Freak Shows

LA Galaxy

Wanted: 2 Girls Who Like Soccer & Creepers from San Diego

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OK boys fess up. Which one of you wannabe ballers from SD posted this on Craigslist?

Galaxy MLS Cup 2011 - $20 (home depot)

WELL, THE GALAXY MADE IT TO THE FINAL FOR THE MLS CUP.. I BOUGHT MY TICKETS LIKE 2 WEEKS AGO.. THESE ARE SECTION 231.. THEY ARE LIKE MIDDLE SECTION.

And The Award for Best New Drama Goes To...

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What's the most dramatic thing on TV right now? Gossip Girl? Perhaps...but the made-for-TV event is #LAvNY is gunning for that number one spot. Think I'm playing? Blogger please. Lemme ask you this...

Does Gossip Girl have international superstars caught up in injury controversy?

LA: Let's Get Ready To Rumble

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I would like to see Landon and David as a tag team wrestling duo. No masks though, because they are too pretty for that and it would take away from the gate receipts (got to keep the ladies, and AEG --who would be the exclusive promoters for all of their bouts-- happy). The could each have signature moves though; Landon could cross himself before he jumps from the top rope and David could deliver a paralyzing free kick to the groin.

PR disasters

ABOUT BIG LETTERS

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THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME CONCERN AMONG BOTH FRIENDS AND STRANGERS ALIKE AS TO MY CURRENT PENCHANT FOR CAPITALIZATION. IT COULD WELL BE BECAUSE THIS IS, TO SOME, A SOCCER BLOG AND THAT'S WHAT MANY OF US SOCCER BLOGGERS DO: YELL AND MAKE NOISE ABOUT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING WHETHER IT NEEDS TO BE A BIG DEAL OR NOT BECAUSE, JUST LIKE TNT, WE KNOW DRAMA.

Sepp Blatter is Crazy Y'all

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Sepp Blatter is crazy and not just because John Ameachi says so. He's crazy for requesting that homosexualists refrain from sex during the Qatar World Cup because, let's be real here, it doesn't matter if you are gay or straight: if you are paying these prices for a hotel room you are damn sure going to try to make out with somebody in it.

Videos

How Not to Deploy Diversionary Free Kick-Takers

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Something something not on the same page something something thick players something something enough to make their coach an alcoholic.

Last Night's Party: Not-Quite Butt Naked in ATL

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We can argue all day long whether or not this guy who ran onto the field at the Georgia Dome last night is a proper streaker because he's wearing a jock strap and didn't go full-nude. What we can't argue is that this guy may have set a record for longest pitch invasion ever. Dude even gets a chance to walk at some point.

Sounders Fans Provide Spectacle Outside of Stadium as Well as In It

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Apparently an alarming number of Sounders fans found it necessary to combine flash-mobbing and the favorite pastime of Filipino prisoners, performing the "Thriller" dance, outside of Qwest Field on Halloween. Sorry y'all but this is kinda of a playoff party foul and it will surely provide enough fodder for Timbers and 'Caps fans to get through their expansion season without EVER running out of material.

Coach & Team Quite Literally Lashes Out at the Media

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What's with all the unusual (and unnecessary) violence in soccer lately? The other day a player tried to choke out a ref. Today a team and it's coach try to put the smack down on the media. What happened to the good old days when players only tried to maim each other?

Player Gets Fed Up with Ref, Goes All WWE

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"There's a reason to hit everybody. You just don't do it. Sh*t, there's a reason to kick an old man down a flight of stairs. You just don't do it. Ain't nobody above an ass-whooping."

-Chris Rock, Bring the Pain, 1996

Sure, you've always wanted to put a ref in the sleeper hold.

The Garden State Still Has Some Nice Italian Boys (& an Elusive "Afro-Guido") Who Support the USA.

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I went to Seaside Heights today to watch the Italy game. I didn't see Snooki or The Situation but these class acts were hanging out in front of their place and did me the honor of giving their opinions on the Italian chances in South Africa. And because they are U.S.A all the way I will do them the favor of withholding my opinion on their chances of ever bedding someone with self-esteem.

5 American Dollars Says That He Doesn't Get To Have Sex in This Bed

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The fact that grown-assed men sleep in beds like this is reason enough to beat England tomorrow. C'mon boys, do it for Ethan Allen.

Video: The Transformation of Ronaldo

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I'm sure there is joke to be made in here somewhere playing on the word "transformation" and it's relation to Ronaldo's past exploits with some of Brazil's most exclusive gender-bending "ladies" but I am just to wrapped up in watching Lando's "Homecoming" to make it.

When Showboating Goes Bad

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Sometimes in life we try to do too much when what we should do is keep things simple. This clip proves my point. It's cool to have style and all but is there any need to do a Micheal Jackson spin on a PK? Sha-Mone man.

Michael Harrington, Man-Cat: The Unreleased Footage

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If you didn't see the Michael Harrington faux-Maxim shoot yesterday you missed out. But in the interest of milking that baby like a lactating Holstein the Wizards have released a bit of bonus footage from the Director's Cut. It's got more makeup, a hidden camera cameo from coach Peter Vermes and a soul-destroying scene where the "director" gets Michael to lick his paws.

A Further Reminder That Ray Hudson is Amazing

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Some site called TheMillions.com has a banging 'lil essay on the magnificence of the greatest name in outré announcing, Ray Hudson. It's achingly academic but in the best ways possible; how often do you see Iker Casillas, Tom Cruise and the late Anatole Broyard* in the same composition?

Be sure to read the comments as well as there are some real gems mixed in there amongst the love and hate for ol' Crazy Ray.

DJ Hot Potato ft/Billy Bob Thornton on Keys: Freddy Adu (Part 1)

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I just don't know what to say here. It's like some really, really rough lost O.D.B. vs. DJ Rupture demo that should have remained lost but was unfortunately found. And what Billy Bob Thornton has to do with this I have no idea.

Video: Top Skills Number 17

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Ignore what this fool says about taking your shirt off; you will receive a yellow card and most likely be reported to Human Resources. I would just suggest you nod your head and drop your jaw instead as it's by far the safer course of action.

Step Overs x DMX = Breakfast of Champions (NSFW)

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This right here? This sh*t right here? Pfft, blogger please. This is one of the most fiendish, most diabolical, most ridiculous, most swaggerrifc footie mixtapes ever committed to microchip. Watch your back Alarazboy...they're gunnin' for your number 1 spot.

Also you might want to use headphones to watch this unless you work at MTV, a jail or the back office of a strip club.

Soccer Cat Fights: Is 2 Officially a Trend?

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My brothers from another mother, Unprofessional Foul, pointed out today that this whole girlfight thing is getting well out of hand in ladies soccer at the moment. If a magical third incident occurs in the next 10 days you can be damn sure Oprah will do a show on it, Judy Foudy will have to testify before congress and Lil Jon will have a go at reigniting Brooke Valentine's "career" with a remix of "Girlfight" featuring 16 bars from Elizabeth Lambert.

Do You See Where Greed Will Get You?

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If dude would have left this ball alone his side would have been back in the game with an equalizer. But he just had to go glory-seeking and made a hash of what by all rights should have been a tap in. This really is the equivalent of running into Paris Hilton at 3 am on a Saturday night and still going home alone.

In Case You Missed It: The Maradona Press Conference

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The clip above is from Diego Maradona's presser following Argentina's WCQ victory on Wednesday night. To say he was more than a bit smug with regard to his side's qualification is something of an understatement. For those of us that don't speak Spanish, let me provide you with a translation courtesy of my guy JP.

Video: Riot Squad Member Takes The Beckham Challenge

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And you thought New York had beef with Beckham last week? Please. Hatred from the opposing fans is one thing, but hatred from the home supporters who feel a bit like a woman scorned is some whole other sh*t. After enduring more than a little stick from the Riot Squad during last night's friendly versus AC Milan, Becks apparently lost the plot for a minute and challenged a fan to take it outside --or take it to the field as it were since they were already outside.

Beckham Takes Manhattan: The Final Post

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Sorry to bring up old sh*t but the Grant Wahl intro, subtitled response and closing comments to this video really makes it worth the rewind. Add this to his SI.com piece today and I think people will cease to remember the feud with Donovan pretty quicky because all the talk may soon be of his feud with Grant Wahl.

Section 8 x Flares x Confetti

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Some things just don't mix well: ketchup and strawberries, weed and motivation, tequila and chastity are all examples of bad combos. Add signal flares and paper products to the list of things that play poorly together; I can think of no better way to burn down a supporters section and any goodwill it has with the FO.

The Rest

The Second Coming of Ken Horowitz

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Once upon a time there was a guy in South Florida who wanted a soccer team, so he bought one. His name was Ken Horowitz and he was as shady as a South Beach palm. His team was the Miami Fusion and we all know how that went.

Today there is another guy in South Florida who wanted a soccer team, so he bought one.

USL Pro No-No

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Why? Why, why, why USL Pro? Why talk all this noise about regionalizing your league and cutting costs and yadda yadda yadda when you are just going to go and put a club out on its own out west? And in LA? Are you serious? The one market in America with two MLS teams? Y'all may as well try and open up an all-Schlitz pub in Dublin or something equally unlikely to be a success.

The Worst Thing to Come Out of NJ Since the 2009 RBNY Season

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This. If they were ever to hook up it would be the most convincing sign of the apocalypse yet.

Referee Real Talk on ExtraTime Radio Today

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So let me get this straight Koman Coulibaly, you can't tell us what you saw that made you call back the goal but it wasn't any of the multiple muggings taking place in the image above? Um, OK.

If you've got a bit of "ref-rage" left in you at 5pm (and I'm sure you will) I implore you to call in to ExtraTime Radio today.

Sounders Ready Ke$ha-Approved Third Kit

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So yeah, Seattle is dropping a third kit that appears to be created with the blood of 1000 highlighters. Didn't they see how well (or not well, actually) day-glo worked out for Chelsea? Or for Ke$ha on SNL last week? Oh well, at the very least Sounders fans with children now have a safety-conscious clothing option when sending their young ones out to play in their local street ball league.

Which Look Suits Mo Edu Best?

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Personally I prefer the "Valderrama".