Tim Cahill's goal celebration in yesterday's victory over Portsmouth has been revealed as a tribute to his jailed brother Sean, who was sent down for 6 years for GBH last January. Cahill pucnched the corner flag in his trademark post-goal celebration, but then went on to cross his wrists in a fashion not dissimilar to an X-factor hopeful or Kenzie out of Blazin Squad.

Something strange is happening in the English justice system. Within the last two months we have seen first Pete Doherty, and now Joey Barton, finally sent to jail for a succession of crimes that any average joe off the street would've gone down for years ago. Now don't get me wrong, I like Doherty; he's a bit of an idiot sure, but a harmless rogue at heart.

Pillow-biting jailbird and professional bell-end Joey Barton was yesterday given an ultimatum by Newcastle big cheese Mike Ashley that he must either take a £30,000-a-week pay cut or face being sacked. Now considering the circumstances, this sounds like an incredibly reasonable offer; in virtually any other profession on the planet, you would just instantly be sacked if you had such a brush with the law, so why do footballers get special treatment?

Ok I'll admit it up front that it's gonna be hard to write this piece without it descending into a rant about the current state of British ‘justice' and the moral bankruptcy of football, but I shall try my best. You see, STT anti-Christ Joey Barton was yesterday released from jail after serving less than half of his prescribed sentence, and guess who's prepared to welcome him back to Premier League football with open arms?