AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:

1. BEING INJURED I AM SO BORED!!!!!!!! SITTING AROUND THE HOUSE INSTEAD OF BUSTING SKULLS ON THE PITCH HAS FORCED ME TO DO THINGS THAT I WOULD NEVER NORMALLY DO!!!!! LIKE SMILING AND CALMLY LOUNGING ON THE COUCH!

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After the great Henrik Larsson's final match as a professional footballer on Wednesday, his club threw him a little retirement party and decided to go all out and hire a Rod Stewart impersonator to provide the entertainment. Although Henrik appears thoroughly bored by the fake Rod Stewart's rendition of "I Am Sailing", everyone else is pretty into it, waving their hands in the air and vibing off fake Rod's hand-kissing charms.

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To celebrate the launch of our brand new members' area Arsenalinsider, in association with Icons, are giving one lucky reader the chance to win a signed Fabregas shirt.

To be in with a chance, all you need to do is sign up for a free account.

Each members' account will enable you to communicate with other Arsenal fans, just like on Facebook.

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"Henrik Larsson always scores." The clip shows Celtic fighting back through Larsson against Porto in a pulsating 2003 UEFA Cup final.

My memories of Larsson will always be defined by the Swedish striker entering the game in the 2006 CL final against Arsenal late in the second half.

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Henrik Larsson and a teary-eyed farewell. Dinamo Zagreb get a heavy sentence from UEFA. (Dinamo Zagreb Offside) Where are the Carling Cup Cinderellas? (Fanhouse UK) The problems at Real start deep within. (SoccerLens) Sport.co.uk lists ten poor transfers. (Sport) UF gives their take demolishes that list. Click to continue reading...

Swedish legend Henrik Larsson had an emotional farewell from professional football on Wednesday night as he played his last ever professional game for Swedish side Helsingborg. Larsson had announced his intent to retire at the end of this season but decided to bow out one game early in order to play his last match in front of the Helsinborg supporters.

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Sweden and Celtic FC football legend Henrik Larsson has played his final professional match at age 38. Larsson featured in Helsingborg's 2-0 Allsvenska defeat to Djurgarden last night to bring an end to a storied career that began in 1988. Larsson leaves the game with over 300 goals scored for the likes of Helsingborg, Feyenoord, Celtic [. Click to continue reading...

Striker Henrik Larsson bid an emotional farewell to football last night, admitting his decision to retire had left an "emptiness".
A class act who will be missed... Click to continue reading...

After 415 goals in 769 games Henrik Larsson has decided to call it quits. The Celtic, Helsinborg, Feyenoord, Man United and Barcelona legend was a player who was universally admired and at 38 after two decades in the game he has hung up his boots. What's the Swedish for 'Well done'?.

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Thanks to Jack for sending the above image to tips[at]theoffside[dot]com Here are seven strories you may have missed on The Offside and WorldCupBlog this week... Do you know who the unofficial world champions are? The 1-4-3-1 formation, and some elaborate managerial hand gestures Germany taking World Cup security very seriously Following the Thierry Henry to MLS rumour breadcrumbs Indonesia's environmentally friendly [. Click to continue reading...

Yesterday....28 years old....any other words are just irrelevant. Because to state the obvious: there's a large photo of Nemanja's junk on full view. See more at ONTD Football.

David Beckham queues up to buy some pumpkins; still has that animal growing on his face.
Are Ilary and Francesco going to bring another beautiful Totti baby into the world?

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Yesterday....28 years old....any other words are just irrelevant. Because to state the obvious: there's a large photo of Nemanja's junk on full view. See more at ONTD Football.

David Beckham queues up to buy some pumpkins; still has that animal growing on his face.
Are Ilary and Francesco going to bring another beautiful Totti baby into the world?

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Henrik Larsson, the once ageless wonder who'd begun to show plenty of age, has finally decided to hang up his boots with near immediate effect. Three games remain in a rather pedestrian Helsignborgs season and three games remain in Henrik's footballing career. Unless he's summoned back for World Cup 2014 qualifying, of course. Click to continue reading...

As an indication of what was to come Henrik Larsson's first contribution in a Celtic shirt was misleading. It was his misplaced that Chic Charnley latched on to score the winning goal for Hibs in an early season game at Easter Road.That Hibs team would end up relegated while Celtic and Larsson would collect four league titles, four domestic cups and a UEFA Cup final appearance. Click to continue reading...

A few news stories away from Old Trafford which you might be interested in.

Larsson retires
Sweden's failure to qualify for next summer's World Cup has encouraged Henrik Larsson to hang up his football boots. The former Barcelona striker, who joined United on loan during the 06-07 season, scored in the Premiership, Champions League and FA Cup for us.

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...Henrik Larsson or Gabriel Batitstuta. This is the view of former Scotland manager Craig Brown, who believes that Torres still has some way to go before matching those two players. What do you think?
In a recent interview with The Independent, Brown was asked whether Torres was the best striker in the world right now. Click to continue reading...

Apparently River Plate fans have been leaving not-nice voice messages on the players' phones.
Maybe that's what being in 16th place does to ya.
Oh and players are blaming the media for releasing the numbers and thus aren't talking to reporters.
Fun times. Now the links:

• Benitez not punished by FA.

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How often are so many soccer stories on the wire that involves Sweden or Swedish players and coaches?
First off, Sven-Goran Eriksson fired his coach at Notts County. Then he immediately had to deny that he's taking the job.
In semi-related news the Swedish FA had to deny approaching Sven for its soon-to-be open position of head coach. Click to continue reading...

Seems like every team is clinging on to a 'miracle' to go to the World Cup these days...and Sweden's one of them. It now seems that Henrik Larsson will quit the national team whether Ibracadabra likes it or not.

To get into the World Cup playoffs now, Sweden must win and hope Portugal slips up against Malta, who've not secured a single victory in their entire campaign.

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A Nicklas Bendtner inspired Denmark side over came Sweden this evening in a battle of Scandinavia to claim the final three World Cup qualifying points they needed to reach next summers tournament, with bragging rights for the natives to boot.

The exciting forward has led his country's charge to South Africa and started on the left hand side against the Swede's who boasted Zlatan Ibrahimovic in attack.

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Dirty Tackle is trying to figure if that's what Ghana U-20 team was trying to pull off in this celebration.
I can see it. Except for the guy with heartburn.
Now the links:

• Former AEK Athens owner a fraud. [Yahoo!]
  
• Pep cleared in doping case. [SI]
  
• UEFA W.

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The twenty-second round of Allsvenskan is finally upon us after a two-week long break. The top two teams AIK and IFK Göteborg face tricky away games, which could open up the field for Elfsborg. But don't expect any big moves in the top of Allsvenskan as you can be sure that things will remain extremely close even after play is completed in this round. Click to continue reading...

The twentieth round of Allsvenskan gives us two very interesting matches at the top of the table. Kalmar is up against the wall as they take on league leaders AIK. The reigning champions of Kalmar will need to come up with a good result in order to remain in a strong title contender. In the other notable match-up for the top, disease-ridden and injury-laden Elfsborg takes on Örebro only three days after their match against Lazio in the Europa League. Click to continue reading...

The Chicago Fire host the Los Angeles Galaxy for an 8 p.m. match Wednesday at Toyota Park. CLICK HERE to read my preview at Examiner.com. I also wrote an Examiner.com piece featuring the coaching dynamic of Bruce Arena and Dave Sarachan as they have an opportunity to either equal or surpass the team's point totals of 2007 and 2008 if they win Wednesday's match. Click to continue reading...

With the nineteenth round upon us we're likely to see some shuffling both in the top and the bottom of Allsvenskan. IFK Göteborg and Helsingborg will enter an extremely important head to head game that is set to jumble the top five. All top five teams seem to have an equal shot at the gold at this point and regardless of the results in this round no team should fall out of contention. Click to continue reading...

Robbie Fowler was only ever God to a small group of Scousers based in their native Liverpool.
Did Everton fans think he was God?
Did Man United fans?
Did Wigan, Sunderland, Torquay, Burton Albion, or Newport County?
Not to mention every fan from Sydney to Sao Paolo, Dortmund to Dubai. Click to continue reading...

Alejandro Bedoya and Orebro pay a visit to Henrik Larsson and Helsingborgs in the Allsvenskan while Ljungskile USA looks for four wins in a row at Vasalunds in Superettan action. Click to continue reading...

Luís Figo garante que não pensa voltar a jogar, mas deixa a porta entreaberta perante o hipotético convite do Maiorca. Segundo o atleta, «trata-se unicamente de um interesse» e «a pessoa em causa ainda não é o actual presidente», pelo que se mantém determinado a permanecer fora dos relvados, embora continue a ter convites: «Ouvir [propostas] oiço, porque não sou surdo», disse Figo, acrescentando que «neste momento não existe nada de sério nem concreto». Click to continue reading...

Barcelona new boy Zlatan Ibrahimovic believes it will be bitter rivals Real Madrid who will be feeling the pressure ahead of the start of the Primera Division season.

Madrid have spent over 250million euros building a squad capable of challenging Barca. It has been much quieter at the Nou Camp where they have only brought in Ibrahimovic and Maxwell, but the Sweden striker insists his new team are not worried.

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World Soccer News
for week of 8/2
Lung cancer kills Bobby Robson
Universally popular soccer coach Bobby Robson died on Friday from lung
cancer he had been suffering from for a long time. Robson was the last
coach to lead England to a World Cup semifinals in 1990, and on a club
level he achieved even greater results while coaching Ipswich Town,
Porto or Barcelona. Click to continue reading...

Name: Andy Kelly Date of Birth: 9th January 1984 Place of Birth: Stockton-on-Tees Position: Central defender or midfielder Previous clubs: Middlesbrough, Vasteras SK, Landskrona Present club: Unattached It has been a tumultuous few months for Andy Kelly, once of Middlesbrough and Landskrona in Sweden. Click to continue reading...

Everton are believed to be leading the chase for Swedish starlet Rasmus Elm after the player recently visited Goodison Park. However Skyports.com are reporting that Liverpool and Valencia have also joined the race for the midfielder's signature. However, other admirers include Fulham, Stoke, Ajax and PSV. Click to continue reading...

Which footballers have suffered severe injuries? You'd be hard pressed to identify one who hasn't! But, some are much worse than others. So, which of these freak accidents rate as the most gruesome? Read on to find out.

The most common minor injuries that footballers sustain include hamstring strains, sprained ankles, tears in the knee cartilage, hernias, or damage to the ACL.

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I can't believe this guy is still kickin' around. Don't get me wrong, I know the poor sod is only 29ish, but he's more injury prone than a grandmother on mechanical bull ride, so at best I expected him to be missing an appendage. I'm also surprised that he passed the United medical and was fit enough to sign a contract. Click to continue reading...

I can't believe this guy is still kickin' around. Don't get me wrong, I know the poor sod is only 29ish, but he's more injury prone than a grandmother on mechanical bull ride, so at best I expected him to be missing an appendage. I'm also surprised that he passed the United medical and was fit enough to sign a contract. Click to continue reading...