jokes

Videos

Video: Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger jokes about not spending money

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Having splashed the cash to bring Mesut Ozil to Arsenal, Arsene Wenger is now quite happy to joke about his lack of spending it seems. In yesterday's press conference, journalist Amy Lawrence was asking Ozil about the pressure of his £42.4m price tag. She said: "This club has never spent that kind of money before.

VIDEO: Van Persie’s First United Interview

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"It was quite funny," he said. "Before training I introduced myself to the players and of course we know each other because we've played against each other many times. It was quite funny. There were lots of smiles and jokes. It feels like a big family."

"VIDEO: Van Persie's First United Interview" was originally published at The Republik of Mancunia.

For once, let's start a rumor: Petr Cech to the Seattle Seahawks?

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Best watch your backs, Steven Hauschka and Jon Ryan. All jokes aside, though, how long is it before a retired Euro-keeper turns up to boot it in the NFL? It's certainly not the craziest idea I've ever heard. - Greg Seltzer

US President Barack Obama jokes about David Beckham’s underwear during LA Galaxy reception

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David Beckham found his line of underwear the butt of jokes during a reception at the White House with President Obama. It's customary for the President to meet the MLS Cup winners at the end of every season. But attention soon turned to Becks' moonlighting role with H&M. Obama said: "I have to say, I [.

US President Barack Obama jokes about David Beckham’s underwear during LA Galaxy reception

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David Beckham found his line of underwear the butt of jokes during a reception at the White House with President Obama. It's customary for the President to meet the MLS Cup winners at the end of every season. But attention soon turned to Becks' moonlighting role with H&M. Obama said: "I have to say, I [.

Chelsea

Willian snubs Tottenham and will sign for Chelsea

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Willian's widely expected transfer to Tottenham is off, according to The Guardian. They quote a source close to the move as saying the Brazilian playmaker will definitely not be moving to White Hart Lane. He is now expected to be unveiled as a Chelsea signing in the not too distant future. The Guardian claims: "Despite [.

Jail Chelsea’s Juan Mata for six months, jokes magistrate

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A magistrate joked about jailing Juan Mata for six months before fining the Chelsea star for speeding. The Spain international was given a £200 penalty for driving his Aston Martin at 63mph in a 50mph limit in Esher, Surrey. But not before a magistrate had suggested the Blues midfielder should be sentenced to "six months [.

The Mario Balotelli Circus Returns To Italy’s National Team and Will Drogba Leave Chelsea?

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Antonio Cassano spent the bulk of his AC Milan season "high-fiving" players during training sessions, dancing TO "Ai Seu Te Pego" with Robinho, cracking jokes at everyone's expense all the while recovering from his heart operation. So of course (naturalmente), his call-up to Prandelli's Azzurri squad was highly unexpected and had more to do with his bubbly personality than his goal average.

English Premier League

Come on Arsenal fans – Let’s hear the latest Spud Jokes!

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One of JustArsenal's regular readers "mr lean" suggested yesterday that we should start a thread of Tottenham jokes to help us through the tedious months of the unending transfer window. I think this is an excellent idea, and I reckon we could have a few thousand by the time the season starts!

So here is a few to get us started.

Arsenal in Malaysia 2012 : Day 2

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Success is what we want from the game, money is just something that comes along with it

The second day started (for me at least) at SMK Seksyen 11 where Nike held an event at that school. Nike arranged for a surprised Arsenal visit to their school after they emerged victorious with the highest number of points scored in the interschool challenge.

Wigan Didn’t Know About Tuesday’s Supposed Presser, and Other Monday Notes

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Has Liverpool hired a new manager yet? No? Right, moving on...

* Moneyball moneyball moneyball moneyball. Or maybe not. Over on the Anfield Wrap, Gareth Roberts drops a weighty article that moves beyond the oft-used term in an attempt to plot just where Fenway Sports Group may try to take Liverpool in the coming years, with a focus on Soccernomics, the recruitment of 20-22 year olds, success through the purchase of troubled talent, and Lyon:

So while they have had six managers since 2000—Jacques Santini, Paul Le Guen, Gerard Houllier, Alain Perrin, Claude Puel and current boss Remi Garde—the president and Bernard Lacombe—who has been technical manager, trainer, manager and now special advisor to the president—have remained.

Bebe to make triumphant return to Man United

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Ring the bells and wake the children -- the King of Old Trafford, Portuguese sensation Bebe, is returning to Manchester United after his almost not completely terrible loan spell in Turkey. The 21-year-old Sir Alex Ferguson bought sight unseen for £7.4 million in August of 2010 has yet to be unloaded and never spoken of again, so he will now rejoin Man United until that inevitably happens.

striker

Manchester United star Wayne Rooney admits he ‘puts on weight easily’

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Wayne Rooney has revealed how he battles against his weight to keep himself in shape for football. The England and Manchester United striker says he always puts on weight when he's not staying. Several pundits had suggested that Rooney didn't look fit in the opening matches of this season and was carrying a few extra [.

Ouch!

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When you get past the inevitable jokes about Rooney and horrible gashes (of which I admit there are a few), it's important to note that the injury suffered by the England striker is actually pretty horrible. After coming on as ... Continue reading →

Ouch! Wayne Rooney’s nasty leg injury

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When you get past the inevitable jokes about Rooney and horrible gashes (of which I admit there are a few), it's important to note that the injury suffered by the England striker is actually pretty horrible. After coming on as a substitute with twenty minutes remaining of Manchester United's 3-2 home victory over Fulham, Rooney [.

Ouch! Wayne Rooney’s nasty leg injury

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When you get past the inevitable jokes about Rooney and horrible gashes (of which I admit there are a few), it's important to note that the injury suffered by the England striker is actually pretty horrible. After coming on as a substitute with twenty minutes remaining of Manchester United's 3-2 home victory over Fulham, Rooney [.

Sounders v Vancouver Whitecaps - Cascadia Cup Three Questions

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The battle for the Cascadia Cup is as tight as ever. The Timbers have the early lead, but the Vancouver Whitecaps and Seattle Sounders FC are better teams and in a points tie for the third spot in the West. Saturday's 1 PM match isn't just for key points in the trivalry contest, but has implications for the Playoff hunt.

Man United Sign Robin Van Persie

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Breaking news (well 3 hours ago anyway), as reported on Twitter by a BBC Sports journalist Man United and Arsenal have agreed a fee for the transfer of Robin Van Persie. Van Persie will join United subject to passing a medical, with the fee apparently in the £24 million region.

Feedback generally from social sites seem to consist of over-joyed Man United fans, surprised that they've spent so big and got such a talented striker as RVP when perhaps a central midfielder is more of a priority.

Liverpool star still close with Torres

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Fernando Torres may have become a villain among Liverpool fans following his move to Chelsea at the beginning of last year but goalkeeper Pepe Reina maintains a close friendship with his former Reds teammate.

Reina is currently alongside Torres as Spain prepare for the Euro 2012 final and while it is only natural for the pair to be on cordial terms during such an important international tournament, the stopper has revealed that the striker is perhaps his closest Spanish teammate at the moment.

Spurs stars discuss New York trip

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Tottenham Hotspur are eagerly preparing for their summer preseason tour to the United States next month, which will feature matches against MLS Cup holders LA Galaxy and Premier League rivals Liverpool FC.

However, the fixture that is perhaps most rapidly gaining momentum is a rematch of last season's 2-1 win over the New York Red Bulls, in which Arsenal legend Thierry Henry scored for the MLS outfit.

Euro 2012 News: Andy Carroll and Danny Welbeck to Start Up Front For England

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England is pinning their hopes of Andy Carroll, the long-haired Liverpool striker who has been the bane of so many jokes this season. This is his perfect opportunity to prove himself to England supporters around the world. Even if he ...

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Major League Soccer

2012 MLS All-Star Game - MLS v. Chelsea FC - Gamethread - 7:30PM CST - ESPN2

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Well, the game we've all been waiting for is finally here!

Oh wait...

Regardless, the best of Major League Soccer take reigning European champions Chelsea FC on Wednesday night at PPL Park, the home of the Philadelphia Union.

Chicago Fire midfielder Marco Pappa was named as an inactive All-Star today, which means.

MLS Rivalries Reaching the Academy Level

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In an interesting little wrinkle, the almighty schedule makers crafted a nice back-to-back matchup between the New York Red Bulls and Chicago Fire.

On Wednesday afternoon, Thierry Henry helped lead the Red Bulls to a 1-0 win against the Fire at Red Bull Arena with a spectacular finish inside the box.

Snapshot: The Most Powerful Man In The World Meets…Barack Obama

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By Chris Wright

MLS Cup champions LA Galaxy were invited to the White House for the annual winners' ceremony yesterday, with the most powerful man in the world taking time out of his hectic schedule to pose for photos with President Barack Obama...

Obamarama even did a funny during the brief ceremony, cracking a couple of wee jokes about Becks' and his shreddies.

Euro 2012

Bolton midfielder Fabrice Muamba jokes that watching England is bad for his health

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Fabrice Muamba, who suffered an on-pitch cardiac arrest last season, joked that he needed to be hooked up to his cardiac monitoring device before England's penalty shootout defeat to Italy last night. The Bolton midfielder was clearly feeling the tension as much as the rest of us, but lightened the mood with a joke about [.

Italy coach Cesare Prandelli takes 21km walk to monastery at 3am

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It's getting to the stage of Euro 2012 where people are starting to tire and conserving energy becomes vital. But not for Italy boss Cesare Prandelli. He celebrated his side's qualification to the knockout stages by taking a 3am hike to a monastery. Prandelli was eager to visit the Camaldolese monks, originally from Italy but [.

Pictures of the Day : The Italian Team Loves Antonio Cassano and Ukraine’s Psychic Pig

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It's hard not to love Antonio Cassano when his number 1 speciality includes cracking jokes during the most inappropriate of situations. He is a character that the Italian Azzurri would definitely welcome amidst all the controversy in recent weeks, especially as they prepare for their crunch Euro 2012 opener against Spain on Sunday.

Crackovia Club: Fabio Coentrao’s Smoking Musical & Sandro Rosell ‘Suicidal’ Over Guardiola Resignation

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Welcome to the Friday Crackovia Club! You know how things are here during this time of the week a little loco - and the Crackovia folks have constantly kept to their mantra by producing the craziest football sketches! This week, watch as Jose Mourinho, Sergio Ramos and Fabio Coentrao break into a musical in the middle of a classy restaurant.

Real Madrid

Cristiano Ronaldo and his agent are paying for a nine-year-old’s cancer treatment

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Nuhazet, a nine-year-old boy from Las Palmas, Spain, has been battling cancer since before his second birthday. When he met Cristiano Ronaldo before Real Madrid's final match of the season last month, it was supposed to be the fulfillment of a final wish for a young boy who had already endured a lifetime of suffering, but it turned into the start of a renewed fight backed by Ronaldo and his agent, Jorge Mendes.

Catalan newspaper had to change cover image of Xavi and Puyol in a compromising position

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The editors at Catalan paper Sport had to revise their work after the awkward positioning of Carles Puyol and Xavi on Tuesday's cover page originally went unnoticed. And to top it off, there's an ad that says "sex is life" right there.

There are a dizzying number of jokes that can be made about this, but just in case you're thinking the original cover was photoshopped by a sneaky Jose Mourinho, here are a couple of images from January's Copa del Rey match between Barcelona and Real Madrid that prove otherwise.

The Rest

Warm-up for Chile-Argentina

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These two videos, by Argentino QL, are hilarious! Vivamos Esta Copa Sin odio Argentino QI (I love the Condorito) Vivamos todos un gran partido!

Some light-hearted relief for nervous Arsenal fans

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Let's lighten the mood a bit! by Shipley Jack After the despondency since last week's Arsenal result and on the eve of a tough cup match with Everton maybe the following few jokes will lighten us up and get us in a good frame of mind. Please remember that everything below IS just a joke [...]

Manchester City launch Tardis style programme kiosks

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Has Doctor Who's TARDIS had a #MCFC makeover or are these the new Etihad Stadium programme kiosks? pic.twitter.com/pEdBnlbLWX Manchester City FC (@MCFC) July 5, 2013 Manchester City have unveiled their new programme kiosks outside the Etihad Stadium and the club's official Twitter account has decided to get the Tardis jokes in before everyone [.

Top 10 best Luis Suarez biting Photoshop jokes

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1. Colonel Suarez 2. Luis, eat a Snickers 3. Clarice... 4. Der-der, der-der-der-der 5. Good boy, Luis 6. You're my 'earo (he genuinely does follow him) 7. I see sandwiches 8. Muzzled 9. Take-away 10. All-Branislav

Bebe triumphs with late equalizer for Manchester United (in a friendly)

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We've all made jokes about Bebe and his ill-advised, sight-unseen transfer from the Portuguese third division to Manchester United for £7.4 million in 2010. Though it seemed his season-long loan to Besiktas only made things worse as he was plagued by injury and disciplinary issues, Bebe has returned to Man United and he is ready to make the club his springboard to superstardom.

Spurs linked with French midfielder

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Harry's handwriting has been the butt of enough jokes in recent weeks but it's hard to resist the suggestion that it is responsible for Spurs going after Marvin Martin and not Marko Marin.

Stories began to emerge yesterday suggesting that the club were considering a bid for Sochaux midfielder and French international Martin after the player revealed that he is ready to head abroad.

Serie A Sister: Crazy Celebrations For Champions Juventus As Giorgio Chiellini Crowdsurfs Into Sea Of Fans

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It was a crazy, PAZZO, night for Juventus fans last night as they swarmed onto the pitch and celebrated their Scudetto win at the Nereo Rocco stadium. Unfortunately for Milan, the dream was over when they fell to a 2-4 defeat to Inter in the derby, a match that was drama-filled right to the very end.

The Sun welcomes England’s new manager by mocking his speech impediment

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West Brom manager Roy Hodgson has been given a four-year contract to take charge of the England team and serve as primary scapegoat/punching bag and The Sun ensured that the job began right away.

"I would hope if I was offered the England job," Hodgson told The Sun two days ago, "it would be with the backing of the important people — the fans and media.

David Luiz’s birthday cake features him as Sideshow Bob

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Sunday marked Chelsea defender David Luiz's 25th birthday and to mark the occasion, his teammates gave him a special cake featuring a large Sideshow Bob wearing his kit and sitting on a football pitch. Because of his special hairstyle, Luiz has been endlessly compared to The Simpsons' character and it seems that even his teammates get in on the jokes.

Dynamo 3rd Kit Leaks...It's Horrible.

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This showed up on the Soccer 4 All website today...

It looks like adidas recycled some leftover Spain kits. I'm sure the jokes will fly about this one.

What do you think Dynamo fans?

Poll Do you like the new Dynamo 3rd jersey?
  • Yes
  • No

10 votes | Results