I pressed the fire control... and ahead of me rockets blazed through the sky...

No sooner had I popped a decomposed pigeon heart in an envelope and scrawled FAO Chris Foy on the side with my own blood, (actually it was just red biro- I'm not a monster) I'm hearing word that Tottenham are ready to set off a dirty great rocket under their wage ceiling to sign facially challenged frontman, Carlos Tevez.

Why do so many English football fans hate their national team?

What do you think of when you read the phrase ‘England fans'? An overweight man from Essex wearing fake Burberry gear, snarling and looking like he's just returned from a BNP rally? Or perhaps St George flags flapping from numerous vehicles as people claim an impending World Cup victory.

You could throw a rock from JB to Singapore. If you had a strong arm. And were standing in the middle of the causeway. And a large pigeon suddenly swooped down from the Malaysian side, plucked the stone from your hands and carried it over to Singapore before dropping it on the miserable buggers who stamp passports for a living.

So, we heard from Arsene for the first time this summer and it has set some cats amongst some pigeons.

Speaking to Arsenal Player ahead of the Asian tour, it all started quite well. He spoke about how he would fight to keep Nasri and Cesc, which is good. Obviously we know the subtle differences between the two situations and I saw a report yesterday saying we're now offering Nasri £110,000 per week.

It seems putsch is all the rage amongst Arsenal fans at the moment. Whether it be indignant marches about what colour our away kit should be, or contrived stroppy walk outs immediately prior to the team's lap of appreciation next week (though for it to be effective, a lot of people are going to have to stay until the end of the game, which I doubt many have the forbearance for.