Quem acha que Jorge Jesus vai conseguir o "milagre" de fazer de Yannick Djaló um grande jogador que levante o braço... A mim cheira-me que vai ser mais um Amaral, Cadete, Emílio Peixe ou Porfírio...

Benfica have loaned out midfielder/right back Ruben Amorim to Braga for the next year and a half. Amorim who had a falling out with Benfica coach Jorge Jesus, recently signed a contract extension with the club until 2013 but the club felt it was in their best interest to loan Amorim to Braga never the less.

Jesus H Christ Almighty that was a dire performance. Granted, we're through to the fifth round, a win is a win and all that but for the majority of the match, not only did we look like the championship side, but a championship side with only 10 men still on the bloody pitch! Never mind, they were obviously saving their energy for the thrashing of Wigan on Tuesday.

By Chris Wright

Hands up. We've been a bit lapse with our coverage of the African Nations so far. That's going to change as soon as the group stages are over but, for now, you'll have to make do with dribs and drabs including this startling piece of cheatery spotted during co-host nation Equatorial Guinea's dramatic late win to send much-fancied Senegal tumbling out of the tournament yesterday.

Henrique: still off to QPR?

São Paulo director, João Paulo de Jesus Lopes, says that the door has not been shut on forward Henrique's transfer to QPR. The Morumbi club say that contrary to earlier reports, Henrique has not been denied a UK work visa. "The truth is the visa wasn't turned down.

By Chris Wright

A couple of days after Spanish site Sport.es reported that they had received exclusive mock-ups of the fairly hideous designs for Barcelona's new kits for next season (above), designs which look suspiciously like they may have been drawn up using the colour fade tool on Corel Draw 3.

Benfica's Bruno Cesar and Jardel were involved in a car accident in Portugal around 9pm on the 20th, both players were unharmed and were passengers in a car driven by a friend. Jorge Jesus was glad that both players were not hurt and revealed that he has also been in a few accidents this season the latest being on Christmas Eve.

Ahhhh! Sadly, there was no such thing as post-marriage luck for Alvaro Negredo last night as Sevilla crashed to a narrow Spanish Cup defeat in the hands of Valencia, despite their 2-1 win. Painfully, it was based on the away goals rule and those are always the hardest to bear!

Tweet my Goal belongs to Jesus! The best gags from Wolves 2-1 Sunderland

New Sunderland boss Martin O'Neill watched his side throw away a lead to lose 2-1 to Wolves. Here's how it unfolded on our @MirrorFootball feed :

View the full story here: The Mirror

A news article on 2011-12-04 18:28:06 from: The Mirror

This news item has been reproduced from today's media.

By Alan Duffy

Yes, it's another 'Tabloid paper in insensitivity shocker' stories, this time courtesy of the Daily Star. No doubt the story that there may be other footballers suffering from depression is newsworthy, but Jesus do it with a bit of respect and responsibility.

What's a derby if it doesn't involve putting out a fire by the time the whistle is blown?! Well, Portugal experienced their own 'clássico' on Saturday, when Benfica defeated Sporting 1-0, thanks to a goal from Javi Garcia. Benfica are now in top spot (yes, we hear a couple of you rejoicing!

Good Player Guide #18 Nolito is a post from: Just Football

Nolito
(Benfica / Spain)

Signing a Barcelona player would, in itself, normally suffice to excite fans of any club. However, the fact the Spanish forward was just one of a plethora of new signings at Benfica this summer, which included the much heralded Bruno César, Enzo Pérez and Axel Witsel, meant that when the 2011/12 season kicked off, Nolito was considered anything but the star turn.

What are the odds Spain have more possession than England? Derek McGovern's Bets of the Day

Fabio Capello has been in a quandary all week over today's Wembley showdown against Spain. He wants to try out young, inexperienced performers but at the same time doesn't want to be humiliated.

SPANISH NATIONAL FOOTBALL TEAM Selector & Coach Vicente Del Bosque has handed in his list of 23 players that will make up the National Squad for their two upcoming International Friendlies. Spain travels to London to play England on the 12th of November & then hosts Costa Rica on the 15th of November.

By Alan Duffy

It is all too easy to get snobby and sneer at footballers about their (usual) lack of a high-level education. And too often that sneeriness is borne out of nothing but jealousy at the fact they get paid shed-loads of money for simply playing football. Still, in the case of poor old Darren Mackie of Aberdeen, it's hard not to giggle.

REAL MADRID Brazilian midfielder is back. Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite, alias KAKÁ, has suffered his time in the Desert just as Jesus, but his was a Football Desert & 16 months away from the National team. Today Kaka received the news that "officially" collaborates his "resurrection", with BRAZIL Coach Mano Menezes calling the player for two upcoming International Friendly games.

Before last night's thrashing of Genk, David Luiz and that mop of curls atop his head took to touching Fernando Torres' head before the match saying it was a rabbit's foot thing, rather than "I'm about to quit Chelsea to lead my own congregation on early morning TV...would you like to buy my book?

Click here to view the embedded video.

The Ramos recently sat down for a chit chat with the good people over at La Liga for a segment they coyly called, "Sergio Ramos' More Personal Side". The question of just how personal his interview would be had our minds racing for at least two hours.

The Rapids were shutout in Mexico on Wednesday night, now waiting for Thursday's CONCACAF Champions League results to see if they advance in the competition. Aaron Galindo opened the scoring in the 55th minute and it was 2-0 Santos when Jesus Escoboza scored in the 67th. The Rapids are in the unenviable situation of needing a draw from the Metapan - Real Espana game to move on as Group B runners-up.

By Chris Wright

Looks like EA's 'revolutionary' new FIFA 12 impact engine has gotten the better of Gerard Pique...

Jesus, get a room.

In the September Episode, Murph is joined by Eli Pearlman-Stortch from Philly Soccer Page and Jon Marks from Philly Union Talk. They break down recent performances and talk playoffs. We hear from the fans at PPL, including Union Jesus on On The Concourse. We Speculate over the "Mind of the Nowak" and review the Union's newly budding Social Media.

Manchester United's Champions League campaign gets under way tonight in Lisbon, where last season's beaten finalists take on Benfica. Ahead of the game, coach Jorge Jesus has been talking about the disparity between Benfica and Manchester United, "Usually in the Champions League, the teams at the top are the ones who are strongest economically," said Jesus.

Quite interesting comparisons being made ahead of Man United's match against Benfica tonight in the Champions League with Benfica coach Jorge Jesus claiming that Wayne Rooney is more Brazilian or Argentinian than English.

An interesting point, Rooney perhaps does play with the ability that often comes with Brazilians and Argentinians; he's not dissimilar from the likes of Carlos Tevez in the way he's stocky, powerful and a great goalscorer.

Sir Alex Ferguson has responded to claims by Benfica coach, Jorge Jesus, that Wayne Rooney plays like a Brazilian or an Argentinian, by suggesting that whilst he is typically British, he is similar to Pele.

"I think he's a typical British player," said Ferguson. "There have been British players over the last few years, maybe for the last decades, who have similar great qualities that make them great players, whether it's a Gascoigne, George Best, Bobby Charlton, Denis Law.

Malaga picked up their first points of the season with a 4-0 thumping of newly-promoted Granada at the Estadio La Rosaleda.

New signings Santi Cazorla and Joaquin Sanchez shared the goals between them as the big-spending club began to see some returns on their heavy summer outlay.

The result gets Malaga's season up and running following last weekend's disappointing 2-1 defeat at Sevilla and lifts them to eighth place in the league.

By Chris Wright

During the shoot for Real Madrid's 2011/12 team photo, bearded midfield pirate Esteban Granero couldn't resist having a little fondle of Kaka's angelic mush hoping that a little bit of that Jesus magic would rub off on him...

How adorable/incredibly annoying.

Players Names Mrs LB Has Misheard During Commentary: Part 9
Transfer Deadline Day Special
Overheard whilst listening to Radio 5 Live as the transfer window shut. The panel were discussing Jermain Jenas' loan move to Aston Villa and Arsenal's late capture of Mikel Arteta from Everton.

Casemiro rinnova con il San Paolo, addio Italia Il volante Casemiro ha rinnovato il contratto con il San Paolo per cinque anni. L'affare è stato chiuso Martedì pomeriggio dopo l'allenamento, nel centro tecnico Barra Funda. All'incontro hanno partecipato il presidente Juvenal Juvencio, il vice presidente João Paulo de Jesus Lopes, direttore Adalberto Baptista e José Carlos dos Santos, oltre al

Disregarding stadia and considering only buildings, La Masia is one of the most iconic in the footballing world. A house itself, but part of a training facility, where some of Barcelona's youth learn their trade, take their schooling and are taught that mes que un club and tiki-taka are more important than Jesus.

By Chris Wright

I know that's a huge claim but just watch this, and be prepared to cringe...

Jesus...f**king...Christ.

Video: The Third Kit

Benfica get set to kick off their European campaign at home tomorrow as the face Turkish side Trabzonspor in the first leg of Champions League play. Jorge Jesus has announced a roster of 19 players for the enounter: Goalies- Eduardo, Artur Defense- Maxi Pereira, Luisao, Garay, Emerson, Jardel Midfielders- Ruben Amorim, Javi Garcia, Matic, Bruno Cesar, Pablo Aimar, Enzo Perez, Nolito,

It's been talked about for some time, but the blessed relief (okay, I might stop with the tenuous Jesus references before I get started...) of Forest actually completing the signing of Jonathan Greening from Fulham arrived today. After the departure of Paul McKenna he very much looks like the 'experienced head' in midfield and, [.

Before I get to the game review I wanted to mention that the Rapids have announced some of their pre-season plans for next year. They've been invited to be the MLS representative in the new Hawai'ian Islands Invitational Tournament in February. The other teams invited are the J-League's (Japan) Yokohama FC, the K-League's (South Korea) Incheon United, and the A-League's (Australia) Melbourne Heart.

Real Madrid have finally signed Benfica full-back Fábio Coentrão for a fee of around to be €30m.

The 23-year-old Portuguese international has signed a six-year deal at the Bernabéu, is the fifth new signing for Jose Mourinho side, following the earlier signings this summer of Raphaël Varane, Hamit Altıntop, Nuri Şahin and José Callejón.

By Chris Wright

As you may or possibly may not be aware, the draw for the Spanish Tercera Division play-offs (for the right to play in the Spanish third tier, Segunda Division B) were made earlier this week.

Strangely, the president of one of the clubs involved, Pablo Cordoba of Alcobendas Sport, was entrusted to draw the balls for his side's half of the draw arriving at the plinth with a huge, sh*t-eating grin on his face only to be *apparently* told which ball to pull out of the goldfish bowl by the honcho in charge.

Is this the week Fredy Montero returns to the starting lineup? We certainly hope so. The Seattle Sounders Designated Player has started on the bench the past two matches and has played reasonably well in a reserve role. The Vancouver Whitecaps seem like the perfect team for him to get into some kind of groove with Mike Fucito.

Nuno Gomes' days as a member of Benfica are set to end as the 34 year old captain's contract ends June 30/11 and coach Jorge Jesus has no interest in keeping the striker with the club for next season. Benfica would like to offer Gomes a managerial position with the club but the soon to be 35 year old is looking to play one more season before deciding to hang up his cleats.

Off The Ball never rests in its mission to scratch around the underbelly of professional football to find the most bizarre, humorous and inexplicable stories.

This week, 'Crazy' Jesus Corona headbutts the opposition manager, Arsenal spy on their players with a GPS tracking system, Diego Maradona is in it for the money at Al Wasl, daring Manchester United fans unveil a '19 times' banner at Anfield and the most ingenious set-piece routine of the season.

A few hours ago, the Federacion Mexicana de Futbol (FMF) announced that goalkeeper Jesus Corona of Cruz Azul would be removed from the Gold Cup roster. By now I'm sure you have seen the video of Corona head-butting a Morelia assistant after the ugly brawl between Cruz Azul players and a stupid fan who invaded the field.

How bad is this headbutt?
Well, it's pretty bad, but what's the punishment worth?
Check it out:
The headbutter (I know that's not a word but work with me) is Jesus Corona of Cruz Azul. The person who received the headbutt is Sergio Marti, a trainer with Morelia.
This happened on Sunday at the end of Morelia's 3-0 win over Cruz Azul.