Neatly trimmed beard and cheeky quiff? Deeply disturbing, apparently. Image: REUTERS/Jean-Philippe Arles/Daylife.

This might not seem like a particularly big deal, but Javier Pastore's habit of veering between visually appealing hair arrangements and sartorially challenging amateur topiary is upsetting some of of our staffers.

Schlong in Hong Kong.

Anelka with a George Michael-esque pose

Yeah, the above phrase, from known lyrologist Christopher Bridges, is kind of lewd. Hey, at least I didn't use Bang cock in Bangkok when we were in Thailand. Area Codes, dude.

By now you should know that we're on the cusp of competing in our first organized tournament of the new season.