By Chris Wright
If you thought the tin-foil statue of Neymar erected in Santos' club museum a
few weeks back was an iffy likeness, then get your peepers around this a papier-mache caricature
(complete with bog-brush mullethawk) for use in an upcoming Brazilian carnival of some
description.
By Chris Wright
Hirsute Colombian jester Rene Higuita has been up to his old trick again, re-enacting his
infamous 'scorpion kick' save against England all those years ago for an Arabic television
channel...
We'll forgive him as he's 45-years old these days, but that wasn't a patch on the original
busted out to foil Jamie Redknapp on his top, top triffic international debut back in 1995.
By Chris Wright
Gabon striker Pierre Eymerick Aubameyang has been catching the eye at the Africa Cup of Nations,
not only for his stellar performances but also for his incredibly uninhibited choice in
follicular arrangement, opting for a ginger Mohawk formation that is pitched firmly halfway
between looking 'out-bloody-rageous' and 'like the matted hair that tends to accumulate in and
around the wrong end of a dog'.
By Chris Wright
Two parts 'Horror Hair' to one part 'actually pretty impressive'; it's BAE's latest crop of
'between styles' free range Afro fuzz, which is the size of a Capybara and looks like a distinct
fire hazard...
No naked flames within a three-metre radius please people.
By Chris Wright
With his slinky goal against West Brom last night, Jermain Defoe overtook Glenn Hoddle's scoring
tally for Tottenham but even that didn't gloss over the fact that, at some point before the game,
he chose to do this to his head...
Yeesh.
By Chris Wright
So, Guti (along with his lovely lady WAG Romina Belluschio) attended the premiere of the latest
Mission Impossible film in Madrid last night with an alarming smattering of facial growth affixed
to his chinny chin chin...
Ahem. I'll just leave this here.
By Chris Wright
That's your lot cockers. As I understand it, Movember is now officially finito which
means it's high time to round up the footballing contingent's hirsute runners and riders. Here we
have the five players whose hearts were definitely in the right place, but whose top lips didn't
really get the memo.
By Chris Wright
That's your lot cocker. As I understand it, Movember is now officially finito which
means it's high time to round up the footballing contingent's hirsute runners and riders. We'll
start with five players who managed to sprout charity facial fuzz that was actually bordering on
'acceptable' over the course of the month.
By Chris Wright
Ronaldo has just posted this photo of his new facial hair on Twitter and, well...
Sorry Ron, but that's the kind of 'tache that could land a fella on some sort of register.
For the uninitiated, Kahlo is/was a Mexican artiste and feminist icon who also happened to do a
rather fine line in monobrows and niche female facial hair.
By Chris Wright
Ahead of their FA Cup first-round tie against Leyton Orient on Saturday, Bromley FC's Danny
Waldren has had a QR code (one of those barcode-y smartphone-y whatyamacallits that I don't really
understand) shaved into the back of his head for the occasion.
By Chris Wright
"Jurr Curl's scurred a gurl"
Those good people over at hirsute charity Movember have started a petition to
get four 80s sporting heroes and one-time top-lip topiary aficionados namely Nigel Mansell, Barry
McGuigan, Ian Botham and Mark Lawrenson to re-grow their resplendent Mo's for charity next
month.
By Alan Duffy
Vairelles in happier, more mullety times
Famed for both his goals and his uber-mullet, 38-year-old striker Tony Vareilles has been
arrested on suspicion of attempted murder.
Apparently the former Lens star, who has eight caps to his name, was one of a group of men who
attacked bouncers after being ejected from a nightclub in Nancy on Sunday.
By Alan Duffy
Vairelles in happier, more mulleted times
Famed for both his goals and his uber-mullet, 38-year-old striker Tony Vareilles has been
arrested on suspicion of attempted murder.
Apparently the former Lens star, who has eight caps to his name, was one of a group of men who
attacked bouncers after being ejected from a nightclub in Nancy on Sunday.
By Chris Wright
Porto tonked Nacional Madeira 5-0 at a rain-sodden Dragao last night, with Hulk notching a
superb chipped effort to round-out the scoring and send his side back to the top of the league
though the real talking point was the debut of the Brazilian's eye-catching new dye-job, a shade of
a yellow referred to as 'First Piss of the Morning' on the Dulux colour chart.
By Chris Wright
You may be under the impression that Luis Figo has always cut a suave, sophisticated,
immaculately-presented dash (with a little help from Just For Men of course).
Not so, as the girlies over at Kickette have recently found out to their
peril.
By Chris Wright
I know it's hardly a new look for Senor Palacio but the fact that he's now shaved the rest of
his noggin to fully emphasise that horrendous, erroneous braided 'Jedi bog chain' of hair means his
barnet is up for reassessment and yep it's still rubbish.
By Chris Wright
Part-inspired by Sandro's blue Roadkill Mullet-Hawk, welcome one-and-all to the Pies 'Horror
Hair Hall Of Fame'. Let's dive straight in shall we?
(Warning: Those with a low resistance to wanton follicle abuse should probably turn around and
leave right about.
By Chris Wright
Sandro took his trademark 'two-day old roadkill/mullet/mohawk' up a notch for Tottenham's game
against Wigan on Saturday, shifting through the hues from red to blue and then capping it all off
by teaming his signature coif with a matching turquoise and yellow gumshield.
By Chris Wright
Looking like a head-full of two-day old roadkill, here's a little look at Sandro's new
barnet...
RUFIO! RUFIO!
What, pray tell, do you make of that then?
[Image: Paul King]
By Alan Duffy
We have been blessed with a multitude of truly hideous, often quirky and occasionally mediocre
music videos made by those usually more comfortable with a ball at their feet than a microphone in
their hand.
So here, in order of chart performance, is a hand-picked, sun-ripened assortment of five of the
best/worst of the footballer/pop genre.
By Chris Wright
Paul Breitner: German box-to-box goliath of the 70′s and 80′s, World Cup winner, possessor
of a long-range shot akin to amplified thunder, vocal socialist, 60-years young today and
the once-proud owner of a full 360° of seamless Afro/beard hybrid head fuzz thus making him a bona
fide Horror Hair legend.
By Chris Wright
Aussie Mustafa Amini is making waves at the U20 World Cup in Colombia, and not because he's
particularly tasty with the ball at his feet in fact, the locals have even dubbed him 'Young
Valderrama' thanks to the mountain of copper wire wool that sprouts from the top of his noggin.
By Chris Wright
In Joey's mind he's got himself a delightfully hip 'Morrissey' quiff with his latest coif,
though to our eye he's actually come out looking more like a cross between a nervy, under-nourished
WWI private, K.D Lang and the long-lost third Jedward triplet.
By Ollie Irish
If you squint, DJ's tiny 'tache looks a tad Hitlerish. Or, less controversially, it's a
tonsorial tribute to the late star of sitcom 'Desmond's', Norman Beaton:
More bad hair
By Ollie Irish
Neil Warnock paid a lot of money for this...
Just as beautiful as any Xavi pass or Ronaldo free-kick, I'm sure you'll agree.
And the satirical version:
Snipers!
Any other business: Diouf's new hairstyle, which echoes Jermain Defoe's ill-judged Wembley
arch.
