Manchester United's Owen Hargreaves is set to (finally) make an appearance for the reserves Thursday night v Burnley. It looks as if the Canadian born midfielder has yet to book a summer holiday somewhere warm as he still holds realistic ambitions to be in wintry South Africa with the England squad this summer (from his mouth to God's ears).

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What is this white square? Is it nothing? Is it a symbol of something wonderful yet to fill it? Is it the contents of David Beckham's brain?
I am including a blank white square above because analyzing that square is like what the press is attempting to do in deciphering what David Beckham meant, if anything, by putting on a green and gold anti-Glazer protest scarf last night after the Milan-Manchester United match at Old Trafford. Click to continue reading...

So no cameras or microchips for a while after FIFA shut the door to technology in Zurich. But world soccer's governing body does often sound a trifle fascistic to my ears:"It is the end of the potential use of technology in football," FIFA General Secretary Jerome Valcke intoned. "Now it is being stopped. Click to continue reading...

It's the Messiah and Ibracadabra! Oh dear, how we've missed thee. Anyway, our friends can't stop yelling Bobojan's names into our ears so we just had to put this up. This and the fact that Senor Pep was recently inducted an ambassador for Qatar's 2022 World Cup bid.

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Aston Villa have reached the Carling Cup final, and so X-Factor's Niki Evans has recorded this song. No comment... ... except to say that reaching the Carling Cup final does not make you the "Champeeonees". Not even if you win it. For something a little easier on the ears try the RealMadridTalk podcast* (RealMadridTalk Podcast) Another podcast, with [. Click to continue reading...

With J Hutcherson -- For those of you following Major League Soccer, you're well aware that just about everything needs to be chased with 'relative to scale.' That's especially true for what passes for the MLS transfer market. With the League covering it's collective ears to anybody suggesting that they actually buy players rather than just selling them, it's got to be frustrating for fans. Click to continue reading...

By Chris Wright

Hello handsome!

After seeing a £7 million bid for Yossi Benayoun snubbed during January, Dynamo Moscow are now apparently preparing a summer offer of £8 million for the Liverpool midfielder.

To my ears, £8 million sounds like good money for a decent (but not great) 29 year old and ordinarily I would be barking at Rafa Benitez to bite the Russian club's hand off, as I can't see Liverpool ever being offered that kind of money for Benayoun again.

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Bear with us, Kickettes. It's one of those days where the only thing we're capable of doing is typing "Iker Casillas, sexy" in the search engines.

Speaking of Mr. C, we're quite bothered by his red ear tips in this photo from late last month. We may mock his fashion choices, but seeing our beloved with cold ears is too much.

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Bear with us, Kickettes. It's one of those days where the only thing we're capable of doing is typing "Iker Casillas, sexy" in the search engines.

Speaking of Mr. C, we're quite bothered by his red ear tips in this photo from late last month. We may mock his fashion choices, but seeing our beloved with cold ears is too much.

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Manchester United CEO David Gill has hinted that the Red Devils have £100million to spend in the summer transfer market. This should be a good news on the ears of Sir Alex Ferguson, especially after the huge debt saga surrounding the club. There were widespread rumours that Manchester United was low on cash and Fergie's hands were tied by the owners of the club. Click to continue reading...

Well, the John Terry affair allegations splashed all over the news today has really taken the jam out of our gossip-loving doughnut.

We think it's fair to say that we really would like to shove our fingers in our ears and sing "la, la, la," rather than deal with this story.

Considering we deal only in snark and footy private lives, we admit, this is unusual.

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Well, the John Terry affair allegations have really taken the jam out of our gossip-loving doughnut.

Think it's fair to say that we would like to shove our fingers in our ears and sing "la, la, la," rather than deal with this story.

Considering we rummage only in snark and footy private lives, we admit, this is unusual.

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Another week and another Winning Ugly...get excited people! This week's show is full of comedy gold that will make your ears vibrate with joy...and if you don't like Ginge you'll really like this episode. http://www.csrnusa.com

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Episode 59: "Let's Kick Zach in the Nuts"
Host: Scott Bornstein
Panel: Sandra Franz, Travis Bell, Ted Meyer
DOWNLOAD Episode 59
32-Bit (Small File)
96-Bit (Large File)
Available on iTunes, just search Winning Ugly
DOWNLOAD "The Holden-Akah Song". Click to continue reading...

Manchester City's Carlos Tevez has branded Manchester United's Gary Neville a "boot-licker" and a "moron" in explaining his goal celebration in Tuesday's Carling Cup semi-final Former Manchester United striker Tevez gestured and cupped his ears towards the United bench after scoring twice in Manchester City's 2-1 derby win. Click to continue reading...

But the Carling Cup has been pretty damn interesting recently.
Normally the tournament is like on the fourth rung.
1. Premiership
2. UCL/Europa League
3. FA Cup
4. Carling Cup
But with a Manchester derby with Tevez revenge and Neville middle-fingers, tournament officials have to be beaming. Click to continue reading...

Tevez vs Neville.

The sequence of events...

1. Neville respectfully gives his opinion on Tevez, claiming that he is a good player, but if the manager believes the financial demands are too much, then he will support him, given his excellent track record over the two and a bit decades.

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The chain of events in full:

1. Gary Neville is born, to Neville Neville

2. Gary Neville grows up to be a total dickface

3. Carlos Tevez leaves Man Utd, feeling unwanted, signing for local rivals Man City

4.

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We'll batter them at Old Trafford.

Manchester City were outplayed pretty much from the first whistle to the final whistle on their home turf, and only collected the win because they were awarded a penalty for a foul outside the box.

It wasn't our best performance over the 90 minutes but we still managed to control the game.

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The Estonian national team does the classics. Checking the paperwork pregame is generally advised. (Inside Left) Mario Balotelli shuns cell phones for car horns. (Dirty Tackle) A resurgent Bayern is music to the ears of...Bayern fans. (Rafa Honigstein) Declaring the Hinrunde's best XI. (Bundesliga Offside) No problems with ticket availability in South Africa. Click to continue reading...

With the weekend's matches almost upon us (weather permitting) and with work coming out of my ears, here is the rapid fire Week Ahead... Welcome back to Arsenal Sol Campbell and while I respect everything you did for the club I can honestly say I really hope we don't see a lot of you on the pitch for the rest of the season. Click to continue reading...

Nearly four years after powering in a header to give a 10 man Arsenal a 1-0 advantage that took them within minutes of a Champions League win over Barcelona, Big Sol Campbell was back in an Arsenal shirt today playing for the reserves in what clearly is the Rayden meets Gorro, last round in the tournament level test for him.

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You never kick a ball like that. The posture is all wrong. Get some welly behind it and stop the mincing. That's what the caption to this photo of Fabio Capello should have said but didn't. No wonder he needs a new kneecap.
One Mirror Football panellist wants fans to get as much respect as "sponsors, VIPS, marketing and media partners" in 2010. Click to continue reading...

The final weekend of the NFL regular season is here and there are still a bunch of things to figure out, like who is going to win the NFC East, the wildcard spots in the AFC, and seeding. During the final Sunday of the season, games will kickoff at 1 p.m., 4 p.m. and 8 p.m. Some teams might know that their games means nothing as they take the field because of earlier results. Click to continue reading...

In case you haven't heard, it's Christmas. And because of that, various clubs are releasing videos to mark the holiday and express their well wishes. Or, in Manchester City's case, they just want to butcher Christmas carols and break your ears.

In the video above, we've got Napoli players dressing up as fake-bellied Santa Clauses.

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Good morning. The main news is that I am sick. Forget the football. I am sick. I have luminous snots, only one of my ears is working as an actual ear, the other appears to be just a thing sticking onto the side of my head with no eartastic function whatsoever, and I have lost my voice to the extent that I sound like Bonnie Tyler when I try and speak.

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Morning, it's fairly quiet this morning. There's no pre-Burnley stuff going on yet and the smashing of the Mugsmashers is now a thing of the past. Still, some chatter from the players will keep us going.

First up, Cesc, who says Arsenal's lack of size isn't an issue and the absence of Robin van Persie is something we can cope with.

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The other day, unless I'm mistaken, I'm sure heard Le Boss say that we needed a striker. Now I didn't clean my ears properly that day but Wenger also said the player had to be free and world class.
Now forgive me if I'm wrong but there are not a lot of players out there who really come into that category. Click to continue reading...

TIAS's Senior Hair Band Correspondent scores world exclusive with the Group of Death

If you were one of the lucky few who snagged a t-shirt in Seattle during the Supporters Summit, than you might know the Group of Death. For the rest of you, it's merely the hardest group, with the toughest teams, pooled together in one group during the World Cup draw which happens today at Noon setting off a full day of wholly unique soccer events in New York.

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TIAS's Senior Hair Band Correspondent scores world exclusive with the Group of Death

If you were one of the lucky few who snagged a t-shirt in Seattle during the Supporters Summit, than you might know the Group of Death. For the rest of you, it's merely the hardest group, with the toughest teams, pooled together in one group during the World Cup draw which goes down today at Noon, setting off a full day of wholly unique soccer events in New York.

Click to continue reading...

As all you football connoisseurs will know, Friday 4th December 2009 is undoubtedly the most important day in this year's calendar, for that is the day when FIFA make their draw for the 2010 World Cup Finals.
The *second* most important day, however, is Monday 30th November 2009, for that is the day when The Sound of Football podcast does its own draw for the 2010 World Cup. Click to continue reading...

This is going to be the strangest, most illogical football rule you see all day, so prepare yourself or your brain just might melt and slide out your ear...

Second division club Portimonense won their Carlsberg Cup (Portugal's league cup) first group phase by simply substituting in a 19-year-old goalkeeper (pictured above.

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"Roo'd" better believe it !
He's a Dad.
Bless 'im!
His ears will be filled with beautiful bird song.
Although he may have the odd one or two of these.
New born babies can be very demanding.
But they make you smile too.
Congratulations to both! Click to continue reading...

Well, what a bloody day. Sometimes, it's worth getting up at 4am.

Travel to and from the match went without a hitch (for me and Garantia and least, EII very nearly missed kick off due to the implosion of the underground or something).

We took our seats, all separate and Garantia managed to bag herself a move from a 22nd row seat to a third row one by swapping with some man so he could sit beside his son (she would move again at halftime as we talked some weird woman beside me to swap an 18th row seat for a third row one so we could sit beside each other - yes, I actually had to convince her, and when I asked at first she said 'maybe at halftime - seriously!

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It sounded like music to the ears of U.S. national team fans when Leeds United midfielder Bradley Johnson stated in a recent interview with SkySports.com that he wanted to play for the United States. Unfortunately for Johnson and U.S. fans, he can't play for the USA any time soon.

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It sounded like music to the ears of some U.S. national team fans when Leeds United midfielder Bradley Johnson stated in a recent interview with SkySports.com that he wanted to play for the United States. Unfortunately for Johnson and U.S. fans, he can't play for the USA any time soon.

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Valbuena (center): Aw jeez, guys don't flick my ears. I said I'll give you my lunch money. Come on, guys. Just don't flick my ears.

Hilton (right): And we said we don't want your lunch money we're professional footballers we get gourmet lunches for free.

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Oh wait. That's Martin Tyler.
Well done ESPN, I won't have to gauge out my ears with forks. Thank you for the polite consideration. Click to continue reading...

Mutton chops, may just be the best thing to happen to the side of the head since ears and you know that if Becks is sporting them sooner or later, gay and straight men the world over will be running around with "designer" forests growing off their faces... just wait ... Click to continue reading...

AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:

1. LOSING THE OLD FIRM DERBY AHHHHHHHHH WE KEEP LOSING BIG MATCHES AND IT'S HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I TRIED YELLING AT MY TEAMMATES TO MAKE THEM STOP DOING THIS TO ME BUT THEIR EARS JUST START BLEEDING AND THEN THEY HAVE TO GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM AND THEY END UP PLAYING EVEN WORSE AFTER THAT WHICH MAKES ME YELL AT THEM AGAIN AND AHHHHHHHH IT'S A VICIOUS CYCLE THAT WILL NEVER STOP!

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