German Women's National Soccer Team

women's soccer

WWC 2015: Let's Get Ready for the World Cup! (Not the One You're Thinking)

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Okay, so, I get an email this weekend letting me know that, as of June 6, we are officially one year out until all the powerhouses of women's football congregate on some artificial pitch somewhere in icy Canada. There are even countdown clocks. God! There's even an on-sale date for tickets, with fancy "passport" deals that look rather neat!

Request: More German Swagger, You Dumb Kids

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Way-Young Nadine
Nadine Angerer delivers some kindness, some whatever...German to English can be such a fucking head trip. Enjoy!

Angerer calls for Germany 'arrogance'

FIFA U-17 WWC: Les Bleus! Les Bleus! France Puts Away Short-Sided Ghana, Secretly Wishes to Demolish Germany in the Finals

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Je t'apprécie vraiment or Je t'aime? It doesn't matter, really.
The French side moves forward into the Women's World Cup finals, courtesy of two goals by Kadidiatou Diani and a short-sided Ghana squad, with power forward Jane Ayieyam sent off early in the second half, racking up two yellows in quick succession.

Prepare for "Footie With the Stars" as Germany Brings Its A Team to the U.S. for Friendly Matches

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Predicting "friendly" to last about 5 minutes into the first game.

Yes! Here's the pool of players Neid assembled, with some kids from the U-20 squad added to the mix just for good measure (or, more accurately, to fill a few gaps):

GK
Nadine Angerer, Amulth Schult, Laura Benkarth

Defense
Bianca Schmidt, Saskia Bartusiak, Babett Peter, Annika Krahn, Leonie Maier, Verena Faist, Luisa Wensing

Midfield
Simone Laudehr, Melanie Behringer, Kim Kulig, Linda Bresonik, Viola Odebrecht, Lena Goessling, Svenja Huth

Forwards
Alexandra Popp, Anja Mittag, Dzsenifer Marozan, Martina Muller, Celia Okoyino da Mbabi, Lena Lotzen


FIFA U-17 WWC: Oh, How Much Does THIS Suck?

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Writing notes to the cute boy two rows...oh, wait...

"It's very important we have two teachers with us because we're missing a lot of school. They really do help us a lot, and if you're inclined to get it done, you can," Germany captain Sara Dabritz told FIFA.

FIFA U-17 WWC: Today, German Girls Did What They Do Best: Look Stern, Break Hearts

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This is Sara Daebritz. She scored, too, by the way.
Well. Like me, you may have been preparing for the second edition of penalty shots in the U-17 Women's World Cup quarterfinal round (France put away Nigeria yesterday, courtesy of this Most Cruel Way to Lose a Game Ever), but no--Rebecca Knaack made certain there would be none of that, Knaack-ing one past the Brazilian keeper to ensure the Germans onward progression into the semis, where the North Koreans await (Canada cries again and again) their match next Tuesday, 9 October.

10 Anja Mittag Moments

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Anja in Sweden

Ghost Anja

Anja with math problem

Anja with champagne shower

Anja with bird dreams

Anja measuring something

Anja prays to red nail goddess

Anja grabs chest in mock fight

Anja flexing biceps

Anja disgraced

Nadine Kessler

The Algarve Cup Final: If Properly Named, Should Really Have Been the Alex Morgan Show

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Photo courtesy of Melanie Maps/Bongarts/Getty Images
Everything you need to know about the final, in special, easily digestiable list form:

General Shit
  • It's nice to see that Team USA is finally high femme enough to match the Germans on the number of players wearing eyeliner and mascara.

Creepy Moments for Fast Girls: Germany's Sexpot Soccer Superstud Nadine Kessler

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Just announced! Nadine Kessler wins the "Call Me at Any Time of the Day or Night and Talk to Me With Your Voice-Like-Sex-Dripping-With-German-Language" Fast Girls Award.

For real. Anytime, Nadine. Anytime.

US Women's National Team

FIFA U-20 WWC: Are the American Back Line and Midfield Strong and Fit Enough to Hold Off the Germans?

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Unstoppable? Yes.The Nigerians gave the U.S. defense a run for their money today. During their semifinal match, the Super Falcons caught the American defense looking fragile and undisciplined quite a few times, but just couldn't capitalize (this may have something to do with the serious amount of dancing they do in the tunnel prematch, but no, okay, I can't prove that).

Two More for the List: She's Beautiful and Can Kick Your Head In

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Alex Morgan, having nearly kicked her own head in, maybe.Because it's been a little while, right? And you miss her running around on your television, right? (You should check US Soccer to see the U.S. women's national team "Yay, We Won Something Finally" tour schedule, including a few friendly dates with Germany, which nearly made me pee myself with delight.

The Rest

The German Women's National Team: A Jersey Retrospective, 'Cuz This Shit's Important

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Aww! Remember these days?
And you know what? With the exception of the 2013 jersey, which is exceptionally high femme, and thus me approved, they're all sort of ugly. Plus, I'm pissed the DFB couldn't dig up one photo of Maren Meinert from back in the day?

Look Who's Closer Than Ever. Will the NWSL Attract Talent Like Bajramaj?

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"They tried to make me go to rehab, and I said...."
Is German to English not the worst translation ever?
DFB.de: Are you satisfied with the progress of your rehabilitation?
Bajramaj: Yes, very.

Fan Tour Hullabaloo: Stormy Nights, "Ha!" on Pearce, and Other Quips From the USWNT's "Look at Us!" Tour

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This video is really all you need until I can finish my 18-part series on this night. A synopsis: The first half was boring as hell. All of us were wet in ways we didn't want to be--layers deep with wetness. The Germans looked bored. The Americans? All cocky swagger, per usual. (Lest they never forget the name Dzsenifer Marozsan.

FIFA U-17 WWC: This Cherub-Faced Peanut Saves the Day for Germany; Japan, as Expected, Gives New Zealand a Fair Dose of Hell

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Hi! I'm Ricarda!
Prediction confirmed: Germany versus China was a great game, although my Venus came on and off the pitch far too quick, courtesy of a good limp that she picked up in short time in the game. That said, her departure made way for Ricarda Kiessling, who scored an equalizer in extra time, and thank heavens for that, since the Germans were robbed repeatedly by the referee, who missed two handballs in the box.

FIFA U-17 WWC: Mexico Scores First for North America; Asia Is Topping Everyone Right Now, and Harder Than Christian Grey

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Now, my queue of matches to watch on ESPN3 is growing by the day, but let me comment anyway on things I have yet to see. Mexico scores first for North America, and so happy to see that, since I sorta predicted they would, because--hey--not every team attends a World Cup tournament just to sing and dance.

German Girls Usually Score, Despite the Length of Their Shorts, Unless Japan's Standing on the Other Side of the Pitch

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Okay, call me lazy, but here's another video, courtesy of dfb.de, featuring a German woman footballer you may or may not know: Anja Mittag.



I like to watch Germans practice, I guess. Germans practice hard! Anyhoo, I'm also happy to report that, as she ages, Anja is, indeed, becoming more attractive than Sonja Fuss.

FIFA U-20 WWC: Well, This Is Why I'm Not a Betting Woman

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FIFA U-20 WWC: I'm Going to Go Out on a Limb and Say Wiegmann Isn't a Fan of the Spotlight

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It may come as a surprise to you after watching, let's say, 40 seconds of this clip that she does not run away screaming.

Back in the day, though, she appeared to be a little more extroverted.


Love her.