Welcome to another edition of Groan in Brief, the weekly look at the world of football in bullet point form. Today, we tackle the Worst Handball Ever in History And Time Itself â„¢, and the curiosity of Egypt's continued absence from the grandest stage of international football.

'That' handball

Whenever the media decide to jump on a story, what transpires is the most unsightly of feeding frenzies, each reporter seeking to trump the last.

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So, in the sober light of day, a few things I feel need to be said. Traditionally when people get hot and bothered about something in football, I try and keep my distance. I didn't this morning, and so I want to add a few things to my little two-cents.
First, I don't buy the whole "poetry of the injustice of life reflected in sport" business, that soccer, indeed all of sport, has always been this way, with dives, fouls, goals not given, twas ever thus and ever shall be, world without end, amen. Click to continue reading...

According to England manager Fabio Capello, thug-in-a-shirt Wayne Rooney could have the same impact for England that Pele, Johann Cruyff, Michel Platini and Diego Maradona had for their respective countries. In my view, Rooney doesn't even deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence as those players. Click to continue reading...

The Liverpool player N'gog is a cheat and an actor worthy of nomination for this year's Oscar for Best Simulation on A Soccer Field. His dive extraordinaire, earning his team a converted penalty in Liverpool's Monday night Premier League match up against Birmingham City, will stick in the memory of opposing fans like superglue on a toilet seat.

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by FRANCO PANIZO

Liverpool midfielder David N'Gog may have salvaged his club from losing against Birmingham on Monday, but he did so with one of the most highly-criticized dives in recent memory.

With Birmingham shockingly leading the hosts 2-1 in the second half, N'Gog dribbled into the penalty area before being brought down by midfielder Lee Carsley's sliding challenge.

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by FRANCO PANIZO

Liverpool midfielder David N'Gog may have salvaged his club from losing against Birmingham on Monday, but he did so with one of the most highly-criticized dives in recent memory.

With Birmingham shockingly leading the hosts 2-1 in the second half, N'Gog dribbled into the penalty area before being brought down by midfielder Lee Carsley's sliding challenge.

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In my opinion, the two best teams in MLS already faced eachother during these playoffs. Forget the finals, the best matchup is/was Houston vs. Seattle.

What more can you say about Seattle and their fans? They are the pinnacle example of what every team strives for. Sure, there might be some exceptions, like a few over-zealous Sounders fans that chose to sing through the moment of silence for the Fort Hood tragedy.

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photo courtesy Joshua Trujillo/seattlepi.com

What was Pat Onstad thinking? How could he lose his cool so suddenly in the most important game in the Dynamo's season? A dangerous cross came through the penalty area, just out of his reach, and continued over the byline. Sure, replays show Fredy Montero obstructing the goalkeeper, but not in any way dangerously.

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All the stuff being covered outside the unfriendly confines of the award winning Dirty Tackle...

Those cinema screenings of the Ukraine v England match didn't go so hot. [Channelbee]

The transcript of yesterday's Artur Boruc Twitter Q&A is up on our new Facebook page.

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Blanco's Unsporting Ways Led Mexico to Qualification

PREFACE

This blog post is long overdue. My distinct hope was that Mexico WOULD NOT qualify for South Africa, and this article which is sure to arouse controversy would not need to be written.

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An idea so bad even Sepp Blatter finds it ridiculous!

Watch Ukraine Vs England Live Online!

"[Often] a guy fakes an injury, and he acts as if it's the end of the world, and then after you give him the foul he then flies up and kicks the ball.

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                             Photo by ISIphotos.com

Unless you are a die-hard New York Red Bulls fan or a San Jose Earthquakes fan, chances are you missed their game last Saturday night, which means you probably didn't see Arturo Alvarez draw what wound up being the match-winning penalty converted by Ryan Johnson.

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                             Photo by ISIphotos.com

Unless you are a die-hard New York Red Bulls fan or a San Jose Earthquakes fan, chances are you missed their game last Saturday night, which means you probably didn't see Arturo Alvarez draw what wound up being the match-winning penalty converted by Ryan Johnson.

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Well its been quite the couple of weeks. Sorry about the lack of posting. The Offside did a update and it wasnt agreeing with my computer. But now all is well and you can expect to read my enlightened and grandious opinion once again from week to week.

So how was the week that past.

I guess that it started off sour and then turned out sweet.

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If Wayne Rooney dived in the world cup final and was awarded a penalty that led directly to England winning the world, would he be targeted and denigrated by the press and fans the next day, just like Eduardo was after the Celtic game? Arsene Wenger doesn't think so, and I think he's right.
In a recent interview, Wenger said:
"England are in the World Cup and if Rooney does that [Dives] in the last minute of the game and England win the World Cup, do you really think Rooney will be slaughtered the next day? Click to continue reading...

The last time Arsenal faced Wigan Athletic the game will go down as the nadir for Eboue. He had a nightmare of a game and was booed by his own fans, to cap it all Wenger was forced to withdraw Eboue to save him from further torture. The Ivorian left the field in tears and was consoled by his team-mates.

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I had to include Klinsman's infamous dive in the series as it is arguably one of the most shameful examples of football play-acting ever.
Argentina's Pedro Monzón admittedly hurls himself into the tackle, but as you can see from the video, there is no contact. Klinsmann theatrically vaults the tackle, and upon hitting the deck, writhes around in apparent agony, his body squirming as if he's having some kind of seizure. Click to continue reading...

Be warned, Mr Rant Is back in Town

Arsenal Striker Eduardo: Heading for the Olympics?

If he's not, he damn well should be.

I despise people who dive in matches, so much so that I'd happily shout abuse at one of my own team who decided to take a tumble, and have before resorted to shouting 'Get up you nonce' at them down the pub.

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Recently I haven't being paying a lot of attention to the football world. The time I have spent watching football, though, has been filled with cheating, disgraceful antics, and stupid bickering between managers. This Friday, it's time for someone to speak the cold, hard truth.

Diving

Firstly, there is the diving debacle.

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Diver's will never be able to get away with it again.Dr Paul Morris, of the University of Portsmouth says that he has cracked the code. He believes that he has perfected the art of detecting when a foul is not a foul but a dive and has identified the telltale sign of the perpetrator.

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After what sounds like an absolutely epic appeal by Arsenal worthy of a Hague courtroom, UEFA has overturned Eduardo's two-match ban for diving. How you feel about the decision likely has a lot to do with your thoughts on whether such punishments are truly effective deterrents to such nefarious acts.

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Wayne Rooney has gone on the offensive today, claiming that he is not a diver and is 'honest player'. Well, let's take a look at the evidence, shall we?
In an interview, Rooney said: "Everyone who watches me play knows I am an honest player. I play the game as honestly as I can".
Really? Click to continue reading...

Unfortunately, I couldn't find any other video clips of the *many* Eboue dives from the past, so I've had to include this one, which is probably the least outrageous of the lot.
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Now, if only i could find video footage of Eboue's dive against Barcelona. Click to continue reading...

England players diving.
Wayne Rooney
Steven Gerrard (go to the 50 second mark for best results)
Ashley Cole
I have always maintained with friends that the difference between the English view of diving and that of some other nations is that English football watching culture is markedly against diving and views it as cheating, while some other football cultures may see diving as simply part of the game. Click to continue reading...

Seriously, is there a bigger frakking joke of an organization on the planet than UEFA?

Apparently they have now come out and said that they will not be instituting a regular program of reviewing suspected acts of simulation for possible suspensions. So, basically, Eduardo gets suspended, and none of the other scores of players who have committed or will commit virtually identical acts will.

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Some would say that Arsenal's Robert Pires had a tendency to go down easily or that Steven Gerrard isn't averse to falling to the floor with relative ease. Of course Cristiano Ronaldo made a name for himself at Man United for his theatrics as has Didier Drogba at Chelsea, but take a look at these beauties!

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It's official.

I've said it before so I won't rehash it in too much detail here. Eduardo dived. No doubt about it. And that embarrasses me as an Arsenal fan. And I don't have any problem with the idea of banning players for diving.

But the timing of this is very, very questionable.

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With the recent issues surrounding diving and simulation in the box and elsewhere, once again we are in a broiling debate over the use of re-play video technology to assist referees. This week, Eduardo clearly dove in the box against Celtic and it flat changed the game. Perhaps, had Celtic put the first ball in the net this week, they may have challenged for the aggregate win at The Emirates.

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The jury is still out on whether Wayne Rooney was up to his old tricks against Arsenal yesterday at Old Trafford, but he has dived many times in the past, and here is one clear-cut example.
Rooney is usually better at disguising his dives (see the Arsenal dive from yesterday!) but in this case, it was blatant cheating. Click to continue reading...

Who were those guys in red on my television screen Saturday afternoon? They looked like the usual TFC suspects, but somebody decided to add intensity to the luggage on the western road trip this time. It was a thrilling moment to see Toronto look like a team again. Shamefully, I admit, I was not looking forward to watching this game. Click to continue reading...

I don't know how many of you subscribe to the Arsenal TV thing on the official site. Those of you that don't really ought to, even just for a day, to watch Arsene Wenger's press conference yesterday. It was a masterclass. For me Wenger's press conferences are always interesting but yesterday's was a real classic.

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AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:

1. EDUARDO Ahem. I hope you're reading this, Eduardo. What you did in the match on Wednesday wasn't very nice. Diving is not a very nice thing to do, Eduardo. Especially in a game of that magnitude.

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Here's a tip: if you ever become president of UEFA and everyone is up in arms about one of the most blatant dives in recent memory that just happened to occur in your top competition, don't say that you would have done the same thing. That's just a no. For reasons that I really shouldn't have to explain.

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It was a dive. It was a dive. It was a dive.
Despite every Arsenal fan accepting that, we still have had it repeated ad nauseam. All day long. So I thought it should be said a few more times.
Goodplaya's description of events is perfect:

Last night Eduardo did what a million strikers do – nudge the ball past the keeper and trust his momentum will provide enough contact to yield a penalty.

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Well, it's official AZ Alkmaar, Olympiakos, and Standard Liege. Looking over it, my gut reaction is that we probably got the easiest group out of the Pool A folks.

There aren't any "easy" games at this stage, but there is really no excuse for us not making it into the knockout rounds with this draw, as we have a much easier path than some of the other big clubs (I'd say Liverpool (Lyon, Fiorentina, Debrecen), Bayern (Juventus, Bordeaux, Maccabi Haifa), and AC Milan (Real Madrid, Marseille, Zurich) have much tougher paths than we do).

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