Newcastle United

Blackburn fans’ ‘Kean Out’ campaign goes to the Olympics

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We're only a few days into the London Olympics and the Games have already served as an all-consuming distraction for a large portion of the planet. One group that has not been distracted from their primary focus, even while attending Olympic football matches, is that of Blackburn fans (and their chickens) who really, really want the club's manager, Steve Kean, and ownership group, Venky's, as far away from their club as humanly possible.

SPL: Where The Smart Money Goes

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The whirligig that is international week has left me struggling for time as we approach the mundane predictability of the SPL.

So this week's SPL preview has been drawn entirely at random.

Not by me.

I've shipped in a glamorous assistant, a glamorous assistant who is the number one draw every Wednesday night at a "gentleman's club" cabaret in Newcastle.

English Premier League

Interview with Prof. Stefan Szymanski, author of Soccernomics

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In this special podcast I recorded for Forza Futbol, I talked to Professor Stefan Szymanski, economist and author of the recently published Soccernomics 2nd edition. Stefan is a Professor of Kinesiology at School of Kinesiology, University of Michigan and is an author of various books on economics in sports.


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I gave up trying to talk to people about randomness in football about three years ago. Rationally we know that in any given season the same Fulham team might finish 7th or 17th without changing a thing (injuries, bounces of the ball, etc) but we're not interested in this. In this game everything must have a reason and a culprit and there's no point trying to suggest otherwise.

Third Party Ownership, Control of Referees, Firms of Agents Working Together to Fix Games in the Premier League

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Players and Fans are the two key ingredients that make football the beautiful game.
The skill and the atmosphere, the suspense and the uncertainties, sometimes even a randomness of poetic and physical forms.

Football will always be this but there are some parts of the game that now exist in a parallel universe to the game/play outlined above.


[VIDEO] Celebrating a Sunderland Goal, With a Dog

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Sometimes EPL matches are worth watching for the randomness that occurs in the stands, such as in yesterday's match between Sunderland and Queen Park Rangers in which, if you watched closely, you would see a Sunderland fan celebrating Nicklas Bendtner's goal by standing and hugging/jumping with his dog.

(Worst) photo of the day: Super Frank and, um, Justin Bieber

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No words. Hit the jump for a cinematic look at my immediate reaction to coming across this truly bizarre photo of Frank Lampard and some kid. Thanks a lot, Tumblr.

Kid N Play

First, let me say welcome to those visiting this here blog only because a certain cranial-heavy pop fad was tagged in the post.

Emile Heskey vs Neymar: who is best?

Off the Post at related • 1 view
We trawl through a lot of football videos here at OTP, but when you spot one entitled Emile Heskey vs Neymar it tends to stand out from the crowd. And so we are featuring it purely on the grounds of randomness. Is it a post-modern statement on the hype surround young footballers in the YouTube [...]

Bits and Bobs and Jens Back In Goal

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I hope that clip of Cesc in the new Spanish film Torrente 4 has you prepared for the randomness that will be today's blog post.

What better place to start than on Arsenal goalkeepers? Jens Lehmann made his triumphant Arsenal return with the Reserves team who played Wigan today.

Video: David Luiz Punks Di Maria

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Too good. Who knew Bob had such a sense of humor? Video after the jump.

A Ron Swanson approved prank.

Love it.

Dear Fernando: A personal message for our new No. 9

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Fernando, we know you're out there. And we want you to know we care.


It's been a traumatic 10 or so days for you.

You moved to a new city, one so full of promise yet one so new, so unfamiliar. You initially longed for the comfort of home, and the company of many of your Scouse friends.

Chelsea Team News

Video: Chelsea FIFA 12 Pro Player Tournament

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Six of our boys yes, Bob was in the house participated in EA Sports' official FIFA 12 Pro Player Tournament on Wednesday at Cobham. Cue the inevitable trash talk and the birth of Romelu "I love the silence" Lukaku.

That's right. Our young Belgian enforcer emerged from the wreckage triumphant, topping fellow 18-year-old Josh McEachran by a 4-1 scoreline in the final.

Video: Beyonce adores the famous CFC

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Add this one to the list of things you never expected to see. Ever.

After you're done admiring a certain pregnant woman's thickness, fast forward to 2:16 and check for a rather familiar blue top amongst the crowd on the porch. Carefree, bitches.

Sidenote aka shameless promotion: Shout out to J.

England’s Brave John Terry loathes reptiles

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You can't make stuff like this up. England's Brave John Terry was today, amid training and fighting this bizarre racist abuse claim, to serve as grand opener at Reptile Kingdom near Cobham. Wait, what?

Terry, of course, did not show up, much to the dismay of many, including the young one below.

Video: Do the Villas-Boas

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Reckon Andre broke this out after he secured Meireles at the eleventh hour, leaving Daniel Levy with a great big pile of misery in the form of Luka Modric. Kick it.

Chelsea announce partnership with EA Sports

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EA Sports, proud (for better or worse) creators of the gargantuanly successful FIFA gaming series, have been making friends with everybody lately. Running round making club-specific deals instead of focusing on improving the product how wonderful. But I digress. This new-found friendliness from EA continues today, with Chelsea announcing an official partnership with the conglomerate for the 2011-12 season.

Photo of the Day: Not just any prawn sandwiches

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There's not really anymore to say, really. Someone get Keano on the horn.


Drogba joins Malouda at Ligue 1’s newest darlings

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A Drogba joined a Malouda today at Dijon, just not the ones we're familiar with.

Not these two

Dijon, who will compete in France's top flight for the first time in the club's history this season, announced the signing of Freddy Drogba on Wednesday. Freddy is, of course, the younger brother of The Mighty One.

Video: Stefan Ivanovic, Future Chelsea Superstar

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Branislav Ivanovic's young son takes the opportunity post-match yesterday to break away from the pack and show off some dribbling skills. And then, he shoots he scores! Only five more goals to catch up to his dad for the season!

Initial reaction: Manchester United 2-1 Chelsea

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It’s the Roc: Ashley & Jay-Z planning a takeover

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Quick, run, before the tabloids come
Run from the night or we end up in The Sun
-Jay-Z, American Boy remix

"ASHLEY COLE is in talks with JAY-Z to learn how to tackle the music business."

You can't make this stuff up. Cashley, according to your rapper's favorite tabloid, who else but The Sun, is in talks with S.

Air gun gameage: Cole of Duty

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The Mirror got jokes.

Ashley Cole shot my mum last week. The drama has since been immortalized in digital form, first by Taiwanese television and now by some crafty fucks with degrees in software engineering.

No disrespect, of course. This is good, real good.

This just in: Liverpool Offside inks 10-year extension with Chelsea obsession

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The trolls have also agreed to a similar contract. It really is quite flattering, you know?

And kind of sad.

Well done, sirs.

You beat us. Twice. You deserved all six points. Congratulations. Now, how about moving on to bigger and better things? Yeah, like focusing on the mighty Wigan.

Break it down: A tale of two posts

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The enigma that is Salomon Kalou was on full show Tuesday at the Stadium of Light. A superb shift as foil to Didier Drogba overshadowed by a second-half miss so glorious that it managed to bemuse the hell out of all of us. Bemusing us, it's what King Salomon does best.

Oh dear.

Torres shirt mania aka The Recoup

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Looks like the club is already recovering some of that British record transfer fee.

Movin' units

Marketability. The Mirror today has a story regarding the retail madness that has been Fernando Torres shirt sales. Since the Spanish striker joined Chelsea from Liverpool on Monday night, the club have reportedly sold a billion No.

The Rest

Cristian Roldan’s goal needs to be seen in slow-motion to be fully appreciated

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There were at least 15 touches on Sounders' goal.

SEATTLE — Soccer is a game where randomness can sometimes decide the outcome. Rarely was that more on display than on Cristian Roldan's opening goal in the Seattle Sounders' 1-1 draw with the Portland Timbers on Sunday.

The extent of that randomness was captured perfectly by LevyFilms (video above).

Now you’re under control

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On Sunday night Toby and I took in Sutton United v Notts County in the FA Cup second round proper (a trip to Doncaster was on offer to the winners).

No giant killing here. County eventually sauntered to a routine victory, but there were alarms along the way, notably when Sutton were awarded then missed a penalty on the verge of half-time (shooooot!

Bieber visits Stamford Bridge, world ends

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Justin Bieber is in Britain for something or other. Girls everywhere are crying. Meanwhile, the singer turned rapper took some time out from making said girls sob incessantly by hauling his 4-year-old girlfriend, Selena Gomez, to Stamford Bridge for a private tour.

And the world wept.

Ashley & Cheryl?

QotD: Who do you most NOT want to see in a Chelsea shirt?

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So many of us blogger types have been obsessing over transfers for months now. It's only natural really. Concrete news is at a minimum for the most part, and rumors are very much a welcome diversion from the regular old norm.

Some, including us here at the Chelsea Offside, have even gone as far as to ask readers who would be their dream signings this summer.

Ashley Cole: Restaurant mogul?

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Ashley Cole is set to enter the restaurant biz in London with hip-hop artist Jay-Z. Prepare to add "restaurant mogul" to his resume.

Look, it already has its own website and everything.

"London is one of the most vibrant and exciting cities in the world and the perfect location for our new venue," Jay-Z said in an official statement.

Stats: Dropping Shots on Goal Out of the Picture

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Last week I took a look at correlations between first half and second half rates of various statistics for MLS players to help explore the question of whether the rates were primarily driven by player skill or other factors. The upshot was that shot rate is pretty well correlated, but both accuracy (shots on goal / shots) and conversion (goals / shots on goal) were all over the place, indicating that factors other than player skill (which we'll call 'randomness') dominate those rates.