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Russian Commentator Quits Live On Air After Seeing Team Denied Two Blatant Penalties In Space Of 60 Seconds (Video)

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Handball in the area? No dice...

Russian commentatorVladimir Nikolsky became so enraged at seeing his team denied not one, but two blatant penalties in quick succession that he was left with no other option but to abandon his post live on air.

Nikolsky was covering the recent second-tier match betweenTekstilshchik Ivanovo andTorpedo Vladimir, the team who employ him as an in-house commentator as part of Russian league broadcasting rules.

Classic Moments: John Motson Gets His Backside Handed To Him By Brian Clough In Prickly BBC Interview, 1979 (Video)

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After 50 years plugging away on the gantry, John Motson has announced he's retiring from his BBC commentary gig at the end of the season.

Now aged 72, Motson has cemented his place as one of the foremost voices in English football lore, with 20 major international tournaments and 29 FA Cup Finals listed on his CV.

BBC Stalwart John Motson To Retire After 50 Years In The Football Commentary Racket

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The BBC have announced that, after half a century behind the microphone, John Motson is retiring from the commentary game at the end of the current season.

Motson reduced his workload when he stopped doing live broadcasts a season or three ago, and will now commentate on 18 further Premier League matches for Match of the Day before calling it quits with the FA Cup Final coverage next May.

Weird Scenes: Romania Coach Christoph Daum Offered Fishing Rod By Journalist In Middle Of Press Conference (Video)

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You'll struggle to find an international coach more fiercely at odds with his national press than Romania boss Christoph Daum.

During a media conference just a couple of months ago, Daum was so enraged at the continued attempts to undermine his position that heflew into an apoplectic rage in which he claimed several times that he a 63-year-old German man was "more Romanian" that the entire Romanian press.

Comedy Classics: Mitchell & Webb’s Timeless Sky Sports Parody Advert – ‘Watch The Football’ (Video)

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As prescient now as it ever was, the following sketch succinctly crystallises what televised football has become an endless, mindless assault of HUGE gladiatorial matches abutted by HUGE honking opinions, regardless of the fact that you're actually sat watching Tony Cascarino stumble his way through Norwich City's goalless draw with Preston.

Turkey: Besiktas Announce Alvaro Negredo Signing With Truly Horrendous Clip (Video)

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We've seen some very slick and rather clever clips this summer announcing new signings, with the likes of AS Roma and Southampton getting all meta on us.

However, in announcing the arrival of Spanish hitman Alvaro Negredo from Valencia, Turkish giants Besiktas produced their own rather 'interesting' take on the genre.

Man Utd: Jose Mourinho Gives 20-Second Press Conference In Empty Room After Red Devils Beat Crystal Palace 2-0 At Old Trafford (Video)

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A youthful Manchester United side finished off a rather disappointing Premier League campaign for the club with a 2-0 win against Crystal Palace, withdebutanteJosh Harrop and Paul Pogba both getting on the scoresheet.

Indeed, Harrop's opener was quite a cracker..

League Two: Jeff Stelling Endures Joy And Pain As Hartlepool’s 96-Year Stay In Football League Ends In Dramatic Last-Day Relegation (Video)

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Hartlepool United were dumped out of the Football League on Saturday, after the League Two side suffered heartbreak on a dramatic final day of the season.

Pools needed to beat Doncaster Rovers and hope that Newport failed to beat Notts County to ensure the extension of their 96-year unbroken spell in the Football League.

‘He Was A Man-Mountain’ – Paul Merson Delivers Incredibly Emotional Tribute To Ex-Teammate Ugo Ehiogu On Sky Sports News (Video)

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When the awful news broke this morning that Ugo Ehiogu has passed away after suffering a cardiac arrest on Thursday, it wasn't long before the tributes began to pour in.

As we've heard tell over the course of the day, Ehiogu was not only a fine, vastly underrated centre-halfbut also a kind, caring and much-lovedman his final Tweet almost serving to encapsulate his altruistic nature.

‘They’re A Team Of Son-In-Laws’ – Jamie Carragher Goes In Hard On Arsenal After Dreadful Display Against Crystal Palace (Video)

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Jamie Carragher was in fine, aggravated form on Sky Sportslast night, with Arsenal once again providing the pundit with plenty of ammunition thanks to a risible display against Crystal Palace.

Referencing aGraeme Sounness remark from back in 2015 (not much has changed since), Carragher branded the Gunnersa "team of son-in-laws" as he took Arsene Wenger's limp side apart in the post-match analysis.

International football

‘El Mundial! El Mundial!’ – Commentator Goes Ballistic As Costa Rica Qualify For World Cup With 95th-Minute Equaliser (Video)

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Costa Rica snaffled themselves a place at the 2018 World Cup on Saturday night, taking the point they needed against Honduras too reach 'El Mundial' with a game to spare.

However, having gone 0-1 down in the 66th minute, it took until the fifth minute of stoppage time for Los Ticos to snatch a dramatic equaliser through Kendall Waston.

‘One Great Enemy We Must All Endeavour To Fear Not Conquering Is Fear’ – Bray Wanderers Chairman Releases Greatest Club Statement Of All Time

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Carlisle Grounds, home to Bray Wanderers

After it looked touch and go for a while, Bray Wanderers have today proudly announced that that club is financially stable for the time being.

The cash-strapped League of Ireland side had drawn up plans to redevelop their old Carlisle Ground home and use the proceeds to build themselves a new stadium, as well as a top notch football academy facility they insist will "rival the best in the world".

fail

Le Cringe: French Journalist Tricked By Spoof Report That Bordeaux Have Signed Younger Brother Of Brazilian Winger Malcom, Named ‘Douwi’

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Bordeaux winger Malcom is currently enjoying something of a breakout season in Ligue 1 this year, having already contributed three goals and four assists in the space of just seven appearances so far.

As such, it's perhaps only natural that Bordeaux might think to scour the20-year-old Brazilian winger's family tree in search of more as-yet unearthed footballing gems.

Lukas Podolski Threatens To Sue Breitbart After Far-Right Website Use Photo Of Striker To Accompany ‘Human Trafficking’ Article

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Lukas Podolski is reportedly considering legal action after American right-wing website Breitbart used his image to illustrate an article about human trafficking.

The image actually appeared in a story published by Breitbart's UK arm about a crackdown on trafficking gang that are supposedly using jet-skis to illegally transport migrants from Morocco to Spain.

Chronic Case Of The Anichebes: Daley Blind Drops Instagram Clanger By Failing To Observe Proper Copy+Paste Etiquette (Photo)

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Daley Blind has become the latest footballer to come a cropper while copy+pasting generic commercial platitudes on his social media accounts.

The Dutch defender shared a photo of himself posing wistfully in Manchester United's new third shirt on Instagram, along with a caption that he failed to fully edit before publishing.

FAIL: The Irish Herald Newspaper Accidentally Use Photo Of Stormzy In Article About Romelu Lukaku

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TheIrish Herald newspaper have dropped an absolute whopper in their Monday morning edition.

Indeed, the rather glaring cock-up saw the Herald accompany their big back page story about Romelu Lukaku with an image of London grime star Stormzy...

Photo: @Football_LDN/Twitter

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Crystal Palace: Christian Benteke Drops ‘Anichebe-esque’ Twitter Ricket After Consigning Hull City To Relegation (Photo)

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"Steady on lads, I'm trying to Tweet here..."

Christian Benteke became the latest footballer to fall foul of the ever-present pre-written Tweet threat after scoring in Crystal Palace's 4-0 drubbing of Hull City yesterday.

After sending the Tigers packing back to the second tier, Benteke took to social media to fart out the standard post-win banalities, though crucially forgot to fully disguise the fact that somebody else is doing all his talking for him.

Liverpool Concede Late To Draw With Bournemouth, Take First Prize In ‘Most Poorly-Timed Tweet Of The Night’ Stakes (Photo)

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Jurgen Klopp was left befuddled on the Anfield touchline as he watched his Liverpool side concede late on to relinquish all three points against Bournemouth on Wednesday evening.

After Divock Origi put them ahead on the hour mark, the Reds were 2-1 up and relatively comfortable for the remainder of the half right up until the moment Josh King popped up with an 87th-minute equaliser for the visitors.

‘You Still Might Get A Slap Even Though You’re A Woman’ – David Moyes Apologises After Passing Crass Remark To BBC Journalist

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David Moyes has apologised to a BBC Sport reporter after telling her she "might get a slap" during a post-match interview.

Grilling Moyes after Sunderland's 0-0 draw with Burnley in mid-March, Vicki Sparks asked the Scot if the presence of club owner Ellis Short in the stands added anyexcess pressure to get a result.

Chelsea

Magnanimous: Instagram Clanger Sees Man City Defender John Stones Congratulate Chelsea On Beating Stoke (Photo)

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John Stones has offered us yet another peek behind the curtain into the murky backwaters of footballer's PR company-run social media accounts thanks to a ricket dropped on Instagram on Saturday evening.

Despite playing his part in Man City's effervescent 5-0 win over Crystal Palace, Stones felt the need to congratulate his teammates for Chelsea's 4-0 win over Stoke.

‘He Reminds Me Of A Toilet’ – Garth Crooks Reserves Special Praise For Sead Kolasinac As Part Of ‘Team Of The Week’ Selection

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It's Monday morning, which can only mean one thing: Garth Crooks has delivered his weekly selection of 'XI players who scored at the weekend' known alternatively as his 'Team of the Week' for BBC Sport.

Oddly, Crooks has opted to pick a non-scoring player or two this time round, with Sead Kolasinac finding his way into the line-up following a sturdy outing in Arsenal's stoic 0-0 draw against Chelsea on Sunday.

Chelsea: Antonio Conte Becomes First Manager To Land His Own Twitter Emoji

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In the wake of Chelsea's title win, Antonio Conte has been bestowed with the highest honour his profession has to offer.

Indeed, as of today, the Blues boss has been given his very own Twitter emoji, la Paul Pogba before him.

Basically, whenever anybody tweets #ChelseaChampions, a little image of Conte in his trademark celebratory pose will appear.

Football League

Sky Sports Strike New £600m Deal With Football League To Live Stream All Midweek Matches

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Sky Sports have struck a "revolutionary" deal with the Football League that will see them allowed to stream all midweek matches from 2019 until 2024.

The £600million, five-year contract also means that all Championship, League One and League Twoclubs will be able to stream their midweek league fixtures via their own official websites, provided they are not chosen for live broadcast by Sky.

‘We’re Like Starving Peasants Begging For Your Scraps’ – Accrington Stanley Chairman Criticises Premier League For ‘Obscene’ Over-Spending In Astonishing Twitter Diatribe

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Accrington Stanleychairman Andy Holt has becometangled up in a quarrel with the Premier League aftercriticising the sheer amount of money being sloshed around up in the top flight.

Prompted by a recent leak that claimed agent Mino Raiola pocketed£41million after facilitatingPaul Pogba's transfer to Manchester United last summer, Holt released a series of tweets on Tuesday afternoon barracking the Premier League for allowing such "disgraceful largesse" to manifest.

Jeff Stelling Gets His Wish As Hartlepool Sack Dave Jones Two Days After Televised Rant

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Two days after Jeff Stelling embarked upon a fevered plea for Hartlepool manager Dave Jones to hand in his gun and badge, the League Two side have announced that Jones has been fired from his post.

Watching on in horror as 'Pool slid into the relegation zone on Saturday afternoon, Stelling the club's honorary life president stared down the Sky Sports camera and barked at Jones to "walk now" after reapingjust 13 points from the 51 available since his appointment in January.

In Response To Arsenal Whining, Long-Suffering Darlington Fan Describes What Supporting A Properly Inept Club Entails

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Rendered aghast at Arsenal fans descending into apoplexyover the prospect of not finishing in the top four of the Premier League for the first time since 1995, one long-suffering Darlington supporter decided to catalogue the misery he has witnessed over the years.

In order to detail what it's like to support a club who are actually hopeless, Darlo supporterJoe Kennedy produced the mother of all Twitter threads a testament to what it is to really suffer as a football fan.

Monaco

PSG Tease ‘Grand Announcement’ And Troll Thousands Of Their Own Fans Over Imminent Kylian Mbappe Transfer

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Continuing on the quest to become the biggest yuppie trolls in world football, PSG have trolled thousands of their own fans over the imminent arrival of one Kylian Mbappe.

With a convoluted, FFP-defying £166million 'loan' move for Mbappe now reported to be on the verge of completion, the Parisians roped in a willing accomplice in the guise of right-back Thomas Meunier to break news of a 'grand announcement' being made by his club on Twitter at 12:30pm on Monday.

Monaco: Kylian Mbappe Unwittingly Reignites Long Dormant Feud Between Nicolas Anelka And Raymond Domenech

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Kylian Mbappe, Monaco's wunderkind du jour,sent yet another record tumbling at the weekendby scoring what proved to be the winning goal against Lyon.

As a result, Mbappe became the youngest player this century (18 years, 124 days) to reach 14 league goals in one of Europe's so-called 'top five' leagues, thus breakingWayne Rooney's record.

‘It Was The Longest And Hardest 15 Minutes Of My Life’ – Marc Bartra Publishes Touching Instagram Update From Hospital Bed

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After undergoing surgery on a broken arm, Marc Bartra is currently still recovering in hospital after being injured during the explosive attack on the Borussia Dortmund team busjust hours beforeTuesday night's Champions League tie against Monaco.

Bartra suffered a fractured radial bone and had to have debris removed from his hand but, after being visited by his partner Melissa and their daughter Gala, the Spanish defender has since emitted a personal update from his hospital bed to assure fans that he's okay.

FC Barcelona

Barcelona ‘Announce Signing Of Angel Di Maria’ After Twitter Account Hacked Overnight

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Just for one hot, sticky moment, it looked like Barcelona had retaliated to PSG's recent hostile pinching of Neymar by snaffling one of their main attacking talents in return.

Indeed, quite out of the blue, fans were shocked to see Barca reveal the signing of Angel Di Maria via their official Twitter account of Tuesday night.

Twitter Release Special Pack Of El Clasico-Themed Emojis Ahead Of Barcelona’s Crucial Trip To Real Madrid (Photo)

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Ahead of the bi-annual ref-crowding pageant that is El Clasico, the people at Twitter have rolled out a series of limited edition Barcelona and Real Madrid-themed emojis for the occasion.

WithLa Liga's twin behemoths set to go duke it out at the summit of the tableonce again on Sunday evening, fans (presumably under the age of 12) will be able to squabble over who's the bestest on social media using the following array of miniature pictographs.

the Sun

Embarrassing: TalkSPORT ‘Experts’ Ray Wilkins And Neil Custis Bicker Like Infants Over Marcus Rashford Freekick (Audio)

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Just when you thought British football coverage had reached its nadir, TalkSPORT go and plumb brave new depths of tawdry drivel.

Discussing Manchester United's 1-0 win over Celta Vigo on Alan Brazil's 'Sports Breakfast' radio show on Friday morning, studio guest Ray Wilkins got himself embroiled in a childlike quarrel with Neil Custis, football writer for The Sun, on the other end of the phone.

‘Confected Outrage From My Enemies In The North-West’ – Kelvin MacKenzie Has Another Dig At Liverpool While Defending His Ross Barkley Hatchet Job

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Less than two weeks after being suspended by The Sun over an unprovoked hatchet job in which he called Ross Barkley "the dimmest footballer" in England before comparing him to "a gorilla in a zoo", Kelvin MacKenzie hasdone it again.

The column receives hundreds of complaints, withMerseyside Police treating it as a racist attack due to Barkley's Nigerian heritage.

Official: Everton Join Liverpool In Banning The Sun From Their Premises In Light Of Deplorable Ross Barkley Attack

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Everton have joined Liverpool in banning The Sun newspaper from their premises in light of columnist Kelvin MacKenzie's appalling hatchet job on Ross Barkley published on Friday.

MacKenzie brandedthe Toffees midfielder as one of England's "dimmest" footballers and likened his "lack of reflection" to that of "a gorilla in a zoo", while an accompanying caption referred to him as "the missing link between man and beast".

Everton: The Sun Suspend Kelvin MacKenzie Over ‘Racist And Prehistoric’ Ross Barkley Hatchet Job

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The Sun have suspended former editor Kelvin MacKenzie over a truly despicable, unprovoked column in which, among other things, Ross Barkley was described as "thick" and "the missing link."

As you're probably aware, McKenzie is utterly loathedon Merseyside for his reprehensible, unrepentant conduct during The Sun's coverage of the Hillsborough disaster and the subsequent 27-year legal battle for justicefought by the victims' families thereafter.

The Rest

Paul Merson, 49, To Come Out Of Retirement And Sign For Welsh Fourth-Tier Side Caerau FC (Pending International Clearance)

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Next up in 'unexpected turn of events' news, it's been announced that Paul Merson is waiting on international clearance to sign for a team who play in the fourth-tier of the Welsh football league.

Now 49, Merson retired from professional football in 2006, but is now on the cusp of reversing that decision to turn out for Caerau FC, who are based in the town of Maestag, near Port Talbot.

Media maelstrom inspires Arsenal fans

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We have just witnessed the biggest "much ado about nothing" period in the history of the Arsenal Football Club. It was ably driven by the usual culprits, the Arsenal hating Media, the fans (those that believe the nonsense they read) and, of course, the "expert pundits" who fuel the fires of discontent.

The Premier League Is Leaking: Study Finds Third Of Fans Watch Live Matches Via Illegal Streams

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How much would you pay to watch stellar action like this?

Drovesof football fans are now regularly resorting to illegalstreamsto watch Premier League matches, a study has found.

According to the survey commissioned by BBC Radio 5 Live, just over a third of fans admit to regularly watching top flight matches from unofficial providers, with one in five watching at least one match per week.

WhatsApp, Doc? Aston Villa Embarrass Themselves With Puzzling John Terry ‘Group Chat’ Announcement

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Photo: Aston Villa

Although getting on in years and weighed down with more baggage than a handler's strike at Heathrow, John Terry's move to Aston Villa is perhaps the best news the club have had since Joleon Lescott left.

Yet the Championship club have contrived to sour the good vibes and make themselves a laughing stock with a certifiably iffysocial media ‘reveal' that presents more questions than it does answers.

Francesco Totti: Rome Newspaper ‘Il Tempo’ Change Their Name In Honour Of Departing Roma Icon’s Final Match (Photo)

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Francesco Totti, one of the last bastions of a bygone age of calcio, is limbering upto play his 786th and final game for Roma today.

The Giallorossi are due to face Genoa in their last fixture of the Serie A season, with Totti set to "play a large portion" of the match before he moves upstairs to take on a directorial role at the only club he's ever served.