Comedy Classics: Mitchell & Webb’s Timeless Sky Sports Parody Advert – ‘Watch The Football’ (Video)

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As prescient now as it ever was, the following sketch succinctly crystallises what televised football has become an endless, mindless assault of HUGE gladiatorial matches abutted by HUGE honking opinions, regardless of the fact that you're actually sat watching Tony Cascarino stumble his way through Norwich City's goalless draw with Preston.

Turkey: Besiktas Announce Alvaro Negredo Signing With Truly Horrendous Clip (Video)

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We've seen some very slick and rather clever clips this summer announcing new signings, with the likes of AS Roma and Southampton getting all meta on us.

However, in announcing the arrival of Spanish hitman Alvaro Negredo from Valencia, Turkish giants Besiktas produced their own rather 'interesting' take on the genre.

Man Utd: Jose Mourinho Gives 20-Second Press Conference In Empty Room After Red Devils Beat Crystal Palace 2-0 At Old Trafford (Video)

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A youthful Manchester United side finished off a rather disappointing Premier League campaign for the club with a 2-0 win against Crystal Palace, withdebutanteJosh Harrop and Paul Pogba both getting on the scoresheet.

Indeed, Harrop's opener was quite a cracker..

League Two: Jeff Stelling Endures Joy And Pain As Hartlepool’s 96-Year Stay In Football League Ends In Dramatic Last-Day Relegation (Video)

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Hartlepool United were dumped out of the Football League on Saturday, after the League Two side suffered heartbreak on a dramatic final day of the season.

Pools needed to beat Doncaster Rovers and hope that Newport failed to beat Notts County to ensure the extension of their 96-year unbroken spell in the Football League.

‘He Was A Man-Mountain’ – Paul Merson Delivers Incredibly Emotional Tribute To Ex-Teammate Ugo Ehiogu On Sky Sports News (Video)

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When the awful news broke this morning that Ugo Ehiogu has passed away after suffering a cardiac arrest on Thursday, it wasn't long before the tributes began to pour in.

As we've heard tell over the course of the day, Ehiogu was not only a fine, vastly underrated centre-halfbut also a kind, caring and much-lovedman his final Tweet almost serving to encapsulate his altruistic nature.

‘They’re A Team Of Son-In-Laws’ – Jamie Carragher Goes In Hard On Arsenal After Dreadful Display Against Crystal Palace (Video)

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Jamie Carragher was in fine, aggravated form on Sky Sportslast night, with Arsenal once again providing the pundit with plenty of ammunition thanks to a risible display against Crystal Palace.

Referencing aGraeme Sounness remark from back in 2015 (not much has changed since), Carragher branded the Gunnersa "team of son-in-laws" as he took Arsene Wenger's limp side apart in the post-match analysis.

Everton: Jamie Carragher Torn Apart By Romelu Lukaku During One-On-One Training Session (Video)

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Image: Sky Sports

At the behest of his Sky Sports employers, Jamie Carragher toddled down to Everton's training groundto conduct an interview with the Premier League's joint-top goalscorer, Romelu Lukaku.

As part of the grilling, Carragher graciously offeredto giveyoung Lukaku a bit of one-on-one tutoringin the subtle art of old-school defending.

FA Cup: Sutton Reserve Goalkeeper Wayne Shaw Ate All The Pies On Bench During Arsenal Clash (Video)

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Sutton's superb FA Cup run has turned reserve goalkeeper and goalkeeping coach Wayne Shaw into something of a minor celebrity, with the big-boned stopper even receiving an offer to pose naked for a magazine.

During Sutton's fifth round clash with Arsenal on Monday night, the 20 stone 45-year-old decided to celebrate the glamorous evening by tucking into a pie on the subs bench, only once all three changes had already been made mind.

Man Of His Word: Gary Neville Upholds Promise To Appear On Arsenal Fan TV (Video)

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As you may or may not be aware, Gary Neville recently incurred the wrath of Arsenal Fan TV after criticising the 'Wenger Out' brigade while co-commentating on the Gunners' 3-1 defeat against Chelsea a week or so back.

Neville branded one fan "an idiot" for holding up an anti-Wenger placard during the match before going on to criticise Arsenal Fan TV directly after the match, calling the infamously rant-orientated Youtube channel an "embarrassment" to the club.


Chronic Case Of The Anichebes: Daley Blind Drops Instagram Clanger By Failing To Observe Proper Copy+Paste Etiquette (Photo)

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Daley Blind has become the latest footballer to come a cropper while copy+pasting generic commercial platitudes on his social media accounts.

The Dutch defender shared a photo of himself posing wistfully in Manchester United's new third shirt on Instagram, along with a caption that he failed to fully edit before publishing.

FAIL: The Irish Herald Newspaper Accidentally Use Photo Of Stormzy In Article About Romelu Lukaku

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TheIrish Herald newspaper have dropped an absolute whopper in their Monday morning edition.

Indeed, the rather glaring cock-up saw the Herald accompany their big back page story about Romelu Lukaku with an image of London grime star Stormzy...

Photo: @Football_LDN/Twitter

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Crystal Palace: Christian Benteke Drops ‘Anichebe-esque’ Twitter Ricket After Consigning Hull City To Relegation (Photo)

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"Steady on lads, I'm trying to Tweet here..."

Christian Benteke became the latest footballer to fall foul of the ever-present pre-written Tweet threat after scoring in Crystal Palace's 4-0 drubbing of Hull City yesterday.

After sending the Tigers packing back to the second tier, Benteke took to social media to fart out the standard post-win banalities, though crucially forgot to fully disguise the fact that somebody else is doing all his talking for him.

Liverpool Concede Late To Draw With Bournemouth, Take First Prize In ‘Most Poorly-Timed Tweet Of The Night’ Stakes (Photo)

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Jurgen Klopp was left befuddled on the Anfield touchline as he watched his Liverpool side concede late on to relinquish all three points against Bournemouth on Wednesday evening.

After Divock Origi put them ahead on the hour mark, the Reds were 2-1 up and relatively comfortable for the remainder of the half right up until the moment Josh King popped up with an 87th-minute equaliser for the visitors.

‘You Still Might Get A Slap Even Though You’re A Woman’ – David Moyes Apologises After Passing Crass Remark To BBC Journalist

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David Moyes has apologised to a BBC Sport reporter after telling her she "might get a slap" during a post-match interview.

Grilling Moyes after Sunderland's 0-0 draw with Burnley in mid-March, Vicki Sparks asked the Scot if the presence of club owner Ellis Short in the stands added anyexcess pressure to get a result.

Copy+Paste Fail: Gary Neville Falls Into The Victor Anichebe Trap With Hastily Deleted Instagram Gaffe

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Gary Neville was left a little red-faced today when he pulled what's known in the trade as "a Victor Anichebe" on social media.

Further destroying the facade that footballers actually expressany original thoughts of their own online, Neville posted a message in support of the Bobby Moore Fund's new 'Moore To Know' campaign.


Chelsea: Antonio Conte Becomes First Manager To Land His Own Twitter Emoji

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In the wake of Chelsea's title win, Antonio Conte has been bestowed with the highest honour his profession has to offer.

Indeed, as of today, the Blues boss has been given his very own Twitter emoji, la Paul Pogba before him.

Basically, whenever anybody tweets #ChelseaChampions, a little image of Conte in his trademark celebratory pose will appear.

‘We’re Like Starving Peasants Begging For Your Scraps’ – Accrington Stanley Chairman Criticises Premier League For ‘Obscene’ Over-Spending In Astonishing Twitter Diatribe

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Accrington Stanleychairman Andy Holt has becometangled up in a quarrel with the Premier League aftercriticising the sheer amount of money being sloshed around up in the top flight.

Prompted by a recent leak that claimed agent Mino Raiola pocketed£41million after facilitatingPaul Pogba's transfer to Manchester United last summer, Holt released a series of tweets on Tuesday afternoon barracking the Premier League for allowing such "disgraceful largesse" to manifest.

Monaco: Kylian Mbappe Unwittingly Reignites Long Dormant Feud Between Nicolas Anelka And Raymond Domenech

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Kylian Mbappe, Monaco's wunderkind du jour,sent yet another record tumbling at the weekendby scoring what proved to be the winning goal against Lyon.

As a result, Mbappe became the youngest player this century (18 years, 124 days) to reach 14 league goals in one of Europe's so-called 'top five' leagues, thus breakingWayne Rooney's record.

Jeff Stelling Gets His Wish As Hartlepool Sack Dave Jones Two Days After Televised Rant

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Two days after Jeff Stelling embarked upon a fevered plea for Hartlepool manager Dave Jones to hand in his gun and badge, the League Two side have announced that Jones has been fired from his post.

Watching on in horror as 'Pool slid into the relegation zone on Saturday afternoon, Stelling the club's honorary life president stared down the Sky Sports camera and barked at Jones to "walk now" after reapingjust 13 points from the 51 available since his appointment in January.

the Sun

Embarrassing: TalkSPORT ‘Experts’ Ray Wilkins And Neil Custis Bicker Like Infants Over Marcus Rashford Freekick (Audio)

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Just when you thought British football coverage had reached its nadir, TalkSPORT go and plumb brave new depths of tawdry drivel.

Discussing Manchester United's 1-0 win over Celta Vigo on Alan Brazil's 'Sports Breakfast' radio show on Friday morning, studio guest Ray Wilkins got himself embroiled in a childlike quarrel with Neil Custis, football writer for The Sun, on the other end of the phone.

‘Confected Outrage From My Enemies In The North-West’ – Kelvin MacKenzie Has Another Dig At Liverpool While Defending His Ross Barkley Hatchet Job

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Less than two weeks after being suspended by The Sun over an unprovoked hatchet job in which he called Ross Barkley "the dimmest footballer" in England before comparing him to "a gorilla in a zoo", Kelvin MacKenzie hasdone it again.

The column receives hundreds of complaints, withMerseyside Police treating it as a racist attack due to Barkley's Nigerian heritage.

Official: Everton Join Liverpool In Banning The Sun From Their Premises In Light Of Deplorable Ross Barkley Attack

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Everton have joined Liverpool in banning The Sun newspaper from their premises in light of columnist Kelvin MacKenzie's appalling hatchet job on Ross Barkley published on Friday.

MacKenzie brandedthe Toffees midfielder as one of England's "dimmest" footballers and likened his "lack of reflection" to that of "a gorilla in a zoo", while an accompanying caption referred to him as "the missing link between man and beast".

Everton: The Sun Suspend Kelvin MacKenzie Over ‘Racist And Prehistoric’ Ross Barkley Hatchet Job

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The Sun have suspended former editor Kelvin MacKenzie over a truly despicable, unprovoked column in which, among other things, Ross Barkley was described as "thick" and "the missing link."

As you're probably aware, McKenzie is utterly loathedon Merseyside for his reprehensible, unrepentant conduct during The Sun's coverage of the Hillsborough disaster and the subsequent 27-year legal battle for justicefought by the victims' families thereafter.

FA Cup: Sutton United Strike One-Off Sponsorship Deal With The Sun For Fifth-Round Tie Against Arsenal (Photos)

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Sutton United have announced that they'll be turning out for next Monday's FA Cup fifth-round clash against Arsenal with The Sun's logo emblazoned across their shirts.

Specifically, the National League side have struck a deal to have SunBet replace their usual sponsor, Green Go Waste, on their jerseysfor the televised game.

Champions League

‘It Was The Longest And Hardest 15 Minutes Of My Life’ – Marc Bartra Publishes Touching Instagram Update From Hospital Bed

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After undergoing surgery on a broken arm, Marc Bartra is currently still recovering in hospital after being injured during the explosive attack on the Borussia Dortmund team busjust hours beforeTuesday night's Champions League tie against Monaco.

Bartra suffered a fractured radial bone and had to have debris removed from his hand but, after being visited by his partner Melissa and their daughter Gala, the Spanish defender has since emitted a personal update from his hospital bed to assure fans that he's okay.

Finnish Commentator Tuomas Virkkunen Goes Into Howling Meltdown During Final Seconds Of Barcelona-PSG (Video)

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Given the nerve-shredding nature of Barcelona's back-from-the-dead win over PSG last night, it was perhaps only natural that some folks got a little carried away withtheir celebrations.

Finnish television commentatorTuomas Virkkunen was one such chap, with the poor over-excited sod descending into an unintelligible stream of howls, whelps and bleats as Sergi Roberto prodded home his 95th-minute winner.

‘What Time Is It? Yep It’s Ten To!’ – Bayern Munich Troll Arsenal On Twitter After Emirates Thrashing

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After Bayern Munich's 5-1 thrashing of Arsenal at the Emirates on Tuesday night, the club's social media team were at it again, trolling Arsenal with yet another cheeky Tweet.

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Arturo Vidal's second of the game made it 5-1 to Bayern on the night and a whopping 10-2 on aggregate.

BT Sport Spluff £1.2bn To Secure Exclusive Champions League Rights Through To 2021

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BT Sport have gone out and spluffed £1.2billion to extend their deal to broadcastthe Champions League until 2021 which is likely to come as great news for the literally tens of people who still pay to watch the Champions League via legal means.

BT have been screeningthe tournament (as well as the Europa League) since 2015 after first securing the rights from UEFA two years earlierwith a whopping£897million outlay.

‘When You See Gibbs With The Armband, You Know You’re In Trouble’ – Roy Keane Sums Up Arsenal’s Champions League Shortcomings In Brilliantly Blunt Fashion

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Photo: ITV

In case you're wondering what all the screamingis about, Arsenal lost a football match last night. It was quite an important match and they lost fairlyheavily.

Some have taken Bayern Munich's 5-1 nobbling of the Gunners to be a sure signofthe impending apocalypse, some are viewingit as a harbinger of the Ozymandian demise of Arsene Wenger's empire and some, perhaps naively, are simply taking it as a thoroughly embarrassing football result.

Manchester United

EFL Cup: Liverpool Change Twitter Bio After Man Utd’s Record-Equalling Cup Victory

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Manchester United won the first piece of major silverware on offer this season, courtesy of their hard-fought and rather fortuitous 3-2 win against Southampton on Sunday.

United's appearance in the final and subsequent victory also forced traditional rivals Liverpool into a bit of Twitter fiddling, with the Reds deletinga major claim in their bio.

Good Start: L’Equipe Award Memphis Depay Solid 2/10 Match Rating On Full Lyon Debut

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Memphis Depay made his full debut for Lyon in Sunday night's Rhone derby clash against Saint-Etienne.

After coming on for the last 30 minutes of last week's defeat against Marseille, Depay made his first start in what was to prove to be another disappointing night for OL.

Saint-Etienne ended up coasting to a 2-0 victory, with Depay lasting 65 minutes before being taken off and replaced for the remainder.

The Rest

‘One Great Enemy We Must All Endeavour To Fear Not Conquering Is Fear’ – Bray Wanderers Chairman Releases Greatest Club Statement Of All Time

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Carlisle Grounds, home to Bray Wanderers

After it looked touch and go for a while, Bray Wanderers have today proudly announced that that club is financially stable for the time being.

The cash-strapped League of Ireland side had drawn up plans to redevelop their old Carlisle Ground home and use the proceeds to build themselves a new stadium, as well as a top notch football academy facility they insist will "rival the best in the world".

The Premier League Is Leaking: Study Finds Third Of Fans Watch Live Matches Via Illegal Streams

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How much would you pay to watch stellar action like this?

Drovesof football fans are now regularly resorting to illegalstreamsto watch Premier League matches, a study has found.

According to the survey commissioned by BBC Radio 5 Live, just over a third of fans admit to regularly watching top flight matches from unofficial providers, with one in five watching at least one match per week.

WhatsApp, Doc? Aston Villa Embarrass Themselves With Puzzling John Terry ‘Group Chat’ Announcement

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Photo: Aston Villa

Although getting on in years and weighed down with more baggage than a handler's strike at Heathrow, John Terry's move to Aston Villa is perhaps the best news the club have had since Joleon Lescott left.

Yet the Championship club have contrived to sour the good vibes and make themselves a laughing stock with a certifiably iffysocial media ‘reveal' that presents more questions than it does answers.

Francesco Totti: Rome Newspaper ‘Il Tempo’ Change Their Name In Honour Of Departing Roma Icon’s Final Match (Photo)

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Francesco Totti, one of the last bastions of a bygone age of calcio, is limbering upto play his 786th and final game for Roma today.

The Giallorossi are due to face Genoa in their last fixture of the Serie A season, with Totti set to "play a large portion" of the match before he moves upstairs to take on a directorial role at the only club he's ever served.

Twitter Release Special Pack Of El Clasico-Themed Emojis Ahead Of Barcelona’s Crucial Trip To Real Madrid (Photo)

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Ahead of the bi-annual ref-crowding pageant that is El Clasico, the people at Twitter have rolled out a series of limited edition Barcelona and Real Madrid-themed emojis for the occasion.

WithLa Liga's twin behemoths set to go duke it out at the summit of the tableonce again on Sunday evening, fans (presumably under the age of 12) will be able to squabble over who's the bestest on social media using the following array of miniature pictographs.

In Response To Arsenal Whining, Long-Suffering Darlington Fan Describes What Supporting A Properly Inept Club Entails

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Rendered aghast at Arsenal fans descending into apoplexyover the prospect of not finishing in the top four of the Premier League for the first time since 1995, one long-suffering Darlington supporter decided to catalogue the misery he has witnessed over the years.

In order to detail what it's like to support a club who are actually hopeless, Darlo supporterJoe Kennedy produced the mother of all Twitter threads a testament to what it is to really suffer as a football fan.

‘I’m Not Sure How Long I Can Carry On’ – Jeff Stelling Mulling Soccer Saturday Retirement After Too Many Years Of Paul Merson

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Image: Sky Sports News

After 40 years at the media coalface, Jeff Stelling has revealed that he is beginning to mull over the possibility of retirement.

Having started out at Radio Tees in the late 1970s and working his way up the BSkyB ladder, Stelling eventually found his niche as the presenter of Soccer Saturday, where he's been in situ, in one form or another, since 1994.

‘I Was So Insecure’ – Robbie Savage Admits He Created Online Aliases To Praise Himself On Derby County Fan Forums

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Robbie Savage has admitted that back during his playing days, he created phoney online aliases which he used to shower himself with praise on fan forums.

Speaking on BBC Radio 5 Live, the former Wales international revealed that, shortly after signing for Derby in 2008, he became so insecure about his performances that he created fake accountsand then infiltrated message boards to talk himself up.

Darmstadt: Ex-President Barack Obama Revealed To Be Massive Fan Of Bundesliga’s Bottom Club

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While Arsenal have the Queen and Liverpool have James Bond, it's been discovered that the team currently rock bottom of the Bundesliga may just be able to boast the biggest celebrity fan of them all.

Thanks to some digging by a local radio station, it was found that among the 631,000 accounts Barack Obama follows on Twitter, only one belongs to a professional football club.