Manchester United having already bucked the Premier League trend by raising ticket prices this season and selling Cristiano Ronaldo for more money than actually exists in the world are now taking somewhat odd cost-cutting measures, according to The Sun. In addition to logical reductions like trimming the staff at MUTV, the club are also apparently forbidding groundsmen at their training ground from taking any left-over bread for morning toast and the former players who act as hosts at Old Trafford can no longer take up seats to watch the game, nor can they eat the left-over food put out for guests, instead being given packed sandwiches.

On the eve of Real Madrid's Copa del Rey second leg match against their third division embarrassment dealers, Alcorcon, Kaka yet again decided to try and do a good deed by answering the questions of local school children. The following is a transcript of that event.

Kaka: Good afternoon, children!

As previously mentioned, Wayne Rooney's son Kai Wayne Rooney was born yesterday. Wayne skipped out on Manchester United's training session to be at the hospital for the birth and was expecting a boy, but was that all? The following is a transcript of Wayne's conversation with the doctor immediately after Kai's birth.

After two mediocre attempts at apologizing for calling referee Alan Wiley "unfit" a few weeks ago and subsequently proving he hasn't learned his lesson by putting down the ref after his side's loss to Liverpool on Sunday, Sir Alex Ferguson has admitted his guilt to the FA over the Wiley charge while referees urge a stadium ban for his increasingly demeaning treatment of officials.

It's being reported that at a team dinner prior to England's match against Ukraine, Emile Heskey caused Fabio Capello to shout at the squad in a fit of anger all because the striker was caught secretly texting under the table, breaking Capello's strict rule against phones at meal team. The following is a transcript of that incident.

In the wake of Kaka's attempts at answering the questions of school children, Jose Mourinho decided to try it himself on Paolo Bonolis' kids show Chi Ha Incastrato Peter Pan? last week. The following is translation of parts of that Q&A session.

Bonolis: Alright, we have the fantastic manager of the Internazionale Football Club here with us, Mr.

Liverpool co-owner George Gillett recently told fan group Spirit of Shankly that Rafa Benitez is the man to blame for the club's underwhelming start to the season. While throwing his manager under the bus may not sound like the classiest thing for an owner to do, it really does make a lot more sense in the context of the full discussion.

With Real Madrid sitting atop the table after five matches, Kaka has decided to once again field questions from a group of school children. The following is a transcript of that event.

Kaka: Good morning, boys and girls! I am very happy to be with you here today and I am excited to answer your questions.

Man City boss Mark Hughes is still upset by the actions of fourth official Alan Wiley during Sunday's derby match namely how Wiley refused to explain all the added time to him, yet went on to share a chuckle with Sir Alex after Michael Owen's winner. The following is a transcript of the conversation between Wiley and Ferguson.

Eduardo's two-match ban for diving against Celtic was shockingly overturned by the UEFA Appeals Body on Monday, thus nullifying what was intended to be a harsh example to deter others. While an official explanation about "examining all the evidence" and that the panel had not been "satisfied" that the referee had been deceived, the following is a transcript of what was actually said during the Appeals Body deliberation.

Fabio Capello has a decision to make. Stick with his preferred strike partnership of Wayne Rooney and Emile Heskey, or bench the latter and start Jermain Defoe, who scored once again after replacing Heskey in the second half of the Slovenia match. Although even Heskey himself thinks Defoe should probably start, Capello seems to be struggling with the dilemma.

After Real Madrid's first La Liga match of the season (a 3-2 win over Deportivo La Coruna) Kaka decided to give another group of kids a chance to ask him a few questions about his league debut and life in Madrid. The following is a transcript of that event.

Kaka: Hi, kids!

In the previous episodes of the "Lescott likes City" saga, Joleon promised David Moyes a pony and not one but two jean jackets. Now he's finally gotten the transfer he's so desired to Manchester City. The following is a transcript of his first meeting with his new manager Mark Hughes.

Hughes: Welcome to Manchester, Joleon!

Ahead of the Champions League play-off clash between Celtic and Arsenal, Tony Mowbray told the press that he has a few tricks up his sleeve for the visiting Gunners, but came short of divulging it, saying, "There is a cunning plan in place, but it if doesn't work, it is there for you guys to beat me over the head with it afterwards.

An undercover Adidas rep was nice enough to "tip" us with some pictures from an event they hosted in Washington, D.C. where local kids were able to ask Kaka questions ahead of Real Madrid's friendly against DC United the next day. The following a transcript of that event.

Kaka: Hello, everyone!

When we last left the "Lescott likes City" saga, Joleon was begging Everton manager David Moyes to let him speak with Manchester City. Well, after a couple of rejected bids, Lescott demanded a transfer to City in a meeting with Moyes at Everton's training ground. The following is a transcript of that conversation.

After confirming his commitment to Chelsea yesterday, John Terry revealed that Roman Abramovich himself called his club's captain to assert his unwillingness to sell him to Manchester City for any price. The following is transcript of that conversation.

Terry: Hello?

Although David Moyes has declined Manchester City's advances for Joleon Lescott, the defender is keen on making the move and, according to The Times, he's pleading with his manager to let him speak with City. The following is a transcript of Lescott's conversation with Moyes.

Moyes: So why do you want to talk to City?

As Liverpool captain, Steven Gerrard is apparently taking new teammate Glen Johnson under his wing and helping him adjust to his new home. The following is a transcript of one of their recent conversations.

Gerrard: Feel free to ask me anything you may be pondering about, Glen.

Last Friday, Wayne Rooney required emergency surgery and 45 stitches to his torn earlobe as a result of what he described as "larking about" with his friends on board a yacht in St Tropez. The following is a transcript of the conversation that led to the accident.

Friend: Wayne, you want to play truth or dare?

Andrei Arshavin's mouth has him in the news yet again, this time for saying, "If I have the chance to play for Barcelona, I'd be really happy." A lovely thing to say when you've only been with your current club a club you were desperate to become a part of for quite some time for five months.

Cristiano Ronaldo took another step toward being unveiled as a member of Real Madrid by undergoing a medical for his new club on Monday. The following is a transcript of the conversation between him and the club's doctor in the examination room.

Doctor: Alright, Cristiano, I just have a few question before we get to the physical examination.