By Chris Wright

So, it was Luis Suarez who refused Patrice Evra's offer of a handshake at Old Trafford earlier this afternoon...

The mascot is seen here at the exact moment he realises he's not the most immature man on the pitch

Evra grabbed Suarez, then Rio Ferdinand also refused to shake his hand.

WIN THE CHANCE FOR YOUR CHILD TO BE A McDONALD'S PLAYER ESCORT AT THE ENGLAND V HOLLAND MATCH

We've teamed up with McDonald's, the official Community Partner of The FA, to offer three lucky youngsters between the ages of 7 and 11 years old the chance to become McDonald's Player Escorts as England take on Holland in an international friendly on 29th February.

By Chris Wright

Sickening stuff from afore Blackpool's 3-0 win over Sheffield Wednesday at Hillsborough on Tuesday evening, wherein Wednesday mascots Barney and Ozzie Owl launch a vicious and unprovoked attack on ESPN's FA Cup mascot Buddy using the old 'kneel behind and push' takedown technique beloved by schoolboys everywhere.

All the stuff being covered outside the unfriendly confines of the award-winning Dirty Tackle...

Sheffield Wednesday mascots Barney and Ozzy shamelessly assault FA Cup mascot Buddy. [YouTube]

Man City's 88-year-old mascot. [Kickette]

Classic goalkeeper shirts as art.

Please take a moment to doff your metaphorical cap to Celia Hodkin, Kickettes. Celia has been a Manchester City fan since 1933, and achieved a life's ambition last weekend when she was invited to be the mascot at her club's game vs. Fulham.

As is only right for a woman of such commitment and stature, Celia was afforded VIP treatment on game day, taking in the sights and sounds of the tunnel, the changing room (!

Lifelong City fan Celia Hodkin has been given an almighty birthday present from the folks in the Blue half of Manchester... Celia, set to turn 88, has been given the opportunity to lead out the team she has supported since the age of 9 vs Fulham this weekend. Her daughter wrote to the men in charge about [.

Lifelong City fan Celia Hodkin has been given an almighty birthday present from the folks in the Blue half of Manchester... Celia, set to turn 88, has been given the opportunity to lead out the team she has supported since the age of 9 vs Fulham this weekend. Her daughter wrote to the men in charge about [.

Futbolitinos, the transfer deadline window is now shut! Seedy agents all became instant millionaires when "under the table" deals were finalized yesterday, including Coutinho's loan move from Inter Milan to Espanyol (above).

Nothing beats knocking a Premier League side out of the FA Cup when you are a lower league side. Brighton did that by knocking out Newcastle 1-0 over the weekend. The fun of the Cup was shown by Brighton's Adam El-Abd as he dances with an FA Cup mascot after the win. This is my favorite moment of the weekend.

Challenging the mascot's child-friendly image In England, mascots are cuddly, blundering buffoons with a penchant for winding up opposing fans and scoring penalties. In Mexico, mascots are Satan's pets. At least if you happen to support Club Tijuana, who used their club mascot to scare supporters into buying their new kit.

Wilson Palacios was given his first start in the league for Stoke City yesterday and his services were required immediately. More immediately than he probably thought, as his mascot suddenly had a need for his mommy. Or was frightened by Peter Crouch. Or he just knew he was going to have to sit through 90 minutes of Stoke City.

Merry Christmas! Enjoy the best of our festive content here

It truly is the most wonderful time of the year! And to celebrate (not to mention buy us some time go and eat our own bodyweight in turkey and pigs in blankets), we've pulled together a sackful of Christmas content to keep you going until the football kicks off again on Boxing Day, which you can see by following the links below.

Watch Wayne Rooney wind up Fergie in a game of charades

Imagine, for a moment, that you were playing charades, and were asked to mime the film Bend it like Beckham. How would you convey the Beckham part of that title? Perhaps you might think back to that famous incident in which then Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson hit him in the face with a boot and act that out.

Jose takes a tumble! The Sexwale song! Horror misses! Our 50 funniest football videos of 2011 part two

Every day at 3PM, MirrorFootball brings you the day's funniest football videos in our 3PM Extra feature. Here is our personal choice of the best foul-ups, fouls, fails and four-letter words from 2011.

Tyldesley's sex tape! Mascot in tank! The worst dive ever! Our 50 funniest football videos of 2011 part one

Every day at 3PM, MirrorFootball brings you the day's funniest football videos in our 3PM Extra feature. Here is our personal choice of the best foul-ups, fouls, fails and four-letter words from 2011.

By Chris Wright

So, West Ham unveiled their new mascot 'Hammerhead' before their 1-0 win over Barnsley at Upton Park on Saturday...

Saints be praised, it looks like he's got a back story too:

"Foundered in the Thames Iron Works many decades ago, the workers who crafted a new champion drew on the spirits of heroes old and new to create the ultimate goal machine.

So it appears Halloween hasn't ended for Real Madrid who celebrated Cristiano's 100th goal last night with Raul Albiol aka "el Enmascarado : The Masked One" (say it in a deep voice, if you will please).

"I don't even want him banned because we need as many fans as we can get."

Chaddy the Owl, mascot of English third division club Oldham, recommended leniency for the Oldham fan who punched him in the face after he and his 7-foot bird costume hit the stands for some photos with friendlier fans.

It's Halloween weekend and FC Tokyo's mascot, Tokyo Dorompa (seen above) dressed to the theme at a J-League match two days ago. Vale vale vale, the outfit looks like it was put together in less than 10 minutes, but you know Dorompa wanted all the attention to be on him.

By Chris Wright

Owl abuse in football is a serious issue. Only last year did we see a poor, defenseless hooter kicked to death during a game by Deportivo Pereira defender Luis Moreno.

Moreno was fined and given community service in a zoo.

The German National Women's team thanks fans... with their Mascot on hand, of course!

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The German National Women's team thanks fans... with their Mascot on hand, of course!

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Twit-twoo beat me up? Football mascots are supposed to wind-up opposition fans, but Oldham mascot Chaddy the Owl was this week punched by one of his own team's supporters. Chaddy was assaulted as he posed for a photo with a young fan ahead of the midweek match at Preston North End. The man inside the [.

Lyon Mascot (creepy voice) : "It's my job to hug everyone after the game, especially you, Yoann." Gourcuff : "Yea? It's cool man - let's just shake hands.." (via Reuters)

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Yes, we were lamenting the lack of goals for a good part of the Juventus-Milan fixture yesterday until signore Claudio Marchisio (and those pair of eyes) stepped in to score twice for Juventus! With a name like that, the whole of Turin will not be sweating over his complimentary one week risotto.

By Alan Duffy

January and February will see a number of Premier League managers once again bemoaning the loss of a number of their top players to the small matter of the African Cup of Nations.

However, while the players left behind freeze in a post-Christmas England , those headed for the heat in Gabon and Equatorial Guinea will come face to face with the tournament's new mascot, Gaguie, who was recently unveiled in Libreville to a rather unimpressed (see video) selection of dignitaries.

Try to make it through the entire four minutes of The Don's speech yesterday without getting hypnotized by the crazy eyes on the mascot in the background. Impossible. And what is that thing? A badger? A skunk? And what does it have to do with being hard-working, American and all those other Crew-like things?

Trillium Cup... now with Trillium SaucerIN THE TUNNEL:
Half empty stadium? Check. Dirtiest looking cheerleaders east of the Mississippi? Check. Children's playground outside the ground? Check. Simmering racial undertones in the stands? Check. With all that in order, it's all systems go for the return leg of The Trillium Cup - MLS' weakest manufactured derby ever.

A tad un-PC Aston Villa's mascot is currently Hercules Lion. He is everything you want in a mascot: jovial, sporty and a bit of cheeky chap. While there is a theme of African heritage running through the narrative of Villa mascots past and present, this wasn't always portrayed in quite as politically correct or positive [.

Arsenal's team photo for the 2011-12 season is being taken this Thursday and you, and your junior Gunner, can be part of it.

Thanks to the Gunners' official membership schemes 'The Arsenal' and Junior Gunners, Arseblog is giving readers one adult plus a child the chance to sit in the Gunners' first team photocall at the Emirates this Thursday 4th August.

I hadn't originally planned on taking the day off yesterday from our usual link round up, but with all the news coming out about the trade I just never found the time until, well, it was time to do some real work. My apologies on not getting that done for you guys.

Today's link round up consists mostly of the trade happening yesterday and reviews of the West Brom friendly.

The season is over so please forgive me for talking about something with little to no relation to United. The story links with Sunderland, our second XI/Mini Manchester United, so I guess it's not completely random.

I've just read that Craig Gardner is set to sign for Steve Bruce after spending the last 18 months at relegated Birmingham City.

By Chris Wright

Huge news from the Championship, where Doncaster Rovers have sacked their mascot of three years after she got her wabs out for a fairly timid lingerie shoot, posing alongside the head from her 'Donny The Dog' costume.

Doncaster have announced that 40-year old, mother-0f-three Tracy Chandler has been relieved of her voluntary duties after she 'disgraced the club' by appearing in a charity photo shoot for a newspaper.

Hounded out Doncaster Rovers have sacked their mascot after she posed in a raunchy photoshoot alongside the mascot's head. Tracy Chandler, aged 40, has been relieved of her voluntary duties as Donny Dog following the underwear shoot. Mrs Chandler received an email telling her she had been fired. She said: "It just said that they [.

By Chris Wright

After 120 minutes of goalless toil, AFC Wimbledon beat Luton Town on penalties in the Blue Square Premier League play-off final at Eastlands to secure themselves Football League status for next season an astounding feat once you factor in that the club were only formed as a non-league outfit nine short years ago in protest over the FA's decision to dissolve the original Wimbledon and replace them with 'Franchise FC' 80 miles up the M1 in Milton Keynes.

Off The Ball never rests in its mission to scratch around the underbelly of professional football to find the most bizarre, humorous and inexplicable stories.

This week, Napoli's wisdom for WAGs, Manchester United's Darron Gibson lasts just two hours on Twitter, Real Madrid have the last word on Hell Clasico, mascot Sammy the Tammy dons a cardboard tank to gun down fans and Icelandic side Thor Akureyri FC take pranks to a whole new level.

What Portland did for their fans in their first 2 home games is to give them a reason to come back to the stadium for the next few years. Not only did they not disappoint in these games, they rose to the occasion and surpassed entertainment expectations.

Luis Moreno has struck again, and this time he chose an opponent. The Panamanian defender currently plying his trade in Columbia with Deportivo Pereira faced widespread condemnation back in February after fatally booting an injured owl off the field of play. The mascot of their opponents and hated rivals Junior Barranquilla, the owl had landed on the field and was struck by a pass.

Just one of those weeks, things conspire to make it a time of thought and reflection. Work overflowing with problems, unsettled elsewhere. The game is as enticing as always, it's just that sometimes the mind dallies along the way.

‘Glory glory hallelujah' rolling out from the east upper (so it seemed) threw me.

Y'all know about Joe Corona? No? Neither do I. Apparently he's some San Diego kid who plays for the club with the most unwieldy name in Mexican futbol, Club Tijuana Xoloitzcuintles De Caliente. Never heard of them either? I could see that but since they have a hairless dog as a mascot and what appear to be out-of-work roller derby chicks as cheerleaders you might want to get down.