They're so tiny! Does that matter to you, dear readers? Image: AFP PHOTO/ GRAHAM STUART.

And we are back...

Since the last post, I have found a new job and gotten twins so there has been a lot to do. In between changing diapers and walking a baby-carriage, I have found a moment to update the dear readers of this blog.

Lets start with the national team. Since beating the Netherlands to make it to the Euro 2012 endgame, we have been absolutely piss awful.

When we're not watching the footie, we love nothing better than kicking back with an industrial sized bucket of popcorn and criticising the hell out of the latest offerings from Hollywood. We were therefore thrilled when a "Movie Titles To Describe Your Sex Life" thread broke out on Twitter yesterday.

The one thing we love more than drinking beer and watching some soccer is being able to share said beer with people. We do it all the time and so do the fine men and women that subscribe to the of the Free Beer Movement Philosophy. We share our beer with our friends, family, and co-workers who desperately need some education on the soccer front to understand the passion that drives our connection to the sport of soccer.

Image: Getty Images.

During a particularly heavy planning session in the Kickette office last night, it came to our attention that one of our staffers has been hiding an odd kind of crush from the rest of the group.

For the general purposes of fun and mockery, we set about her like coyotes on a cadaver, until she fessed up.

Venue: Reebok Stadium, Bolton. Date: Monday 26th Dec, 2011. Kick-off: 3.00pm. Referee: Peter Walton. Dear readers, for any of you who were expecting some kind of "normal" match preview for this Boxing Day away game against Bolton, I am writing this after a fairly messy Christmas Eve Party followed by two nights of very little [.

Venue: Reebok Stadium, Bolton. Date: Monday 26th Dec, 2011. Kick-off: 3.00pm. Referee: Peter Walton. Dear readers, for any of you who were expecting some kind of "normal" match preview for this Boxing Day away game against Bolton, I am writing this after a fairly messy Christmas Eve Party followed by two nights of very little [.

The men of Real Madrid as well as we wish all our beloved readers the best of holidays. We love you all! Image Credit: RealMadrid.com.

We're nearly there, Kickettes: are you getting any time off for the holidays?

In this season of indulgences and excess, we would never deprive you. As a result we will still be posting gossip, breaking news on exposed six packs, and a Rear End Review of footy in 2011.

Something big happened last night, Kickettes. Something that could give reason for little piggies to take flight. Seen out at the Marie Claire Prix de la Moda Awards at the French Embassy Thursday evening, Cristiano Ronaldo did the unfathomable: he wore Hermes.

We know it's a mind-numbing notion to take in, dear readers.

Irina Shayk, Dolores Aveiro and Katia Dos Santos (not pictured) at the Intercontinental hotel in Madrid, Spain.

Irina Shayk's made-for-our-left-hands golf ball-sized ring is playing tricks on us. We first laid eyes on it last week during Cristiano's Golden Boot presentation, but by Sunday evening, it was noticeably absent during Irina's walk down the European Music Awards red carpet.

Dear readers,

Due to the Jewish High Holy day of Yom Kippur, I must inform you that the Brotherly Game will be without content or live updating like it normally operates. The staff of the Brotherly Game is predominately Jewish and will be at services, or with family and friends, for the most part of the day.

One of our favourite USMNT hotties turns a year older today, and we kindly request all Kickettes to put your thinking caps on try to help us hastily rearrange our originally planned birthday celebrations for Bolton Wanderers 'baller of the year.

Although Holden's been out of action due to injury since March, as he informs us on Twitter, he's just resumed training on grass today.

Image first used 29.03.2011.

Is it time already for us to make Kickette-themed barf bags? Survey says: it just might be.

Colombian popstar and this month's Cosmopolitan Armenia cover girl Shakira, and her Spanish international footballer, Gerard Pique, were voted the 'most nauseating' Spanish celebrity couple in a recent poll conducted by news agency EFE.

Image credit: Sport.es/MundoDeportivo.com.

We know that there is an entire world of undiscovered talent and hotness in lower divisions and lesser known leagues. While international competitions like the Euro U21 brought us new pretties like Yann Sommer, we can't help but wonder about all of the other 'ballers who are missing out on our lusty affection.

Image Sources: Ciacha.net via www.seoghoer.dk.

He got her tickets for an Arsenal game, she got him some damn good seats for Wimbledon (but was shockingly knocked out earlier this week). In all honestly, we don't know what the dilly between Nicklas Bendtner and Caroline Wozniacki is, Kickettes, other than they were recently seen out grabbing some grub with platonic pals.

Apologies for the long silence. The dust is beginning to settle1, so I'm just going to try to get back into the routine swing of things by making a few observations...

1. Okay, okay. I hear your digital consensus: Pontius has been playing quite well of late. Still, every so often, I'm tempted to throw something at the screen when his ambitions outstrip his talent.

- Keith Hickey FIFA has become a parody of itself, a farce. By associating ourselves with these crooks and saying nothing, we are complicit in their crimes against the sport and against every fan who takes joy from it. Trusted with safeguarding the sport, they have instead turned it into their whore.

Partaking in this discussion does not affect your rights to be taken seriously as a footie fan. It just makes you a more complete one.

Kickette's Finest Five list has always been a controversial one with our readers.

We've caught a lot of flack over the years for not including Fernando Torres on this list.

This is not a test of your blood pressure, dear readers, this is an emergency.

Did you hear the one about Britain's best-known doting daddy, David Beckham, getting his Goldenballs in gear to create a forthcoming kids clothing line with American rapper Snoop Dogg?

If this gossip holds true, this would be probably the closest case of mental combustion we'll ever experience outside of watching our brains on drugs.