Absolutely pathetic.

Dothraki Ballack

Miserable stuff. Just terrible across the board. It seems to go from bad to worse every day around these parts, and if you're looking for excuses I'm fresh out. There really isn't any excuse that would work though, it's just a damn fact that our squad are playing like a pub team.

When Harry said he was going to play the kids, I didn't think he meant kids. They did us proud last night, Livermore and Carroll in particular performing with integrity and application helped out towards the end by a goalkeeper old enough to be their dad. Not everything worked but that's only to be expected.

A summertime experiment to manage rising expectations - a note from the editor

It has been just over a month since I left the shores of Barcelona and my five months of travels and studies throughout Europe ended. The experiences from my trip will never leave, from playing calcio with children in Cinque Terre to kicking around at Praia do Guincho with Dominic Vieira to being a part of the Barcelona Independent Fútbol League on Saturdays for the Ovella Negra pub team (my transfer fee was an Estrella Damm) to seeing the Amsterdam ArenA with the best Ajax fan around.

So they had us all fooled. Qatar may have displayed what Martin Walker in the Daily Mail pinpoint-accurately described as "pub-team awfulness" in losing their opening AFC Asian Cup game to Uzbekistan. But it was all a ruse. They are good after all. And you might as well give them the 2022 World Cup now.