Alright, everybody here's the thing. I'll be hopping a plane to London tonight, in part to catch the Chelsea v Wolves match at the Bridge on Saturday. So your regularly scheduled programming will be interrupted between now and Monday, but unless I end up passed out in a pub somewhere for the next four or five days I hope to share pictures and tidbits from the trip while I'm there.

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Poor Amauri... at the rate things are going for RobinHood's long lost cousin, he'll never find a national team to call his own! Before you blame it on Little John, it's all because Dopey and Lippi can't make up their minds.

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Have you heard? We first discovered the news about our favourite Party Boy's new love last week. We've compiled a few fascinating and entertaining details and thought we'd share with you in compact bullet-point form.

- It would seem that Nicklas Bendtner is dating Caroline Fleming, a baroness 13-years his senior.

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Have you heard? We first discovered the news about our favourite Party Boy's new love last week. We've compiled a few fascinating and entertaining details and thought we'd share with you in compact bullet-point form.

- It would seem that Nicklas Bendtner is dating Caroline Fleming, a baroness 13-years his senior.

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Well hello there.

I see you've caught me wearing an old Argentina national team shirt. Naturally, I'm wearing the old one because it was significantly cheaper than the new one and because it was the only one I could find in the dryers at the laundromat. ... Why am I wearing an Argentina shirt at all, you ask?

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You haven't felt cold till your nuts have shrivelled back up inside you or till you've been to frikin freezing Russia... or both, which are the conditions Barcelona face on their travels tonight. However, as much as I can see Rubin's Cousin putting up a fight in front of a ... Click to continue reading...

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me talking on the phone. Perhaps you are extremely jealous that you don't have my undivided attention? ... No, I'm not on a phone sex hotline, I'm talking to my cousin Timitar about my fantastic goal against Blackburn. Ha-HA! It really was quite impressive.

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Well hello there.

I see you've caught me displaying my Berba-bilities with a fantastic bicycle kick. I'm going to score a goal with this, you know. My second goal in as many league matches. ... Even though you did not just compliment me on that fact, I'm going to act like you did and say: Thank you I know I'm extremely talented and devastatingly handsome.

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It's been some old season for DPMM this year. Kicked out of the Malaysian Super League they were accepted into the SLeague where their in your face attitude upset a few feathers, which is no bad thing, leading the table for a while and even winning the League Cup.
Now their future is in doubt in the SLeague after reports from FIFA saying they have to pull out of the SLeague because of some admin hoo ha. Click to continue reading...

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me being bored by you. Well, that and I mistakenly took 18 sleeping pills, thinking they were "male enhancement" capsules. I do think it's mostly how boring you are that is making my eyes go out of focus and my heart feel like it's stopped pumping blood entirely.

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Never listen to your cousin Pookie when it comes to how to stack your paper. That combination carwash/hookah bar in Van Nuys that he wants you to invest in just isn't the best idea. In years past, Wu-Tang Financial would have been the go-to guys but their portfolio just isn't as attractive as it once was (Seen any Wu-Wear stores lately? Click to continue reading...

Jason the Producer is engaged. Congrats cousin...and start saving now. Matrimony is expensive. Click to continue reading...

The red mist descended around Wayne Rooney last night as he was substituted for Michael Owen in the 64th minute in the 1 – 0 win away to Besiktas. At the time, the game was tied at 0-0 and Rooney, playing as a lone striker, although working hard, had been relatively ineffective.

Prior to the game, Rooney was one of just three players to have started all six of our games this season (Evra and Foster are the other two) and Ferguson always planned to bring the England international off; no doubt with an eye on derby day this Sunday.

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Well hello there.

I see you've caught me talking about my exorcist uncle. Pretty cool, huh? Ha-HA! You know, he taught The Berba how to do an exorcism. I could perform one on you, if you'd like. ... Well, fine, I can still perform one even if you don't like. Ha-HA! Now, just stand there and continue to glare at me with your hand on that can of mace in your purse.

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Well hello there.

I see you've caught me wearing one of my old Spurs shirts. As you can probably tell, I'm not very happy about it. But I burned all of my other clothes on the advice of my cousin Timitar which, in hindsight was a horrible idea and I just so happened to find this in the back of my closet.

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Click here to view the embedded video.

The title of this post is somewhat misleading. After all, the thought of taking a Frank Lampard "masterclass" sends your imagination off on a journey of R-rated festivities. With room service.

But alas, it's just a Disney XD viral showing Frank Lampard at Wembley doing an interview and tutorial with a boy named Alfie.

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by Usman Azad, Football Perth Editor
WELL, FP is back for another day - after spending a few hours yesterday with his cousin trawling through Perth like a couple of wizened tourists.
Though FP was playing the role of the embarrassed tour guide, his cousin was genuinely fascinated by the city. Click to continue reading...

HEY guys - it's Usman here (I'm going to throw away using FP for one day), the guy who writes this blog.
Just to let you all know that there won't be a post today - and no it's not because I've decided to stop for good (Sorry STK).
Actually, yesterday my cousin arrived from England and it's my job to show here around Perth today. Click to continue reading...

The Marseille FC honored their late owner Robert Louis-Dreyfus before their first home game against the Bordeaux FC at the Stade Velodrome in Monpellier. Robert Louis-Dreyfus died on July 4th 2009 at his Zurich home after a long battle with Leukemia he was only 63 years old.

Robert Louis-Dreyfus

The Franco-Swiss businessman was known for his down to earth personality and his love for soccer was an obsession.

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We've added more information including an auction you can participate in today.

As you know, as a reader of MLSR, we support good causes and that is why we post the following story about the Nicole Cup. In the interest of full disclosure, we should note that one of our contributors' cousins was awarded a scholarship by the Nicole Megaloudis foundation.

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I started a new weekly bit over at S365 charting the weekend's tastiest match-ups around the globe, complete with U.S. TV info and any possible Americans Abroad participation noted - a sort of a regular, cousin Top 5 List, if you will. Saturday morning isn't just about cartoons anymore. Move over, Heckle & Jeckle. Click to continue reading...

Well hello there.

I see I've caught you looking through my window. This is quite a novel turn of events. Ha-HA! It seems the fact that I scored my first goal of the season in Manchester United's 5-0 win over Wigan on Saturday has you craving The Berba's attention instead of yelling for the police and reaching for a blunt object whenever I enter your field of vision.

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Well hello there.

I see you've caught me standing like a statue. You see, since no one has built an actual Berba statue yet aside from the time my cousin Timitar attempted to make one out of mayonnaise and hair I have taken it upon myself to fill that void by standing here outside your window.

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Muhammad Ali look-alike apparently good at tennis
Frenchman Jo-Wilfried Tsonga took out the greatest tennis player of all time, Roger Federer yesterday at the Rogers Cup in Montreal.
And today, Tsonga's cousin, Charles N'Zogbia, looks to get the EPL season started off on the right foot (literally - as he could be featured in a wide right role rather than his customary wide left role under new manager Roberto Martinez) as Wigan travel to Aston Villa. Click to continue reading...

Got to love this sort of anonymous mischief. Hats off to whoever has done it
A recreation of the iconic Hollywood sign, which nestles in the Californian hills, has appeared on a grass verge by the side of the M60 - in Hollinwood.
No-one has yet claimed responsibility for the sign, which at 3ft (0. Click to continue reading...

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me playing football. This is what The Berba does when not hiding under a pile of your underpants with a video camera and my cousin Timitar. Can you guess which activity I prefer? Ha-HA! ... No, it's actually the underpants thing.

Anyways, it's the start of a new season and I can tell you this will be the most Berbamazing one ever.

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The Sun --I know, I know-- is linking FC Dallas & Columbus Crew boss "Cousin" Clark Hunt with a takeover of West Ham. We know that Stan Kroenke is all up in Arsenal but still has a way to go before he's full-on running things there. And of course Red Bull owns a much more successful operation in the Austrian league. Click to continue reading...

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me making a funny face. It took hours to perfect, but I do believe it is exceptionally erotic and makes you want to experience a sexual encounter that involves my large nostrils. ... No, no don't speak. Just gaze into my nostril. Gaze...gaze..

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Well hello there.

I see you've caught me training very hard. As you can probably tell, although we still have several weeks left to go in the preseason, The Berba is already operating at a peak level of fitness. My widow's peak is in top form and, judging by your presence, I am also attracting beautiful Berba-babes that are usually only seen in distant bedroom windows and my cousin Timitar's special drawings.

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This guy Viper502 has been featured here before for his postgame lamenting after Red Bull defeats. Today I stumbled upon his comments at halftime and after the recent NY-LA game, and let me tell you, as a United fan, and simply as a human being, this is hugely funny stuff. I can't quite decide what is funnier, the comments themselves, which include the immortal phrase, "what an abortion of a team we have," or just the people themselves, who look and sound directly out of a Bon Jovi concert or an extras call for the Sopranos. Click to continue reading...

The Continental already mentioned his roles in his "naughty films" today, but it appears that he's now looking to expand his cinematic career beyond those pictures made by his cousin Timitar. One of our DT tipsters directs us to this Bulgarian site, which claims that The Berba is fielding offers for roles as an actor:

The best Bulgarian footballer Dimitar Berbatov is considering becoming an actor.

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Well hello there.

I see you've caught me being unable to put my shirt on properly. As with most things I do, I got it started, but then lost interest part way through and now here I am. But I'm sure you're not complaining. After all, you're getting a fantastic view of the Berba-bicep and my finely toned Berba-bod.

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Well hello there.

I see you've caught me sitting among a sea of Berbabeauties. And yes, they're smiling instead of pointing and screaming. I am going to assume that you're very jealous and regretting all the chances I've given you to be with The Berba. ... No, I don't smell anything funny.

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Defender Bob Harris of Scottish First Division outfit, Queen of the South was hoping for a nice relaxing post-season holiday to Ibiza where he could wind-down after a long and hard season, check out the ladies and get totally out of his head.
Unfortunately for Harris, all he managed to pick up was Swine Flu. Click to continue reading...

Yesterday, everybody and their cousin from every corner of the soccersphere linked to the exerpt from Grant Wahl's new book.
On the off chance that you missed it, HERE'S DAN'S TAKE, complete with exerpts that more or less prove what we all more or less were saying, ie. that a) Beckham's people were calling the shots in LA and b) Beckham wasn't exactly busting his hump out there. Click to continue reading...