By Chris Wright

Just Sir Alex Ferguson and Falkirk striker Farid El Alagui sharing a moment outside what appears to be an air-raid shelter...

Pies says: "Sir Alex's smile begins to fade as a fifteenth consecutive game of 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' ends in a draw"

You say?

By Chris Wright

One player sure to be high on everybody's list, Zat Knight that is

A few players have hithered and thithered about since the turn of the year but, after a fairly dormant month on the transfer front and with only 385,589 precious seconds left until the January window SLAMS SHUT is closed carefully and contentiously by the relevant personnel, we impatient fools at Pies reckon it's high time to start making big things happen in our minds.

Arsenal traveled across town to Fulham on January 2nd for a Premier League match. Both teams were looking to win. Arsenal's rivals had slipped up in recent days which presented a great opportunity to tighten the title race. Fulham were looking for points to give them breathing space from the relegation zone.

By Chris Wright

Pies says: "Dude, if I was Juan Mata, I'd have been all like...woo woo woo!"

You say?

(Image: ONTD)

Gooner Kop a feel FIFA 12 has already thrown up some hilarious glitches. The latest sees Andy Carroll choosing to celebrate a goal and people say FIFA is realistic by getting very passionate with Arsenal goalkeeper Lukasz Fabianski. Video via @James_Dart

By Chris Wright

Andy Carroll scoring twice in one game? Please!

Via @James_Dart

By Chris Wright

'Tis the season to flog computer games mercilessly, and EA have already dipped their bread releasing a FIFA 12 Christmas viral that sees Gerard Pique, a pre-transplant Wayne Rooney, bonsai fanatic Tim Cahill, a banjo-wielding Kaka and wee Jack Wilshere all acting their respective asses off in the name of the shill.

By Chris Wright

Heineken Star Player is a real-time game that allows players to predict the outcome of various incidents during live Champions League games and by playing along with Pies next week, you could stand to win a really rather fantabulous prize.

By Chris Wright

Halloo hallay! After their nasty fans refused to sell them back their own stadium, Chelsea have announced that they are planning to flog a naming rights deal for Stamford Bridge at some point next year in a bid to drive up the revenues which, as per, gives us oiks the perfect excuse to play silly buggers.

By Chris Wright

The last Spot the Baller was a bit of a wash-out for some reason, so this one's a little more taxing. Let's see how we get on.

Pray tell, can you verily pick out the Spurs player catching a mid-game forty winks behind Hans Moleman's moley little mole face?

By Nathan Hildred

In the past few years, the long-running Football Manager series has been more revolutionary than evolutionary. We've seen the advent of the 3D match engine, touchline shouts and Match Analysis that would make even the blokes over at Opta sweat.

By Chris Wright

Consider this your chance to get all the Manchester derby jokes out of your system...

Pies says: "Hello? Sir Alex? Did you know...that Arsenal have...pfftch...one-six of their last seven games?

Do I not like those Ex-England manager Graham Taylor has this morning been unveiled as the face of a new shoe aimed at stopping football managers having embarrassing touchline falls. The Sho'ot was commissioned by the makers of the Football Manager video game amid concerns that too many gaffers were being caught out by slick [.

Is there nothing he can't do? We attempted to post this last week and we've just spotted in didn't publish on the site. So later than expected... One of the hidden treats of PES 2012 is, it would seem, the ability to force your players to unleash a repertoire of Michael Jackson goal celebrations. As [.

By Chris Wright

Time for a little game, at least...that's the dubious pretense anyway. It's actually just a thinly-veiled chance for me to show off my incredible, award-winning* MS Paint chops with a bit of Friday afternoon frippery.

Any road up, please feel free to have a crack at pinpointing the six classic football moments hand drawn by yours truly on Microsoft's finest or just bask in the glory of the supreme craftsmanship on show.

By Chris Wright

'Goal celebration no. 91′ in PES 2012 is a cut above the same old bilge animations Konami have been using for years on end now, in that it sees your man (Lionel Messi in this case) perform a flawless rendition of Jacko's trademark Moonwalk...

Saints be praised, there's also a 'Smooth Criminal lean' to unlock as well.

By Chris Wright

Who's this pair lurking behind TJ Hooker and the guy from Mission Impossible?

Previous answer: Darron Gibson

Congrats go out to Redho, Aspers, Andrew, Jake, lordrt and Jezza for nailing it like mother-humpin' carpenters!

In The Stands' Rolly Pelovangu jumps ahead of the queues, grabs a packet of milk and cookies and brings forth a comprehensive review of Konami's Pro Evolution Soccer 2012 – it's a screamer! In a week which saw the release of the mightily impressive FIFA 2012, Konami's latest Pro Evolution Soccer release has much to [.

By Chris Wright

A shiny hapenny and a bag of liquorice is on offer to those who can successfully guess the identity of the recently-retired mole-eyed, ginger ankle-hacker who wants the record to state that, despite being the worst tackler in the history of organised sport, he could actually tackle all along and that he was actually just 'getting people back' by tearing off chunks of their thigh flesh with his studs on a semi-regular basis:

"Of course I can tackle.

In The Stands previews the Merseyside derby as Everton host Liverpool at Goodison Park by looking back at three great clashes between the two clubs. New season, same old Merseyside derby. Guts, tough tackles, controversy, heartbreak, bragging rights, city shame, red cards and pride all get thrown into an explosive brew which, has in the [.

By Chris Wright

Who dis?

Previous answer: 'Twas Maxi Rodriguez being obscured by the Ultimate Warrior!

Congrats to Jonathan and Rosey who were the only pair to guess correctly. Well done chap/chapette, have a biscuit on Pies!

By Chris Wright

Pies says: "Oh dear sweet Ignazio, you warm my cockles so, but there can never be another not while my pillows still smell of Gerard."

You say?

Pic: Ferplei

Who said modern footballers go down at the slightest touch? The FIFA 12 demo has produced some entertaining glitches already, and here's another. It seems the game occasionally turns your players into anatomically awkward versions of those emu fancy dress costumes you can get. Video via Dirty Tackle

By Chris Wright

Spotted during Brazil's training session in Belem ahead of their 'Superclasico de las Americas' second-leg run-out against Argentina tomorrow evening, Ronaldinho giving the pretender to his Selecao throne a 'helping hand' with a stretching exercise...

"Err, Ronny.

After spending hours in a darkened room, In The Stands' Rolly Pelovangu is now ready to bring his verdict on a game which is causing much furore in the gaming world: FIFA 2012. New year, new updates, better kits, newer stadiums and an overall revamp is what can be expected from the latest installment [.

By Chris Wright

Something for the weekend...

Which Liverpool player is lurking behind The Warrior?

Previous answer: Who'd have thunk it? 'Twas young Johnny Heitinga hiding behind Gerard Depardieu's gigantic Gallic schnoz!

By Chris Wright

Back by semi-popular demand, it's the Spot The Baller!

Tell me, who is the Toffee behind the face of everyone's favourite liver-pickling, plane-pissing Gallic thesp Gerard Depardieu?

Answers as and when.

By Chris Wright

With the 30th September release date crowning on the horizon, the FIFA 12 Hype Machine is ramped all the way up to eleven at the moment and the EA virals are coming thick and fast the lastest seeing Hope Solo squaring off against Steve 'kinda like a gorilla and a leopard' Nash in a duel to the death game of pixel-based football.

By Chris Wright

Looks like EA's 'revolutionary' new FIFA 12 impact engine has gotten the better of Gerard Pique...

Jesus, get a room.

Game on This entertaining (but NSFW) video features a happy juxtaposition of two footballing greats soon to be confined to the scrap heap: FIFA 11 and Fernando Torres. One gamer we'll take a stab at one unemployed gamer has painstakingly recreated Fernando Torres' horrendous miss against Manchester United last weekend on FIFA 11.

By Chris Wright

Thanks to Pies fans Sultan and Redskywalker for the nudge.

The hotly anticipated FIFA 12 game features a new Player Impact Engine, which is supposed to make the contact between players a lot more realistic. But in some cases it seems to only bring out the players' lustful side. Take this example of Barca's Gerard Pique. He uses a slide tackle to lure Marseille's Mathieu [.

The hotly anticipated FIFA 12 game features a new Player Impact Engine, which is supposed to make the contact between players a lot more realistic. But in some cases it seems to only bring out the players' lustful side. Take this example of Barca's Gerard Pique. He uses a slide tackle to lure Marseille's Mathieu [.

Wales striker Robert Earnshaw could not hide his disappointment after missing an open goal during Wales' 1-0 defeat to England at Wembley on Tuesday night. With 15 minutes left on the clock, the Cardiff striker found himself free at the back post with the goal at his mercy however, instead of ripping the back of [.

By Chris Wright

EA Sports are currently drip-dripping various virals and teasers to swell the hype ahead of FIFA 12′s official release on 30th September and the latest is centred around the new, fluid gameplay engine which is so realistic that it apparently even allows you to 'De Jong' the living snot out of your opponents (0:25 mark) with two-footed, waist-high scissor tackles.

By Chris Wright

EA Sports are currently drip-dripping various virals and teasers to swell the hype ahead of FIFA 12′s official release on 30th September and the latest is centred around the new, fluid gameplay engine which is so realistic that it apparently even allows you to 'De Jong' the living snot out of your opponents (0:25 mark) with two-footed, waist-high scissor tackles.

By Chris Wright

Arsenal captains past and present went head-to-head when Cesc Fabregas and Robin van Persie turned out for Ant and Dec's latest prime-time vehicle 'Red or Black' last night, a gameshow (apparently, the most expensive British gameshow of all time) that charged the pair with knocking bits of things off other spinning things with footballs.

By Chris Wright

Arsenal captains past and present went head-to-head when Cesc Fabregas and Robin van Persie turned out for Ant and Dec's latest prime-time vehicle 'Red or Black' last night, a gameshow (apparently, the most expensive British gameshow of all time) that charged the pair with knocking bits of things off other spinning things with footballs.

By Chris Wright

I guess this made sense to someone somewhere along the line...

Video: EA Sports

Goals by Lionel Messi and Cesc Fabregas gave Barcelona a comfortable 2-0 win over FC Porto in Monaco on Friday night as Pep Guardiola's men bag yet another trophy! It was Jim Carey's famous character in the comic sitcom made film ‘The Mask' who popularized the phrase ‘somebody stop me!' It is a sentence which [.