modern football is rubbish

Modern Football Is Rubbish: Behold, The Half-And-Half Manager Scarf Is Upon Us (Photo)

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On Monday evening, Leicester City held West Brom at the King Power in a largely routine 1-1 draw.

Indeed, Nacer Chadli's swirling freekick to open the scoring proved to be one of few stand-out moments.

However, the fixture is sadly likely to be marked in the annals of football history as one of the darkest on record, for it was on Monday 16th October, 2017, in Leicester, that the world first bore witness to the managerial half-and-half scarf.

Modern Football Is Rubbish: Barcelona Wear ‘Courage’ T-Shirts In Tribute To Ousmane Dembele, Who Has A Hamstring Injury…

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Barcelona dismantled Eibar in La Liga on Tuesday night, sauntering to a formulaic 6-1 victory at the Camp Nou in a performance that was no doubt spurred on by the recent loss of teammate Ousmane Dembele.

Indeed, the Barca team assembled before kick-off wearing "Courage Dembele" t-shirts in honour of their fallen comrade.

Modern Football Is Rubbish: Sponsors Ensure Carabao Cup Third-Round Draw Will Be Just As Nonsensical As First Two…

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It's fair to say that the League Cup, in it's inaugural season in the hands of new sponsors Carabao, has been nothing short of a farce particularly on the administrative side of things.

Of course, the draw for the first round was conducted in Thailand and ultimately saw Charlton Atheltic given the nigh-on impossible task of having to play both away against Exeter City and home to Cheltenham Town simultaneously.


Cyprus Swill: Matt Derbyshire Makes Extreme Hash Of Open-Goal Sitter For AC Omonoia (Video)

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Photo: @ACOmoniaNicosia/Twitter

AC Omonoia suffered a shock 2-1 defeat against little old Ermis Aradippou in theCypriot 1. Division on Sunday evening to further derail what is proving to be a slap-dash start to the season for the former.

After falling behind in the 14th minute, Omonoia pulled a goal back just before half-time when Hedwiges Maduro (formerly of the Dutch national side) stuck one away.

Can We All Take A Moment To Fully Appreciate Mamadou Sakho’s Baffling 91st-Minute Backheel Against Chelsea?

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On a weekend that saw Man City roll seven goals past Stoke, Kevin De Bruyne at his surgically-incisive best and Troy Deeney bulldoze over Arsenal's cojones, Pies' alternative highlight of the round came during stoppage time of Crystal Palace's somewhat unlikely 2-1 win over Chelsea at Selhurst Park.

Russian Commentator Quits Live On Air After Seeing Team Denied Two Blatant Penalties In Space Of 60 Seconds (Video)

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Handball in the area? No dice...

Russian commentatorVladimir Nikolsky became so enraged at seeing his team denied not one, but two blatant penalties in quick succession that he was left with no other option but to abandon his post live on air.

Nikolsky was covering the recent second-tier match betweenTekstilshchik Ivanovo andTorpedo Vladimir, the team who employ him as an in-house commentator as part of Russian league broadcasting rules.

Set-Piece Pioneers: Japanese High School Team Successfully Deploy Ingenious ‘Walking Wall’ Freekick Ruse, 2016 (Video)

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These days it's positively ubiquitous, but as strange as it is to think, the world had never seen the now-humdrum "walking wall" set-piece routine before January of last year.

Largely uncredited as they may be for innovating and subsequently adding such an instant staple to the football repertoire, 'twas the football team from East Fukuoka High School who first demonstrated the Monkees-style routine.

FAIL: Dutch Fourth Tier Side Harkemase Boys File Truly DIABOLICAL Open-Goal Miss Against VV Capelle (Video)

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Just keep it between the white sticks and you should be okay...

Sometimes it is simply beyond the realms of human communication to accurately describe the true diabolical nature of a hopelessly mangled open-goal sitter.

This, from Dutch Derde Divisie (fourth tier) side Harkemase Boys, is one such occasion.

Set-Piece Pioneers: Austrian Trailblazers SC Weiz Manage To Decimate Their Own Wall, 2013 (Video)

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The calm before the storm...

Continuing with our nascent exploration of the players and teams that have served to expand the parameters of set-piece execution over the years, we find ourselves plonked slap, bang in the lower tiers of the Austrian pyramid.

The year was 2013 and, unfettered by sporting norms, SC Weiz decided that their crunch encounter withSC Fürstenfeldbruck was the perfect time to deploy what has since come to be known as "The Crappest Freekick Routine Ever Attempted By Anyone Ever".

Chilean Primera Division: Everton ‘Keeper Eduardo Lobos Drops Almighty Clanger, Concedes Stinker Against Audax Italiano (Video)

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Photo: CNN Chile

Everton de Vila found themselves on the wrong end of a 3-0 defeat when they travelled to Audax Italiano in the Chilean Primera Division a few days ago.

The away side were already a goal behind when, shortly before half-time, veteran goalkeeper Eduardo Lobos (a sheep in wolf's clothing) dropped an industrial-sized clanger to let a second goal slip in calamitous circumstances.

Tempting Fate: Cocky Goalkeeper Gets His Comeuppance In Tanzanian Local League Match (Video)

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With his side leading 1-0 and 20 minutes left to play, one Tanzanian goalkeeper decided that a bit of cocky time-wasting was in order.

After parrying a powerful freekick, the stopper began toying with the opposing striker by waiting until the last moment to pick the ball up.

Alas, the striker's reactions were just that split-second faster.

Woodwork Wipeout: MSV Duisburg Manage To Hit The Post Four Times In Just 2.5 Seconds (Video)

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MSV Duisburg fell to a 3-1 defeat on Fortuna Dusseldorf's manor in the 2. Bundesliga on Monday evening, initially falling 2-0 behind with just six minutes on the clock.

The Zebras did at least try to fight back in the second half, going close on several occasions.

In fact, they actually managed to hit the Dusseldorf woodwork no less than four times, and all in the space 2.

Champions League: Napoli’s Lorenzo Insigne Make Amusing Cock-Up While Attempting Heartfelt Shirt Tribute (Video)

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Napoli took just seven minutes to go 1-0 up against Feyenoord on Tuesday evening, giving scorer Lorenzo Insigne the chance to perform his homage to injured teammate Arkadiusz Milik.

The Polish striker is facing a minumum of four months out after undergoing major knee surgery for the second time in as many seasons.

Wipe Out: Rangers’ Josh Windass Floors Own Manager Pedro Caixinha Three Minutes Into Old Firm Derby (Video)

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Rangers slumped to yet another Old Firm defeat as Celtic extended their domestic winning streak into a 58th game.

The Gers got things underway in foreboding fashion when, with less than three minutes on the clock, Josh Windass managed to deck his own manager, Pedro Caixinha, with an accidental sliding tackle.

BundesFAIL: Hoffenheim Fan Grabs Nadiem Amiri’s Shirt, Miscalculates Height Of Advertising Board When Returning To Seat (Video)

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Hoffenheim kept up their impressive start to the Bundesliga campaign with a 3-2 away win over Mainz on Wednesday evening.

After going 2-0 to a couple of early goals, Nadiem Amiri pulled one back for1899 on the half-hour mark before a couple of injury time strikes (one in the 46th minute, one in the 92nd) saw the visitors escape with all three points in dramatic fashion.

FAIL: Colombian Striker Teofilo Gutierrez Shanks Embarrassing Penalty Wide During Primera Clash (Video)

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Atletico Junior produced a fairly comfortable 2-0 victory over Tigres in the Colombian Primera A on Sunday but, in all honesty, the winning margin definitely should have been more emphatic to the tune of at least one more goal.

As the match moved into its final stages, Junior won themselves a penalty which star striker Teofilo Gutierrez (once briefly of Sporting Lisbon) stepped up to dispatch.

Fair Play Fail: Jena Midfielder Soren Eismann Ignores Protocol To Score Ruthless Goal In German Third Tier (Video)

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Good sportsmanship took a momentary breather down in the German third tier on Saturday afternoon, specifically mid-way through the second half of Carl Zeiss Jena's match against SV Meppen.

At the epicentre of the furore was Jena midfielder Soren Eismann, who ruthlessly exploited 'fair play' protocol to score his side's first goal.

FAIL: United Masters ‘Keeper Drops Scarcely Believable Clanger During Guam Soccer League Match (Video)

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Image: Guam FA

Laughing in the face of the potential nuclear threat of North Korea, the second tier of Guam's Budweiser Soccer League kicked off on Wednesday evening, with all eyes focused on the clash of the titans between Hyundai Family FC and United Masters.

Hyundai Masters eventually coasted to an 11-1 win, and that's not overly surprising considering the absolute gifts being laid on by the United Masters goalkeeper.

The Pure, Unbridled Crapness Of Scottish Football Encapsulated In Space Of Two Minutes (Video)

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If anybody ever tells you that Scottish football is anything less than pure unbridled sporting excellence, then you rise up to your full height, you fill your lungs, you look them square in the eye and you show them this video.

Encapsulated in less than two minutes, here is a succinct distillation of all the complex, scarcely believable madness that clearly makes football north of the wall the superior British offering.

Classic Moments: Mido And The Worst ‘Crossbar Challenge’ Attempt Ever Captured On Camera, 2009 (Video)

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To brand Mido's loan stint at Wigan in the latter half of the 2008/09 season as 'largely featureless' and 'eminently forgettable' is to do it a major disservice.

After all, the Egyptian striker scored on his debut (a penalty in a 1-1 draw against Liverpool) and then went on to ripple the net again against Arsenal (the consolation in a 4-1 hammering), eventually ending the six-month deal with a whopping two goals to his name in the space of 12 appearances before going AWOL.

Cack-Footed: Ousmane Dembele Rivals Paulinho For Skill And Trickery While ‘Freestyling’ At Barcelona Unveiling (Video)

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Just as Paulinho recently wowed the crowd with a stunning display of six kick-ups in a row, Ousmane Dembele, Barcelona's new club record signing, decided to seize the chance and show the Barcelona fans exactly what he's all aboutduring his grand unveiling.

Mere days after joining the Catalan club in a £96million deal, the 20-year-old French forward dazzled his audience with a quick burst of fleet-footed magic.

FAIL: Botched Panenka Scuppers Newly-Promoted Romanian Side’s Chance Of Snaffling 96th-Min Draw Against Steaua Bucharest (Video)

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Photo: FCSB Official/Facebook

Steaua Bucharest kept the pressure on CFR Cluj at the top of the Romanian Liga 1 table with a straightforward 2-1 away victory over local rivals Juventus Bucharest on Saturday evening.

In fact, Steaua actually fell behind against their newly-promoted hosts in the first minute courtesy of an own-goal, but soon clawed their way back in front, scoring twice inside the first half-an-hour or so.

Hamburg: Nicolai Muller Ruled Out For Seven Months After Rupturing Knee Ligament While Celebrating Goal (Photo & Video)

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Hamburg opened their Bundesliga campaign with a 1-0 win over Augsburg, with winger Nicolai Muller grabbing the only goal of the game.

Alas, the eighth-minute goal also saw Muller's involvement in the match come to an abrupt end when he ruptured his anterior cruciate ligament in the act of celebrating it.

Barcelona: Paulinho Makes Shocking Hash Of Basic Keepy-Uppies At Camp Nou Unveiling (Video)

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It's fairly safe to say that the majority of Barcelona fans are ever so slightly underwhelmed about their club decision to spend €40million of The Neymar Money™ on bringing in his compatriot, Paulinho, from China.

After leaving Tottenham under a cloud, the midfielder spent two years looking comparatively godly in the Chinese Super League with Guangzhou Evergrande before sealing a shock move to Barca last week.

Champions League: Young Boys Defender Kasim Nuhu Scores Utterly Delightful 91st-Minute Own-Goal To Hand CSKA Victory (Video)

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With the scoreline goalless and the 91st minute steadily wicking away, it looked for all the world like the first leg of Young Boys' Champions League play-off against CSKA Moscow was dead set to finish 0-0.

Unfortunately for the Swiss side, defender Kasim Adams Nuhu chose that exact moment to unleash hell (under minimal pressure) on the edge of his own 18-yard box.

MLS: Video Assistant Referee Decision Sees Kaka Sent Off For Playfully Fondling Ex-Orlando Teammate’s Face (Video)

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Adding more fuel to the argument that Video Assistant Refereeing (VAR) is an unnecessary nonsense that we really don't need, Kaka the most saintly footballer in existence was shown a farcical red card in Orlando City's 3-1 defeat against New York Red Bulls on Saturday evening.

The Brazilian veteran was sent off deep into second-half injury time for the heinous crime of playfully grasping the face of Red Bulls defender Aurelin Collin as the two sides disputed a late foul.

Old Habits: FC Basel Striker Ricky Van Wolfswinkel Misses Open-Goal Sitter From Three Yards Out (Video)

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Photo: @FC_Basel_en/Twitter

After a couple of fallow years, it's nice to see Ricky van Wolfswinkel is back on the goals trail at his new club, FC Basel.

The wonderfully-named Dutch striker took his tally to four goals in four appearances for the Swiss side by scoring a brace in their 3-2 victory over Grasshoppers in the Super League on Thursday night.

Paide In Full: Estonian Side Score Classy Own Goal Within 14 Seconds Of Kick-Off Without Opponents Touching The Ball (Video)

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If you think you're having a bad day at the office then spare a thought for Estonian side Paide Linnameeskond, who scored an own goal of real craft at the weekend.

Paide travelled to the country's capital city to face Levadia Tallinn in a vital last-16 Estonian Cup clash.

The away side gave their opponents the start dreams are made of by passing the ball neatly across defence before left-back Martin Kase tucked it away deftly in his own net with less than 15 seconds on the clock.

Brazil: Santa Cruz Striker André Luis Injures Himself While Celebrating Opening Goal Against Criciuma (Video)

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Image: Globo Esporte

Three days in and we've already witnessed the finest goal celebration of the week, courtesy of Santa Cruz forward Andre Luis.

Luis was Johnny-on-the-spot to put Santa Cruz ahead against Criciuma in the Brazilian second tier on Tuesday night, only to immediately do himself an extreme physical discourtesy while attempting to celebrate it.

Accident In The Workplace: Cristiano Ronaldo Comes Perilously Close To Slipping Off Real Madrid’s Team Bus (Video)

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Having been granted an extended summer break, Cristiano Ronaldo played a purposefully limited part in Real Madrid's 2-1 Super Cup victory over Manchester United in muggy Macedonia last night.

With fans clamouring to see the Portuguese star, Zinedine Zidane (possibly reluctantly) sent Ronaldo on for the final eight minutes of the match in what proved to be a largely unspectacular cameo.


Romanian Lower League Game Abandoned After Every Single Match Ball Hoofed Into Nearby River

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Bistrata Brosteni players warm up on their home pitch (Photo: Obiectiv)

Fans were no doubt dismayed when Sunday's big match betweenBistrita Brosteni andVanatorul Dorna Can­drenilor down in the Romanian fifth tier had to be abandoned with less than an hour played.

However, rather than crowd trouble, inclement weather or violent conduct of any sort, the match had to be nixed when a rampant bout of appalling accuracy in the second half created aterminal logistical shortcoming: there weren't any footballs left to play with.

Clanger: Walsall Fan Makes Whopping Error While Booking Accommodation For League One Trip To Portsmouth

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Faced with a 230-mile round trip, one Walsall fan decided to book themselves some cheap accommodation in order to break up the long haul down to the south coast for Saturday's League One game against Portsmouth.

Alas, in attempting to secure the cheapest possible overnight stop, it would appear that the intrepid Saddlers fan in question dropped a bit of clanger when it came to researching the specific location of their out-of-town hotel.


Le Cringe: French Journalist Tricked By Spoof Report That Bordeaux Have Signed Younger Brother Of Brazilian Winger Malcom, Named ‘Douwi’

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Bordeaux winger Malcom is currently enjoying something of a breakout season in Ligue 1 this year, having already contributed three goals and four assists in the space of just seven appearances so far.

As such, it's perhaps only natural that Bordeaux might think to scour the20-year-old Brazilian winger's family tree in search of more as-yet unearthed footballing gems.

Ligue 1: Montpellier Conjure Up Novel Way Of Getting Rid Of All Their Misspelled Shirts

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Photo: @Gravelgrinder4/Twitter

Due to a rather unfortunate production error, Montpellier HSC recently found themselves with a large surplus of misspelled jerseys they were unable to shift.

A glitch in the manufacturing process meant that every Montpellier shirt produced for the 2017/18 both player issue and the replicas being sold in the club shop ended up with an 'L' being accidentally dropped from the club crest.

Ligue 1: Montpellier Misspell Own Club Name On All 17/18 Shirts, Both Player Issue And Replicas (Photos)

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Montpellier HSC have apologised to fans after realising that every single one of their 2017/18 shirts has been sold with a rather egregious spelling error plastered on the chest.

As reported by Le Figaro, the Ligue 1 club have been made aware that they've managed to spell their own name wrong on every jersey, both those sold as replicas and those worn by players in the opening matches of the season.

World Cup Qualifiers: L’Equipe Not Impressed As France Fail To Beat Lowly Luxembourg For First Time In Over 100 Years (Photos & Video)

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Unlikely as it may seem, little ol' Luxembourg pulled off the most remarkable result of the international weekend with a landmark 0-0 draw against the mighty France.

Despite fielding an expensively-adorned starting XI featuring the likes of Paul Pogba, Antoine Griezmann and Kylian Mbappe and racking up almost 80% of possession, the hosts ultimately failed to beat the Luxembourgians for the first time in over a century.

The Rest

Bantertastic Bookmakers Paddy Power Apologise After Offering Odds On Ugo Ehiogu To Take Birmingham City Job

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Bantertastic bookmakers Paddy Power have apologised after offering odds on the late Ugo Ehiogu accidentally, they claim to become the new manager of Birmingham City.

Ehiogu died suddenly back in April after suffering a cardiac arrest at Tottenham's training ground. He was only 44.

However, as a former Aston Villa player, Paddy Power thought it'd be amusing to include him at 66/1 to take over at rivals Birmingham.

Football Tat: There’s Something Slightly Amiss About The ‘Official Season Ticket Wallet’ On Sale In Leeds United’s Club Shop (Photo)

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Available now in the Leeds United club shop, it's the official leather season ticket wallet complete with rogue Arsenal badge for all your confusing, inter-club season ticket storage needs...

Photo: @LeedsLS12/Twitter

A professional football club palming off shoddy, inferior, poorly-scrutinised merchandise to fans at top whack prices.

Lukas Podolski Threatens To Sue Breitbart After Far-Right Website Use Photo Of Striker To Accompany ‘Human Trafficking’ Article

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Lukas Podolski is reportedly considering legal action after American right-wing website Breitbart used his image to illustrate an article about human trafficking.

The image actually appeared in a story published by Breitbart's UK arm about a crackdown on trafficking gang that are supposedly using jet-skis to illegally transport migrants from Morocco to Spain.

‘It Was Unacceptable’ – Yeovil Players And Staff Vow To Refund Fans After Slumping To Embarrassing 8-2 Defeat Against Luton On Opening Day

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Photo: @LutonTown/Twitter

Yeovil Town's players and staff are clubbing together to reimburse the fans who were forced to sit through their miserable 8-2 defeat against Luton Town on the opening day of the season.

Some 258 Yeovil fans made the 150-mile trip toKenilworth Road for Saturday's match, only to see their side get well and truly eviscerated in what eventually became a joint-record League Two defeat.