It's like a contest. Try and guess the next banana peel NIGHTMARE APE WAYNE ROONEY, England's Ambassador to Football and redemptive bicycle kick specialist, will throw into his own path. Will he get a tattoo of Mike Tyson Chewing Evander Holyfield's Ear on his hairy back? (AHHHHNT: My guess last time, which was admittedly wrong; instead he hashed opened a leg just to watch it bleed and thereby abandoned his national side when most they needed him).

Morning all, beautiful day here.

See any of that old Champions League stuff last night? Pfff. Who'd want to be in a competition like that? If that's two of the best teams in the world give me Bushy Park Rangers v Leicester Celtic any day of the week. Well, apart from that Messi bloke. He's a bit good, isn't he?