modern football is rubbish

Kits & fashion

Sheffield Wednesday Release Most Expensive Replica Shirt In Championship History And Only Three Months Late

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Sheffield Wednesday have finally announced that their new 2017/18 replica home shirt is to go on sale, just three months into the season.

After first revealing the 15oth anniversary strip on the first day of August, just 72 hours before the start of the Championship campaign, Wednesday faced repeated delays in the delivery of the replicas due to a series of production issues.

Modern Football Is Rubbish: Behold, The Half-And-Half Manager Scarf Is Upon Us (Photo)

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On Monday evening, Leicester City held West Brom at the King Power in a largely routine 1-1 draw.

Indeed, Nacer Chadli's swirling freekick to open the scoring proved to be one of few stand-out moments.

However, the fixture is sadly likely to be marked in the annals of football history as one of the darkest on record, for it was on Monday 16th October, 2017, in Leicester, that the world first bore witness to the managerial half-and-half scarf.

Modern Football Is Rubbish: Cristiano Ronaldo Professes Admiration For ‘Eco-Friendly Egyptian Steel Production’ In Promotional Tweet

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Cristiano Ronaldo is a global one-man brand and, as such, companies are queuing up to leech off his star power in return for vast wodges of cash.

In the past, Ronaldo's corporate tie-ins boots, sportswear, underpants, electro-shock muscle toning equipment, Japanese mouth-strengthening devices have at least had some semblance of being relevant to the football, fashion and fitness lifestyle, but his latest paid endorsement is an absolute clanger of a shill.

Patrick Kluivert’s Nine-Year-Old Son Has Just Signed His First Endorsement Deal With Nike (Photo)

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When Pies' were nine years old, we were far too busy racing our penny farthings and playing hoop-and-stick in the streets to worry about signing endorsement deals with global sportswear conglomerates.

Alas, times have changed, and now we live in a world where Patrick Kluivert's nine-year-old son Shane has a lucrative sponsorship deal with Nike which he announced himself via his very own verified Instagram account.

Modern Football Is Rubbish: New St. Mirren Shirt Allows Fans To Add ‘Cub Scout’ Badges For Having Season Tickets, Travelling To Away Games, Etc (Photo & Video)

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St Mirren have proudly announced a pioneering new scheme that will allow fans to add their own 'cub scout' style badges to their new home jersey.

The brainchild of shirt manufacturers Joma, Buddies fanswill be able to iron on little gold badges for things like being a season ticket holder, being a member of the supporters' group and 'knowing the club's history'.

Modern Football Is Rubbish: Philadelphia Union Looking To Hire ‘Chief Tattoo Officer’

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When it comes to professional footballers, you don't have to go far to find a tattoo be it massive full-limb sleeves or a pistol-toting chimpanzee.

As such, Philadelphia Union are taking steps to further meld the worlds of football and body art by hiring their very own, in-house 'tattoo officer'.

Modern Football Is Rubbish: MK Dons Release ’50th Anniversary’ Shirt Despite Only Being Formed 12 Years Ago (Photo)

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Photo: @MKDonsFC/Twitter

What you're looking at there is the new, limited edition '50th anniversary' commemorative shirt, as released by the MK Dons recently.

"But wait, MK Dons are a prefab club that were only formed in 2004 as a desperate corporate cash-grab," we hear you cry in unison.

Modern Football Is Rubbish: Juventus Ditch Classic Badge In Favour Of New Club Logo (Photo & Video)

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Juventus have proudly announced that they are ditching the club crest that has served them well for the past 45-plusyears in favour of a new streamlined logo.

Unveiled by club presidentAndrea Agnelli has a flashy ceremony in Milan last night, the new 'J' logo is supposedly a "symbol of the Juventus way of living.

against modern football

Modern Football Is Rubbish: Australia Captain Tim Cahill Performed ‘Sponsored’ Goal Celebration After Scoring In World Cup Play-Off Against Syria (Photos)

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Ugh. Just when you thought you'd witnessed an untainted bit of genuine sporting drama, the ugly premeditated corporate-funded truth bubbles to the surface to spoil it.

Tim Cahill scored his 49th and 50th goals for his country as Australia squeaked past Syria in the Asian play-offs to keep their World Cup qualification aspirations alive.

Modern Football Is Rubbish: Wayne Rooney Potentially Set To Star In Everton-Themed Version Of ‘Angry Birds’ Game

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As if you hadn't noticed, Everton have played their last few games proudly wearing the esteemed marque of the 'Angry Birds' game upon their royal blue sleeves.

The club have entered into a partnership deal with Rovio, the Finnish company responsible for developing the bird-hurling game we honestly thought people had stopped playing entirely somewhere around the 2014 point.

Modern Football Is Rubbish: After 125 Years Of Oversight, Liverpool Finally Have An Official ‘Regional Chinese Bottled Water Partner’

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Liverpool Football Club was founded in 1892, meaning that for over 125 years they've somehow been operating without an official regional water partner in China.

Thankfully, that flagrant oversight has now been addressed, with the Reds proudly announcing that Tibet Water Resources Limited have agreed to step into the void and become the club's official Chinese bottled water suppliers.

fail

Modern Football Is Rubbish: Barcelona Wear ‘Courage’ T-Shirts In Tribute To Ousmane Dembele, Who Has A Hamstring Injury…

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Barcelona dismantled Eibar in La Liga on Tuesday night, sauntering to a formulaic 6-1 victory at the Camp Nou in a performance that was no doubt spurred on by the recent loss of teammate Ousmane Dembele.

Indeed, the Barca team assembled before kick-off wearing "Courage Dembele" t-shirts in honour of their fallen comrade.

Modern Football Is Rubbish: Sponsors Ensure Carabao Cup Third-Round Draw Will Be Just As Nonsensical As First Two…

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It's fair to say that the League Cup, in it's inaugural season in the hands of new sponsors Carabao, has been nothing short of a farce particularly on the administrative side of things.

Of course, the draw for the first round was conducted in Thailand and ultimately saw Charlton Atheltic given the nigh-on impossible task of having to play both away against Exeter City and home to Cheltenham Town simultaneously.

Chronic Case Of The Anichebes: Daley Blind Drops Instagram Clanger By Failing To Observe Proper Copy+Paste Etiquette (Photo)

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Daley Blind has become the latest footballer to come a cropper while copy+pasting generic commercial platitudes on his social media accounts.

The Dutch defender shared a photo of himself posing wistfully in Manchester United's new third shirt on Instagram, along with a caption that he failed to fully edit before publishing.

Carabao Cup Snapshot: First Round Draw Goes Swimmingly As Charlton Come Out Of The Hat Twice…

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The draw for the first round of the Carabao Cup took place in Bangkok and, as you may have guessed, the whole thing proved to be a worthwhile foray into lucrative emerging marketsfrom start to end.

There was one slight hitch, however, when Charlton Athletic found themselves faced with an incredibly challenging first round draw after being pitted againstboth Exeter City and Cheltenham Town.

General Election: Arsenal Fans Chase Big Social Media Points By Using ‘Wenger Out’ Meme To Spoil Ballot Papers (Photos)

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What better way to exercise you democratic right to vote than to use your ballot paper to score cheap social media banter points?

That's exactly what a few 'Arsenal fans' (we use the term loosely) did while voting in Thursday's UK General Election, spoiling their ballots by adding their own meme-tastic 'Wenger Out' box to the bottom and then tweeting photos of their handiwork.

English Premier League

Super Soft: Flimsy Red Cards For Kyle Walker And Morgan Schneiderlin Tarnish Man City’s 1-1 Draw With Everton (Photo & Video)

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Man City tied 1-1 with Everton in the first Monday night fixture of the 2017/18 campaign, though once again it was iffy officiating that drew the most ire from concerned on-lookers.

Wayne Rooney had already steered the visitors ahead with the 200th goal of his Premier League career (more on that shortly) before City were relieved of a man just a few minutes before half-time when Kyle Walker earned one of the softest dismissals you're ever likely to witness.

Fighting Insidious Evil On All Fronts: Premier League Take Action To Ban Groundsmen From Creating Elaborate Pitch Designs

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"Boo. Down with this sort of thing"

The Premier League have leapt into action to tackle the most insidious evil facing their product today: elaborate pitch designs.

Thankfully, as of the publication of the League's new influx of rules for 2017/18, the frightful displays of grassy decadence we were regularly confronted with last season Leicester City being prime offenders will be a thing of the past.

Sunderland Earned More Money For Finishing Bottom Of Premier League Than Bayern Munich Did For Winning Bundesliga

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Proof should proof be required that the Premier League is a swollen, bloated nonsense of a competition, Sunderland managed to earn themselves well over £90million by finishing rock bottom of the table last season.

The numbers have beencrunched by Nick Harris of Sporting Intelligence, who found that despite being the square root of abysmal all year, David Moyes' teamreaped £93.

Managers

Non-League: Billericay Town Owner Glenn Tamplin Unveils Dressing Room Overhaul, Complete With Tasteful Lion-Themed Mural (Photo)

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Photo: @BTFC/Twitter

Love him or loathe him, Glenn Tamplin is pouring an awful lot of money into Billericay Town as he continues in his quest to spend his way up into the Football League.

As well as hiring a battalion of ex-Premier League players on exorbitant wagesto play against blokes with 9-5 jobs, Tamplin is also in the process of completely redeveloping Billericay's New Lodge stadium, far beyond the demands of a team who currently play in the Bostik Premier League (seventh tier).

Chelsea: Antonio Conte Becomes First Manager To Land His Own Twitter Emoji

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In the wake of Chelsea's title win, Antonio Conte has been bestowed with the highest honour his profession has to offer.

Indeed, as of today, the Blues boss has been given his very own Twitter emoji, la Paul Pogba before him.

Basically, whenever anybody tweets #ChelseaChampions, a little image of Conte in his trademark celebratory pose will appear.

AMF

Modern Football Is Rubbish: Bolton Wanderers Install ‘Luxury Recliner Seats’ Next To Dugout At Macron Stadium (Photo)

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Photo: The Bolton News (@TheBoltonNews/Twitter)

The grand Superbowl-isation of football continues apace with news that Bolton Wanderers have installed a row of recliner seats at the Macron Stadium to allow fans to watch their team play in the lap of luxury.

The newly-promoted Championship side have partnered with Vue cinema in Middlebrook to offer a "cinematic matchday experience" courtesy of the four leather armchairs they've plonked next to the dug-outs.

Modern Football Is Rubbish: Hull City Use Advertising Boards To Tell Fans Which Songs To Sing (Photos)

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The latest addition tothe 'modern football is rubbish' canon comes from Hull City, who laid on a catastrophe of nigh-on MLS-esque proportions for yesterday's home game against Stoke City at the KCOM Stadium.

Sadly, the fans in attendance were subjected to horrors far beyond a 2-0 home defeat when the club started using the interactive advertising hoardings to flash upthe lyrics to songs and chants they wanted singing.

The Rest

Modern Football Is Rubbish: Juventus Hold Mock Press Conference To Welcome ‘Two New Signings’ On Board (Video)

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As modern professional football and vapid commercial endeavour continue to stride merrily hand-in-hand toward complete and hopeless saturation, Juventus have gone ahead and filed their latest offering.

Indeed, the Serie A giants have press-ganged Paulo Dybala, Douglas Costa, Federico Bernardeschi and Rodrigo Bentacur into staging a mock press conference to help unveil a pair of new signings signings famous for their "perfect shape" and "delicious skills".

Prestige: Carabao Cup Quarter-Final Draw To Be Conducted By ‘British Sporting Royalty’ Phil Tufnel And Matt Dawson

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In their continued attempts to bolster the prestige of English football's lamented secondary cup competition, the EFL have revealed that the draw for the quarter-finals of the Carabao Cup will be nothing shy of revolutionary.

Be warned, you might want to sit down for this: For the very first time in the long and vaunted history of association football, the draw for the last eight of the Carabao Cup will be streamed live on Twitter.

Magnanimous: Instagram Clanger Sees Man City Defender John Stones Congratulate Chelsea On Beating Stoke (Photo)

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John Stones has offered us yet another peek behind the curtain into the murky backwaters of footballer's PR company-run social media accounts thanks to a ricket dropped on Instagram on Saturday evening.

Despite playing his part in Man City's effervescent 5-0 win over Crystal Palace, Stones felt the need to congratulate his teammates for Chelsea's 4-0 win over Stoke.

Modern Football Is Rubbish: Man City Install ‘VIP Catwalk’ For When Players Arrive At Etihad Stadium (Photo & Video)

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Photo: @andyhampson/Twitter

Pies were so mesmerisedby Man City's bonkers 5-3 win over Monaco in the Champions League, that we failed to keep you abreast of modern football's latest nadir, witnessed outside the Etihad on the very same night.

City used the match to debut their fantastic new "player walkway" i.