People, please! Form an orderly queue for a glimpse of the hawt. Images: Alex Livesey/Getty Images Europe.

Dear Sir,

We don't blame you for handcuffing yourself to a goalpost during the first half of Everton's 1-0 victory over Manchester City in the EPL last night. Many have mocked you, but we often find it hard to resist the magnetic power of Joe Hart as well.

Delfina keeps an eye on proceedings at Liverpool vs. Manchester United on Saturday. Image: Alex Livesey/Getty Images Europe.

We're thinking that the UN should offer Delfina Suarez a job. Her ability to divert attention in a potential flashpoint situ, using just a woolly hat and pink puffy jacket combo, is the best we've ever seen.

Image: Alex Livesey/Getty Images.

We didn't actually intend for this to become a regular feature, but during Liverpool's 3-1 defeat to Bolton this weekend Andy Carroll took his shirt off, and in doing so, proved he does serve a useful purpose on the football pitch.

Not many people think he does at the mo, so before he has the chance to prove them right later today against Manchester City, we felt this occasion deserved to be marked.

A 3-2 home to defeat to their bitter rivals might've been bad news for City players and fans, but it was brilliant fodder for our nefarious, non-partisan purposes. Image: Alex Livesey/Getty Images.

PORT ELIZABETH, SOUTH AFRICA JUNE 15: Cristiano Ronaldo of Portugal looks on during the 2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa Group G match between Ivory Coast and Portugal at Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium on June 15, 2010 in Port Elizabeth, South Africa. (Photo by Alex Livesey FIFA/FIFA via Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Cristiano Ronaldo

El Real Madrid remonto al Malaga que parecia le sacaria minmo el empate a los merengues.

Like all responsible pet owners, we left our snark in the office over New Year. We ensured it had adequate food, water and celebrity list programmes to see it through the night, with the TV turned up loud to avoid firework-related outbursts.

We were concerned that it might be sulking today and therefore refuse to contribute to the first results post of 2012, but you'll be relieved to see it's in fine form and frolicking around our captions like nothing had even happened.

It's generally agreed in the Kickette office that these two poppets could wear buckets on their heads and still be hot as hell. Image: REUTERS/Phil Noble, Alex Livesey/Getty Images.

If you live outside of the UK, you may not be able to comprehend how the country is experiencing a record-breaking autumn.

Wow. JT's only been benched for a game and already Frank has found a new BFF. Will his former bezzie cope? Image: Alex Livesey/Getty Images Europe.

Bad news. Due to a series of unexpected international friendly results at the weekend, the 'Kickette Betting for Beverages' budget has taken a massive hit.

Alex Livesey/Getty Images(Bleacher Report) Manchester United are still riding high after what could be a season defining moment, by devastating Arsenal at home two weekends ago 8-2.
The international break may have cooled down the team, but so far that looks unlikely as the majority of the players sent away to represent their respective countries put in excellent performances.

Michael Regan/Getty Images(Bleacher Report) This Past January Manchester City made a move that many people believed would be one of the best they had made since their overhaul began. Their move was the £27 million signing of VfL Wolfsburg star Edin Dzeko.
Dzeko had torn up the Bundesliga for the past three seasons with Wolfsburg scoring 85 goals in only 135 league appearances.

Alex Livesey/Getty Images(Bleacher Report) The summer transfer window is officially over. This year proved to have one of the most exciting "finally days" in a long time as all the teams in the English Premier League were in the midst of chasing the sunset on new additions.
Some teams added major value to their club as they attempt to make up for injuries and horrid form to start the season.

Alex Livesey/Getty Images (Bleacher Report) After a horrid Sunday afternoon at Old Trafford, Arsene Wenger looks to finally show true signs of life in the transfer market.
He has brought in £60 million to stock his transfer kitty with the sales of Cesc Fabregas to Barcelona and Samir Nasri to Manchester City.

Using only hand gestures, Tomas Rosicky demonstrates the size of the gaps in Arsenal's defence that Manchester United romped through in their last EPL fixture. Image: Alex Livesey/Getty Images.

Joey, we can cope with your occasional tantrums, esoteric and downright confusing Twitter ramblings and even your dodgy hair-do. But the moustache is too much. Please stop it. Image: Alex Livesey/Getty Images/Daylife.

MANCHESTER, ENGLAND - AUGUST 22: Danny Welbeck of Manchester United celebrates after scoring the opening goal during the Barclays Premier League match between Manchester United and Tottenham Hotspur at Old Trafford on August 22, 2011 in Manchester, England. (Photo by Alex Livesey/Getty Images) (Bleacher Report)Manchester United currently are joint top of the table as they look to keep their streak going against an Arsenal team that is experiencing loads of change this season.

Alex Livesey/Getty Images(Bleacher Report)Nearly two months of constant controversy and speculation surrounding Samir Nasri has finally come to a close in the past few days.
With the French International finally getting his move away from London, he has since been in the news for talking poorly of his old clubs' fans, but he has praised Arsene Wenger.

Alex Livesey/Getty Images(Bleacher Report)Last January, Liverpool put a stamp of intent on their plans for the future. It truly was a case of "out with the old and in with the new."
After three-and-a-half seasons with the Reds, forward Ryan Babel took the opportunity to move on. He made 146 appearances for Liverpool scoring 22 goals.

Alex Livesey/Getty Images(Bleacher Report)Manchester City started off their new campaign with a bang on multiple levels.
Their team gave a clinic in the last 33 minutes as they scored four goals to rout newly promoted Swansea City in front of a packed house.
It was also nice to start the first Campaign of the Etihad Stadium with a victory, and Roberto Mancini will be happy to have earned such.

What perfect penmanship Balotelli has! Image Credit: Alex Livesey/Getty Images Europe.

Alex Livesey/Getty Images(Bleacher Report)Scott Dann is another key target that Arsene Wenger will be watching closely over the next few weeks in anticipation of possibly making a move before the end of the window.
The young Birmingham City player has enjoyed more domestic trophy success than anyone on the Gunners side in the last season.

Alex Livesey/Getty Images(Bleacher Report)Bolton Wanderers defender Gary Cahill has been a highly tracked transfer target all around the league from Liverpool interest to Manchester United. However, their is yet to be a truly official bid for the player according to any source.
The English defender would be a perfect recruit for Arsene Wenger who has been without a solid and reliable central defensive player for quite some time.

Alex Livesey/Getty Images(Bleacher Report) 24-Year old Birmingham City defender Scott Dann is now a main defensive target for the Reds as Phil Jones is now on his way to Manchester United. Dann is Liverpool born and bred and is a professed life long Reds fan. That makes the situation almost ideal for the young man to make a move to Anfield after his club was relegated on the last day of the Premier League season.

Alex Livesey/Getty Images(Bleacher Report) Sky Sports also report that Birmingham's Scott Dann is also on the Reds shopping list for the summer. The Blues young defender is valued at £10m which would be a great value for the Merseysiders. However, it is apparent that just as with Phil Jones, the Reds may be having to out wit Arsenal for the youngsters signature.

Alex Livesey/Getty Image (Bleacher Report) Liverpool continue to go after young talent as they are reportedly now battling Arsenal for the signature of Blackburn Rovers starlet centerback Phil Jones claims Sky Sports.
Valued at around £16m it would be another example of the Reds sticking to their youth policy after having just wrapped up the signature of Sunderland wide-man Jordan Henderson.

Alex Livesey/Getty Images(Bleacher Report) Ashley Young's fellow attacking partner at Aston Villa, Stewart Downing, is also up in the air over his future with the Birmingham side. Seen as an alternative prospect to Ashley Young for Liverpool, Downing is also being chased by Harry Redknapp and Tottenham Hotspur.

(Bleacher Report) In what has been a reason of heartache and pain for Liverpool, it has also been a season of revived hopes and dreams. New faces, new leadership and new owners with a desire to win have done wonders for the Reds and the club as a whole.
Alex Livesey/Getty ImagesThe January arrival of Luis Suarez has sparked a sleeping attack for the Reds, as his creativity and tenacious attacking desire to get in the mix has pushed the Reds to their best since his regular inclusions began in late February.

Alex Livesey/Getty Images (Bleacher Report) Lionel Messi has stolen the Champion's League spotlight this year as he leads the competition with 11 goals as Pep Guardiola's Barcelona team heads into the final against Manchester United and Sir Alex Ferguson.
Messi's two goals against archrival Real Madrid in the first leg of their eventual triumph were what allowed the Blaugrana to advance, and he will be keen to continue his success this year and hopefully help his side raise the Champions League Trophy once more.

Will The Boy Wonder Be Welcomed Back if Kenny Signed Him?


by Thomas Atzenhoffer on The Bleacher Report
April 20, 2011
Alex Livesey/Getty Image In what could be a rumor of outlandish proportions in the last few months of the season, there have been whispers that Kenny Dalglish could attempt to bring back a fallen hero of the Kop in hopes of letting him set things right before the end of his career.

Who Will Fill the future Ranks of Liverpool following the Summer Window?
by Thomas Atzenhoffer on The Bleacher Report
April 18, 2011
Alex Livesey/Getty Image The summer transfer window is quickly approaching, and with so many names in the press over the past few months as possible targets for the Reds, it seems like it would be prudent to try and weed out the ones that are actually feasible.

The Teams of Old Square off against the Teams of Yesterday
by Thomas Atzenhoffer on The Bleacher Report
April 17, 2011
Alex Livesey/Getty Image The Past 50 years of England's top flight, whether it was the English Premier League since 1993 or the years prior as the English League, have captivated audiences worldwide.

Image: Alex Livesey/Getty Images Europe.

As you're probably aware, the daft minds behind this site's scenes are largely responsible for expanding the bitchtastic facial options available to footballers, heavily researching the paradigm shifts in short tents and examining what manbags mean to their men (as well as unearthing the content Cristiano carries around).