woolpack Wanderers' sake, that relegation isn't going to be an issue come the end of the season.

And I'm not talking about Beckham's 2-year $15 million contract.

I'm talking about Omar Gonzalez. Last month Omar pulled out of the national team training camp for a very exciting loan move to Nurnberg. His very first day there he suffered a season ending injury at the hands well, feet of his USMNT teammate Timmy Chandler.

Edinson Cavani. Forcing us to rethink our oppression of t-shirt/suit jacket combos since 9.30am this morning. Image: Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty Images.

If someone else is going to go to the trouble of picking out and rewarding their favourite Serie A players, it would be remiss of us not to use the photo opportunity for a random post.

Now don't get me wrong here, I am referring to his style of management. Let me elaborate for you. AVB has given an honest and frank interview to UEFA's The Technician and has opened up about some problems he is faced with here as Chelsea's manager and in his short career in Portugal.
In the interview, he explains some dilemma's he is faced with but also refers to HIS management style and reveals that because of his age and playing experience, he could never be a Manager classed as a Dictator.

Saturday's win did many things but most of all it reminded us that, while the current Fulham squad does need a bit of tweaking, it contains a number of good players and making moves in January for the sake of making moves in January is probably not something we need to get too involved with.

Take the AJ situation.

In The Stands' Rolly Pelovangu takes an in-depth look at the former Chelsea, Inter and current Real Madrid boss and asks the special question: Is Jose Mourinho overrated? Iconoclastic; the act of challenging established ideas and customs common within a certain place or time and not merely for the sake of argument.

By Chris Wright

Hallelujah! Saint Pepe has apologised for crushing Lionel Messi's fingers on Wednesday night and guess what? He didn't mean it, honest guv...

Here it is again in good ol' fashioned 'written down' format for posterity's sake using the PA's translation:

"I wish to say yesterday's incident with Leo Messi was unintentional, but I nevertheless want to apologise to him if he was offended because all I do is defend my team and this institution.

Kenny Dalglish admits he is in a position to be able to add to his Liverpool squad if required, but says he has no plans to dip into the market at present.
The Reds took in a busy summer on the transfer front, with a number of fresh faces brought into Anfield.
Dalglish is happy with the business he was able to carry out during that window, with Liverpool having returned to the top-four hunt in the Premier League this season.

By Chris Wright

Ex-Premier League referee and Rangers supporter Jeff Winter has had his personal website suspended after several of his blogs (posted during a Christmas trip to Australia and New Zealand) containing incredibly offensive anti-Catholic jibes were circulated by journalists including Gab Marcotti on Twitter yesterday.

By Chris Wright

It seems that, with the recession still biting and Robbie Earle no longer around to 'sort everybody out', the money men over at the ITV Football department have been reduced to extreme bouts of penny-pinching when it comes to providing match tickets for their pundits.

Anfield Rd: Stop kicking start listening

THE BOSS of Kick It Out was quoted on the organisation's website a couple of days after Patrice Evra's allegations against Luis Suárez. At this point in time the word Suárez was accused of using was far stronger than the one Evra eventually settled on as the one he'd heard and if it could be proved it was going to be hefty punishment for the player.

This early in the basketball season, it's easy to get caught up in the success and start to overrate certain fantasy basketball players. With that in mind, here's our list of the most overrated fantasy basketball players for the 2011-12 NBA season.

Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks
We remember the championship run.

Morning all.

I hope you had a nice day yesterday and are, this morning, sitting around as full as an egg thinking about doing it all over again. Christmas Dinner II The Leftovers is my favourite.

It'll be brief enough this morning, thanks to those striking tube drivers. Instead of previewing and looking forward to our game today, we have to wait until tomorrow to get our taste of festive football.

Tearing clothes is wrong, Kickettes. There are numerous facilities for the disposal of used clothing that can benefit the less fortunate in our society. We cannot and will not condone the wanton ripping of perfectly good er... (what the hell is that on his head, anyway?) garments for the sake of temporary warmth and/or fashion statement purposes.

Osvaldo Alonso recently suggested some Premiership teams might be interested in acquiring his services. Unsurprisingly, being as he is a professional soccer player, he is open to this possibility. None of this should really come as news.

The question is: How much concern should this cause us as Seattle Sounders fans, who clearly want our team to have as many highly talented players as is possible?

Morning all.

Last night Chelsea beat Man City. Not with iron bars, sadly. If it were up to me teams I didn't like (which is all of them) would be sent onto the pitch carrying clubs and planks with nails sticking out of them and told to have at each other. The team with most men left standing at the end gets the three points.

The United Nations x Shipwrecked Footballers?

Let Didier Drogba, Luis Figo, Ronaldo, Zizou and even Michael Ballack teach you about the Millennium Development Goals in a manner that I really hope, for everyone's sake, was intended to be overflowing with sarcasm. It's a 32-page comic teaching about the United Nations' MDGs set for 2015 through the form of top footballers being shipwrecked and having to deal with real life issues, like living a day without Sara Carbonero.

Okay, Cup Final. You're the manager. This is the biggest game of your career. You've been exchanging emails with Capello and reading Zonal Marking endlessly, searching for the answers that will bring home the silverware. You've made a list of things to tell you players. Then you made another list.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Move to the front page for the sake of discussion on this rather dull weekend. - Jeremiah

Very simple question: who will replace Kasey Keller as captain of the Sounders this season?

Some thought it might be Riley: it clearly won't now. I've included some likely possibilities, as well as an 'other' option.

By Chris Wright

With a nod to the fact that Arsenal are set to celebrate their 125th birthday later this afternoon by unveiling three new statues (Tony Adams, Thierry Henry and Pascal Cygan I believe) outside the Emirates, we thought we'd have a look at the seven most ridiculous, ill-conceived and borderline offensive effigies that have either graced or continue to grace stadiums and the like around the world.

Everybody who comments, be it in print or on the radio or on television, makes mistakes. It doesn't matter who you are or how much you know or just what the subject is: Sooner or later you will slip up. And so I don't want to seem to be going after some poor talking head, some exceptionally easy target, just for the sake of it.

At the beginning of the season it was fair to say that Arsenal were playing shit.
We seemed a bigger shambles than a pissed up David Hasselhoff trying to eat a hamburger.
At the time there many people jumping on an RIP Arsenal Football Club bandwagon. A bandwagon that was gaining more speed than Keanu Reeves on a bus.

Countless websites across the net manufacture dubious Liverpool transfer stories on a daily basis (GiveMeFootball.com anyone?), and in the last couple of months, the club has been linked with some very high profile names. Liverpool legend John Barnes has dismissed the ridiculous speculation over three players in particular, and has urged Liverpool fans to be 'realistic' with their expectations.

Morning all. Have you ever wandered across these humble pages and thought 'Y'know what, this is an alright website and all that but what I'd really like to see is the chance to win some free stuff - a competition, perhaps'? You have! Well, that's frighteningly convenient as The Boys From White Hart Lane has joined forces with the wonderfully creative gang at Philosophy Football and guess what?

Morning. I'll do my best to squeeze out some Europa themed brain dribbles later in the day (sorry if that sounded facetious- I'm actually quite looking forward to it) but first news from our old pals at Philosophy Football. You may remember these sartorial whizzes- amongst other iconic football t-shirts- as the ones behind those rather delightful Danny Blanchflower numbers I was seen to be pedalling on here a few months back.

My word. This is all going rather well. A one goal swing at the Sports Direct Thunderdome last month and that would've been a perfect ten winning streak since we were duped by both hues of Manchester at the season's start. As it is we're looking at a twenty-eight point haul from a possible thirty.

I'm starting to think I'm missing out on something. Is there a big party that everyone goes to? Something exciting on the telly? Or perhaps it's a free goodie bag for the first 10,000 on to the tube?

It's an age old moan but I am going to go on about it again. Just what is people's (I'm refusing to call them fans) excuse for leaving Arsenal games at the Emirates early?

Sporting KC started a busy day today by announcing a trade with Chivas USA. Kansas City sent midfielder Ryan Smith to Chivas USA for 2 supplemental draft picks in the upcoming draft. Both sides can see this as a win for them. From Kansas City's perspective, they get something for nothing. Smith's time in Kansas City was over.

More from Grant v. Garb...

SI.com: Is it possible you may have some teams not playing each other at all in the regular season next year?
Garber: Yeah. Just by the fact it'll be unbalanced. That's possible.
SI.com: That sounds like a bummer.

After a few weeks off due to international breaks and facing sides nobody really cares about—or ones we simply find too distasteful to bother talking to—Tea and Crumpets decided it was about time to shake off the rust, so we headed out for a bite and a chat with Graham MacAree of We Ain't Got No History, one of the more approachable Chelsea sorts out there and also our boss.

I was only able to watch part of the Slovenia game yesterday. I have been saying for some time that I like Altidore, but he is not good enough to be a lone striker. In theory Klinsmann's 4-3-3 should put more guys forward, but the reality was that the wingers played more defensive roles and Altidore was left to do the attacking work himself.

Images via Rob Kim/Getty Images North America & Style.com

Can Victoria Beckham makes spats happen? Or will they go the way of "fetch?"

Victoria is in New York, where she spoke at the Women's Wear Daily Apparel & Retail CEO Summit last night. She's the first woman to wear a look from her Spring 2012 collection and in doing so wore the item that most perplexed us: spats.

By Chris Wright

First of all, ask yourself: Would we be featuring it on Pies if all had gone to plan? Probably not.

'Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it' or so the old maxim goes. Not that it really applies to Piotr Gawecki and Andrezej Paprocki of Polish youth side Korona Kielce who, rather than heed the important lesson that Monsieurs Henry and Pires learned the hard way while trying and failing miserably trying to execute a 'Johan Cruyff/Jesper Olsen' spot-kick against Man City in 2005 the lesson being that 'there is no way you will not look like utter cocks if you bugger it up'.

Liverpool midfielder Lucas Leiva is often accused of being too negative on the ball, but Anfield legend Gary Gillespie believes that there are signs that the Brazilian is becoming more 'adventurous' on the pitch, which can only be a good thing for Liverpool.
Gillespie, who won a shedload of trophies during his time as a player for Liverpool, argued:
"When he's in possession of the football these days, he's better with it.

By Chris Wright

Scotland Yard have confirmed that QPR received 'malicious communication' addressed to Anton Ferdinand which was, according to several of the morning papers, delivered by hand to Loftus Road on Friday afternoon.

The death threat reportedly contained such graphic detail that the club weren't even prepared to show it to Ferdinand for fear of further upsetting the centre-back who is, I'm sure you're aware, currently embroiled in a Met investigation over allegations that he was racially abused by Chelsea's John Terry.

Antonio Cassano's operation on Friday was, thankfully, a success. Now, the long road to recovery starts. But, for Milan and Italy's sake, lets hope it is not too long. The doctor who performed the operation, Nereo Bresolin, responded reassuringly when asked about the operation, saying, "Absolutely (it has been a success).

Why would you use an idiot for an important safety messages targeted at young kids to stay safe this Halloween. Mario Balotelli is heading this serious campaign on the safety of staying safe when using fireworks this Halloween which is the most dangerous time of the year for accidents involving young kids and firework accidents, yet we use an idiot who set fire to his house after setting off fireworks in his house at the weekend to front this serious campaign, it would be like using Ryan Giggs and John Terry on a campaign on staying faithful in a Marriage for God's sake.

Please remember that when switching on a hot robot, stand well back and be prepared to run like hell if he wakes up grumpy. He looks fluffy enough here, but he could backfire at any moment. Image: REUTERS/Bogdan Cristel.

Serbia national team captain, Nemanja Vidić, has announced his retirement from international football, effective immediately.

By Chris Wright

It's so ironic, it simply must be fattening!

As we creep toward Bonfire Night and stupid children start dreaming about doing stupid things with over-the-counter explosives, Man City have started a club campaign called TREACLE to promote firework safety this November and who better to front that campaign than a man who nearly lost everything (on his towel rack) at the weekend in a fireworks-related house fire?