Please take a moment to doff your metaphorical cap to Celia Hodkin, Kickettes. Celia has been a
Manchester City fan since 1933, and achieved a life's ambition last weekend when she was invited to
be the mascot at her club's game vs. Fulham.
As is only right for a woman of such commitment and stature, Celia was afforded VIP treatment on
game day, taking in the sights and sounds of the tunnel, the changing room (!
We never thought we'd see Joey Barton successfully accessorising a mauve pram with matching shoes.
Anything is possible in this world, Kickettes. Image via twitter.
It's been a week of political posturing, professional problems and puffy faces at Kickette.
And that's just the staff.
Images via Athletic Bilbao, Valencia CF and FC Barcelona.
Even in our semi-permanent drunken states, we still get the warm fuzzies when we see 'ballers
making rounds at their local children's hospitals to pass out gifts and meet the little ones. In
Spain, teams will typically do this anytime between Christmas Eve and Three Kings Day (6th of
January).
New Kickette Footy League Rule: A minimum of three players per squad shall be required to change
into a fresh pair of shorts mid-match. Image: Mundo Deportivo.
Since it's the time of year when no one is in the mood to do anything other than sloth out,
we've decided to have a look back at the year that was before asking our lovely readers to help us
declare a football power couple of 2011.
As you're painfully aware, we love our footy stars.
Schalke's Kyriakos Papadopoulos. Recently identified as a player that 4 out of 6 Kickette staff
members wouldn't mind seeing (naked) in their stocking. The other two claim his tongue looks weird.
Image: AFP PHOTO / PATRIK STOLLARZ.
'Tis the season of miracles, and a time to take stock of all the things in life you should be
grateful for.
We did a double take at the Mourinho doppelgänger to Sergio's right.
Ask us to tell you about a Davis Cup and we can't. What we can speak with authority on is
Sergio Ramos, stereotypes and his tucked-in salmon button shirt.
For an entire year we filed him under our "those guys" grouping.
Images: Adidas Football UK.
Hallelujah, UEFA Euro 2012 has officially kicked off. Many games will be played, many fine men
will wear shorts whilst running. Stamina and shorts on in the summer is always a good thing.With
so many matches and players to choose, where should you focus your valuable time and attention?
A feverish exchange went round Kickette HQ this morning when we saw a photo of Sara Carbonero in
this skirt at a media fiesta in Madrid two nights ago It's the perfect holiday party season skirt,
is it not?
The exchange between staffers included thoughts on life's injustices, which was further
compounded by the sight of these two crazy kids making out in his car.
Image via sabotagetimes.com
You might not think there are many downsides to working for Kickette, but there are. The actual
writing, for one thing. Having to maintain constant vigilance over your secret emergency chocolate
bar, for another.
That all pales in comparison to one staffer's recent assignment, though.
Image: FREDERIC J. BROWN/AFP/Getty Images.
Congrats to the Los Angeles Galaxy who beat the Houston Dynamo 1-0 on Sunday to claim their
first MLS Championship since 2005.
Images: AP Photo/Bret Hartman, Toby Canham/Getty Images.
The winning goal came in the 72nd minute when Robbie Keane slipped a pass to Landon Donovan, who
then chipped the ball into the back of the net.
As is our usual policy when it comes to matters of extreme seriousness in football, we choose to
plead the fifth amendment. For those not familiar with the United States constitution, it reads as
follows:
'No Kickette staffer should be forced to comment on a footballing situation that may or may not
involve crime/infidelity/buffoon-like behaviour, on the basis that they are completely ill-equipped
to deal with such matters and will invariably panic and say something that will get the site sued
and/or look really stupid.
Image: Jasper Juinen/Getty Images.
Here's Portuguese legend and Kickette fantasy boink buddy Luis Figo at the Estadio da Luz on
November 15th. He received a UEFA award for playing in more than 100 international games. Part of
his prize pack was this hat.
Still hot? Or would removal and burning be a 'pre-match' contractual obligation for you?
Click here to view the embedded video.
We are not responsible for any Kickette-rs' actions that occur while watching Iker Casillas attempt
to contain his emotions during a surprise video tribute at last week's SNT presser.
Saturday
- Harry Redknapp and Milan Mandaric are set to stand trial for tax evasion at Portsmouth FC in
early 2012.
Click here to view the embedded video.
In a video series for St John Ambulance, Jack Wilshere is teaching his fellow footballers proper
resuscitation techniques for those inopportune times when a flash sale site crashes just before we
hit 'check out'.
As Jaydubs carefully demonstrates above, when a Kickette's breath (and will to re-add items to
her cart) is taken away, pretty players are obligated to help the innocent person in need.
Fredy Montero throws it all at the ball during Seattle Sounders' unsuccessful trip to Real Salt
Lake. It worked out pretty well for us, though. Image: George Frey/Getty Images North America.
All the pictorial action from the first legs of the MLS playoffs is right here, cupcakes. The
decisive second leg games commence tomorrow (exciting bracket thingy here for information purposes)
so lap it while you can because on Friday we will be hungover as all hell and unprepared for
another recap.
You'd think that a semi-naked Brek Shea would be the star of any photo, wouldn't you? Sorry, Brek.
No dice in this one. Image via espn.
We found this video of Brek Shea and FC Dallas finding their inner farm boys at the bottom of
the Kickette Halloween dressing up box. The shoot for Model Citizen happened just over a year ago
but the tape must have been scooped up with the costumes during our attempt to hide the
evidence.
The Cosmopolitan 2011 Bachelor of The Year Awards are after happy hour this evening and
unfortunately, we're sitting this one out. We and are livers feel shameful disgust so please don't
verbally lash out on us. We feel terrible enough thanks to our internal free booze demons.
If you recall, last year D.
That's all very well and good, JT. But... really? You like how that looks? Image: REUTERS/Stevo
Vasiljevic.
In a series of Kickette approved poses, John Terry demonstrated that despite a total inability
to operate a pair of socks, he is more than capable of distracting us from our work.
Image: Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images.
Click here to view the embedded video.
This morning we must offer our congratulations to British Conservative member of parliament
Tracey Crouch (no relation to Peter), whose obstinacy, refusal to obey the rules and blind
adherance to her beliefs have confirmed her as a true Kickette.
If the cheeky little smirk on Grasshopper Zurich midfielder Daniel De Ridder's face isn't
sufficient to get you heading down to the newsagents to purchase the latest edition of Dutch mag
'L'Officiel Homme', allow us to give you a heads up.
We were fortunate enough to be offered a sneaky peak at what Danny is offering in his feature
spread and can confirm his wares include bed-head, sex-face, back lit abs and the tiniest hint of a
happy trail.
Abs are always in style. Image via AP Photo/Daylife.
As we were dutifully informed by several members of the Kickette Army yesterday, Carlos
Bocanegra has been named one of the 25 most stylish Latino-Americans by Complex Magazine.
We've always known that 'Los has style, mostly in the form of muscles and whatnot.
Yeah, that strange, high pitched keening noise you can hear, Mikey, is the sound of several
thousand Kickette soldier boys and girls politely requesting that you remove your base layers.
Crack on. Image: PATRIK STOLLARZ/AFP/Getty Images.
It's part two of our Champions League results round-up.
Image Credit: Corrieredellosport.it. Thnx Liz!
Earlier this week, AS Roma teammates Baby Bojan and Jose Angel were involved in a minor fender
bender. Angel, who was behind the wheel at the time, hit a woman on a moped with his car near the
Eur area as the pair were coming home from practice.
Wow, an outbreak of nudity. We thought there was some sort of European embargo on this kind of
thing, it happens so infrequently. Not that we're bitter. Image: AP Photo/Claude Paris.
Have we split the Midweek Champions League Results over two days because a) we want to give you
the opportunity to comment on each night's action as soon as possible, or b) Because it's a
relatively easy way to fill up space when we're short staffed and we're thinking of sloping off
early today anyway?
Nicky drew another blank last night, but no matter. It's the abs that count. Image: Jamie
McDonald/Getty Images Europe.
In case any players are unclear on our criteria for inclusion on Kickette, you can be having a
crap run, mouthing off innappropriately about your old club and stubbornly appearing in public
fully clothed, but we will still feature you if you offer a glimpse of taut belly.
I had the opportunity to head to New York this past week to check out the all new Nike
T90 Laser IV. Nike did a pretty awesome job, giving us a full presentation of the boots
technology, followed by the opportunity to actually test out a pair on one of the oldest soccer
pitches in New York (the Met Oval in Queens).
His segue from superstar midfielder to shiller of hair stuff might have been slightly jarring for
Luis Figo lovers, but as this honorary Kickette is happy to confirm
(left), he doesn't
have to be nekkid to attract some'come to mama' side-eye. Image: Epsilon/Getty Images Europe.
Like we mentioned Monday, Iker Casillas is featured in the October issue of GQ Espana, as first
teased in this Reebok video posted on the mag's site. Well, thanks to some pulling of a few
strings and public pleading, we finally got our hands on an exclusive shot from those fine Spanish
folks.
Image Credit: AP Photo/Jon Super.
A wise Kickette once said, 'regard your team's gain as your gain, and your player's pain as your
chance to feel him up (or down, depending on what options are available)'.
Based on the Manchester City physio's stupendous miracle work below Kolo Toure's belt, we're
researching ways to offer a paid Kickette apprenticeship on his medical staff.
As John Terry bursts into flames in the penalty area, AVB realises that he probably should have
watched more Harry Potter movies before attempting to incorporate magic into his management
technique. Image: AFP PHOTO/IAN KINGTON/Daylife.
After Arsene Wenger's failed attempts to control the whereabouts of his players via GPS, we are
pleased to announced that another EPL manager has embraced technology in his quest to improve his
team's performance.
Of course, that could just be an unfortunate ruck in his shorts, but denial is a very important
part of our lives here at Kickette. It should be for yours, too. Image: Rich Lam/Getty Images.
Kickette Philosophy Handbook, Rule 4.9b: For every Cristiano Ronaldo there must be a Kyle
Beckerman. Images: Getty Images North America/Zimbio.
The captain of MLS side Real Salt Lake is a wild n' woolly type with what appears to be an
aversion to bathing and hair products. He also seems to scare the crap out of small children and it
looks unlikely that he spends all his money on shiny, expensive things.
Image Source: Me-Me-Me.TV.
In a week that started badly, got worse and then took a surprisingly amusing turn, please enjoy
our highlights with a side of cheesy fries. Yum!
GOOD WEEK
He Gets All The Boys: Steven Gerrard's groin might be having a rough time of it
lately, but it's indisposition hasn't prevented members of British gay dating website Gaydar voting
Stevie the hottest player in the EPL.
Juan Agudelo has proved to be a point of interest for Kickette readers recently. Image: Getty
Images/Zimbio
Welcome to an exciting new feature on Kickette, in which we avail our wider readership of a
delectable lump of man meat they may have missed, but who has been the subject of debate in the
comments section recently.
First Antonella, now DBecks? Suddenly we understand every man's need to stroke the contours of a
expensive new car.
Dear Kickette Army Loyalists,
Enclosed please find two pieces of photographic evidence for your review: David Beckham working
out his bubble bum from this past weekend; the father of four's post-match scowl + latest ink work
(which is his cuddly newborn daughter's name scrawled across his clavicle).
Image via Women's Wear Daily
In keeping with the newly grand tradition of top designers outfitting football teams for their
formal off-field activities, legendary Italian design house Versace has paired with Inter Milan.
Donatella and her worker bees have created suits, shirts, ties, shoes, belts, and overcoats for the
Nerazzurri.
Image via David Villa's Facebook.
On their pre-season jaunt across the USA, FC Barcelona's marketing department has been hard at
work whoring out the ballers for a variety of causes and events. They've been busy curing diseases,
reliving the glory days in celebrity matches and keeping kids active and out of trouble.
Image: Getty Images/Daylife
Javier 'Cheech' Hernandez: Tim, you must help me. I know it's an inappropriate
moment but ever since I saw you on Kickette, all naked and manly, I've been desperate to speak with
you.
Tim Howard: Er... really?
Cheech: Desperate.
Saturday
- A few hotties from Hanover 96 spent their day of rest stroking some sea lions at the zoo.
Wild animals and footballers they get us every time.
- Newly-appointed USMNT manager, Jürgen Klinsmann, has actually made it in America once before.
Who knew and why didn't they share sooner?
