Click here to view the embedded video.
Now all your Cristiano and/or Iker shower fantasies can come true.
Well, almost.
Ivory Coast midfielder Jean Jacques Gosso Gosso celebrates his team's progress to the final by
mounting Emmanuel Eboue. How nice! Image: FRANCK FIFE/AFP/Getty Images.
Well, despite our promises, the Africa Cup of Nations has been continuing without us paying it
the slightest bit of attention.
Disturbing and insanely cute in equal measure, this vid of a select gang of Barca players
unleashing their inner rally drivers is a must watch.
And no, before you ask, Cesc does not attempt to pull a 'donut'.
Please take a moment to doff your metaphorical cap to Celia Hodkin, Kickettes. Celia has been a
Manchester City fan since 1933, and achieved a life's ambition last weekend when she was invited to
be the mascot at her club's game vs. Fulham.
As is only right for a woman of such commitment and stature, Celia was afforded VIP treatment on
game day, taking in the sights and sounds of the tunnel, the changing room (!
The Kickette round commences at 38.29. But really, you should watch the whole show. You're clearly
not busy, because you're here.
If our appearance on ESPN's Talk Of The Terrace didn't give you a hint that boys have no clue
what a woman wants from a footballer, our latest foray into TV territory certainly should.
Image: REUTERS/Sergio Moraes.
With our penchant for crap hats and whips, you might say we're the 'Indiana Jones's' of the
fluffy football world.
With this in mind, we ventured into the depths of the Copa Libertadores last night and found
this photo of Wagner (r) being tackled/molested (depending on how loose your definition
on on-pitch discipline is) by the magnificently named Hugo Nervo.
Image: Sport.es.
Because our inboxes are blazing with "friendly" reminder e-mails concerning all the footy
birthdays we failed to mention, we've been peer pressured into doing it now.
Happy Birthday to them:
- Not only do Gerard Pique & Shakira share saliva, they also share the same birth date (albeit
10 years apart he turned 25 while she reached 35 on 2 February).
Laurent Koscielny is old enough to be married. This is his wife, Claire. Image: Gareth
Cattermole/Getty Images.
The Laureaus World Sport Awards took place at the Central Hall in Westminster last night. As is
usual with these events, a smattering of footballers turned up to watch Bobby Charlton pick up a
Lifetime Achievement Award and surely what must be the most shocking event of the year so far; Leo
Messi not winning an award he has been nominated for.
Kickettes, this is your morning alarm call. Please haul your carcasses out of bed and stand to
attention. Like Stevie. Image: AP Photo/Tim Hales.
The title race is heating up across several of the domestic leagues, which means so should our
Man Candy detectors.
Except they're not.
Seems they're having a bit of technical difficulty picking up on their targets, if you know what
we mean.
Images: AFP PHOTO / JOHN MACDOUGALL; AP Photo/Kirsty Wigglesworth; REUTERS/Alessandro Garofalo.
YOU try keeping them apart. Image: AFP PHOTO/ IAN KINGTON.
Don't feel bad that you missed all the transfer news because you're such important people. We
too were engaged in frantic busy work (sleeping, shopping, drinking or a horrifying and painful
combination of all three) when the window slammed shut at 23.
Edinson Cavani. Forcing us to rethink our oppression of t-shirt/suit jacket combos since 9.30am
this morning. Image: Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty Images.
If someone else is going to go to the trouble of picking out and rewarding their favourite Serie
A players, it would be remiss of us not to use the photo opportunity for a random post.
Image: REUTERS/Giorgio Perottino.
How cool would it be if there was a superhero whose job it was to pursue footballers and pull
their shorts down for the benefit of watching?!
Well, fantasise no more, people. Juve's Fabio Quagliarella is here and he's going to rescue us
from the horror of thigh-free week days.
Fabio Cannavaro. Sought after wherever he goes, apparently. Here, he's attracting a bit of interest
from local kids in Phnom Penh on January 9th. Image: STR/AFP/Getty Images.
We're not going to get wrapped in the complexities of the newly founded Premier League Soccer
tournament in India for two reasons.
Image via lavozlibre.com.
Tattooist Leo Millares (above left) is a man who spends too much time with his hands on
footballer flesh for our liking. His latest work, posted on Twitter before the ink had even dried,
is a set of replica pooch prints on the tummies of Guti and his lady love Romina Belluscio.
Don't forget to let the vid play until you see the bonus Mario Balotelli abs at 14:26.
Would you would live happily ever after if you could have Gareth Bale's heaving, sweaty
abdominal muscles in your line of sight for just a few seconds? Pinky swear?
Well, thanks to our honorary intern and supreme short tent stalker, Blake, now you can.
Kickette: knowingly exploiting men (including those from the Brasiliense first team) for nefarious
purposes since 2006. Image via brasiliensefc.com.br.
We were looking forward to dusting off our radical feminist costumes and having a good old bitch
when we found out that Brazilian side Brasiliense FC had been pushing soft porn on their club
website in a bid to boost site traffic.
When we made the bold step of coming forward to #AskBrek which national team-mate of his has the
best abdominal muscles, all we heard was *crickets*.
Now we know why.
Silly boys with their silly toys. They should stop horsing around and let us see and/or touch
their six-packs so we can move on from this matter once and for all.
Image: Dean Mouhtaropoulos/Getty Images Europe.
Have you noticed that Joey Barton is expressing his musical preferences through head and facial
furniture lately ? The Morrissey fetish (and illustrative quiff) has been crushed beneath the
weight of his Beatles back catalogue, judging by this photo of him at the QPR FA Cup game this
week.
Image: REUTERS/Gleb Garanich.
The Platium Hotel near Kiev is the next location to highlight on our EURO 2012 Stalker's Map,
Kickettes. This delightful hotel is where the Sweden NT are rumoured to be resting between their
group games vs. England, Ukraine and France.
The Hall
Image: REUTERS/Gleb Garanich.
Original Image: Jasper Juinen/Getty Images.
The zoom inset. Formerly the sole province of the boot porn aficionado, it's now being used by
our photo agencies for other fantastic football effects.
Sentenced to three days in a freezing pond, Besart Berisha (right, front) attempts to explain to
his team mates exactly what he was hoping to achieve by 'offering out' Sydney defender Pascal
Bosschaart. Image via couriermail.au
There were some ugly scenes that followed Brisbane Roar's 2-0 victory over Sydney FC in the
Australian A-League recently, after Brisbane striker Besart Berisha scored his side's stoppage
time-winning goal: he removed his shirt (not ugly) and gestured for Sydney FC's Pascal Bosschaart
to follow him into the tunnel to 'sort things out' (where things proceeded to get ugly).
We've got three words for you MB: YSL's Touche Eclat. Image via calcio nel cuore.
All the wrongs in the world would be righted if we could honestly claim late night frivolity
responsibilities for Marco Borriello's puffy eyes.
Oh, the scenes, sounds and smartphone-recorded proof.
Le sigh.
Eric Cantona, who has added the offices of poet and thespian to his CV since folding up his
shorts, has reportedly taken steps to acquire the 500 mayoral signatures he needs to stand for
France's presidential vote this year.
However, French newspaper Liberation has subsequently stated that Eric's intention is not to
make it as far as the Elysee Palace (the official residence of the Prez), but to draw attention
to poor quality housing in the country.
Click here to view the embedded video.
This video of retired footballer, Christian 'Bobo' Vieri, moving and grooving on Italian show
'Dancing With The Stars' didn't do our delicate PTHE (Post Traumatic Hangover Experience) state any
favours.
Mmmm, Tuesday's looking up isn't it? Images via Greg in Hollywood.
We've been jonesing for brand spankin' new (and naive) man meat to profile on our humble little
site, and boy did our wishing, hoping and bartering with God pay off!
Allow us to introduce you to Lance Parker and his abs, who both play for FC Edmonton in the
North American Soccer League.
Click here to view the embedded video.
We're quite proud of ourselves this week. Despite over-indulging a touch during the holidays, we
still managed to bring the goods to the table. They included David Beckham in a state of undress,
Demba Ba's favourite snack item, the Football Power Couple of the Year results and a thorough
examination of aesthetic prejudices in football.
Think you're up on the (sometimes un)polished pearls of WAG wisdom? Well then, step right up,
Kickettes, and give us your best guesses.
In the above child-made chart, you'll find the most recently memorable quotes that were spoken
by wives and/or girlfriends of footballers across Europe.
There's a bevy of beautiful 'ballers across multiple domestic leagues who desperately need
medical assistance.
We've already written our recommended rehab prescriptions, and now all we ask is for some
expert(s) in the field who can responsibly oversee their care and return them to fighting fit
form.
Congrats (and Happy Belated B-day to the most Gingerific man in La Liga) you crazy kids! Image
Credit: Vanitatis.com.
While the global footy community is full of hot and heavy, high profile relationships, not all
of them are as wonderful and easy going for us to cover as Xabi and Nagore's is.
Nice work in the airport earlier today, Dimi.
Mid-stride side-eye was the name of Berba's game in the airport earlier today ahead of Manchester
United's battle with Newcastle at St James' Park.
Image: STR/AFP/Getty Images
While you've were toiling over turkey and trimmings, AC Milan took advantage of the Serie A
break by taking their players to sunny Doha. Their winter training camp includes a match vs. Paris
St Germain in the Dubai Football Challenge on the 4th January; a fixture sure to be a tough one as
PSG's newly appointed manager is none other than Carlo Ancelotti, who managed Milan from 2001 to
2009.
Image via tumblr.
We thought long and hard about how to thank our faithful band of soldier boys and girls for
their support this year. Among the management proposals vetoed by the staff were:
- Spending the money set aside for the party season bar bills/lawyers fees on a couture outfit
for each and every one of you, with the balance to be contributed towards the search for Fernando
Torres' mojo.
For those of you who haven't been around longer than six months, this treat might well be lost
on you. But Martin is still the man, the myth, the legend around here. He pretty much built this
website into something really cool and active, and we've merely been trying to keep the momentum
going since his departure.
Image: REUTERS/Murad Sezer.
Remember the other day when we were bemoaning the detrimental effect that kit re-sizing had on
our bringing you the best in short tents? Well, since that sad day, Polish NT striker Arkadiusz
Piech has shown us there is still room for optimism (although not much else) during Poland's
friendly against Bosnia on 16th December.
The men of Real Madrid as well as we wish all our beloved readers the best of holidays. We love you
all! Image Credit: RealMadrid.com.
We're nearly there, Kickettes: are you getting any time off for the holidays?
In this season of indulgences and excess, we would never deprive you. As a result we will still
be posting gossip, breaking news on exposed six packs, and a Rear End Review of footy in 2011.
Image Credit: AP Photo/Stanley Gontha.
We don't often get to use the terms 'mayhem' and 'drama' when we're talking about the KNVB Beker
(Dutch Cup). That's mainly because we rarely bother to cover it, but our attention was drawn
specifically to the game between AZ Alkmaar and Ajax last night, when a fan onto the pitch and
tried to attack Alkmaar 'keeper Esteban.
Click here to view the embedded video.
Let's be clear, people. We might be world renowned slouches, but if you're going to throw
random videos of Dutch footballers doing weird things while wearing lycra at us, we're going to
make it our business to find out why.
Here's what we came up with: the Stars of Football campaign for which this (and numerous other
amusing films featuring NT players) was made for, has something to with a Dutch supermarket chain
called C1000.
With our Elite Spy Units stationed across the globe, desperate ploys by players to get on
Kickette's front page will never be missed. Nicely done, Libor Kozak of Lazio! Image: Paolo
Bruno/Getty Images Europe. Thanks E!
