As a result of their dramatic 2-0 win on Saturday (the crucial second goal was scored in injury time), Egypt will meet Algeria for a third time on Wednesday in Sudan: whoever wins goes to South Africa. To describe this game as 'a local rivalry' is an understatement: the Algerian team bus was attacked at the weekend and both sides ending up blaming each other the Algerians blamed Egyptians who had been wound up by satellite TV broadcasts (insert Fox News joke here), the Egyptians claimed that it was arranged by local Algerians to make them look bad.

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Wow, what a game last night. Yes, I said I wouldn't watch. And I won't lie, part of the reason it's so good is that the team I wanted to win did. It's all gone bad for Chicago - their "most talented team in MLS" has come up short yet again, with the final blow delivered by a local kid.
So now we have an all-west MLS final (LA-Salt Lake), much like last year where we had an all-east final (New York-Columbus). Click to continue reading...

WTF!

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West Ham have told Liverpool they want £20m for scuttling goal-machine Carlton Cole. (Guardian)

Now I know that the transfer market is a little inflated at present but surely this is a joke, no?

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Since Lippi has taken over the national team for a second time, the big question has always been, "Why aren't you calling up Antonio Cassano?" Cassano has widely been recognized as the best Italian player at the moment and there is no other talent in Italy that can even reach his level at the moment (maybe an in-form Totti).

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Birmingham City left Anfield seething with injustice last night after being denied victory over Liverpool because of a controversial penalty won by David Ngog, who they accused of "an embarrassing case of cheating".
Liverpool were trailing when Ngog went down in the penalty area under a challenge by Lee Carsley. Click to continue reading...

CSKA coach Luboslav Penev suspended a bunch of players on the team recently for late-night partying.
Then the team went over his head and reinstated the guys.
Penev subsequently resigned and the team is not honoring it.
Craziness.
Now some links:

• New Anfield naming rights?

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We all know the Collective Bargaining Agreement is coming close to it's end and the MLS Players Union and league front offices are set to battle it all out. Well today we got some rough news from the Sports Business Journal (subscription based link, sign up for a free trail if you haven't) that the players union is already talking strike if things don't improve.

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According to ESPN Soccernet, the agent of Inter Milan defender Maicon admitted that there is no link between his client and Manchester City. Antonio Caliendo said,

""Every day there's a story linking Maicon to a different club .

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Having been linked with Manchester United and Real Madrid earlier this year, Inter Milan's right back Maicon has now found himself linked with none other than Manchester City. His agent, Antonio Caliendo, has quashed these rumors, suggesting that City is too small of a club for Maicon.

"Every day there's a story linking Maicon to a different club," said Caliendo.

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There has been a steady stream of rumors about Maicon potentially leaving Inter since last summer, though nothing has come of them and it seems nothing will. Says Maicon's agent, Antonio Caliendo:

"Every day there's a story linking Maicon to a different club. First it was Real Madrid, then Manchester United and now City.

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"Rio Ferdinand has been in poor form this season by his standards and I think Sir Alex Ferguson would be shrewd to cash in on the star in January."
Stan Collymore couldn't be a bigger prick if he tried.

"I don't want to play United in the knockout rounds they're a very strong team and I have many friends there.

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The Dona may be a joke among us, but to the children in Afghanistan, he is still La Mejor / via AP

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New COS Writer David Knight, lifelong Chelsea fan, just has something to say to his Idol.

Portsmouth vs Chelsea Tickets Still Available!

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Oh, hi, Didier.

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Well hello there.

I see you've caught me talking on the phone. Perhaps you are extremely jealous that you don't have my undivided attention? ... No, I'm not on a phone sex hotline, I'm talking to my cousin Timitar about my fantastic goal against Blackburn. Ha-HA! It really was quite impressive.

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There was a time when I thought Roy Hogdson was a bit of a joke.
Over time, however, I have come to think he is a bit of a dude.
I mean look how he has stabilised Fulham.
Picking them up out of the relegation zone.
And now a nice steady level of performance. Click to continue reading...

I was browsing over at 3nil when I found this joke of a dive, it is taken from Shakhtar Donetsk vs Dynamo Kyiv in the Ukrainian league. The Kyiv player Vukojević (in white) gets sent off for this prod in Kucher's back, but it is the Shakhter players response that is an absolute joke.

It appears that reputation has come before Ognjen Vukojević of Dynamo Kyiv, as he is known as the Croatian equivalent of Gattuso.

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Featuring two courtesy of the man himself 1. "I'm just out of your league. I'm a millionaire." Yes, the biggest joke of all is disgraced King's attempted chat-up line. 2. So Marlon King was jailed for failing to score at a club. Which one? Wigan, Hull, Middlesbrough? 3. Sky Sports News is reporting that a top footballer has [. Click to continue reading...

They say that laughter is good for you.
But whoever would have thought that the Carling Cup could offer such a barrel of laughs?
For example, I'm not great Chel$ea fan as you know, but I'm enjoying their 4 -0 drubbing of Bolton.
And what about the case of mistaken identity at Barnsley? Click to continue reading...

You can never accuse Mike Ashley of having ever understood the soul of Newcastle United. Ashley - makes Stan Laurel look a genius And the statement made yesterday by the club sounded as if Mike Ashley was the hero who was staying at Newcastle to save the club. What a joke he's the one who is [. Click to continue reading...

Move aside Bafana Bafana. The world has a new favourite South African team, and their name is Vakhegula Vakhegula, which means "Grannies" in the local Xitsonga dialect. Why? Because they're a team of grandmothers of course, ranging in age from 40somethinng to 80something and competing in an eight team local league in around the Nkowankowa township, 600 kilometers north of Johannesburg.

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Well, USMNT coach Bob Bradley is now 2-for-2 in World Cup tune-up friendly foes after setting up a November 14th match at fellow South Africa travelers Slovakia.As you can see, this side - led by Napoli ace Marek Hamšík - is no joke.- Greg Seltzer Click to continue reading...

1. A 2 Goal cushion is totally enough to kill off the game. We simply must stop letting teams think they have a chance even when they're two down.

2. We need to buy a goal keeper. Almunia is inadequate, Mannone is too young, Fabianski is scary and Sczesczny cannot get a jersey because the Nike cannot spell his name.

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After the late equaliser in the Champions League game last week the manager and a number of the players went on record saying we couldn't afford to be that sloppy again. We would have to learn from the mistake we made.

Sadly for us that lesson hasn't been learned yet and while a draw away from home isn't a bad result on paper, the circumstances of yesterday's 2-2 with West Ham make the result most frustrating.

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Not only did Liverpool shockingly defeat Manchester United 2-0, bringing an abrupt end to their apocalyptic free-fall and the imminent sacking of Rafa Benitez, but their fans also beat United fans by being the first to barrage the pitch with the inevitable storm of beach balls.

Though the word was that United fans had bought up all the official Liverpool beach balls like the one that scored Sunderland's winning goal the weekend before and had been eagerly planning to mock their Anfield hosts with them on Sunday, it was Liverpool fans in the Kop end that were first to toss their banned inflatables just before kickoff.

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Oh and Gold Coast played so well too.
Foxtel has been having outages (Sydney and Brisbane and other parts of Australia) all week so I saw little of this game and less of the Sydney v Brisbane game. However, something happened.
It was amazing to see former Roar 2nd keeper Scott Higgins letting them go through his legs and all sorts. Click to continue reading...

Those with some programming experience will recognize the weak joke in the title. I've been invited by Dave to join him as a blogger on Sounder at Heart. In this first post, I'd like to introduce myself and give an idea of where I'm coming from. First a little bit of my history (as far as [...] Click to continue reading...

I'm extremely frustrated and very bitter at the moment, so I apologise if I keep this short. To review: Liverpool lost the match; Benitez brought on Voronin for our best player of the night (Benayoun); the zonal-marking was a joke; Gerrard went off with another injury inside the first 20 minutes. Did I mention we [. Click to continue reading...

Last week I went on and on about how Sevilla is the most overlooked club in all of La Liga. They have beaten among the best (Real Madrid) and going into last weekend they were among the hottest clubs in all of the world. Well you can say that I gave Sevilla the dreaded curse as well. The club's winning ways would come to an end last weekend with a loss to Deportivo La Coruna.

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Former Premier League referee Jeff Winter branded the decision to allow Sunderland's winner against Liverpool FC on Saturday as "absolutely amazing".
Darren Bent's strike beat Liverpool FC goalkeeper Jose Reina with the help of a sizeable deflection off a beach ball which had been thrown onto the Stadium of Light pitch by an away fan. Click to continue reading...

Sunderland beat Liverpool after Bent's shot struck a balloon. No joke. Click to continue reading...

It has been revealed that Liverpool Manager Rafa Benitez has been charged by the woefully out-of-touch FA for blatantly inoffensive glasses joke after the Spurs game at White Hart Lane in August. I didn't think it was possible for the FA to become any more pedantic and pointless that it already is, but I was wrong. Click to continue reading...

Not since Sean Dundee (joke) have us Liverpool fans been quite so enthusiastic to see a player get on the field of play wearing the beloved Reds jersey than with the belated anticipation of Alberto Aquilani finally being fit enough to kick a ball. Note the nifty trick he appears to have pulled off in the first image and the way he appears to be hypnotizing Martin Skrtel in the second.

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Mission: Impossible 4 - Rafa Benitez's office This is so good that even the butt of the joke loved it and re-tweeted it!

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Don't waste your valuable time reading this. Really, there's no punchline, not even a half baked joke or modestly amusing article. Feel free to let me know how much time you've wasted. You'll never get it back, you know. The news at Spurs is: nothing. England? Well, all power to them and good luck to Crouch [. Click to continue reading...

Here at In The Stands we are full of jokes that are truly hilarious and this feature is no different...

Whenever a manager should really be sacked from their job because they are just not cutting the mustard, we will point them out beautifully by pasting them into our sack.

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