Welcome to Offbeat Wednesday, where we round up the wacky stories in football for you! This week, read about Sara Carbonero's thoughts on her man Iker Casillas, Carlos Tevez goes home & Balotelli's £400 000 toilet damaging fees and more!

As you may know, IkerBonero went on a holiday to Rome last week and were snapped arriving at Madrid's Barajas airport looking every bit like the holidaymakers they are!

Two things need to happen in the world surrounding Special 1 TV:

i. Puppet Sven needs to return.
ii. The real Jose needs to return to Chelsea.

The former is likely to happen shortly, but the latter is a bit far-fetched, despite all the sense it would make, both for the club and man, but also for the show.

By Chris Wright

West Brom have pipped both Bolton and Valencia in the race to sign 21-year-old Arsenal striker Carlos Vela on loan for the rest of the season.

So said Baggies manager Roberto Di Matteo, from under his bountiful, Thunderbird-puppet eyebrows:

"I'd like to officially welcome Carlos, who is an exciting signing for this club.

By Ollie Irish

Hahnemann gets pissed off when people say he looks like Fred Durst. Well Marcus, we hope this helps...

Hahnemann is a Yankee goalkeeper who looks a bit nothing like Fred Durst.

Symon is a Yankee chef who looks like a bit like Hahnemann.

So I wake up this morning, a day off for me. I fire up the laptop, check the news, and see that Manchester City's splash signing, Edin Dzeko, would have preferred signing with Juventus according to his agent. You have to put two and two together, since that article doesn't do it for you, but the Juventus offer was less than Manchester City's offer, so it wasn't money that lured him to City, it was desperation.