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Start your morning off right with a bit of backheel bliss. Happy Tuesday y'all.
After what seemed like an eternity away with the Foreign Legion or doing something equally French,
Alarazboy has returned with a new mixtape of 100% all-natural, soccer showtime. Oh how I've missed
this. Viva Futbol y'all.
In the 1980's prominent militant Negro Chuck D. rhymed about fighting the power. In the 2000's
milquetoast Negro Shawn Francis blogs about fighting the flop. 1960's civil rights leaders are
either appalled or relieved by this. Either way, flopping sucks.
Fight the flop!
Hats off to England for finally out-Americaning us. Watching sports on TV while shopping for
chemicals disguised as food is pretty much the end-all, be-all of modern, information-age excess so
I applaud Sainsbury's and Sky Sports for making this miracle happen just in time for the final day
of the transfer window.
Have you ever stood in line at your local bodega or 7-11 clutching your 32oz. dose of high-fructose
corn syrup while staring at the scratch offs and day-dreaming about the day that you could purchase
your very own soccer-specific lotto tickets? I know. I have too.
MDI Entertainment has reached an agreement with MLS "to make logos and trademarks associated with
MLS and its teams available to lotteries for instant games.
Remember Spartan Stadium? Remember when Lando had a hairline like that?
When I get cool, I'm going to be invited to things like this. Until then, I'm just going to have to
hear about it after the fact from my men at TOW. Possibly for the best though that I didn't get
hollered at about this as I am terrible at foosball. Last thing I need is to get my ass handed to
me on tape for all the interwebs to see.
Alarazboy is back. 'Bout time too as I was starting to think he'd been shutdown or deported. Viva
Futbol!
Awesome recovery here. Might be the best fake to occur beyond the bedroom of an unhappy marriage
this year.
I'm out running around the city this week dealing with MLS All Star week madness. So pardon my
absence. Please accept this mixtape as a parting gift.
Nothing says "wedded bliss" in a time of 50/50 divorce rates like bespoke Seattle Sounders garter
belts. Guys, if she'll rock your club colors on her special day she's a keeper. And ladies, if you
do this you can hold it over his head every time you want him to do something undudelike* like hold
your purse while you shop Anthropologie or go to Duane Reade for feminine hygiene products.
A nice little mixtape to get you hyped for one of the 1300 matches featuring MLS teams tonight.
Enough between-the-legs moves, ankle-breaking and fist-pumping to fill an entire season of Jersey
Shore.
Q: Name another place outside of the soccer field where an extra four minutes can seem like an
eternity and mean the difference between making someone scream in ecstasy or sending them home
disappointed?
A: The bedroom.
This folks is great marketing.
50? Really? Ugh. I love you Alarazboy but I think you just jumped the shark here cousin.
Younger readers may not be aware of this but at one point and time Busta Rhymes was a highly
acclaimed rapper. Mind you the song featured in this clip is in no way proof of that, but I just
thought you should know.
A lil funk & footwork for your Friday afternoon. Something to make you shake your ass like Jozy
shook Capdevila in '09.
If you're someone who frequents this blog or my brothers from another mother at The Original Winger
you should check out KCKRS. They've just launched but seem to have a comparable taste and a similar
sense of humor. It's a good time. Book mark it today...or the forward gets it.
Don't get it twisted, that's not a promotional photo from the Jodeci reunion tour. It's our
DaMarcus and his partner Mo pushing Beas' diamond line, the DaMarcus Collection which is apparently
making its stateside debut in Miami on June 18th. So if your lady is sweating you to put the rock
on her or if you're just trying to tighten up your ice game a little you should buy from Run-DMB
(because Zales just doesn't cut it).
This is the first time I've ever seen coin soccer, which at a glance looks like it could be a Third
World mash up of subbuteo and foosball. Kinda awesome, completely creative. I need one of these.
For all you ankle and Q-Tip fetishists out there.
Did you know that in addition to being used as a sex move (by deviants) the Captain Morgan can be
applied on set-pieces and in lieu of barstools? It's true! Thanks for the knowledge rum-maker!
Remember when FC Dallas flew that plane with the Dallas 'Til I Die banner over the Dynamo match
last week? Portland just saw them their plane and raised them a wrap job worthy of any hip-hop
label's promo van. Whether it's by accident or design I don't know but the rumor is that this plane
is scheduled to make it's first passenger flight out of Seattle of all places.
I'm going to get this thing in New York for MLS All Star week if it's the last thing I do. This
looks like the funnest "made up while drunk" game since bike jousting.
Is it just me or are the only people still rocking Busta Rhymes people who put together footie
mixtapes? Seems like the only time I ever hear that fool anymore is on Youtube. Oh well, at least
he's doing better than Ja Rule these days.
What is there to say about House of Pain other than "Jump Around" is kind of the scabies of 90's
pop-rap: you often get it in nightclubs, it's kind of annoying but scratching it kind of feels
good.
Outlandish step-overs, flicks and drags feel even better though so get stuck into the latest
offering from Total Skills.
I apologize to you all for the presence of Shaggy here on TOR. Sometimes you just have to take one
for the team, which many of you did during the past 24 hours here. So yeah, um...watch the video
and stuff.
Do you love soccer but hate your boss and/or family? If so I AM PLAYR may be just the all-consuming
timesuck you need to make them hate you back. A Facebook-based game that occupies the previously
uninhabited no man's land between cinema and gaming, I AM PLAYR is equal parts fantasy futbol,
"Choose Your Own Adventure" and Guy Ritchie Nike advert.
Think you have what it takes to mind the nets at RFK Stadium? If so, then ask yourself the
following questions:
- Are you Pat Onstad in disguise?
- Do you know what a partial allocation is (and if so could you tell us)?
- Would it offend you to be acquired in a trade for Kurt Morsink?
While the players are away, the stadiums play. This is pretty dope...almost makes me wish I was
physically fit enough to get strapped in and shoot off to Stratton or someplace for the weekend.
Sadly, with my love of BBQ & Chinese food being what it is the only thing I would be good for is
keeping the fireplace going and mixing the drinks because weebles don't ride well.
How this isn't a Wes Anderson movie I will never know.
Beware the swears in the soundtrack; if you are in cubicle country headphones are a must.
This kind of looks like it was a good time. Seattle-based, soccer-centric energy drink Golazo had
some party somewhere with 3v3 cage soccer, bike polo and loads of young attractive people; it
reminds me of college but without the drunkenness, student poverty & STD scares.
And speaking of drunkenness Golazo are one of the sponsors for the American Outlaws rally in Las
Vegas on March 4th & 5th.
Can you imagine how many American heads would explode if the Green Bay Packers and the Pittsburgh
Steelers trotted out onto the field at JerryWorld on Sunday rocking these soccer-inspired kits?
Shedloads, that's how many; you'd be picking bits of brain out of your blue cheese dip for days
(and yet you would probably still eat your hot wings).
I'm still bored but this makes things a little bit better. More please.
Who's down to get weird with a little soft rock and leotards?
If you were in New York City during the summer of 2004 you remember it as the moment Reggaeton ate
Manhattan. It was all Daddy Yankee & Tego Calderón, all the time. And I mean all the time. Sh*t
was as omnipresent as bodega's, tourists, yellow cabs and James Iha south of 14th St. But then,
mercifully, it went away.
Alarazboy drops mixtape number 66 and it's his most NSFW work yet. Not just for Luda's potty mouth
but for the sheer nastiness of the moves on dispaly; hold on to your butts.
