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WTF Files: Our Server

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Having trouble accessing the site? That's because our server left early to get a good spot at the pub before the Chelsea/Manchester United match and after Frankenstorm hit. Apparently we've been getting excessive hits from certain IP addresses which melted down some doohickey or other and thus, Kickette is on a semi-martini break.

Seven Hour Stretch: Transfer Window Winners & Losers Thus Far

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Image: Sporten.tv2.dk. Kickettes, let's give pause for all the cray that's been happening on this last day of the summer 2012 transfer window. [Ed Note: The information in this proper Kickette assessment is updated as it stands now, 17.30 GMT] Winners (tie): Man City & Tottenham Getting Javi Garcia and Maicon is sure to boost [.

Five Hours Left: Transfer Window Winners & Losers Thus Far

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Image: Sporten.tv2.dk. Kickettes, let's give pause and evaluate all the cray that's already occurred on this last day of the summer 2012 transfer window. T-minus 5 hours and several odd minutes...! [Ed Note: The information in this proper Kickette assessment is updated as it stands now, 17.45 GMT] Winners (tie): Man City & Tottenham Getting [.

The Sizzle Query: Álvaro Arbeloa

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Recently, one of our Facebook mates posited a complex query to us, one that requires several parts imagination and one part explanation: "Dear Kickette(s), what do you think of Álvaro Arbeloa?" Shall we? Mr Arbeloa is gently filed in our under-rated-and-squeaky-clean-hot category of objectification.

Edin Hazard: Ball Check!

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...yup, still there. Image via a faithful Kickette reader, @soccerboss98110, who snapped Mr Hazard adjusting himself during last night's Chelsea vs Seattle Sounders friendly.

Eden Hazard: Ball Check!

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...yup, still there. Image via a faithful Kickette reader, @soccerboss98110, who snapped Mr Hazard adjusting himself during last night's Chelsea vs Seattle Sounders friendly.

Milan Baros: Flesh Mob Madness

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Image: BULENT KILIC/AFP/GettyImages.

Milan Baros organised a police escort to protect him from the Kickette massive on his way to the dressing room after he and his Galatasaray teammates were crowned 2011–12 Süper Lig Champions.

In light of recent events, that was a very reasonable measure of protection.

QOTD: Alessandro Del Piero on Kissing Claudio Marchisio

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Images: AP Photo/Alberto Ramella. Cheers to Kickette reader Niloo for the tip and we wish her luck in her Kickette tipster reporting exam studies!

Alessandro Del Piero graphically explains why a fling between him and Claudio Marchisio would never work out (as well as why he locked lips with his teammate when celebrating a goal):

"I was trying to kiss Claudio Marchisio's nose, but he moved.

Stuart Holden: Kickette Covert Operative (In Training)

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Click here to view the embedded video.

Filmed prior to USA vs. England WC 2010.

From one point of view, Stuart Holden's work in exposing teammate Jay De Merit's alarming choice in shower songs is faultless. He operates with stealth, a nod to the impropriety of his actions. Once busted, he neatly defuses the situation with a little light harmonising.

Hand, Meet Ball: Mesut Ozil, Real Madrid

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Mesut Ozil was the latest victim of the increasingly popular crotch grab a technique we occasionally employ in our own dealings with players. Images: PIERRE-PHILIPPE MARCOU/AFP/Getty Images, REUTERS/Vincent Kessler.

The crotch grab as a disabling tactic was first utilised by Wimbledon's Vinny Jones against Gazza in 1988 and since that time, many illustrious players have fallen victim to it's startling simplicity and effectiveness.

Raul Gonzalez: Clear & Present Danger

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Here's Raul during the launch of the campaign "Football against Hunger" in Brussels lsat week. Image:Â AP Photo/Yves Logghe.

This lady is employing a classic Kickette distraction technique. Watch and learn, everybody, as she casually points to a random object in the middle distance, waits until her mark (in this case, the deliciously dressed and entirely unsuspecting Raul) is sufficiently engaged and then pounces, hurling him to the ground and doing what we all would, given this level of access.

Leap Year Proposals: Making Them Work For You!

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While you're dreaming, we be scheming, Kickettes! Images via tumblr, AFP PHOTO / GABRIEL BOUYS.

We're all familiar with the Leap Year tradition that 'allows' women to propose to their beaus. Being the kind of women who do what we like, when we like, we generally don't hold with such rubbish, but a little light research on the subject this morning revealed an almost certainly fictional custom we might just be able to subscribe to.

Marcos Vinicius & Felipe Anderson: Sacrificial Lambs

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Neymar offers up a fresh crop of newly promoted leggy lambs, also known as Marcos Vinicius and Felipe Anderson, for the Kickette taking. Why doesn't this happen more often? Image via Neymar.

Honorary Kickette: Celia Hodkin

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Please take a moment to doff your metaphorical cap to Celia Hodkin, Kickettes. Celia has been a Manchester City fan since 1933, and achieved a life's ambition last weekend when she was invited to be the mascot at her club's game vs. Fulham.

As is only right for a woman of such commitment and stature, Celia was afforded VIP treatment on game day, taking in the sights and sounds of the tunnel, the changing room (!

WAGs

Kickette Catch Up: Your Weekend Gossip Cheat Sheet

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Image:Â Splash News/East News. While one or two of the more hardy Kickette staff bothered to hit the "Post" button during last week's HQ holiday in America, the majority of us took the "happily buried beneath shopping bags, blissed out and blessedly unaware of the outside world" high road. That was, until this morning.

Nagore Aranburu: Links of London Lady

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Images via hola.com

Our girl crush on Nagore is well-documented so bear with us as we gush once again.

The wife of Xabi Alonso, sometime actress, and children's clothing boutique owner has been named the new Spanish ambassador for legendary jeweller, Links of London. Nagore was selected to represent the brand specifically because of her "elegance and good taste.

Good Week/Bad Week: Unpleasant Sightings

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Image: Sky Sports News.

Daniele De Rossi has a yellow and black tattoo that looks like a caution sign on his right calf. It's either fake or real.

The tattoo, not his right calf.

GOOD WEEK

Supermodel, Work! FC Edmonton posted a behind the scenes video from their new kit launch photoshoot.

Room For Improvement: Man City At The Drake Concert

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Images: Flynetpictures.

Canadian hip hop superstar, Drake, made a MEN Arena concert tour stop up north on Saturday night. Stacks of local 'ballers, WAGs and wannabes flocked.

With an entire of catalogue of hit songs from Drake (real name Aubrey Graham) to choose from and not nearly enough snark from us to spit we've remixed Drake's mottos in true Kickette fashion to give you a rundown of who showed and who didn't.

Kickette Catch Up: Your Weekend Gossip Cheat Sheet

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Image:Â REUTERS/Benoit Tessier.

The animal kingdom had a good weekend, y'all.

First, Chelsea's John Terry, took his wife and kids to meet characters from the movie "Madagascar"Â at Chessington World Of Adventures in Surrey. Then, Zinedine Zidane graced France's Disneyland Resort with his presence to launch the new Disney Dreams show as part of the theme park's 20th anniversary celebrations.

Good Week/Bad Week: When Editors Attack & Other Stories

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Yup, this is where we send the Kellys when they're getting a little 'too' excited, Kickettes. They get their shots here before we realease them back into the community. Image via sueperkins twitter.

This week's best and worst off pitch exploits is finally at your service, Kickettes. Dig in!

Euro 2012

Links! And Wesley Sneijder’s fantastic backheel in training!

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All the stuff being covered outside the unfriendly confines of the award-winning Dirty Tackle...

Yeah, Wesley Sneijder is ready for Euro 2012. [101gg]

A truly stunning digital matchday program for the Brazil v Argentina friendly from the makers of Howler magazine (which you can still support here).

Euro 2012 In Pictures: Poland vs Greece

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Join us on Twitter (@kickette) for tons of Euro 2012 commentary. YOBO! (AP Photo/Gero Breloer) Those hoping for a nice, peaceful tournament where quality football wins the trophy and controversy is restricted to poor hairdressing decisions were probably disappointed by this afternoon's opening game. Hosts Poland played Greece in a festival of feisty that produced [.

Nike Kit Launch: Designed For Your Pleasure

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Click here to view the embedded video.

George Lucas didn't spend billions of dollars on laser beam technology for Star Wars on a whim, y'know. The man knew that exciting zappy type things are appealing to most boys (and the occasional Kickette staffer), and when Nike released their new NT kits last month, they proved that 35 years has not dented the laser's appeal in the slightest.

getty images

Coupe De France: Who The Ruddy Hell Are Quevilly?

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Quevilly defender Cedric Vanoukia. Kind of like Pepe, only less likely to be the victim of a practical joke involving Kaka. Image: BERTRAND LANGLOIS/AFP/GettyImages.

The reason you've never heard of Quevilly is because they're from the third tier of French football. Your favourite fluffy football web resource never delves that deeply into the murky depths our manicurists hate us enough as it is so we've managed to overlook the existence of this club for as long as humanly possible.

Rangers FC: Perfect Timing

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If you have trouble finding Kickette Island, Carlos, resort to your GPS. We're useless when it comes to giving and following directions. Images: Getty Images, football365.com.

Rangers have a meeting with the league winners at Celtic Park on Sunday, which makes the news of striker Kyle Lafferty's two week suspension after a reported bust up with manager Ally McCoist all the more intriguing.

Danish NT: Applying Pressure In The Wrong Areas

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Oh come on. This is a blatant opportunity for a crotch grab and you know it. Image:Â Paul Gilham/Getty Images.

Euro 2012 news is coming at us from all angles and we're welcoming it with open arms and jumpy claps.

The tournament topic of the day today focuses on the Danish FA, who have banned players from using Twitter during the EURO 2012 tournament.

Good Week/Bad Week: Poultry & Bad Panties

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Deeply disturbing imagery via dirtytackle.

The oversights were flowing thick and fast at Kickette HQ this week.

Luckily, we mopped them up in this post. Cool, no?

GOOD WEEK

Let's hope they're not too free ranging, eh?

Good Week/Bad Week: Burns, Breaks & Suspicious Looking Bunnies

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According to DC's Director of Marketing Communications, Kyle Sheldon, the creature on the left is a bunny. Which only makes sense if you've seen the dog and cat. Image via kckrs.

When leaving the bathroom in a nightclub or bar, please ensure that your skirt isn't tucked into your undies and your shoes aren't trailing 18 feet of toilet roll.

The Sizzle Query: How Much Is Too Much?

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Image: Jan Kruger/Getty Images Europe.

There's nothing like a toned set of abs to get a healthy Kickette going. But as we learned during Mesut Özil's 'pouch' phase, a taut tummy isn't the be all and end all in your list of potential hubby requirements.

So where do we draw the line?

Good Week/Bad Week: Cuteness Combustion

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Kai Rooney gets his Harry Potter on. He's going to regret this when he's playing upfront for England. Image via Daddy's Twitter.

The boys seem to be learning our ways, Kickettes. This week they have been smoothing us over with everything from compliments, photos of abs, and their pronunciation of the names of diminutive English singer/songwriters.

Weekend Results: More Of The Same

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Despite everyone's best efforts, the source of Bayern Munich's current dodgy form has not yet been located. For the time being, the search continues. Image:Â REUTERS/Alex Domanski.

More facetious remarks accompanying amusing pictures of cute players hugging, fiddling with their bits and pointing their erogenous zones at cameras is right this way.

Roman Abramovich & Dasha Zhukova: Digital Daters?

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Image:Â Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images North America.

Per GalleristNY.com,

"On which website, one wonders, did Ms. Zhukova meet her billionaire oligarch partner Roman Abramovich...?"

Kickette survey says: Sugardaddie.com?

Regardless of the correct answer, our hope for Dasha is that eventually she'll do the right thing and write a book explaining exactly how one can have a career and a two-year-old kid and continue to look like a ravishing goddess of gorgeousness.

Weekend Results: Avoidance Tactics

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Holger Badstuber. Seen here reinforcing today's remit of focussing only on football results. No, we really are that easily distracted. Image:Â GUENTER SCHIFFMANN/AFP/Getty Images.

With everyone stomping all over what we consider to be our remit this weekend namely waffling about matters only loosely related to the playing of football we've decided to do the reverse.

The Rest

The Finest Five: Seven Minutes In (Six Pack) Heaven

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For those blissfully unaware, the Kickette F5 list tends to rage controversy and war across the land. No matter that these "hot list" choices are entirely subjective and based on the mercy of our whims and alcohol intake for the day; we remain braced for the inevitable threats, bribes, anger, elation and tears from the [.

Olivier Giroud in Arsenal's crosshairs

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If this happens then Arsenal have captured the women's vote. The Montpellier striker scored 25 buts to lead the Ligue and helped his club win their maiden title. If they can hold onto RVP, Arsenal with Poldi and Giroud should feature in Kickette for a long time to come, and as a bonus, many goals.

A history of perfectionism meeting innovation: uncovering the new adidas Predator Lethal Zones

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AFR, alongside a selection of top bloggers, participated in the exclusive launch of the boots on the 1st of May in Manchester. Dominic Vieira enjoyed the privilege testing the Predator Lethal Zones displaying Portuguese flair which certainly impressed the beloved Kickette, alongside meeting the brains behind the project and watching Nani, Cleverley and Dzeko #unleash their skills.

Benoit Costil: Mister Rennes 2012

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Images: StadeRennais.com.

Benoit Costil was voted Mister Rennes 2012 this week, taking the crown from last year's sexy stakes winner, Carlos Bocanegra, and unseating longterm Terribly Coloured Trousers titleholder, Sergio Ramos.

Speaking with two supporters who voted him as Rennes' hottest player (we have no idea how many votes by females were cast, only that we weren't offered a ballot), Costil was asked to describe his ideal woman:

"I like girls of Mediterranean type, rather large and brunette.