Competition closes today In case you didn't know, this month is Movember when blokes across the country are encouraged to grow a moustache to raise awareness of prostate cancer. The gang at Love The Mo put together a Moustache United comprising football's greatest moustaches. And they asked OTP to help find some substitutes. Click to continue reading...

Do your bit for charity by receiving a freebie! In case you didn't know, next month is Movember when blokes across the country are encouraged to grow a moustache to raise awareness of prostate cancer. The gang at Love The Mo put together a Moustache United comprising football's greatest moustaches. And they asked OTP to help find [. Click to continue reading...

All the stuff being covered outside the unfriendly confines of the award winning Dirty Tackle...

Will England be staying a snicker-inducing Royal Bafokeng Hotel (say it fast) during the World Cup? [Channelbee]

Real Madrid players got their free Audis after test driving them in the snow.

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Ever wondered who would make it into a Best Ever Moustache Wearing XI? Well wonder no longer! Thanks to Love The Mo for bringing this to our attention!

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Over to you now, try to come up with your own eleven made up solely of those who choose to express themselves via the art of hair growth!

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1. Peter Crouch's gangly legs are not supposed to be involved in six-yard tap-ins. They were made for bicycle kicks. 2. David Beckham has brown hair, a ginger moustache and a black beard. What is that all about? 3. Twin, dwarf, right-footed wingers is probably not a viable tactical option against decent opposition. Click to continue reading...

Well, at least we now have half an idea of what Catweazle looked like when he was younger. Actually, the most remarkable thing about David Beckham's beard which was just about the most interesting thing about this routine win is that it seems to be sculpted. It isn't the beard of a man that no longer cares, for sure.

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Monday 12th October
19:45 Tranmere Rovers v Stockport County, League One, Sky Sports 1/HD1
Rovers are now John Barnes-free after a pretty awful start to the campaign. County are only a few places above them. Needless to say both teams are skint and don't have much to work with, squad wise. Click to continue reading...

There is something reassuring about a 1-0 win, particularly in top of the table clashes. 1-0 says a keenly-contested game between two well-matched teams. 1-0 says attrition, tension, hard work and good defending. 1-0 says a hard-fought, well-earned win. Unlike your 4-3 which says knockabout hi-jinks and grown men wearing party hats. Click to continue reading...

It was late Saturday night, and the two guys at the bar, who had enjoyed more than one or two scoops to celebrate Fernando Torres's return to form, were creating their own version of a famous Two Ronnies sketch.
"Whatever happened to..." said one. "Baby Jane?" replied the other.
"No, no, whatever happened to. Click to continue reading...

Hello there,

I must apologise in advance this morning as today's blog is a bit of a cuntfest. There's no other way to describe it really. I shall try to temper the cunts with some non-cunts to decuntify things a bit though.

Firstly, Amazon. They've withdrawn the CD that was on sale after Arsenal's legal department got in touch.

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Photos via R.Ribeiro

Ah, an exciting week of international futbol is finally upon us as our hombres prepare to face The Dona's Argentina on Saturday! Yesterday, the Brazilian Bombshells eagerly assembled at the Tom Jobin International Airport (in Rio) before proceeding to Granja Comary.

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The League Cup Second Round is probably the least inspiring week of the early part of the new season. In front of swathes of empty tip-up seats, youth and reserve team players half-heartedly play out matches that no-one really wants to be involved in. On the pitch tonight, West Ham United won this match.

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Hey all, remember me? That's right, your friendly neighborhood Valencia CF blogger Cesar is just about ready to make his 'long-awaited' re-appearance from VCF sabbatical.

But not just yet. The season's not yet begun (or has it? Is the SuperCopa the official start of the season?

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Terrible moustache, Ian. Not-terrible defending, Alan Hot on the heels of the news that the Guardian "jinxed" Liverpool's tilt at a 19th league title, Sky Sports pundit Jeff Stelling has added to the weight of the hex: "Manchester United...

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Today, the VCF Offside blog penalty shot will be taken by our good friend Thomas van Duin, also known as Johnnie Walker.

The pre-season stumbles along as Our Beloved get themselves in shape for the weekly grind come the end of August. I'll be back shortly to annoy and give my slanted view of all things VCF.

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...and as you can imagine, competition is fierce. Check out Mike Werner of Hansa Rostock, to your left. Scare-ree. He looks like a normal human climbed into The Fly machine with a hedgehog. Why are Bild inflicting these gruesome stylings on everyone again? The German paper (now with English language website) is celebrating the launch of [. Click to continue reading...

Well, who saw that coming? Do you think that Sven is sitting there stroking his metaphorical moustache having seen something two years ago that no-one else had.....?
Blackburn 1-2 Arsenal
Fulham 2-0 Bolton
Liverpool 1-1 Man Utd
Man City 0-1 Chelsea
Newcastle 2-0 Hull
Portsmouth 2-1 Middlesbrough
West Brom 1-2 West Ham
Wigan 1-0 Sunderland
Stoke 0-1 Everton
Tottenham 2-2 Aston Villa
and some wildcards from the seemingly forgotten league of European football:
Palermo 0-1 Roma
Genoa 1-2 AC Milan
Napoli 1-1 Fiorentina Click to continue reading...

Along with the picture, this is all you need to know...
"The owner and three other men, including one man named only as PK, downed an amazing 175 bottles of Cristal Champagne — the club's entire stock. They also necked 16 bottles of Dom Perignon, 29 of PJ Fleur Rose and three of Grey Goose Vodka. Click to continue reading...

This promo for the Colorado Rapids on Altitude is classic if for no other reason than Herculez Gomez's 70s pornstar moustache and perm. The Rapids recently traded Herc to Kansas City. I wonder if anybody else in the Heartland is sporting that look. Bow chicka mow wow.... Click to continue reading...

1. Toronto FC finally won a game -- not only that, but it was an away win! And a game they really shouldn't have won at all. They were missing a bunch of players, and they had a grand total of two shots on target -- but one of those was the only goal of the game, a gorgeous free kick by Chad Barrett. Click to continue reading...

Morning all,

it was a real struggle getting out of bed this morning. I was dreaming I was living in Barcelona again and I was sitting outside a bar close to where my apartment was drinking lovely cold bottles of beer in the summer heat. Nothing weird or bizarre happened either.

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Herr Ballack (or should that be Herr Lip) donned this moustache for a Mercedes ad, in which he was cast in the role of intrepid adventurer. Not the first time that Germany's captain has taken the corporate dollar. Watch... Click to continue reading...

Herr Ballack (or should that be Herr Lip) donned this moustache for a Mercedes ad, in which he was cast in the role of intrepid adventurer. Not the first time that Germany's captain has taken the corporate dollar. Watch... Click to continue reading...

Herr Ballack (or should that be Herr Lip) donned this moustache for a Mercedes ad, in which he was cast in the role of intrepid adventurer. Not the first time that Germany's captain has taken the corporate dollar. Watch... Click to continue reading...

Herr Ballack (or should that be Herr Lip) donned this moustache for a Mercedes ad, in which he was cast in the role of intrepid adventurer. Not the first time that Germany's captain has taken the corporate dollar. Watch... Click to continue reading...

Herr Ballack (or should that be Herr Lip) donned this moustache for a Mercedes ad, in which he was cast in the role of intrepid adventurer. Not the first time that Germany's captain has taken the corporate dollar. Watch... Click to continue reading...

Herr Ballack (or should that be Herr Lip) donned this moustache for a Mercedes ad, in which he was cast in the role of intrepid adventurer. Not the first time that Germany's captain has taken the corporate dollar. Watch... Click to continue reading...