The Portland Timbers played their second pre-season exhibition on February 10, facing the Montreal Impact, a former rival from the Timbers' previous days in lower division soccer that now joined them in MLS. While the action was brisk at points, neither side could muster a goal as the teams played to a scoreless draw.

Images courtesy of the man himself, Lance Parker.

Footballer and male model, Lance Parker, is obviously cool with posing in his underwear.

Coincidentally, we are too.

Since he seemed down for our interview games and uncontrollable flirting tactics, we decided to spice up our Q&A style a bit.

Who spends the longest in front of the mirror?

It's an age old tool we've been probing our favourite 'ballers with for years, mainly because we can't be bothered to come up with any better questions.

As you know, over the past few weeks we've been training Chris Cohen of 'Talking Balls' to do our bidding (so we ourselves can spend longer in front of the mirror) and we're pleased to say that he did a magnificent job of getting the goods from Manchester United's Tom Cleverley and Liverpool's Jordan Henderson, when he cornered them on Wednesday at the launch of EA Sports Grand Slam Tennis 2 in London.

Image: Sport.es.

Because our inboxes are blazing with "friendly" reminder e-mails concerning all the footy birthdays we failed to mention, we've been peer pressured into doing it now.

Happy Birthday to them:

- Not only do Gerard Pique & Shakira share saliva, they also share the same birth date (albeit 10 years apart he turned 25 while she reached 35 on 2 February).

David Beckham's reent ejection from a youth soccer game has been receiving a lot of attention in the press. To hear Becks describe it, he quite rightly protested a referee ejecting a 7-year old from a youth soccer game and the ref kicked him out of the park as a result.

If Beckham's telling is accurate, it seems the ref overreacted twice and this is all much ado about nothing.

St Etienne keeper Jérémie Janot believes the best way for players to keep warm in cold conditions is to wear a wetsuit then pee in it. Image: THIERRY ZOCCOLAN/AFP/Getty Images.

Dangerously cold weather and unplayable pitch conditions wreaked havoc on Ligue 1 action this weekend after parts of France were struck with blistering, near-freezing temperatures (-13 degrees Celsius/8 degrees Farenheit).

The Portland Timbers completed their last scheduled practice in Portland before heading to California on February 5 for 12 days of training and four scrimmages. While the mood was soured a bit by the news of Jose Adolfo Valencia's knee surgery, the team remains upbeat about their prospects for the 2012 season.

The Portland Timbers were finally able to talk about the long term status of their young Colombian forward, Jose Adolfo Valencia. After discovering some scarring in his left knee during a pre-season medical exam that could lead to troubles down the line, the Timbers worked with Valencia's former club in Colombia to adjust the transfer agreement, allowing Valencia to undergo surgery in Portland this year.

As bromances go, we can't say we expected this. But ya know what? It might just be mad enough to work... Image: REUTERS/Eddie Keogh.

It's past 5 o'clock somewhere, Kickettes.

Consider that an explanation for our poor spelling, lack of coherence and just about anything else that's horribly wrong after the jump.

Rocking Dolce & Gabbana, Leo is looking anything but "Messi" in this month's Esquire Greece.

Yep, it's Friday alright.

YOU try keeping them apart. Image: AFP PHOTO/ IAN KINGTON.

Don't feel bad that you missed all the transfer news because you're such important people. We too were engaged in frantic busy work (sleeping, shopping, drinking or a horrifying and painful combination of all three) when the window slammed shut at 23.

It happens to the best of us.

Well, not us personally, but it does occur nonetheless.

The gradual decline of attractiveness is a peculiar one, and we have to admit we've felt it happening to one of our former beloved 'ballers, Wayne Bridge.

Sure, his career has been nothing short of sinking ship, playing for three teams in as many years since parting ways with Chelsea FC.

He's baaack!

I like to think my post yesterday made the difference. That it was the final piece that brought Buddle back. Okay, maybe not. But I can still think that.

I was excited when Buddle first joined the Galaxy. He was not so highly rated, but I had seen him play and thought he had a lot of potential.

When we're not watching the footie, we love nothing better than kicking back with an industrial sized bucket of popcorn and criticising the hell out of the latest offerings from Hollywood. We were therefore thrilled when a "Movie Titles To Describe Your Sex Life" thread broke out on Twitter yesterday.

Image via wikipedia

In the wake of the news that the WPS has been suspended for the 2012 season, former majicJack and current USWNT striker Ella Masar offers her view of the situation on her blog.

The current (at the time of writing) wikipedia entry for Dan Borislow, the majicJack franchise owner, should give you a heads up as to where the blame is believed to lie in this little saga.

And I'm not talking about Beckham's 2-year $15 million contract.

I'm talking about Omar Gonzalez. Last month Omar pulled out of the national team training camp for a very exciting loan move to Nurnberg. His very first day there he suffered a season ending injury at the hands well, feet of his USMNT teammate Timmy Chandler.

Behind the Axe looks at some of the finances behind the most recent signings for the Portland Timbers. While the contract terms and numbers aren't released, the rules of MLS contracts did provide the Timbers some financial benefits that potentially helped them in the signing of Kris Boyd, a striker from Scotland.

Discard your sensible trousers and shirts lacking in leather panels, fellas. This is the look.

The intrepid gentlemen (and ladies) at British GQ threw us for a loop yesterday morning when they announced their annual list of Britain's 50 Best Dressed Men. Sure, the obvious choice to represent all of 'ballerdom was there and we would've been perfectly satisfied if they left it at that.

The Portland Timbers announced another player signing on January 30, but they didn't follow their recent trend of signing Colombian players. They added the all time leading scorer in the Scottish Premier League history, forward Kris Boyd, to a designated player contract. Boyd will join the team as soon as the team receives his international paperwork and medical clearance.

"I love underwear...it's as simple as that" David Beckham.

You know those women who can juggle ten things at once?

That's not us.

Saturday

- One of our readers named Patrick made our weekend after sending us a link to this abtastic gallery of 'ballers.

Fabio Cannavaro. Sought after wherever he goes, apparently. Here, he's attracting a bit of interest from local kids in Phnom Penh on January 9th. Image: STR/AFP/Getty Images.

We're not going to get wrapped in the complexities of the newly founded Premier League Soccer tournament in India for two reasons.

I got my first look at the 2012 Portland Timbers during practice on January 27, and I was very impressed at the team's overall fitness level. The team also appears to have improved on their overall team speed, which I didn't think was possible, but they appear to be faster. The Timbers will need some of their bigger players to show their strength and smarts for the team to make the playoffs, but they've certainly got a lot of talent to work with.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Ekanga Amia of Equatorial Guinea shows the world why the Academy were so wrong to overlook him in the Oscar shortlist. His side went on to beat Senegal 2-1 in the Africa Cup of Nations on Wednesday.

The day isn't close to being done but we're so giddy about today's preparedness that we're willing to share our Good Week/Bad Week update with you all early.

Messi coverboy on Time Magazine (Photo: Time)

TIME COVER: EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH LIONEL MESSI
This week's international edition of TIME features football star Lionel Messi on the cover with the title, "King Leo." In an exclusive interview with TIME's Bobby Ghosh, the Argentina native and FC Barcelona superstar speaks to TIME about handling criticism from his fellow countrymen and how he still has room to improve his unreal skills.

Oh Niko. You tousled literary conundrum, you. Images via premierleague.com.

EPL footballers are currently involved in a scheme intended to improve literacy levels and encourage people in the UK to read more books.

Please. It's not that funny.

It's actually pretty cool. Each EPL club nominates a player as their representative on the scheme and that player then selects his favourite books (one children's book, one grown-up book) and they are added to a list of recommendations.

Image via lavozlibre.com.

Tattooist Leo Millares (above left) is a man who spends too much time with his hands on footballer flesh for our liking. His latest work, posted on Twitter before the ink had even dried, is a set of replica pooch prints on the tummies of Guti and his lady love Romina Belluscio.

ADP got tongues wagging after netting his side's second goal in a 3-0 quarter-final Coppa Italia win over AS Roma yesterday. Not only was it his first strike in 15 appearances, but it was also his first goal in the new Juventus stadium. Image: Getty Images.

Ooh, it's a little early for tongue, Nolan. What kind of girls do you think we are? Image: PHILIPPE HUGUEN/AFP/Getty Images.

Nature abhors a vacuum, Kickettes. It isn't something we made up as a convenient opening remark for a transfer update post, it's the truth.

Don't believe us? Last week, we told you that Ludovic Obraniak had left Lille for Bordeaux, leaving a massive gap in their pretty player quotient.

The Timbers begin training camp this week in Portland at JELD-WEN Field in preparation for the 2012 season. Optimism is in high supply, as many players showed up to camp in excellent fitness for training. The Timbers just missed out on the playoffs in 2011, and have aspirations to be one of the five participants from the MLS Western Conference in 2012.

Image from 14.01.2012.

We've been kinda freaking out over here ever since this photo of Montpellier's resident hottie surfaced.

Is he single? Taken? A mama's boy?

Kickettes?!

This doesn't sound too promising. While the rest of the boys headed off to Spain after the disappointing draw with Norwich City, Frank Lampard remained behind. Poor guy.

He instead headed back to London in order to undergo scans on what is suspected to be a torn calf muscle. You may recall him being removed after only 37 minutes at Carrow Road.

Image: Dean Mouhtaropoulos/Getty Images Europe.

Have you noticed that Joey Barton is expressing his musical preferences through head and facial furniture lately ? The Morrissey fetish (and illustrative quiff) has been crushed beneath the weight of his Beatles back catalogue, judging by this photo of him at the QPR FA Cup game this week.

Player news is starting to pick up a little bit for Sporting KC. The team today made two announcements on player news, and a new rumor has cropped up on another player.
First, after the announcement yesterday of the trade for Michael Thomas' rights, the team today announced that they had signed the Olathe native to a contract.

Images: twitter, Mike Hewitt/Getty Images.

Spurs midfielder Tom Huddlestone has had a lot of time on his hands since his ongoing ankle injury started acting up again. But don't be thinking he's wasting it playing FIFA, pimping out his wheels and falling out of clubs like most footballers do.

The Portland Timbers added five players to their roster on January 17, signing Colombian defender Hanyer Mosquera and selecting four players in the MLS Supplemental Draft. One of their selections is a local product, as University of Portland's Ryan Kawulok was their first pick at number 8. Kawulok has spent the last two summers playing for the Timbers' U-23 club, and becomes the fourth member of those teams to make the jump from Timber U-23 to Timber MLS.

Happy belated birthday to Victor Valdés who turned the big 3-0 on Saturday, 14 January!

We have to say, Victor really turned up the sexy this past year. He sexually smized his way through a manly photo shoot, which included leather trousers and his abs. He also wasn't afraid to tap into some trendy patterns, although his hottest shoot may just be the one he did for DT Lux with his baby momma Yolanda.

RvP and David Cameron meet to mark the one year anniversary of football youth charity Street League, of which the Arsenal player is the new ambassador. Image: IAN WEST/AFP/Getty Images.

One of these men is effectively responsible for the reputation, economic stability and global perception of a vast European superpower.

Image: Photo by Scott Heavey/Getty Images.

FIFA Women's Player of the Year award finalist, Abby Wambach, walked into the FIFA Gala in Zurich last Monday virtually unnoticed by fans, cameramen, paparazzi and most other bystanders.

How come, you ask?

"Unfortunately I strolled in right after Shakira.

John Terry's bulge takes a hit from a schoolboy. That's precious cargo, son! Watch where you're aiming next time!

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There's a rumour going around that Pepe (of all people) just came out of the closet on a French radio show. Sounds like complete BS to us because A) why French radio?

Sentenced to three days in a freezing pond, Besart Berisha (right, front) attempts to explain to his team mates exactly what he was hoping to achieve by 'offering out' Sydney defender Pascal Bosschaart. Image via couriermail.au

There were some ugly scenes that followed Brisbane Roar's 2-0 victory over Sydney FC in the Australian A-League recently, after Brisbane striker Besart Berisha scored his side's stoppage time-winning goal: he removed his shirt (not ugly) and gestured for Sydney FC's Pascal Bosschaart to follow him into the tunnel to 'sort things out' (where things proceeded to get ugly).