SoccerBlogs

This kid gets taken. Out. Wow.

#8 in blue paid the price for his whiff at the ball/sweep of the leg, too he ends up on the ground longer than the kid he launched into the air.

But, yeah...I really don't know what else to say about this because I'm too busy watching it over and over.

Bayern Munich's Arjen Robben got all bent out of shape when teammate Philipp Lahm went in for a hard challenge on the fragile Dutchman during training. Robben was quick to shove Lahm after the tackle that probably almost shattered his entire body and stand over him as would only dare against a li'l guy like Philipp.

You remember when Standard Liege's Axel Witsel ruined the life of Anderlecht's Marcin Wasilewski and gave us all night terrors forever by breaking his leg in half? Of course you do because it probably still makes you scream at randoms points in the day.

Well, these two teams met again on Sunday and, once again, Witsel got sent off, but this time on a far more questionable call (he got the ball first and you can't even see Roland Juhasz in frame when he starts sliding) and a whole hubbub ensued.

Be sure you have the sound on when watching this, because the sound effects make it wonderful. I mean, even though Charles eats it just as much as the kid he slams into, I still walk away feeling like he's an ultimate badass simply because of that tiger growl and the helpful "What a tackle!

This video start out all nice just a young blonde girl kicking the ball around, not hurting anyone, then POW! She rocks her friend with the camera right in the face. That ball had some serious zip on it, too.

She says she "didn't mean to" do it at the end, but you don't almost decapitate your friend with a laser shot like that purely by accident.

Alright, so the quality of this video couldn't have been worse if they smeared Vaseline on the camera's lens and then deep fried it, but you should be able to see the striker deliver a death blow to the goalkeeper's chest at the end there.

Now, that striker had a choice. He could have either gone for control of ball and risked getting smashed himself, or completely ignore the ball and try to ram his leg through the cockles of the goalkeeper's heart.

(Skip ahead to 1:24 into the video if you don't want to see a pretty Leo Messi goal)

With his side already down 4-0 to Barcelona in the 85th minute on Sunday, Tenerife's Ezequiel Luna said "screw it" and decided to make a desperate and ill-timed challenge from behind on Pedro, which resulted in him poking in an own goal.

Following up on last weekend's Ibra stomp, here's a compilation of what happens when Zlatan loses his Swedish temper and decides it's time to unleash the nose of fury.

(Skip to 0:14 into the video)

Apparently crotch play was the theme of the day in the Genoa v AC Milan match on Wednesday. Here we have Nesta going to the ground on a poor attempt at tackling Genoa new boy David Suazo, who proceeded to try and run right through the downed defender and ended up smashing him in the face with his crotch, giving Nesta a bloody nose and nightmare fuel for the next few weeks.

Sure, it may look like that kid inadvertently sent the boy with the ball crashing down to the hard wood floor, but the way he shuffles away from the scene tells you he knows he just pulled off his maniacal plan perfectly.

And people say the modern game is too violent Liverpool legend Ian St. John delivers a couple of knockout punches upon getting his head pulled from behind.

From Barcelona's 1-1 draw with Villarreal on Saturday Zlatan Ibrahimovic apparently took it upon himself to deliver a bit of stompy retribution on the foot of Diego Godin after he dared to take the ball off one of Ibra's teammates in the 88th minute. It seems Godin didn't get the memo that you're not supposed to interfere with Barca players as they display the majestic wonder of their beautiful football, which, in case you haven't heard, won them six trophies last year.

This is why you don't play indoors. And also why this guy should wear a helmet.

A great compilation of the craziest moments in the Greek Super League this year. Those people really love their flares.

Of course the soundtrack is "Let The Bodies Hit The Floor". Of course.

Perhaps filled with the mythical goodwill towards men of the holiday season, Auxerre's Valter Birsa demonstrated an admirable bit of fair play in his side's final match before the Christmas break last week after Marseille's Bakari Kone was shown a red card for elbowing him in the face. Birsa pleaded with the ref to change his decision, arguing that the contact was accidental, even though it left him writhing on the ground.

As a special Christmas eve treat, here's some more American girls ruining each other's lives without inducing eating disorders. The goalkeeper in this video obliterates the charging striker, sending her to slide on her face through that fake turf. You can almost feel the burning.

Scripted or not (and it doesn't seem like it is to me, though it is suspect that kids would bleep an expletive in their own video), the perfect timing of the camera kid getting hit just as he says he wants something stupid to happen, followed by his scream of (seemingly) unexpected pain is hilarious to me.

The uploader of this video asks if the player deserved the red card he was shown for ramming his boot into his opponent's crotch like he was trying to break down the door of an opium den and I think the answer is pretty simple.

Also, who's throwing snowballs at the manager 30 seconds into the video?

Though Boulogne's Adefemi Olubayo was already shown a yellow card in the second half of his side's 2-0 loss to Marseille two weeks ago, he was still shown a straight red for this attempt to slide right through Hatem Ben Arfa's ankles like they were bowling pins. To his credit though, after starting to trot off the pitch following the red card, Olubayo turns around and gives Ben Arfa a handshake and a hug for almost removing his feet from his body.

Since when does the no hands rule mean you can't helicopter throw your opponent off the ball? That's crap.

Apparently in the Spanish third division when you don't knock a guy to the ground with the first body check, you keep doing it until you do. That's commitment. Although, I'm pretty sure the guy's own teammate shoved him harder in his effort to separate the two.

Also, I think those ads at the bottom of the screen need to be bigger.

In Real Madrid's 3-2 win over Valencia on Saturday, Jeremy Mathieu attempt to take the ball off of Karim Benzema from behind, not by sliding between his legs, but by using his crotch in an attempt to cut through the skin and bone of just the one. This, of course, did not work and Mathieu was shown a yellow card for his stupid effort.

When a commentator talks about a team's excellent disciplinary record and how "NONE of the players have EVEN BEEN CLOSE to problems with yellow cards" and how "NO ONE has been sent off" (emphasis added), he's basically summoning the black magic power of the commentator (the one and only magic power they have) to put a swift and immediate jinx on whatever team he is talking about, rendering whatever he just said null and void.

Nice's Mamadou Bagayoko was sent off for kicking his boot up just a smidge to high and planting his studs in Lens midfielder Nenad Kovacevic's forehead. And apparently Bagayoko had a hard time understanding this concept of getting sent off, because when he later came back to watch the end of the match in his street clothes from the tunnel, the referee had to take the time to go over and explain to him that when you kick someone in the face, it's time to go the hell home.

CRF Cluj goalkeeper Nuno Caro looked like he was trying to ram his foot through the chest of Astra's Georgian Paun in a Romanian league match last month. Note the utter shock on Caro's face when he gets shown a red card. That's either tremendous acting or an astounding level of delusion.

She's no Elizabeth Lambert, but Stanford's Kelley O'Hara earned a pair of yellow cards in a losing effort against the University of North Carolina during the NCAA women's College Cup final last Sunday. UNC has now won 20 of 28 College Cups, making the whole tournament kind of a waste of time.

Angry Austria Vienna fans invaded the pitch like a drunk and stupid army during their side's 3-0 loss to Athletic Bilbao in the Europa League on Thursday. Upset after Athletic scored their second goal, fans first threw objects onto the pitch, forcing the referee to halt play. This didn't go over so hot with the crowd, so they decide to storm the gate to the pitch as if they were Christmas shopping parents attempting to bust down the doors of a toy store before opening.

Near the end of Argentina Primeria Division leaders Newell's Old Boys' 1-0 loss to Colon on Monday, Colon midfielder German Rivarola was sent off for drilling a direct shot into the referee's backside (1:05 in the video). He claimed it was an accident and his teammates rushed to his defense, but then everyone got shovey and the riot shields came out and madness ensued.

That's Zenit St. Petersburg goalkeeper Vyacheslav Malafeev charging out of his area to deliver a flying ninja kick to an unsuspecting opponent, who, after that, probably no longer knows how to read.

In St. Truiden's 2-0 win over Standard Liege on Sunday, Standard's Reginal Goreux (teammate to king of the dirty tacklers, Axel Witsel) attempted to decimate the ankle of Wim Mennes, but it didn't work.

Not only did Mennes' ankle not turn to dust, it was even functional requiring nothing more than an ice pack wrapped to it as he walked back to the dressing room.