Kits & fashion

Manchester United

Shit Football Kits: Man Utd’s Purported New ‘Holy Trinity’ Third Kit Is A Magnificent Grey Eyesore (Leaked Photo)

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An image of what is purported to be Manchester United's new third kit for next season has been doing the rounds today and, should it transpire to be genuine, then we can only offer fans our sincerest commiserations.

The leaked photo shows a dreary grey kit, livened up with a Corel Draw III clip-art image of the 'Holy Trinity statue' of Sir Bobby Charlton, George Best and Denis Law that stands outside Old Trafford.

Football Tat: Man Utd’s Trip To Saint-Etienne Produces Strange, Terrifying Example Of ‘Half-And-Half’ Merchandise (Photo)

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With Manchester United in town for their Europa League last-32 second legger, Saint-Etienne's Geoffroy Guichard stadium was awash with all the usual souvenir tat you might expect on Wednesday afternoon.

Indeed, the half-and-half scarves were out in force most notably up in the VIP boxes, where the staunchly bi-partisan Mama Pogba was festooned in both green and red as she watched her sons Paul and Florentin square off against one another for the second time in quick succession.

International football

Argentina Fan Gets Tattoo Tribute To Infamous Sliding Tackle That Split Javier Mascherano’s Anus In Twain (Photo)

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Javier Mascherano was forced to relive painful memories over the weekend when he came face to face with a tattoo tribute to his goal-denying sliding tackle at the 2014 World Cup.

With the score locked at 0-0 and mere seconds of normal time left to play in Argentina's drab semi-final against the Netherlands, Mascherano made up several metres on Arjen Robben to slam the door shut in dramatic fashion.

Marcus Rashford The Poster Boy As England Launch Startlingly Dull New Away Kit (Photos)

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England have press-ganged Marcus Rashford into modelling their new away kit, which is to be worn for the first time against Germany duringWednesday night's friendly in Dortmund.

It's another largely plain, fairly dull, two-tone offering from Nike, this time in navy blue sorry, "midnight".

Doing The Man Utd Shuffle: Japanese Side FC Gifu Change Kit At Half-Time After Passing To Opposition For 45 Minutes (Video)

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Down in the Japanese second division, FC Gifu were forced to invoke the 'Manchester United shuffle' and change their kit at half-time after a colour clash disrupted their game plan.

On Sunday afternoon, Gifu,wearingtheir traditional green, were onhosting duties against Matsumoto Yamaga, who turned out in their dull grey away strip.

You Might Notice Something Incredibly Familiar About USA’s Groundbreaking New Red Kit (Photos)

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Photo: US Soccer

The USA have proudly unveiled their new kit for 2017, with both the men's and women's teams finding themselves furnished with new wares under the slogan "One nation, one team."

According to the Nike blurb, the strip features "a bold red colour palette" with a "pervasive red aesthetic" and "patriotic flares".

Antoine Griezmann To Voice Superman In French Version Of ‘The Lego Batman Movie’

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It's been announced that Antoine Griezmann will provide the voice of Superman in the French version of the upcoming'Lego Batman Movie'.

The Atletico Madrid striker broke the news of his first major screen role via his official Facebook page...

For the record, it was Channing Tatum who provided Superman's dulcet tones in original The Lego Movie.

Join Us In Praying That This ‘Van Gogh-Inspired’ Monstrosity Isn’t Holland’s New Home Shirt (Photo)

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A cursory flick back through the archives has shown that the Netherlands have never really suffered with a duff kit.

Sure, there have been some slightly drab incarnationsof the famous Oranje over the years, butthe Dutch have never actually endured what you might call a 'bad' strip.

Till now, that is.

Videos

Brickstand: 18 Fabulous Football Stadiums Recreated Entirely In Lego (Photos)

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A couple of years ago, a couple of intrepid chaps decided to make it their mission to recreate all 92 English and Scottish league football grounds using nothing but Lego.

As such, Brickstand was born.

Skip forward to present day and the fellows have now knocked out a cavalcadeof different stadiums old and new, and all of them are utterly fabulous!

Shit Football Kits: Brighton & Hove Albion Pair Stripy Shirt With Matching Stripy Shorts, 1991-93 (Photo)

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By and large, Brighton & Hove Albion have been playing in blue and white stripes for well over 100 years some 113 years to be exact.

In that time, only once did theSeagulls venture to extend their famous two-tone livery south of the waistband, and now we know why.

During the giddy halcyon days of the early 1990s, Brighton bashed out a home strip that coupled a stripy shirt with matchingstripy shorts.

Arsenal: Olivier Giroud’s Incredible Scorpion Volley Against Crystal Palace Recreated In Lego (Video)

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It may have been pipped to the January 'Goal of the Month' award by Andy Carroll's exocet overhead kick, but Olivier Giroud's equally audacious scorpion volley (also against Crystal Palace) has been immortalised in an altogether more meaningful way.

Thanks to Weevil888, Giroud's partially inspired, partially fluked back-heel has taken its place in the grand pantheon of icon footballing moments re-rendered in Lego.

Shit Football Kits: Behold The Hideous ‘Bruised Purple’ Liverpool Strip That Never Was… (Photos)

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If the following photos are anything to go by, it would appear Liverpool dodged a nauseating bullet at some point around the turn of the 1990s.

With the era of 'kitchen sink' football kit design at it's gaudy peak, it looks like Adidas were planning to bestow and absolute howler of an away shirton the Reds.

Presenting: ‘Dangerous Game’, Potentially The New Worst Football Movie Ever Made (Official Trailer)

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Move over 'United Passions', because it looks like there's a new worst football movie ever in town.

What you're about to witness is the trailor for a new movie that looks so ineffably awful that Guardian reviewer Stuart Heritage assumed it must be a deliberate hoaxof some sort.

Dangerous Game stars Callum Best (reality 'star' son of George) as a Premiership footballer who dabbles in robbing shoe shops while dressed as Gary Lineker on behalf of the Russian mafia or something like that.

10 Unlikely Footballers Who Have Had A Bash At Modelling (Photos)

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Football and fashion. It's an irresistible combination.

That said, for every David Beckham or Freddie Ljungberg, there is an equal and opposite reaction...

Slaven Bilic

Smouldering in monochrome, hewn from purest Croatian granite...

Andy Carroll

When Alexander McQueen debuted his new line of Victorian PE kit for centaurs, there was only one man-pony he could call.

Europa League: Roma’s Diego Perotti Cancels Out Rabona Goal With Bloody Terrible Neck Tattoo (Photo & Video)

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Edin Dzeko scored a hat-trick (his 8th, 9th and 10th goals in 12 appearances so far this season) as Roma romped to a 4-1 victory over Viktoria Plzen to secure safe passage to the knock-out stages of the EuropaLeague last night.

However, the general consesus seems to be that Roma's other effort, scored by Diego Perotti, was the goal of the night being as though it came about via a cross-cum-shot-cum-definitely-a-cross in the rabona style.

League One: Fluorescent Kit Clash Sees Peterborough Midfielder Michael Bostwick Accidentally Pass To Steward (Video)

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Having made the 40-milejaunt down the A605, Peterborough donned their fluorescent yellow away kit for Saturday's League One clash with local-ish rivals Northampton.

Sadly, their snazzy hi-vis strip proved to be their undoing well, specifically the undoing of veteran midfielder Michael Bostwick, who fell foul of a touchline colour clash when he expertly picked out the overlapping run of a matchday steward.

Serie A

Serie B: Hellas Verona Fan Given Stadium Ban After Attending Match In Swimming Trunks And Flip-Flops (Photo)

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Photo: Sport Mediaset

Proving that the Italian footballing authorities are just as joyless as their English counterparts, one Hellas Verona fan has been handed a banning order for having the gall to wear his dressing gown to a match.

The supporter attended Verona'sawaygame against Avellino on 11th February while wearing a gown, his swimming cap and trunks and a pair of flip-flops.

Shit Football Ink: Serie B Midfielder Amato Ciciretti Gets His Own Twitter Handle Tattooed On Leg (Photo)

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Photo: Gazzetta dello Sport

That man there, spread akimbo on the turf, is Amato Ciciretti once of Roma, now of Serie B side Benevento.

As of but a few days ago, Ciciretti is the proud owner of one of the absolute worst bits of body art we've ever had the misfortune of stumbling across.

‘We’re Rebranding Too!’ – Russian Minnows FC Yenisey Krasnoyarsk Mock Juventus’ Rubbish New Logo

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Ever sinceJuventus unveiled theirnew synergised, corporate-friendly club logo earlier today, fans have been quite rightly lining up to take the piss out of them for it.

However, fellow clubs are now joining the fun, with Russian second division outfit FCYenisey Krasnoyarsk proudly announcing that they too are planning to follow in Juve's footsteps by rejigging their lookfor 2017.

Modern Football Is Rubbish: Juventus Ditch Classic Badge In Favour Of New Club Logo (Photo & Video)

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Juventus have proudly announced that they are ditching the club crest that has served them well for the past 45-plusyears in favour of a new streamlined logo.

Unveiled by club presidentAndrea Agnelli has a flashy ceremony in Milan last night, the new 'J' logo is supposedly a "symbol of the Juventus way of living.

shirt

Here’s Your Chance To Own An Airdrieonians Shirt Signed By Luke Skywalker (Photo)

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Photo: Airdrieonians FC

In tribute to one of their own, Airdrieonians have eschewed a shirt sponsor in favour of gracing the front of their home strip with the face of Mark Allison, the "super fan" who sadly lost his long fight againstpancreatic cancer in early 2016.

Indeed, the fan-owned Scottish League One side will play with Allison's portrait on their shirt for the remainder of the season though that's not the be all and end all of the gesture, oh no.

World Record: Argentinian Fifth-Tier Club Cram 50 Different Sponsors Onto New Home Shirt (Photos)

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Photo: Ole

A plucky team from the Argentinian fifth tier are attempting to get themselves into the record books by cramming more sponsor logos onto their shirt than any other team have ever dared to do.

Asociacion Deportiva Centenario (more commonly known as ADC) debuted their new jersey in the first game of the Federal Torneo C, taking to the field with over 50 sponsors adorning their blue and white strip.

modern football is rubbish

Modern Football Is Rubbish: Philadelphia Union Looking To Hire ‘Chief Tattoo Officer’

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When it comes to professional footballers, you don't have to go far to find a tattoo be it massive full-limb sleeves or a pistol-toting chimpanzee.

As such, Philadelphia Union are taking steps to further meld the worlds of football and body art by hiring their very own, in-house 'tattoo officer'.

Modern Football Is Rubbish: MK Dons Release ’50th Anniversary’ Shirt Despite Only Being Formed 12 Years Ago (Photo)

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Photo: @MKDonsFC/Twitter

What you're looking at there is the new, limited edition '50th anniversary' commemorative shirt, as released by the MK Dons recently.

"But wait, MK Dons are a prefab club that were only formed in 2004 as a desperate corporate cash-grab," we hear you cry in unison.

Funnies

Pies’ 2016 Christmas Football Gift Guide, No.17: Official Boca Juniors Chest Of Drawers

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With the geese sufficiently corpulent and the big day crowning on the horizon, Pies are once again here to help with our annual Christmas Football Gift Guide.

Give the gift of storage this Christmas with the official Boca Juniors chest of drawers, available from the club's webstore for just3,500 Argentinian pesos (approx.

Pies’ Christmas Football Gift Guide, No.4: Official Fiorentina Paperclips

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With the geese sufficiently corpulent and the big day crowning on the horizon, Pies are once again here to help with our annual Christmas Football Gift Guide.

You know what Italian football fans are like: volatile, disorganised, temperamental, papers always flying everywhere.

Thank heavens, then, that Fiorentina have sought to reign inthe chaos by producing their very own range of suitably purple paper clips.

Pies’ Christmas Football Gift Guide, No.3: Official FC Zurich Replacement Sink Plug

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With the geese sufficiently corpulentand the big daycrowning on the horizon, Pies are once again here to help with our annual Christmas Football Gift Guide.

Perfect for the FC Zurich fan in your life with thedrab, old, depressingly generic sink plug it's the official FC Zurich replacement club crest sink plug!

Pies’ 2016 Christmas Gift Guide, No.2: Official Hartlepool United Temporary Sailor Tattoos

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With the geese sufficiently corpulentand the big daycrowning on the horizon, Pies are once again here to help with our annual Christmas Football Gift Guide.

Indeed, if you're stuck on what to get the Monkey Hanger in your life, then why not really go to town and buy thema rather tasteful (and official) Hartlepool United temporary sailor tattoo?

Pies’ 2016 Christmas Football Gift Guide, No.1: Official Yeovil Town Cigarette Lighter

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Today isthe first day of December so that can only mean one thing: The grand return of Pies' world-renowned Christmas Gift Guide.

With the festive season upon us, we like to lend a hand to our extended family by offering tailored gift ideas for the discerning football fan(s) in your life.

ham kit

CD Guijuelo: Meat-Obsessed Spanish Club’s Doctor Now Carries Medical Bag Designed To Look Like Ham (Photo)

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By now you're probably well aware of CD Guijuelo's little fixation onIberico ham.

In fact, the Spanish second-tier side are so fixated on their native region's most famous export that they've gone and made their kit look like a giant meatplatter.

However, it's since come to light that Guijuelo's meaty obsession runs a little deeper than their strip as one look at the matchday attire of their club medic will duly prove.

CD Guijuelo Unveil Special Version Of ‘Meat Kit’ For Upcoming Cup Tie Against Atletico Madrid (Photos)

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Photo: @DaenSport/Twitter

Foolishly, you may be thinking that there was no possible way to improve on CD Guijuelo's inimitable (and utterly bonkers) 'Iberico ham-themed' strip.

Well, we're here to tell you that you're wrong. Dead wrong.

Indeed, to celebrate bagging a glamorous tie against Atletico Madrid in the Copa del Rey, the third-tier club have produced a special version of their meat kit.

The Rest

Shit Football Ink: Liverpool’s Alberto Moreno Adds To Baffling Collection Of Animal-Themed Body Art (Photo)

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Having made just three Premier League appearancesfor Liverpool since the turn of the year, Alberto Moreno has had plenty of time to indulge inhis extra-curricular passions.

Basically, he's been filling his skin with ridiculous tattoos of animals wearing human clothes we're talking a tiger in a bandana, a panda sporting a monocle and a bull terrier wearing boxing gloves.

Barcelona Brewery Launch New Beer Inspired By Ronald Koeman’s Golden Hair (Photo)

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Light, pale, frothy and almost entirely eyebrowless, Ronald Koeman is soon to have a beer named in his honour.

Indeed, a Catalanartisan brewery have created the "Golden Koeman" lager with which to toast the 25th anniversary of Barcelona's 1992 European Cup Final triumph, in which the Dutch defender scored the only goal of the game a thumping freekick in extra time.

Stoke City: Peter Crouch Sees 100th Premier League Goal Immortalised In ‘Extra Tall’ Mug Form (Video)

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As is fitting, Peter Crouch has seen his recent induction into the Premier League 100 Club immortalised in ceramic form.

The veteran Stoke City beanpolebrought up his top flight century against Everton last month and celebrated by dusting off The Robot.

Now, thanks to local pottery firm Foley China, Crouch also has an extra tall, nine-inch mug to markthe milestone with.

Sweden Women’s National Team To Play With Inspirational Quotes On Shirts Instead Of Their Names (Photos)

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The Sweden women's national team have decided to drop their names in favour of plastering inspirational messages across their shoulders.

The shirts are being produced for the upcoming Algarve Cup, with each player selecting their own quote of choice from fellowprominent Swedish women.

Team captain Lotta Schelin has opted for a quote pinched from the Twitter feed of politician Gudrun Schyman that reads, "Never look down on someone unless it is to help her up".

FA Cup: Sutton United Strike One-Off Sponsorship Deal With The Sun For Fifth-Round Tie Against Arsenal (Photos)

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Sutton United have announced that they'll be turning out for next Monday's FA Cup fifth-round clash against Arsenal with The Sun's logo emblazoned across their shirts.

Specifically, the National League side have struck a deal to have SunBet replace their usual sponsor, Green Go Waste, on their jerseysfor the televised game.

Official: Jordan Ayew Unveiled By Swansea, Joins Weird Squad Number Brigade (Photo)

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Thanks to the Africa Cup of Nations, it's taken Swansea a good week to get around to unveiling Jordan Ayew after sealing his signature on deadline day.

Indeed, Swanseanabbed the 25-year-old Ghana international from Aston Villain a swapsy deal that saw defenderNeil Taylor (as well as £5million incold, hard cash) go the other way.

Real Madrid: Sergio Ramos Trades Shirt With Fan In Exchange For Tray Of Pork Covered In Lard (Photo & Video)

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One incredibly lucky Real Madrid fan left Sunday evening's win over Real Sociedad with Sergio Ramos' sweaty-infused shirt after making the centre-half an offer he couldn't possibly refuse.

The fan, seen above, held a banner aloft in the stands at the Bernabeu that read, "Sergio, if you give me your shirt, I'll give you a tray of lomo en manteca.

West Ham Offer Jilted Fans Questionable ‘Deal’ On Returned Dimitri Payet Replica Shirts

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In the wakeDimitri Payet of successfully wriggling his way back to Marseille, it's fair to say that many West Hams have been left feeling a little short-changed by theFrenchman's little power play many in a quite literal sense.

Indeed, one aggrieved fan contacted chief executive Karren Brady to inquire as to whether the Hammers would be reimbursing people who had spent money onPayet replica shirts before the whole thing turned sour.

Shit Football Ink: Carlisle Fan Proudly Shows Off His Brand New Keith Curle Tattoo (Photo)

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Up until today, we merely took for granted that nobody out there in the great wide yonder had, or had even thought about having a tattoo of Keith Curle.

Alas,it turns out that we are but conceited fools.

Indeed, to celebrate "the mainman" turning 53 on November 14th, Carlisle fan Aidan delivered the perfect tribute an indellible portrait of the reigning League Two Manager of the Month about his bodily person.