eggs

Videos

Video: Chelsea 1-2 Basel

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Jose Mourinho's beautiful, young eggs cracked under the pressure of last night's Champions League opener against Basel. Chelsea appeared to be heading for a routine victory when Oscar fired them into the lead late in the first-half with his first time shot. But second-half goals from Mohamed Salah and Marco Streller gave the Swiss side [.

Video: Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho describes his squad as ‘beautiful, young eggs’

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Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho has compared his squad to young eggs that he's taking care of until they are ready to hatch. Speaking ahead of tomorrow's Champions League clash with Czech side Viktoria Plzen, Mourinho suggested he was a dad to the young eggs among his squad. He said: "Beautiful young eggs, eggs that need [.

Crystal Palace Plug Season Tickets With Cheerleaders Dancing To ‘Call Me Maybe’ In Bikinis (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Over the years, football clubs have attempted a number of ways to help shift season tickets. We've seen suicidal koala bears, sperm banks infested by zombie lesbians from the future, fans laying huge eggs actually, they were all Getafe but Crystal Palace have furrowed an altogether more traditional path this season by getting their in-house cheerleading troupe (The Crystals) to strip down to their bikinis and mime along to that infernal 'Call Me Maybe' song that's been playing on repeat in everyone's inner ears since March.

Crystal Palace Plug Season Tickets With Cheerleaders Dancing To ‘Call Me Maybe’ In Bikinis (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Over the years, football clubs have attempted a number of ways to help shift season tickets. We've seen suicidal koala bears, sperm banks infested by zombie lesbians from the future, fans laying huge eggs actually, they were all Getafe but Crystal Palace have furrowed an altogether more traditional path this season by getting their in-house cheerleading troupe (The Crystals) to strip down to their bikinis and mime along to that infernal 'Call Me Maybe' song that's been playing on repeat in everyone's inner ears since March.

Getafe Flog Tickets With Bizarre Sperm Bank/Zombie Lesbians Viral (NSFW Video)

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By Chris Wright

Getafe aren't exactly averse to embracing the wierd and wonderful in their attempts to flog match tickets, indeed we've seen fans lay eggs and koalas commit suicide before thanks to the Spanish club.

Therefore, you'll be glad to know that their latest NSFW attempt to shill their wares ploughs a similar furrow what with it containing a group trip to the sperm back, a Getafe-themed zombie lesbian porn video and the haunting image of a sperm cell fertilising the club's badge.

Transfers

Look behind the pesto AVB, look behind the pesto!

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With transfer deadline approaching fast this Friday, Gareth Johnson gives THFC1882 his unique and funny viewpoint of who the likely candidates are to leave and how he would approach the job:

Look behind the pesto AVB, look behind the pesto!

TFC deck the Hall with new defender... leave Borman exposed to Re-Entry Draft

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Soon to be heading in the same directionToronto FC got into the holiday shopping mood on Tuesday with the acquisition of defender Jeremy Hall. The 23-year old Florida native arrives from FC Dallas after previous MLS stops with Portland and New York. Primarily a right back, Hall was the 11th overall pick in the 2009 MLS SuperDraft and provides The Reds with a little more depth on the corners of their back line.

I feel like a fat hen.

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That is to say, I am sitting on so much moving stuff right now. In the interest of my metaphorical fowl posterior (note: never verbally claim to have this, it comes off much worse), what's say we crack open a another couple of these transfer eggs?This has started popping out in Italy, so I may as well give: AS Roma are in fact pondering a Michael Bradley move, just as they are pondering other

English Premier League

Blackburn 0-1 Wigan: Joyful Scenes At Ewood As Rovers Relegated (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

There were joyful, joyful scenes at Ewood Park last night, where Blackburn were relegated from the Premier League after losing 1-0 to Wigan. Bunting was hoisted, clothing was removed, devilled eggs and ginger ale were passed round and everyone present congratulated Steve Kean and Venkys on their efforts with a big singsong on the pitch after the game someone even bought their chicken along to join in the end-of-season festival of sheer delirious happiness.

Blackburn 0-1 Wigan: Joyful Scenes At Ewood As Rovers Relegated (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

There were joyful, joyful scenes at Ewood Park last night, where Blackburn were relegated from the Premier League after losing 1-0 to Wigan. Bunting was hoisted, clothing was removed, devilled eggs and ginger ale were passed round and everyone present congratulated Steve Kean and Venkys on their efforts with a big singsong on the pitch after the game someone even bought their chicken along to join in the end-of-season festival of sheer delirious happiness.

Theo Walcott is not scared of anything anymore

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There was a time when Arsenal's Theo Walcott couldn't brush his teeth without dislocating his shoulder, but now he is a fearless Spartan warrior (who also writes children's books) and it seems to be benefiting his game. He's made 30 Premier League starts for Arsenal this season (his previous high was last seasons' 19) and he says he is now a totally different Theo Walcott.

Tottenham plan stupendous Premier League title heist against Arsenal, United and co.

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Tottenham plan stupendous Premier League title heist against Arsenal, United and co. - originally posted on Soccerlens.com

Secret plans recovered from incinerators next to White Hart Lane (allegedly used by Tottenham to destroy incriminating evidence against Harry Redknapp) have revealed an incredibly risky and left-field strategy for Tottenham winning the Premier League next season.

All About the Dollars? Rooney Staying

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Just out this morning at about 4:30 AM PDT.

Just the money?

Wayne Rooney says at Manchester United after signing a five-year deal.

Hell of a way for the player to get what he asked for, no?

Raise your hand if you're a Manchester United fan and you're, well, embarrassed.

Crowds

Thai Premier League Latest

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Not looked at the Newin Chidchob Appreciation Society League for a while. For good reason; it's a joke. The big news from there is apparently there have been no fixture changes for all of 27 minutes.

Tonight has champions and all round fantastically good eggs Buriram United playing Wuachon United.

Ben Buckley: Not good enough

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FFA's CEO Ben Buckley came out to face the music this week on The World Game and Fox Sports and it wasn't impressive.

Think Season 3, 15,000 average crowds, a 50,000 game high in Melbourne and now in Season 6 we'll be lucky to get 15,000 for any game.

Ben Buckley answered all the questions put to him last night but I couldn't help thinking this guy has nothing on John O'Neill.

Fulham

Fulham bought eight chickens to lay eggs at training ground

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With a Michael Jackson statue outside Craven Cottage, Fulham decided that the next step was to have eight live chickens live at their Motspur Park training ground. So they've gone ahead and made that happen.

The club says the move is a part of an environmental initiative that also includes planting fruit trees and a vegetable garden at the complex, but it sounds like their accountant figured out a clever way to save on egg costs and start a petting zoo at the same time.

Fulham buy their own chickens to cut down on egg costs

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Fulham fans will hardly be egg-cited at their club's latest signings even though there is some exciting wing prospects among them. The Cottagers have snapped up 12 hens to live at their training ground as they bid to cut a £5,000-a-year egg bill. That's how much Martin Jol's side 'shell' out to feed their [.

Find a keeper, lose him weep ... er ...

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It's easy to know where the focus of this morning's blog is going to be. The lack of a new goalkeeper at the club.

Firstly, let me state for the record, I am disappointed. I thought it was vital that we bring in a new keeper this summer and I can't quite understand why we didn't. I don't think we'll ever know because Arsene is not going to tell us.

Tottenham Hotspur

SHOULD WE PLAY A WEAKENED SIDE AGAINST TOTTENHAM?

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OF COURSE NOT! WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE TALKING ABOUT!!!!

Why on earth would Roberto Di Matteo field a weakened side against Spurs at Wembley in the FA CUP SEMI FINAL when it's our most realistic chance of winning a trophy this season!.

Forget Barcelona for the time being, this competition is there to be won and Di Matteo WILL send a side out on Sunday to get the job done and to win the game.

Luke and Luka: Both Spurs Masters

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Happy Easter: Midfield for Norwich:Lennon, Livermore,Modric, Bale The Greg Meyer Column . Eggs Galore .. Easter Sunday 2012. . Luka and Luke ... Spurs Superstars Both..  The first is usually a pass master. The other,a self confessed Spurs fan,usually plays like a master golfer. . Both are on big stages this Easter.

Are We Moving Home?

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Once again we have a guest blogger from our forum making an update. This time it's SpursSimon making his case for why he believes we won't be at White Hart Lane for much longer. If you're on twitter he's an excellent yid to follow so please do so here if you don't already, and also visit his blog Rumbles and Grumbles for excellent views on almost everything especially music.

football poem

Crap poem: Rugby and Dirk Kuyt

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Rugby Wigan and Hull play football, In a cities were they generally chase eggs. Filling their football stadiums at weekends, With a small number of footballing dregs. Dirk Kuyt Like a forest Dirk ebs and flows. Like a gump Dirk barely knows.. ..how to play football. "Run, Dirk, Run" fans shout. It's all he can [.

Crap poem: Rugby and Dirk Kuyt

Inthestands.co.uk at related • 1 view
A few poems from the weekend, kinda. Starting with rugby and that and ending with that Dutch guy who runs a lot... Rugby Wigan and Hull play football, In a cities were they generally chase eggs. Filling their football stadiums at weekends, With a small number of footballing dregs. Dirk Kuyt Like a forest Dirk [.

Newcastle United

Provisional Line Up

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You know, I don't hate this team... yet. I'm looking to move my premium pick from Nani to Robin van Persie but I'm afraid that's too many eggs in the Arsenal basket. Â They have most players away for internationals today, then at Newcastle a the weekend with a tough but oh so vital Champions League qualification match against Udinese on Tuesday.

No fat-heads thanks, says Lovenkrands

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Newcastle United's Peter Lovenkrands praises the team spirit shown this season. When I first saw Lovenkrands' quote saying: "Leave your ego at the entrance door", I misread it and thought it said 'egg' instead of 'ego'. This led to a certain amount of confusion on my part as I wondered what particular eggs they were [.

The Rest

Non-League: Cheshire Derby Between Nantwich Town And Altrincham Postponed By Mid-Match Egg Bombardment

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Photo: @altrinchamfc/Twitter

Tuesday evening saw local rivals Nantwich Town and Altrincham FC go head to head in the first Cheshire derby of the Evo-Stik Premier Division season.

A tense and fraught affair at the best of times, it should come as little surprise to learn that play had to be postponed early in the first half after a disturbance in the terraces.

Horror Hair: Montpellier President Louis Nicollin Vowed To Have Orange Mohawk If Club Won Ligue 1…

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By Chris Wright

With an annual budget of just £27 million, little Montpellier beat Auxerre to win their first ever Ligue 1 title on the final day of the French season at the weekend, knocking nouvelle riche fatcats Paris Saint-Germain back into second spot in the process which meant that, courtesy of a bold wager made back in April, Montpellier's owner, 68-year old businessman Louis Nicollin, had to do this to his hair (orange and blue being MHSC's club colours).

Glory Glory Leeds now available @ CSRN

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Eggs-asperating Easter for Leeds fans! Twiggster is totally "choc-ed" by the two defeats. Nailed on we won't get to the play offs now, but your host is hoping for an end of season resurrection, despite being very cross....
Enough of the puns! Leeds Ladies and the U.18′s bring us the only joys this week but the listeners' emails were very inspiring this week and Twiggster rants about Bates, the players and just about everything to do with our club as well as including player and manager interviews.

Serie B Focus: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

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Sampdoria thought it had left the Wild West of Campania behind when the players boarded the plane to Liguria; the in-flight meal a digestion of the 4-2 thrashing meted out by Nocerina. But after arrival, when passing through the Christopher Columbus Airport they were met not by smiling wives and girlfriends, but an aggressive mob intent on violence.

Daily Dose: August 17th, 2011.

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RvP heads home.

  • This seems unlikely. (Telegraph)
  • A bamboo stadium in China. (dezeen)
  • No eggs here. (The DA)
  • Mo' complicated, less money. (Avoiding The Drop)
  • Rebel without a clue. (AFR)
  • Minimal gestures. (SB Nation)
  • The most valuable little people.

Andre Villas-Boas Walks Out On Porto, Next Stop Chelsea

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By Chris Wright

Bit of an update to the rumblings we bought you this morning, with the news that Andre Villas-Boas has (very nearly) resigned from his post at Porto and is almost certain to take up the reigns at Chelsea before the week is out.

Porto have released the following statement:

"Porto were notified of the intention of Andre Villas-Boas to resign from his contract with the club by triggering the release clause (€15 million) immediately.

Tweet of the Day…

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2011 might officially be the year of the rabbit, but in truth twenty-eleven it is the year of the bird. By this, I of course mean: Twitter. So with this in mind ITS is going to become a little more 'socially' interactive and we will start by picking out our tweet of the day...

This one comes from Rio Ferdinand's verified account:

These #eggs who sell signatures on ebay that wait at our training ground entrance ruin it for the real supporters.

Ode to Pulpo Paul: A Culinary Homage

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While most of us wept silently at the death of Paul the Pyschic Octopus, the wonderful Ishay Govander, from the delicious 'Food and the Fabulous' (or follow her on Twitter) made a culinary ode to the great cephalopod.

So without further ado, here it is, from Ishay's kitchen to our screens, a guest blog post that will make hunger replace our sadness at Paul's passing.