Photo Call

The Sizzle Query

Blerim Dzemaili & Xherdan Shaqiri: Team Shirtless

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To answer a Twitter follower's question, no we are not behind this, although we should've been. Multi-million pound ideas always seem to slip out of our fingers. Damn it.

Dimiar Berbatov: Man On Fire

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It's Labor Day in America today, so we want to wish our US Kickettes whatever salutation is in accordance with this paid day off from work! We're taking it easy ourselves today because we like to be tolerant of all religious holidays, birthdays and bank holidays (read: Weekend Results will be posted tomorrow).

Randoms

Strained Sexpression: Kevin Strootman, PSV Eindhoven

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We have it on good authority that this is what the flying Dutchman does right at the end of sex.Image:Dean Mouhtaropoulos/Getty Images Europe.

Kickette HQ: No Longer Going Roque

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Soz for falling off the face of the web, Kickettes!We're beginning to think it may be time for a HQ server upgrade. Tech-clever peeps, do they make them decorated with diamontes and ice makers? If so, we're interested. Anywho, we're getting back into the swing of things, so sit tight for more coming your way [.

Nicolas Anelka: A Quick Study

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Nicolas Anelka was watching carefully as Roger Federer beatYen Hsun-Lu6-3, 7-5 at the Shanghai Masters on Wednesday. Given the'uncertainty' surrounding his current contract with Shanghai Shenhua, it wouldn't surprise us if he was experimenting with other sports.Image:PETER PARKS/AFP/GettyImages.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic: Heart Of Darkness

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Image:FREDRIK SANDBERG/AFP/GettyImages. Ah, the cheery sight of big ole' Zlatan smiling. It's such a shame that previous experience of this expression tells us the scene will end painfully for someone.

English Premier League

Two Suits, One Scarf: Former United Players Pay Tribute To Sir Alex Ferguson

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Image: Getty. Here's Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Eric Cantona, Dwight Yorke, Andy Cole, Ruud van Nistelrooy and Edwin van der Sar cheesing for the red carpet cameras at the Sir Alex Ferguson statue unveiling in Manchester on Friday. Don't they look fantastico? When a group of aging footballers can multi-task at this level (standing upright, rocking [.

Mario Balotelli: The Meaning Of Mario

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Related:Leo Messi,Didier Drogba in TIME Magazine.Image:LEVON BISS FOR TIME. There ain't enough 'time' in the world to cover this issue thoroughly. While the 12 November cover looks amazing, Balotelli's really let his posture go, no?

Seasons Greetings: Bad Santi Has Come Early This Year

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Check out more photoshopped user-generated entries inThe Guardian's weekly caption contest when you can, Kickettes. Especially on a rainy day when a good laugh is hard to come by around these parts. Arsene Wenger's blackface photoshop job. Do you find it more, less or equally as offensive as a 'baller who actually wears blackface in [.

Aaron Are You Okay? Will You Tell Us That You’re Ok?

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Original Image: Getty. Another masterclass in photoshop by@DirtyTackle and @KickTV's @ryanjaybailey.

John Terry: Deja You

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How many more timesthis has to happen before he realises his conduct isn't impressing fellow professionals?Image:Julian Finney/Getty Images Europe.

Eden Hazard: Did Somebody Say Shelf Booty?

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Baby's got back, alright. Image: Getty Images.

Dirk Kuyt: When All Else Fails, Fancy Dress Doesn’t

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Images: KCKRS, Tumblr. We look forward to seeing more photos from Dirk Kuyt's feature in Fenerbahce's magazine so that the inevitable speculation about his attendance at Liverpool's annual fancy dress Christmas party can begin in earnest.

Joe Bennett’s Left Thigh Is Showing Early Signs Of Promise

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Since stating the total obvious seems to be our MO today, here's another courtesy of Aston Villa's newest signing. Image: Getty via Dirty Tackle.

John Terry: Down, But Not Out

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Turn that agonising frown upside down, JT! After all, your team won in the end, didn't they? Although, a tip for next time: 'tis best to seek medical attention whilst shirtless. It'll relieve any immediate pain and suffering. We guarantee it.

WAGs

Peter & Abbey Crouch: In Vogue

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Peter, Abbey, and Peter's 'tache attended the Marc Jacobs-hosted party for Kate Moss' new book in London last night. We don't know if we've ever thought this about the Crouches before, but they look cute, no? Well, not the 'tache, but everything else. When is Movember over? Image via vogue.co.uk

Francesco Totti & Ilary Blasi: Serving Up The Side-Eye

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Francesco Totti and his wife watched Novak Djokovic defeat Roger Federer in the ATP World Tour Tennis Finals in London over the weekend. Any more sightings to report, Kickettes?

Frankie Sandford: Survival Of The Stag Do Fittest

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Respect to The Sats singer for being the last female standing at this American stag party (in other words, for bumping into these men celebrating their mates' last hurrah at a lobster shack in L.A. and politely agreeing to take a picture with them). Image: Frankie's Twitter.

The Weekly Fit

Guilty Of Looking Good: Claudio Marchisio

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Image:Liverani/Tuttosport.

The Friday Fit: Sergio Ramos For Men’s Health, Again

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Uh, Leo who? Image: Menshealth.es. Now this is what we call fantasy football, ay carumba. Step by step pictorial chronicling how Sergio takes his shirt off is also a sight to behold, fellow excessive droolers. Not that we're complaining or anything, but gosh, we feel so unworthy of this yumminess today.

Bank Holiday Hotness: Cristiano Ronaldo

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Image: REUTERS/Juan Medina. Enjoy the bank holiday everyone, we're off to get drunk.

Australia

Harry Kewell: Those Kids Are Not Alright

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Cheers for sending, Catia!

Tom Rogic: Out Of Order

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We wonder what could've prompted the Aussie international to buck the 'front and centre' trend? Image: Nike.

Brazil

Neymar: Tracksuit Tribulations

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If ever a training style says, "I'm broke, lonely and confused," it is this one.Image: Facebook.

David Luiz: A Nice Geezer All Round

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He calls this the 'Reverse Geezer'. And for that we are truly thankful. Image:ANTONIO SCORZA/AFP/GettyImages.

Player News and Rumors

Prince William Warns Ashley Cole: Behave Or You’ll Lose Your Twitter Account

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The Duke of Cambridge is the president of the FA, mind you. Image:ADRIAN DENNIS/AFP/Getty Images.

Kevin-Prince Boateng & Melissa Satta Cover Vanity Fair, Announce Their Engagement

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They're hot, in love and sans various articles of clothing in the September issue of Vanity Fair Italia. Oh, and Melissa is the proud new owner of a 1.8 carat, F colour Damiani solitaire. You read that right: Kevin-Prince liked it so much he put a modestly sized ring on it.K-PB was recently promoted to [.

People We’re Not Afraid To Envy: Tihana Nemcic

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Related: Another Person We're Not Afraid To Envy. Image: Svet.rs. H/T @MehdiG6. Former Croatia Miss Sport finalist and footballer from Zagreb, Tihana Nemcic,became the first woman to be appointed coach of a men's club yesterday. Nice one, Miss Nemcic! As for her trailblazing rise to the top vs her ability to juggle a football in [.

First Look: Stuart Holden The Shirtless Super Hero For Howler Magazine

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Photograph by Andrew Hetherington. Damn it must feel good to be Karalyn West. ICYMI:Howler Magazine is a brand new footy mag containing roughly +100 pages of original writing, humour, op-eds plus beautiful illustrations and photography. Emphasis on beautiful photography. Shameless plug: since the pub's editor was gracious enough to give you, our lovely and loyal [.

‘Baller In Blue: Alessandro Del Piero Signs With Sydney FC

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Image: PA.

Ibrahim Afellay: Should He Stay Or Should He Go Now?

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26-year-old Afellay was seen arriving at the Grand Hotel Huis ter Duin in Noordwijk, Netherlands, ahead of the Dutch national team's friendly against Belgium on Wednesday. Image: © TOUSSAINT KLUITERS. Why the transfer window should be kicked in the shins until it goes away: the Ibrahim Afellay rumours.

Bundesliga

Photocall: Who’s The Man?

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Over the weekend, it was apparently that (Borussia Dortmund) guy. Image: AP Photo.

When It Comes To Group Manhugs, Bayer Leverkusen Does Not Mess Around

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Left to right: Stefan Kiessling, Gonzalo Castro and Lars Bender. Image: Bayer04.de.

Match Results

Camilo Sanvezzo: Eye Colour Exertion

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That yellow *was* a nice shade, but Vancouver's Sanvezzo really felt the red would've gone better with his eyes.

Sporting Kansas City: Open Cup, Open For Business

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Image: Twitter. H/T @Gay4Soccer. Let us quickly state for the record, although we enjoy seeing the events that unfolded after yesterday's Open Cup final, we are rather shocked by the fugliness of the winners' undergarments. Usually we look forward to locker room celebrations (i.e. see April 2011) with glee and HD anticipation.

England

Well Crafted: Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain’s Dimples, Biceps

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He makes us smile for reasons we can't succinctly summarise. Image:Â Michael Regan/Getty Images Europe.

Archie O’Hara Throws Down The Temper Tantrum Gauntlet At The May Fair Hotel

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Image: @MissDLloyd. Jamie O'Hara and Danielle Lloyd's insanely adorable son Archie was caught disturbing the peace at the five star London establishment on Saturday. Respect.

The Rest

Bafetimbi Gomis, A Teammate & Their Stuffed Mascot Share A Tender Manhug Moment

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Image: PHILIPPE MERLE/AFP/Getty Images.

Erik Hamren: Unintentional Illusionist

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Despite how things look, Michael Almebaeckwas not actually harmed during the making of this photo.

Deep Thoughts: Gianluigi Buffon, Emiliano Viviano, Morgan De Sanctis & Salvatore Sirigu

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Image:Â Claudio Villa/Getty Images Europe.