By Chris Wright
How drole/depressingly true; Big Eck and his flat back ten...
In fairness to McLeish, you could argue that one of the five deep-lying midfield anchors should
be moved slightly over the halfway line and labelled 'Keane', plus another couple when Ireland and
N'Zogbia come on for the last five minutes!
By Chris Wright
Now available on CD for the first time ever, 'The Keeper's A Tart: The Very Best Of Mick
McCarthy' a career-spanning double album (that's a whole six hits spread across two CDs) featuring
such drive-time radio classics as 'One In The Hole' and Mick's heart string-twanging rendition of
the theme from 'Ghost'.
By Chris Wright
'The Hart Fart' appears to be a phenomenon that most Man City fans are aware of already, being
as though their official in-house television channel has already produced an in-depth analysis
package to accompany the video.
For the unenlightened, the clip is taken from City's 2011 blooper reel and sees Joe Hart letting
go of a little bum toot in the back of a taxi, with captain Vincent Kompany trying desperately to
keep a straight face in order to admonish young Joseph and his rogue sphincter, while Micah
Richards just explodes in fits of howling laughter.
By Chris Wright
Whenever the world gets higgledy-piggledy, thank the lawd that we'll always have NMA TV to make
sense of it on our behalf.
Here we have the Taiwanese news agency's animated take on Fabio Capello's resignation and the
furore that exacerbated it, which contains some very dubious imagery indeed, the first ten
seconds is among the most libellous material I've ever witnessed, and the 'sinking ship' quip?
By Chris Wright
Whenever the world gets higgledy-piggledy, thank the lawd that we'll always have NMA TV to make
sense of it on our behalf.
Here we have the Taiwanese news agency's animated take on Fabio Capello's resignation and the
furore that exacerbated it, which contains some very dubious imagery indeed, the first ten
seconds is among the most libellous material I've ever witnessed, and the 'sinking ship' quip?
By Chris Wright
I think I may have an idea why Chelsea are stuttering a bit this season; if this video is
anything to go by, their training sessions are utter chaos!
Firstly we see some assorted slapping from everyone present, then Fernando Torres exacts revenge
on John Terry for an earlier buffeting by wrestling him to the ground.
By Chris Wright
Presenting: The best of the morning's memes. Ah, the internet.
1. Arry's job application...
2. Arry's job application (first draft)...
3. The real reason for Capello's resignation.
By Chris Wright
Just Sir Alex Ferguson and Falkirk striker Farid El Alagui sharing a moment outside what
appears to be an air-raid shelter...
Pies says: "Sir Alex's smile begins to fade as a fifteenth consecutive game
of 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' ends in a draw"
You say?
By Chris Wright
As you no doubt remember, former Italy battering ram Christian Vieri is appearing on the
Italian version of 'Strictly Come Dancing With The Stars On Ice-Factor' at the
moment with his latest routine, a Brazilian Capoeira (a dance based on a strain of martial arts,
made famous by Tekken's Eddie Gordo), showcasing all the grace and mobility he displayed on the
football pitch during his last few years as a pro, i.
By Chris Wright
Promise this is the last time we'll mention 'you know who'...
Via the brilliant False 9.
By Chris Wright
...it is Meow!
Yep. That soddin' cat was the one, sole highlight of the drudgerous (possibly not a real word)
stalemate at Anfield last night.
By Chris Wright
Finishing up in little more than an unbuttoned shirt and a cheeky smile at a sub-freezing Loftus
Road, the bloody scamps over at Sky Sports News had Chris Kamara switch around an item of clothing
every time they cut from the Soccer Saturday studio to the QPR-Wolves game.
By Chris Wright
What you're looking at here is the league table for the Isles of Scilly League the smallest
registered football league (it's affiliated with the FA) on the entire planet...
No draws! We hope, for the Woolpack Wanderers' sake, that relegation isn't going to be an issue
come the end of the season.
By Chris Wright
Pies' undoubted highlight of the weekend, Craig Bellamy and his rubber band (I think I saw them
play at a wedding once) going through a bit of choice choreography on the touchline at Anfield on
Saturday...
The sad fact is, some sports scientist somewhere has spent good money running test after test to
show that warming-up with a laggy band around the ankles can increase muscle efficiency by 0.
By Chris Wright
Pies' undoubted highlight of the weekend, Craig Bellamy and his rubber band (I think I saw them
play at a wedding once) going through a bit of choice choreography on the touchline at Anfield on
Saturday...
The sad fact is, some sports scientist somewhere has spent good money running test after test to
show that warming-up with a laggy band around the ankles can increase muscle efficiency by 0.
By Chris Wright
Short, sweet and does exactly what it says on the tin like Warwick Davis smeared in a mixture of
Nutella and Ronseal.
But enough about the sketchbook that got me thrown out of Art College, here's Vincent Kompany
Manchester City's erstwhile captain and leader being sent arse-over-teats backwards after being
sneaked snuck snaken snook crept up on by a small blue ninja stealth bag during training.
By Chris Wright
Seems like our 'Arry's key defence in his tax-swindling trial is that he, and I quote, "writes
like a two-year old", "can't spell" and is "the most disorganised man in the world" ergo there's no
way he could've diddled Her Majesty (so to speak) out of £189,500.
By Chris Wright
As your probably aware, Pies suffered a pretty large hack attack yesterday, knocking us off air
for almost the entire day hence the reason we're slightly late with this one, but it's a goody so
we hope you'll forgive the tardyness.
What we have here is Lionel Messi scoring the third goal of an obligatory,
barely-worth-mentioning hat-trick against Malaga on Sunday eve instantly made great by Gol TV
co-commentator Ray Hudson (a long-time Pies hero) reaching a point of euphoric climax in the
process.
By Chris Wright
I know this is in incredibly poor taste, but a) it's 'Off-Shore Harry' and, b) it made my
snort boiling tea all over my lap so I don't care...
Thanks to Pies fan Neil for the nudge.
By Chris Wright
Like a deleted scene from the airport bit in Love Actually, Leicester City pair Sean St. Ledger
and Kasper Schmeichel touch nipples to celebrate their 2-0 win over Southampton last night...
Beautiful.
With love blossoming all around at St.
By Chris Wright
The African Cup of Nations saw it's first (of many, if previous tournaments are anything to go
by) ridiculous goalkeeping ricket during Zambia's shock 2-1 win over Senegal last night with
Zambian 'keeper Kennedy Mweene dropping a big hairy bollock at the end of the first half, playing
fast and loose with the rules governing the size of his goal area when mopping up after a
free-kick.
By Chris Wright
Oxford United's veteran centre-back Michael Duberry was in rare old form against Hereford
yesterday afternoon, scoring the perfect hat-trick (one left, one right, one head) in his side's
2-2 draw at the Kassam.
You may have noticed that the maths doesn't quite add up there and with good reason.
By Chris Wright
From the same folks (Norwegian TV show Golden Goal) that bought the world Electroshock
Football comes 'Bubble Football', in which professional sides Sarpsborg and Fredrikstad
square off inside huge plastic bubbles with as much physical contact as possible encouraged.
By Chris Wright
Since signing from Palermo for a shade under £19 million back in 2008, it's fair to say that
Amauri has contributed the square root of f**k all to the Juventus cause. Barring a fairly decent
goal-to-game ratio in debut season, he's been in Layman's Terms dire and, as such, has been
informed by Juve that he is 'free from any obligation vis-a-vis the club commencing from January
2012′ and 'no longer included in the new technical programme'.
By Chris Wright
After being genuinely taken aback by some stunning 'Pablo Zabaleta's year of birth'-related
trivia in the pub last night (more on that later), Pies have cobbled together a list of ten
currently active footballers that just look far, far too old for dates on their birth
certificates.
By Chris Wright
Made I laugh, so it did...
Via Reddit
By Chris Wright
Short and sweet. Our nation's prematurely balding monarch-in-waiting Prince William an Aston
Villa fan by trade (look, he even has a hat!) giving a heckler his honest and
frank assessment of former Brum manager Alex McLeish's appointment as Villa boss back in the summer
while clambering into his car.
By Chris Wright
Congratulations Sir. You've just successfully broadcast your hairy crevice to an audience of
millions. Good job...
Oh to be a Liberty Stadium steward.
By Chris Wright
He may well have dived like...well, like a swan to procure the penalty that led to Scott
Sinclair cancelling out Robin van Persie's opener from the spot, but Nathan Dyer's third goal in as
many games went part-way toward Swansea 'beating Arsenal at their own game' (© every single
national newspaper) at the Liberty yesterday and it appears that the tiny 6-stone halfling wasn't
shy in rubbing it in.
By Chris Wright
Those of you who watched Match of the Day last night will be well aware that, while introducing
West Brom vs Norwich, something 'went wrong' with Gary Lineker's autocue that caused him to freeze
up live on air for what seemed like an age at the time.
By Chris Wright
This is quite sweet. While making his way into the club's training ground, Raul is handed a CD
by a group of Schalke fans. The CD contains a version of the 'theme tune' - a chant titled
'Señor Raul' - they had recorded themselves.
Raul then proceeds to play the CD on the short drive through to the pitches, singing along and
waving his fingers merrily, before cranking up the volume just before the final turn and cruising
into the car park with his own theme song blaring from his car.
By Chris Wright
"Hello everyone, I'm Robbie: Football's undisputed King of Craic and B-B-B-B-BANTZ! Good to
see you all again. It's been a while, so it has!"
"Roight. Let's get this shitstorm started shall we? Any questions?"
"Hi Robbie, over here.
By Chris Wright
Unfortunate ballboy positioning or a subtle message to the Leeds fans? You decide...
It's times like these you pine for the more gentile days of Armchair Anal.
By Chris Wright
In which, during the warm-up, ESPN pundit Martin Keown is accidentally-on-purpose thwacked in
the side of the head by a ball launched toward the pitchside podium by one of the Leeds
players/Ruud van Nistelrooy in a Leeds shirt...
So satisfying.
By Chris Wright
It seems that, with the recession still biting and Robbie Earle no longer around to 'sort
everybody out', the money men over at the ITV Football department have been reduced to extreme
bouts of penny-pinching when it comes to providing match tickets for their pundits.
By Chris Wright
With charges, arrests and general controversy beginning to stack up, we are once again indebted
to Taiwan-based media group NMA who filter out all the bull plop and present us with nothing but
the clear facts using their trademark subtle blend of retina-searing imagery, dizzying
overly-literal metaphors and featherlight grip on the actual incidents being discussed.
By Chris Wright
Better late than never, this brilliant GIF made us all chuckle like fools yesterday but we had
to wait for a few techy things to be twiddled around before we could post it.
Hope you like, sorry about the wait...
More first-class GIF magic from Olly over at RedCafe.
By Chris Wright
After the teaser GIF was leaked t'other day, Arsene Wenger and Roy Hodgson's new musical venture
(we need to think of a suitable band name folks!) have finally gotten things off the ground,
jamming together for the first time and running through an instrumental piece which features guest
appearances from a few familiar faces.
By Chris Wright
After the teaser GIF was leaked t'other day, Arsene Wenger and Roy Hodgson's new musical venture
(we need to think of a suitable band name folks!) have finally gotten things off the ground,
jamming together for the first time and running through an instrumental piece which features guest
appearances from a few familiar faces.
By Chris Wright
The 'Wenger Pocket Fail' reboots have begun people...
"Whatever you want dudum dudum Whatever you like dudum dudum Whatever you say,
you pay your money, you take your choice dudum dudum..."
GIF by Olly @ Redcafe
