On an international break Tuesday, this qualifies as noteworthy all Austria's Paul Scharner has to do now is suffer disfiguring burns on one side of his face and he'll be a Batman villain.

[Photo: Reuters]

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Well hello there.

I see you've caught me with my hair erect. This happens sometimes when I am heading the ball or when I am in the presence of a divine beauty like yourself or when I eat a bucket of oysters while watching DVDs about naked people. Ha-HA! I have quite a few DVDs about the adventures of naked people, including some where they go bowling and then solve algebra problems together.

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Seydou Doumbia of Swiss League side BSC Young Boys celebrates after scoring a goal by shocking FC Aarau's goalkeeper into submission with his horrific choice of hairstyles.

[Photo: Reuters]

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Antonio Cassano has reinvented himself. Not only has he changed his physical approach by losing weight, he has changed his mental approach too, becoming not only more mature, but also a leader. He is now someone who visits hospitals and gives signed shirts to sick children. He is now someone who can carry a team on his back, provide assists for his teammates, and entertain the crowd.

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Last week's biggest headline was the announcement that Chelsea have been handed a transfer ban. The Blues are accused of illegally tapping up former Lens youngster Gael Kakuta, and the ruling has sparked controversy all around the world of football. Manchester United appear to be the next club on the chopping block as French club Le Havre are accusing the Premiership champions of tapping up 16 year old Paul Pogba.

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And by best we mean, of course, worst. Nathan's a 25 year old midfielder for Sparta Rotterdam with questionable decision making abilities. And with that severe lack, Nathan has managed to concoct what has to be one of the world's first* shaved, spiked mullets. Fortunately for the Eredivisie viewing public, Nathan doesn't play much - just [. Click to continue reading...

This coming season promises to be the most exciting in years. Of course, every coming season promises to be the most exciting in years. This is one of the many truisms of English Football. Last season we gaped open mouthed as Manchester City clumsily wooed Global Franchise Entities with the promise of dreams and Ferrero Rocher.

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So it's finally come to an end. The most protracted and annoying transfer saga in Manchester United history has ended with Cristiano Ronaldo finally getting his wish to look absolutely fabulous in all white whilst topping up his tan in the Spanish Sun.

Some will inevitably see the deal, and his request for it, as inconclusive proof of their belief he is an evil, diabolical, ungrateful little grasping greasy foreign **** who should be strung up and paddled for the sheer gall of wanting to play for anyone but Manchester United.

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With the Premier League over for another season. Here are some of the things I noticed from the 08/09 campaign:

Like a bat out of Hull

Hull City were everyone's favorite to go straight back down this season. They seemed like a sweet little feel good story, content to have their moment in the big leagues before quickly sinking back to lower level obscurity where they could be patronized by football and non-football people alike for sounding like a thoroughly dull and uninspiring place to live.

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Now that the Coca Cola Championship has come to a halt (temporarily, at least, with the playoffs still to be played), us Premier League fans have three new teams to look forward to seeing next season. While only Wolves and Birmingham have locked up promotion spots for next season, within the next few weeks we'll know who out of Reading, Burnley, Sheffield United, and Preston North End will be playing top flight footbal come August.

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Ten things I noticed from this week's Champions League semifinals:

1. Much Ado About Nothing – Much to the woe of slobbering, over enthusiastic journalists everywhere, the Barcelona myth was partially debunked on Tuesday. It's not that they were awful by any stretch of the imagination, but when faced with an equally good team who didn't stand aside and let them play through them they looked more than a little stumped.

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Every little kid dreams of scoring the winning goal for their favorite football club. On Sunday at Old Trafford, that dream became reality for one kid.

After a Gabriel Agbonlahor goal put Aston Villa up 2-1 in the 58th minute, Sir Alex turned to an unsuspecting bench player. Federico Macheda, a mere 17-year-old Italian boy, was given his first playing time for United in one of Manchester United's biggest matches of the season.

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After watching Jens Lehmann de-headband Khalid Boulahrouz yesterday, I've come to the conclusion that Arsenal's purchase of Andrei Arshavin has nothing to do with his substantial abilities as a footballer and everything to do with bringing in a character to provide insanities equivalent those those formerly of Mad Jens. Click to continue reading...

Yesterday we asked you to tell us which footballers these horrible horrible hairstyles belonged to. Sadly, no one got all ten correct - though several people came very very close. Answers below... Hair#1 Taribo West Hair#2 Arjen Robben Hair#3 Marouane Chamakh Hair#4 Jason Lee Read the cautionary tale of Jason Lee's hair here Hair#5 Freddie Ljungberg Hair#6 Abel Xavier Hair#7 Sir Bobby Charlton Hair#8 Rio Ferdinand Hair#9 Djibril Cissé Hair#10 Jermain Defoe Click to continue reading...

Daryl here, filling in for Laurie on weekend quiz duties again. This weekend: hair. Below are ten horrendous hairstyles that various footballers wore in public. Only they know why they did it, and at least one of the players (clue alert!) believes his hairstyle led to him being dropped from the first team. Click to continue reading...