As bromances go, we can't say we expected this. But ya know what? It might just be mad enough to work... Image: REUTERS/Eddie Keogh.

It's past 5 o'clock somewhere, Kickettes.

Consider that an explanation for our poor spelling, lack of coherence and just about anything else that's horribly wrong after the jump.

Image: Sporten.dk.

This is Missé Beqiri and these are her extremely not safe for work "girls". We're particularly impressed by her ability to smoke a cigarette with one hand and no bra.

If those perky things didnt get your attention maybe this will: she's a Swedish model who is said to be dating Manchester United's Danish backdoor bad boy keeper, Anders Lindegaard.

A quick test for you: what team is this?

GK Kapino
DL Shaw
D Vertonghen
D Alex
DR Beck
ML Capoue
M Gonzalez
M Kaka
MR Reus
F Podolski
F Leandro
Sub: Montoya, Goetze, Garcia, Grosskreutz, Vargas, Casemiro, Barrada, Ayew, Drame

A European club, perhaps?

Image: Lexpress.fr.

Today's fashion and design news presented in order of our excitement levels.

Meh: The French prostitute at the centre of the French NT scandal involving Franck Ribery and Karim Benzema debuted her own line of lingerie at Paris Couture Fashion Week today.

Image from 14.01.2012.

We've been kinda freaking out over here ever since this photo of Montpellier's resident hottie surfaced.

Is he single? Taken? A mama's boy?

Kickettes?!

Image: Leo Pix.

We've come across some potentially juicy stuff relating to the new coupling of Kevin-Prince Boateng and Melissa Satta, most of which you'll want to read and judge for yourselves.

There's both facts and falsehoods to sift through here, so a bulleted list it is.

The Backstory

- K-P married his long term girlfriend, Jennifer, two days after signing with Tottenham Hotspur in '07.

Image: Leo Pix.

We've come across some potentially juicy stuff relating to the new coupling of Kevin-Prince Boateng and Melissa Satta, most of which you'll want to read and judge for yourselves.

There's both facts and falsehoods to sift through here, so a bulleted list it is.

The Backstory

- K-P married his long term girlfriend, Jennifer, two days after signing with Tottenham Hotspur in '07.

John Terry's bulge takes a hit from a schoolboy. That's precious cargo, son! Watch where you're aiming next time!

-

There's a rumour going around that Pepe (of all people) just came out of the closet on a French radio show. Sounds like complete BS to us because A) why French radio?

There's obviously no transfer news as yet from White Hart Lane but surprisingly, the rumour mill is also a little quiet after the Christmas break.

As far as any potential incomings are concerned, we looked at the possibility of either Christopher Samba or James Tomkins at the back while our search for a striker could see Harry secure the services of Lille's Moussa Sow.

Newcastle United are pursuing (at least) two centre-backs according to rumours and Alan Pardew insists that Taye Taiwo isn't one of them. The rumour-mill has been doing the usual stuff and the latest has Newcastle interested in a pair of defenders. The first is Douglas Franco Teixeira who is a 6ft 4in, 23 year old [.

News off the field has dominated the week for Milan with former President Silvio Berlusconi set to retake his seat at the club, the rumour mill that has been spinning the names of two Argentines and with the talk of Max Allegri apparently coming to terms with the club over an extension to his current [.

The name Papiss Demba Cisse appeared very briefly in the summer in connection with a possible move to Spurs before the rumour went away as quickly as it had appeared.

Cisse plays for Freiburg in the German Bundesliga and unlike Seydou Doumbia for example, he isn't playing Champions League football and as such, he has largely fallen under the rumour mill radar.

Rumours have been circulating around the Geordie rumour mill that Newcastle United will make an announcement tomorrow, or very soon that St James' Park will in future as the "Sports Direct Arena". Earlier today, Times journalist, Tony Evans, Tweeted it on his Twitta site, but was later withdrawn amidst further rumours that the news had [.

Irina Shayk, Dolores Aveiro and Katia Dos Santos (not pictured) at the Intercontinental hotel in Madrid, Spain.

Irina Shayk's made-for-our-left-hands golf ball-sized ring is playing tricks on us. We first laid eyes on it last week during Cristiano's Golden Boot presentation, but by Sunday evening, it was noticeably absent during Irina's walk down the European Music Awards red carpet.

Images via Tumblr.

In a car much cleaner than his defensive Spanish NT defensive partner, Sergio Ramos' shady drop off last Thursday has added fresh fuel to rumours that he and Spanish TV presenter, Lara Alvaraz, are giving their relationship another go.

Lara first popped up on our radar nearly a year ago, but her whirlwind romance with The Ramos™ was unexpectedly short-lived.

Image: Michael Regan/Getty Images Europe.

We've heard all the arguments about the relevance of the League Cup to English football. But the value of the gate receipts and er... exposure opportunities for clubs like Aldershot Town (and busy women who don't have time to scour the lower leagues) cannot be underestimated.

Ashely Cole and Chloe Green leaving Cirque du Soir, Ganton Street, London.

Ashley Cole and Chloe Green are a rando mix of people to be seen exiting Cirque du Soir's backdoor separately at 4am, no?

Clearly they must be doing it. And clearly Ashley has a fetish for oversized, wannabe ballerinas.

Rooneys Senior (left) and Junior. Images: Getty Images, Reuters/Daylife.

Wayne Rooney, father of er... Wayne Rooney, has been arrested by police for his involvement in a match fixing scandal, it has been reported. Wayne's uncle Richie and Motherwell midfielder Steve Jennings are also among the nine men being held in relation to suspicious betting activity surrounding a fixture between Motherwell and Heart of Midlothian last December.

This post may or may not serve our hidden flogging-your-computer-with-gratuitous-Pique-pics agenda. Image taken 19.09.2011 at the Joan Mas concert.

Kickettes, before we begin, it's in your best interest to take this news with a grain of salt and shot of tequila.

Patron Silver chilled is our ace in the hole, just in case you're in the market for a more specific suggestion.

Although the transfer window won't reopen for another few months, it seems clear that Spurs could be quite active in the market when January arrives and that's why the rumour mill continues to turn.

There have been some interesting players linked with the club in recent days and while the name of Ander Herrera won't be familiar to many supporters, he seems a good prospect to say the least.

Saturday

- Harry Kewell and his LV luggage were met with cheers from Melbourne Victory fans, who greeted the footballer and his accessories at Melbourne airport ahead of his stint with their beloved A-League team. Snazzy!

- We missed seeing her on Friday , but on Saturday were happy to see a healthy and vibrant Noemie Lenoir smiling for cameras at Ungaro's Fashion Night Out party (two days prior) in Paris.

It is only five days ago since the transfer window closed and already the rumours are flying around about who Arsenal are going to buy in January when it re-opens. The latest name on the rumour mill is believed to be Lazio midfielder Hernanes. Arsene Wenger added to his midfield with the signings of Yossi [.

Image: AP Photo/Christof Stache.

Although most footballers have a 'cavalier' approach to marriage that isn't necessarily what the church had in mind when it invented the institution, there is the occasional union that helps us retain our faith. Raul & Mamen Sanz, say. Xabi Alonso & Nagore Aranburu.

Mario Balotelli and his more-than-a-fling-thing, Raffaela Fico, were seen leaving Manchester's San Carlo restaurant together earlier this month. It's Super Mario's favourite eatery in the North of England, which is essentially useless information, unless we want to speculate about how things are really heating up between these two.

Reports from across The Channel suggest that Newcastle United is 'cooling' on Modibo Maiga and is instead looking at a couple of other French strikers. The rumour-mill in the French press is alleging that our interest in Modibo Maiga is cooling but that we're chasing other players in France's Ligue 1.

We should've seen this coming, but couldn't get past this initial rendezvous' surface.

Welp, that was a big mistake.

HUGE.

While the now-defunct NOTW was first to report details about Daniela Semaan (36-year-old divorcee who shares two kids, ages 11 and 9, with her property tycoon ex-hubby, Elie Taktouk) and her hook-up with Cesc Fabregas, Noticias 24 is now coughing up the details about how these two allegedly first came in contact.

Images via fcbarcelona.

It seems that when it comes to Lionel Messi and Antonella Roccuzzo's relationship status, even our overactive imaginations have failed to keep up with actual events.

Deep breaths.

Remember last week when we assumed the couple were back 'on'? This assumption was based, quite reasonably, on photos of the couple draped all over one another on a boat.

Following the riots in London over the past few days, the powers that be have called off England v. Holland for safety reasons. It would've been not only a dangerous stretch of the police force for the game to go ahead, but also rather inappropriate. This means that Gary Cahill should be on his way back to Bolton.

Follow us on Twitter The rumour mill is running at full tilt as talk of what will hopefully turn out to be the biggest transfer of the summer rumbles on with the continuing saga of will or won't Wesley Sneijder join Manchester United? It is by far the biggest story of the summer - at least it is as far as United fans are concerned.

Looking at the positive side of Forest at the minute is a bit like looking into a Crystal Ball. There is the potential for some good signings with Giles Barnes, Wayne Routledge, Nicky Maynard, Nicky Shorey and Bolo Zendon all coming out of the rumour mill [...]

We're sure it's nothing, but it's still fun to speculate anyway!

Every once in a while the rumour mill churns out some juicy gossip that's so mind-numbingly delicious you need to pause mid-paragraph, top off your apple martini and throw on some good jewellery in order to resume reading. Because it's just.

Image Source: One of the best Tumblr pages we've seen in awhile. Check out the shot they got on Figo. Ahem.

Could it be the quickest post-break-up bounceback ever recorded in football dating history, Kickettes? Diego Forlan's abs have barely been free for more than 10 minutes and they're already back on the prowl (or so reports would like us to believe)?

Nasri out the door for Miami-based chicken fighting league on higher weekly wages than current Arsenal offer.

So, Clichy is off to Man City. Better him than Sagna, for our right back is quite a feisty, efficient, and productive gem. (Ohh, I love me some Sagna! He won't ever leave, will he?

Image Sources: Ciacha.net via www.seoghoer.dk.

He got her tickets for an Arsenal game, she got him some damn good seats for Wimbledon (but was shockingly knocked out earlier this week). In all honestly, we don't know what the dilly between Nicklas Bendtner and Caroline Wozniacki is, Kickettes, other than they were recently seen out grabbing some grub with platonic pals.

Image Credit: MedioTempo.com.

What began as a reported robbery over the weekend involving the Mexico U22 team has quickly escalated into a salacious sex scandal for the Mexican Football Federation, y'all. Or, another way of looking at it: a juicy way to begin this Tuesday!

Following the team's friendly in Quito, a few players took stock of some precious baubles that unexpectedly vanished from their rooms.

Image Credit: MedioTempo.com.

What started out as a reported robbery over the weekend involving the Mexico U22 team has quickly escalated into a salacious sex scandal for the Mexican Football Federation, y'all. Or, another way of looking at it: a juicy way to begin this Tuesday!

Following El Tri's U22 friendly in Quito, a few players took stock of some precious baubles that suddenly vanished from their rooms.

Now that Andre Villas-Boas has been installed as the new boss at Chelsea, speculation is already underway on what players the 33 year old manager will bring to Stamford Bridge and naturally, the rumour mill has started by linking him with the star players at his former club, FC Porto in Portugal.

The one very obvious candidate that has been linked in various media sources is leading striker Radamel Falcao, who scored 41 times in 50 appearances under Villas-Boas at Porto last season.

"For the first time in a while, I will be very active"

With these dozen words, spoken at the tail end of May, Wenger has kicked off a fascinating close season. I didn't think I'd be enjoying it one bit, but I appear to be doing just that.

How so? Given that as much of the current transfer eddy is whirling around players who might depart as it is around players who might join, you'd have thought the whole rumour mill would be too hair-tearing for words.

We've actually got news of value today, Kickettes!

Yay!

Don't worry, it won't last long, though!

Yay!

Diego Forlan & Zaira Nara Call Off Their Engagement

Pool schmoozing with basketball stars for an entire month in Miami seems like an easy life, no?

I said it the other week, if ever the opportunity arose to buy Wesley Sneijder then Roman Abramovich needs to take it with both hands and do whatever it takes to bring him to this football club. Sneijder would be fantastic for Chelsea.
It appears (according to The Sun) that Guus Hiddink, who has been an advisor for Chelsea over the past couple of seasons, has told Roman Abramovich to do whatever it takes to outbid the likes of Manchester United and Manchester City to sign Sneijder.