A penny isn't needed for our thoughts:

- White seems like an illogical choice for such an expansive garment.

- He should be banned from covering his tight torso like that.

- Samuel Eto'o, Djibril Cisse and Elen Rives are all tied up at one floor length dress apiece.

Elen Rives may have been voted off this year's Dancing on Ice but I'm sure we haven't seen the last of Frank Lampard's Ex-Girlfriend.

By WAG Watcher

Australian C-list celeb Peter Andre is dating Frank Lampard's ex, Elen Rives. Yuck squared. It's enough to make your lunch reappear.

Rives: perky

Andre: talented

According to the soaraway Daily Star, Andre is head over heels in love with Lampsy's former WAG: "She is so classy and beautiful, just the change I needed after everything that has happened in the last two years," he told friends (translation: his people called up the Star and spoonfed them the 'story').