I know, I know. This is getting to be something of a habit. Perhaps I'll decide to turn it into a regular column for next season, or maybe kick off the year with a little MLS Pokefest 2009. Whatever the case, I just wanted to have a little bit of a dig at something that ticked me off about "the" MLS ;-). Click to continue reading...

Jeebus! What's with all these monsters in the Champions' League? First the purple ones. Now the green ones. Next thing you know, Cruz Azul will be rebranded as El Monstruo Azul. Click to continue reading...

The celebration that died in vain. What a queer match. According to all of the crystal balls in the world, the Reds were supposed to hand Stoke City their ass on Saturday, but instead had to settle for a measly point.

Some would say that one of the problems was that Torres was not match fit yet.

Click to continue reading...

Last week, we were discussing the LA Galaxy's blog-o-ma-phone being a bit sub-standard in the professional sports franchise sweepstakes--bush league if you will. Let's carry that theme forward to Major League Soccer in general, specifically as regards the sorry state of affairs with the Red Bulls' attempted capture of Macoumba Kandji. Click to continue reading...

While there was a faint hint of conspiracy surrounding the US exit from the Olympics (what international tournament would be complete without the hovering rumor of scandal?), that flame flickered and died for me much as the US hopes of advancement had. Sure, the US had a player red carded just three minutes into its decisive match, and the Dutch were handed a soft penalty to allow them to Click to continue reading...

Thanks as ever to our toned-yet-heterosexual locker-room buddies The Spoiler for the tip-off on this one, as it really is too good to miss. While we were suffering through the sporting hysterectomy this week that was England playing the United States of Freedom at ‘soccer,' there was a far more insulting act taking place elsewhere in Europe. Click to continue reading...

Raving Obamaphile: Look at how inclusive our Fearless Leader is. Magnificent! The sheer Audacity! The Hope he brings! Surely we can't go wrong with someone who is open-minded enough to appreciate the world's most popular game? Surely he will rebuild the bridges burned by the current administration? Click to continue reading...

What a country we live in. It has been revealed this morning that yesterday, in the build-up to Chelsea's clash with Greek side Olympiakos in the Champions League, a package was sent to Avram Grant, via the club's training ground in Cobham, full of anti-semitism, death threats and a white powder claiming to be deadly. Click to continue reading...

Tickle The Great DC United North purge is on up in the Swamp as Tino and Harkes follow the almighty Bruce out the door. Rumblings, unsubstantiated and from all indications completely unfounded--but rumblings none the less, have Arena wanting the Fire job. I say, have at it sir! Maybe DC will finally have a shot at beating them in the playoffs with Arena at the helm . Click to continue reading...

So by now you've most likely heard that BobbyBoswell.com/blog.unfocused is packing his bags for the defending champs down in Houston, while Zach Wells and a draft pick pile into the back of mom's mini-van and head to the District to replace the Scandanavia-bound Troy Perkins in the United net. Personally, I would have preferred to upgrade to the Cannon model (facial hair sold separately), as a Click to continue reading...

Hmmm, seems Señor Goff posted about Euro 2008 not five minutes after my post on the same subject. Not only that, but his title uses the euro-linguistic nicknames for three of the clubs in Group C--much as I did in my post--and also parallels the "lions and tigers and bears" motif of my last Tickle v. Click to continue reading...

beck·spir·a·cy (bɛk-spîr'ə-sē)
n. pl. beck·spir·a·cies

1. a nefarious plot by a demonic cabal amongst the staff scriptwriters at MLS HQ that is designed to end in the LA (abbr. from: Lalas' Abomination) Galaxy winning MLS Cup 2007, despite the undeniable harm that will be done to both the credibility and reputation of the league as a whole should such an event occur
   
2. the series of events leading to David Beckham's messianic return to the Galaxy just in time for the MLS Cup playoffs, where he scores from one free-kick opportunity per game until the final, where he transforms into a being of pure light and converts the American sporting public into fans of the beautiful game, eradicating any memory of the beastly corruption currently known as "football" in the United States
3. events said to include (1) the Wizards' unreasoning hatred of Pete Vagenas, thus precipitating two red cards and corresponding suspensions, (2) the witchcraft that has allowed the Galaxy to be out-shot and out-played, often times heavily, in the last three matches, but still manage victories, (3) the voodoo hex that have made any LA shot on goal find the back of the net in the last two fixtures (3 shots on goal = 3 goals scored), (4) the mysteriously indifferent or outright awful form of LA's four rivals for the final two playoff spots, (5) Chicago's run of bad luck that is keeping them from victories, including but not limited to: stoppage time equalizers, PK calls, temporary goalkeeper paralysis resulting in Moreno's equalizer for DC, opposition netminders transforming into "superkeepers" to foil the Fire, et al
4. not to be confused with "Becks' Pirate Sea", a private expanse of water somewhere in the Caribbean and not subject to the International Law of the Sea, stocked with extras and props from the popular Disney movie franchise and resulting from one of several "secret clauses" reputed to be part of David Beckham's MLS compensation package
   

Click to continue reading...